December 20, 2004
Monday night
8:35pm...
Driving along the road of the Nola, I sat in the backseat of my father's unmarked car as the sound of This Is A Man's World by James Brown sounded subtle throughout the speakers. Picking me up from my aunt Mae's home, we were on our way home. Tuning out the sound of the old school music as well as the stench of cigarettes, I gazed out of the window at the variety of lights that lit up the city. The lights reflected off of the car. I always loved riding around with my father once the sunset, I absolutely adored the lights that brought the city to life.
With a styrofoam plate wrapped in tin foil resting upon my lap, I let off a sigh. I wanted to hurry home because my aunt Mae baked a pound cake with lemon glaze and I was looking forward into eating it. It was fresh, the tin foil was keeping the cake warm. As time progressed, a song that my parents would often listen to came on the radio. In the air tonight by Phil Collins sounded. One of the songs that made me extremely uncomfortable. Every time this song shown face, my soul became disturbed and I'd never speak upon it but I would get attacked in my sleep. I didn't understand why this happened to me because I wasn't into anything at all, I was always a good child.
With my entire being washing over with paranoia and great fear, I sighed as I took my attention from out the window and gazed down at the plate I had in my lap. Trying my best to tune out the music, I closed my eyes tight as I began a silent prayer that my mother would recite with me before bed. Opening my eyes, I furrowed my eyebrows as I became vaguely familiar with the area of the secluded French Quarter...
Feeling as if I've been here before, my father parked along the curb, right in front of a building that caused the hair on the back of my neck to stand erect. Cutting the car off, I gazed out of the window at the building with fear written all over my face. I couldn't fathom why I was feeling this way. Turning in his seat, my father gazed back at me. "Baby girl, we're going to keep this to ourselves. When we get home, we're going to tell your mama that I had to stop at the station", he said to me and with that, I nodded in response. "Now if you keep this to yourself, I'll get you that doll you asked for tomorrow for your birthday", he carried on.
Not being able to be excited about what he had said to me, I nodded once again. Placing the plate aside, I unfastened my seatbelt and with that, he opened the car door and got out and I slowly but surely opened the door and stepped out. My father already made his way around the car.
Grabbing my hand, I gazed around at our surroundings, noticing that we were the only ones out here. Silence hovered the thick area, the only thing that sounded were our own footsteps and the sound of the gentle wind. Squinting my eyes at the sign above the old beatened door, the paint chipped from it as well as the sign above. With the words chipping away from the old wooden sign, I gave up trying to figure out what it once said.
Opening the door, we walked in and at an instant, I felt my eyes well up with tears. The front room was dim lit and it wreaked of burnt out incense with a variety West African head sculptures and or statues. Bronze Heads from Ife to be more precise. As my father pulled me deeper into the small building, I couldn't help but notice a glass case full of beaten dolls. They were poorly stitched, dirty and hard to look at. Dried blood stains covered a few of them as their buttoned eyes were hanging by threads.
Gazing at the paper beneath the case, it read voodoo dolls, with a article stapled against the poster board the case was hanging from. Putting a halt to our walking, my father gazed down at me and spoke. "You sit right here and stay put.", he said followed by a sigh as I took a seat on the unoccupied chair. Kneeling down, he continued. "I need this promotion and this is the only way", he said in an odd tone which caused me to furrow my eyebrows.
Standing to his feet, I gazed up at him as he returned the favor. "I'll be right back", he said and with that, he made his way through the thick maroon and gold curtains.
Folding my arms tight, I rubbed the goosebumps along my arms as I gazed at my surroundings. The eerie room made me sick to my stomach and all I wanted was to go home to my mother. As the room fogged with light smoke, I felt warm tears run down my cheeks. I felt a strong present amongst my being. I didn't understand the feeling however, the feeling was familiar.
After 10 minutes, I slowly stood to my feet as a painting of a woman caught my attention. A candle was lit beneath the painting. Slowly walking along the wooden floor, I made my way to the painting. The bottom of the picture read, Marie Laveau. Surrounding it was old newspaper articles. Trying my best to read the words, I sounded everything out. "Marie Catherine Laveau (September 10, 1801- June 15, 1881) was a Louisiana Creole practitioner of Voodoo, who was renowned in New Orleans.", I read quietly before placing my attention on another picture, which was of a tomb. Reading along the article beside it. "Marie Catherine Laveau is buried in a mausoleum in St. Louis Cemetery", I read quietly.
Backing away from the painting, what I once felt, became 10 times worse and I wanted so bad to leave this building. Wiping away the tears that steady slipped, I walked over to the curtain and discreetly opened it, to take a peek.
I couldn't help but notice my father sitting at a round table with an older woman who was dressed in a dark gown as her hair was tied up in a wrap. A variety of candles dressed every inch of the room and she spoke in tongues as she held on to a pendant that resembled a small sack around her neck. Something familiar that my nana told me about when were both watching the history channel. It was referred to as greegree, a kind of African talisman or charm. Something she told me to never fool around with.
Gazing at the sight, the woman kept at speaking in tongues before she placed her hands on my father. Calming down, she spoke. "You will get what you asked for but I want you to be aware that with this, consequences will come about towards you or towards your loved ones. It's in your hands now", she carried on.
Consequences?
_______
Tahari
With warm tears sliding down the sides of my face, my eyes opened and fell squint as the sunrays peeked through the blinds of my bedroom. Laying in an extremely uncomfortable position, once I tried to move, I felt that I had a crook in my neck. Sighing out of frustration, I wiped the tears away from my face before sitting up in my unkempt bed. My eyes fell on my legs which my covers were wrapped around. I moved back to rest against my headboard as I tried to decipher the dream that I had prior.
Being that it felt like it vaguely clashed with my reality, I furrowed my eyebrows. It put me in the mind of deja vu more than just a mere dream. It felt like it actually happened to me before, I was actually there when I was 7 years old. Being that my father has been on top of the detective division for about 10 years, made me try to interpret this lucid dream but with that, I couldn't remember everything which was frustrating me, terribly. The thought of what happened in my dream held on tight to my being as my soul still felt bothered. I felt the paranoia and vulnerability that I had in my slumber.
Closing my eyes, I pinched the bridge of my nose as I tried to get my thoughts together. My mind ran rapid, causing me to sigh deeply at the fact. Taking my fingers away from my nose, I opened my eyes and placed my right hand on the side of my neck and began to massage the side where the pain rested. Taking the unkempt cover from my legs, I swung my legs off of the bed and stood to my feet. Stepping into my house shoes, I opened my bedroom door and walked to the bathroom.
Gazing at myself through the mirror, I let off a sigh as my reflection appeared to be drained, exactly how I felt at the moment. Opening the medicine cabinet, I grabbed my toothbrush as well as the toothpaste. After brushing my teeth, I let washing my face follow suite. Once I finished, I cleaned up the slight mess I've made and made my way out of the bathroom and downstairs.
With the aroma of banana nut pancakes in the air, I couldn't help but hear 911 by Kirk Franklin feat T.D Jakes through the speakers of the kitchen's radio. Walking into the kitchen, a soft smile crept upon my face as I gazed at my mother who was throwing down, making a big breakfast.
Walking up to her who was at the stove multitasking, I spoke. "Good morning", I said softly.
Mirroring my smile, she spoke. "Good morning", she greeted as she flipped one of the many pancakes. "How you feeling?", she queried.
I shrugged as I put a few strands of the hair in my face behind my ear. "I honestly don't know, I'm trying not to think too much into it", I said which caused her to laugh a bit.
She nodded. "Your demeanor is nervous", she said as she placed the last pancake on the stack before tending to the bacon.
"That obvious?", I queried.
She nodded. "Yes, very obvious but baby you'll be fine. You've been watching my old tapes for so long. Since you were a little girl, you already know what you're in for.", she said as she grabbed some old newspaper and spread it on the countertop before placing the bacon on top, to drain of grease. "Gone head and sit down baby, I'm cutting up in here because today is your day, had to make all your favorites", she said before shooing me away from her.
I chuckled a bit before walking over to the kitchen's island. Taking a seat on a stool, I rested my elbows on the countertop before speaking. "Mama, is daddy off today?", I queried as I reached for the salt shaker and played around with it.
Gazing back at me for a moment, she spoke. "Yes baby, he's off today. He's out getting a few more things on the list for your open house", she said which caused a smile to show upon my face.
Although he was being cold towards me, I still wanted and needed him to be there for me. If nothing else, that's all I wanted from him aside from his love...
"Where will the open house be?", I queried as my mother began to prepare both our plates.
"Audubon Park. Beautful park", she said before speaking. "Me and your aunties doing potlucks, I made the major food the night before but once we get there, we barbecuing too. Everything baby", she said which caused me to fill warmth in my heart, I was genuinely happy for the most part.
After breakfast, I found myself in the shower, washing all of my ill feelings away. Feeling as if my day was going to be a breath of much needed air, I washed my body as my mind ran rapid. As time went on, I wrapped my towel around my body before grabbing my clothes from the floor and left from the steam filled bathroom. Walking into my bedroom, I closed the door behind me. I put my dirty clothes in the hamper before drying my body and letting everything else follow suite.
Clasping my tan bra strap, I adjusted my bra as the tender breast pain lingered. Ignoring it, I slipped my tan panties on before walking over to my closet and grabbing my tan knee high modest evening dress. Once I unzipped it, I stepped inside and pulled it on before attempting to zip it up myself.
With a knock on my door, I spoke. "Come in", I said and with that my mother walked in and at an instant, she rushed over to me and zipped me up.
Sighing out of relief, I spoke. "Thank you, I was going through the motions trying to get that zipper up", I said causing her to laugh.
Turning around, I had gotten a better look at my mothers attire. My face lit up. "You look so beautiful mama. I'm feeling how you felt about me and Jade when we were off to prom", I said as I wore a pleasant smile upon my face that she mirrored.
"I could say the same thing about you baby", she said before continuing. "Thank you", she said before running her fingers through my bone straight hair. "Let me curl your hair", she said.
Softening my face, I spoke. "You don't like this?", I queried.
"I think the curls would compliment the dress as well as your gown", she said and with that, I nodded and made my way over to my chair.
Sitting down, she grabbed the curling irons from my dresser and plugged them in before turning them on. Handing them to me for me to hold for when she needed them, she grabbed a comb as well as a clip and began to part my hair. Clipping my hair, she had me hand her the curlers.
"I remember my high school graduation day like it was yesterday. Everything went wrong", she said as she curled my lengthy hair.
Furrowung my eyebrows, I spoke. "Really?", I queried.
She nodded. "Yes", she said before passing me back the curlers "I had rollers in my hair, thinking my roller wrap would come out looking like it do in the shop", she said followed by a chuckle. "Time was pushing and I had to get dressed. I got dressed and put on my lipstick. Around that time, your grandma only allowed me to wear lipstick", she said followed by a chuckle. "So, I was dressed in my beautiful white evening dress, I had my lipstick on and I took out my rollers. When I tell you that I cried and wanted to skip out on my own graduation, baby I wanted out. I didn't want nothing to do with it because I was looking a plum fool.", she said to me.
"Your hair looked fine on tape", I said assuring her as she took the curlers from me.
"That's because your grandma saw that I was serious about not attending. She knew that, that moment meant the world to me and that I didn't want to go up in there looking a fool. So she gave me dry waves, more so like soft finger waves for long hair. Like that 50's look", she said as she curled my hair.
"You were so beautiful for your graduation", I said softly.
"And you look so beautiful for yours", she said. "I know I've been on your back about your education but I wanted so bad for us to have this moment. Me curling your hair, like my mama did, prepping for my day. This... this is a moment that I will always cherish because you're beating the odds. I pushed you because I believed in you and I believe that you can be a better woman than I am. I want you to live, not just exist. I know for a while, I went overboard with pushing you but I was only trying to prepare you for the life to come. Again, I apologize for everything. I was so hard on you but believe me when I say, I meant no harm. I'm glad you talked to me about how you felt about things", she continued.
"I know mama, don't apologize. I understand that you did what you did because you only wanted the best for me. I get it and to be completely honest, I wouldn't change what was done at all because despite it all, look where we're at", I said softly. "We're right here, getting ready for the moment we both worked hard for. You're curling my hair, having a heart to heart with me like you and nana", I said softly.
"I love you so much Tahari", she said to me.
"I love you too mama, with my whole heart", I said softly which caused her to laugh.
"You used to say that when you were a little girl", she said before continuing. "We came a long way huh?", she queried.
"Definitely came a long way.", I said softly before speaking. " Time pushing on, yeah?", I queried and with that, the happiness that I shared with my mama began to turn into a saddened state.
Finishing up my hair, she sighed. "Yes, we better get ready to head on to the school before we're late", she said as she teased a few of my curls until she was satisfied with the overall look.
Turning the curling irons off, she unplugged them and placed them back on my dresser where they once were. Standing to my feet, she walked over to me and gazed at my overall appearance and with that, she smiled a soft smile. "Looking just like your grandma, so beautiful", she said to me, causing me to smile even at my saddened state.
"Thank you", I said softly and in response, she nodded.
"Go ahead and get your gown and shoes on.", she said holding a forced smile before leaving my bedroom.
Walking over to my closet, I grabbed my gown from it's hanger and put it on properly. Reaching in the closet, I grabbed my cap which was still wrapped in plastic. Taking the shoe box that my heels were in, I took a seat on my bed and put my heels on. Walking over to the dresser, I gazed in the mirror at my appearance. I felt so beautiful but my feelings were hurt and I wanted so bad to just be happy, especially today.
Walking over to my nightstand, I took my cell off its charger and went through my contacts until I found his name. Once I hit call, I placed my cell to my ear as I awaited for an answer.
"Hello"...
My hand shook frantically, once I heard his voice for the first time in weeks...
"Hey, daddy", I said as my lips began to tremble. "Are you coming to my graduation?", I queried as a tear slipped.
"Yes, I'm coming and you know that. I'm going to meet y'all there. Your mother has me getting all this last minute stuff"...
Chuckling at his frustrating tone, I gently wiped away my tear. "Okay daddy, see you there. I love you", I said softly.
"I love you too baby girl, see you in a little bit", he said and with that I ended the call.
With a huge weight lifted from my shoulders, I became calm. I was now able to get a peace of mind for my big day. My mother and I eventually made our departure from the house and we were on our way to the school for my ceremony. As she drove along the busy streets of the Nola, Sinner's Prayer by Deitrick Haddon sounded throughout the speakers and I felt every word.
I sighed as the day I was shot shown face in my mind. Was that my punishment for setting up Jac? As my mind continued to wonder, I thought about the biggest sin that I've done, murdering my friend. Although God knew my heart, I was still afraid for my consequences. As much as I've done lately, I've been mentally preparing myself for the worst.
Resting my head against the head rest, I kept my attention out of the window at the bypassing traffic. Taking in the words of the song, I began to sing along. "I could have been dead, sleeping in my grave. But God blessed me to see another day. Even when I did wrong he was still there. I'm so glad that God still hears, a sinners prayer", I sang along as I almost immediately thought of August.
Letting out a sigh, I stopped singing along and began a silent prayer for August. If I couldn't protect him how I wanted, I used the protection of prayer to keep my man safe, by any means. Every day, all day. When I wasn't in his presence and when I was...
Once the song went off, my mother turned the radio down. "Are you alright baby?', my mama queried as she kept her eyes on the road.
"Yes, I'm alright. Just nervous, that's all", I said assuring her before continuing. "I called daddy, to make sure he was still coming", I said softly.
"I know that he's been being distant but I talked to him and I guess after some time, he's come to his senses. At the end of the day, you're his daughter", she said followed by a sigh. "It's either he cherish you or lose you in his life forever", she carried on. "Although he wasn't there for the acceptance letter, he knows that this is the highlight of any child's life", she continued.
I took in everything that she said. "You know, he told me that he loved me for the first time in a long time", I said softly. "You don't understand how much that meant to me mama. I wanted so bad to prove myself wrong because I thought... I honestly thought that he didn't love me anymore, let alone like me but, he proved me wrong and although my mind is all over the place, that really done something to me. I've missed his love", I said as my eyes welled with tears but I didn't dare let a tear slip out...
My mother and I had a heart to heart in the car and to be completely honest, I was appreciative of the love and support that she was giving me. Even when my father was treating me like I wasn't even his daughter; She kept me leveled all the while I was in that house. That depressing house...
After some time, my mother and I finally made it to our destination.
Benjamin Franklin High School
2001 Leon C. Simon Drive
New Orleans, Louisiana 70122...
We parted ways and I found myself in the cafeteria with the senior class. As my peers talked amongst themselves, I sat down at a lunch table. Being that I had a small shoulder purse under my gown, I felt a vibration. Reaching inside for my cell, I had a text message from the only man that mattered.
"Today's ya day lady. Remember that"...
Smiling as I read along the text, I texted back. "I love you August"...
"I love you too Tahari, my beautiful black queen"...
My heart...
Feeling the warmth from my heart, I put my cell back into my small purse. And as I did so, I couldn't help but notice a beautiful Jade walking towards me. Standing to my feet, I met her half way. "You're so beautiful Jade", I cooed before I hugged her.
"You are too baby girl", she said before breaking the hug.
Taking the cap away from me, she opened it and placed the plastic on the table before helping me fix the cap on my head. "Thank you", I said to her.
Nodding in response, she spoke. "Today's going to be one of those days", she said smiling. "One that we'll be talking about for a long time", she said.
"Yeah, you're right but it's bittersweet too. I mean, as much as we claim to hate this place, I'm missing it already", I said.
"Same here but we have so much to look forward to", she said.
Gazing down at the ground for a moment, I placed my attention back on her. "But we won't be together", I said a bit saddened.
"What I tell you? We're going to visit each other and keep in touch. Remember, once we do leave each other, it won't be goodbye, it'll be see you later", she said assuring me.
I sighed. "Yeah, you're right", I said feeling defeated. "I'm just going to miss you calling me every other morning asking me if I need a ride", I said pouting a bit.
She chuckled. "It'll be a, to be continued once we finish doing what we need to do in college", she said in response.
As me and Jade continued to converse with each other amongst our senior class, we were finally told to line up in the order that we we were in practice. Alphabetical order by last name. The ceremony was getting ready to began and when I tell you that I was so nervous that my legs felt as if they were ready to give out on me.
Being that this was a big deal not only to me but to my family who were here to cheer me on; I just had to calm my nerves and let the day go on by as I've always dreamed of. As we were awaiting to make our walk in the school's theater, my heart pounded through my chest. I was up all night, my mother as well as Jade gave me prep talks. I recited everything over and over again. I couldn't fathom why I wanted so bad to turn back. I guess I just wanted things to be perfect in front of all of them people. Holding my head down, I began a silent prayer and as I did so, I heard the familiar song, Pomp and circumstance by the late Edward Elgar. The only graduation song known to man. The live band were doing an amazing job, I must admit.
As we were instructed to take our walk into the theater, my heavy feet began to walk along side the class. Once I walked in, I couldn't help but see a overcrowded theater. Taking my gaze away from those amongst me, I kept walking.
Once we were seated, the principal, Mr. Williams began to speak to the senior class as well as their family who were there for support. A presentation statement. Tuning out what was going on amongst me, my eyes roamed the room for a minute or so until I spotted my family. I smiled a grinny smile at them all until I realized that my father wasn't seated next to my mother. Not wanting to jump to conclusions, I figured that he was just using the restroom...
Time went on and the rows of students were standing, including mine. It was finally my row's turn to head towards the stage and that feeling shown face once again. I was excited, I was nervous, anxious, all of the above. It was really happening...
After a handful of people from my row were called, it was down to one. "Sahmeela Callaway",the Principal, Mr. Williams called out and with that, she earned a fair share of applause as she walked up the few stairs of the stage.
As I awaited my turn, I gazed towards my family and once I took notice that my father really wasn't there with my mother, I knew that he didn't come like he said he would. And with that, I took my attention away from the crowd as my heart slowly but surely broke into pieces.
"Tahari Campbell", Mr. Williams said and with that, tears began to stream my face.
As the crowed surprisingly roared from not only my family and my best friend but my entire class showed love. I was hurting so I couldn't take to it. Walking up the few stairs, I made my way on the stage. I shook the Presiding Officer's hand followed by a couple others before making it towards the assistant principal Mrs. Collins, who was presenting the class with their diplomas.
With a wet face, I forced a smile upon my face. Taking the diploma with my left hand, I shook Mrs. Collins hand with my right. As I made it off the few stairs of the opposite side of the stage, I was stopped. Still shedding tears, the photographer wanted me to wipe my tears away. Handing me a Kleenex, I patted my face, trying not to ruin the little make up I did have on. Once I finished, I forced a smile and with that, the marshall and or usher instructed me back to where I originally was.
As I sat around, the ceremony continued. The names were still being called, all you could hear was the support of families, friends and even the faculty. A special day. I was trying to get myself together but I was solely hurt. Never forgetting the words that my father would always tell me, I dabbed the corners of my eyes.
He would always tell me that he would always be there to protect me from pain and if I was to get wounded that he would be there to heal it and if I ever experienced a broken heart; he would be here for me to piece it back together. He told me that he'd always wipe my tears away and be that shoulder that I needed because he loves me, because I'm his baby girl...
What to do when he's the cause of this broken heart of mine?
As the ceremony carried on, the entire class were now seated. The assistant principal, Mrs. Collins was continuing on with what was left on the program. Being that I was emotionally drained, I sat with my head low. Gazing down at the floor, I had managed to shy away from my tears because I knew what was to come due to the program. With a large lump forming in my throat, the principal, Mr. Williams took over at the podium.
"It's a distinct pleasure for me to introduce our valedictorian. This young lady distinguished herself immeasurably. She is humble, hard working. Competitive, need be. And unparallel in her academic achievements. Ladies and gentlemen... Tahari Campbell", he said as the entire theater of people cheered me on.
Swallowing the large lump that formed in my throat, I stood to my feet and forced yet, another smile. I knew my make up was terrible but as of right now, I no longer gave the slightest care. Making my way from my seat, the usher escorted me where I was to go. Making my way up the few stairs of the stage, I walked over to the podium and with that, the applauding came to a halt...
Gazing in the direction where my family were seated, longing to see him. He wasn't there. Taking my gaze away, I gazed everywhere else, to keep from crying.
"Principal Williams, Trustees, Faculty members, family, friends and fellow graduates, today is a day to be thankful for as well as inspired from.", I said as I got a slight applause. "Here at Benjamin Franklin High School we have received a great education thanks to our fine administration and teachers. We are prepared to move on and to take on whatever challenges come next in our lives.", I said earning more cheering...
"You know, 4 years ago I didn't think that I'd be in this position. I was focused but at times, I fell off drastically, due to my own problems. I doubted myself so much but when discouragement shown face, I had conversations with my mother and father. I even took to watching my mother's graduation tapes because one day, I wanted to be in that position. Not only because I admired her cap, gown and the support that she received but I wanted to be a better version of myself. My mother gave me that push, my best friend, Jade Lockridge gave me that push I needed and the only man that mean the world to me gave me that extra push that I needed. He's been extremely supportive of my dreams and with that love as well as prayer, hard work and dedication, you're looking at an LSU Tiger", I said as the theater roared.
"I am very appreciative of every teacher that had faith in me, who pushed me beyond the limit because they knew how bad I wanted a seat in Louisiana State University. That door has finally opened for me and when I tell you that I'm still in disbelief", I said as I shook my head.
With tears falling down my face, reality began to creep on me, the sad reality. "Class of 2014, I'm glad that I've gotten the chance to experience this journey with you all, good and bad. I wouldn't trade this experience and for those branching off into their new lives, never forget this and I always keep this in mind. The more I read, the more I acquire, the more certain I am that I know nothing. Think about it. Giving up is not an option. Excuses should never be made. I never gave up, no matter how badly I wanted to and I really wanted to under pressure but I promised myself and someone that once I graduated from college and began my actual life, my careers that, that someone would be my plus one, where ever I go", I said as I smiled and patted my tears away.
"To everyone sitting here before me, class of 2014, do not live a life without purpose. Keep in mind that you all had a purpose before anyone had an opinion. You work hard, not for the means of others but for yourself and believe me when I say that I believe in each and every one of you, class of 2014, despite we all may not had gotten along with one another, we are in fact a family and I wish you all well. Principal Williams, Trustees, Faculty members and fellow graduates. I'll see y'all at our high school reunion but till then, I'll be at LSU", I said which caused the entire theater to vibrate as they applauded my watered down speech. It wasn't written, I spoke from the heart and with that, I ran with it.
Sitting in my seat amongst my class, Mrs. Collins spoke into the microphone. "Seniors, please rise", she said and with that, we stood to our feet. "With great honor I am privileged in leading you in the turning of your tassels. Signifying your graduation and accomplishments. Seniors turn your tassels from right to left", she said and with that we turned our tassels.
Our family, friends and the faculty, vibrated the entire theater with applause...
"It is my honor to present Benjamin Franklin High School graduating class of 2014. Congratulations", she said over the clapping...
And with that, we all took our caps and tossed them in the air and the applause never fell silent....
_____
Walking through the crowd, I walked towards my family who were happy beyond measures. Embracing me in a hug, my mother spoke. "I am so proud of you Tahari", she cried as she rocked me side to side.
Hugging her back, I took all the love I needed. Pulling away from me. She gazed at my glossy eyes. "I'm so sorry baby, I don't know why he didn't show", she said sincerely.
"I'm sorry too", I said softly and before she could speak, my aunties, uncles and cousins took to me. Congratulating me and loving on me. I felt loved, I felt appreciated but at the same time it wasn't enough.
With the few cards, I received from them, I made my way over to a happy Jade. Being that I had a few cousins that graduated along side me, my family who came to support tended to them as well. "Congratulations graduate", I said to Jade before dabbing the corners of my eyes.
Gazing at me, her smile softened once she noticed my demeanor. Trying to get a word out, she pulled me into a hug. "It's okay", she said. "You did it without him", she carried on. "All the support that you needed made sure to be here baby girl. I love you", she said softly before letting go and gazing at me.
"I love you too", I said softly.
"Don't even bother wasting a single tear, if it's not tears of joy, forget about it. This is our graduation day, this is your day. Don't let anyone and I mean anyone, take away your happiness. You don't deserve that on this day nor any day and I mean that.", she said and with that, her mother walked over to me and congratulated me and embraced me in hugs and congratulations cards.
Once Jade and I parted ways, I felt a tap on my shoulder. Turning around, I couldn't help but be face to face with Mrs. Taylor, Briana's mother. Her light complected face, blushed red as she took me into a hug. "I came here in hopes that my baby would make it to her graduation", she said and with that I hugged her back. "But she didn't but seeing you up there warmed my heart, I'm so proud of you Tahari. Despite anything, I still love you", she said before breaking our hug.
Before I could even respond, she disappeared into the crowd...
That disturbed my soul but there was nothing I could really do. This day was making me extremely emotional and I wanted so bad to just go home and curl up in my bed and not bother to awaken from my slumber. Ever...
Sighing, I turned around and was just about to search for my family in the theater but I stopped in my tracks once I felt a vibration in my purse which was still under my gown. Taking my cell from it, I gazed at the text message I received.
"Lady you made it and I hope you know you made me proud"...
Feeling the warmth in my heart, I smiled. "I wish you were here", I texted back.
"Who said I wasn't?"...
Feeling that, I began to slowly turn around to see if I could see him and with that, my cell vibrated once more.
"Come to the hall where the gym is"...
And with that, I maneuvered through the crowd and left through the double doors. Ignoring the few people along the main hall, I made my way towards the gym.
Once I made it to the hall, he was leaning against the wall. Dressed in dark brown attire. He was so handsome and I couldn't help but notice blue balloons that read Congratulations Grad, blue roses and a card that was in a blue envelope. My favorite color...
Slightly running over to him, he opened his arms and embraced me and I hugged him so tight. I needed this, I needed him. With my face buried into his chest, I cried and I cried and I cried...
Holding me tightly, I spoke. "He didn't come", I said as I cried into him.
"But I did", he said in response.
Taking in his presence, I didn't know what to do. He made me feel something deeper than I already did for him and it made me feel so weak but I in fact felt loved, beyond what I already knew.
"I've been goin against the grain for you and I don't even care anymore. I knew how much this meant to you and riskin it all, I had to come see you get ya diploma and baby, that speech... We'll talk about that", he said before pulling away slightly.
Placing a finger underneath my chin, he lifted my head. He gazed at me for a moment before taking his shades off. Gazing into my eyes, it's as if my emotions reflected off of him. Wiping away my tears, I turned my face.
"I look terrible", I said softly and with that, he turned my face back towards him.
"Baby, you're beautiful", he said before leaning in and planting a gentle kiss upon my lips. "I don't care about ya make up", he said followed by a sigh. "I'm gone make this up to you", he said before fully breaking the hug and before I could speak, he caught on to my confused facial expression. "You'll see", he said before handing over my gifts. "Congratulations lady", he said to me...
After a while of being consoled by August, I found myself in the car with my mama on the way home to change clothes. Since the open house was at the park, the dress and heels were pointless.
Gazing out of the window at the by passing traffic, I understand by Smokie Norful sounded throughout the car. I said little to nothing since we've been in the car. Taking in the words of the song, I sighed.
Turning the volume down, my mother spoke. "Baby, again, I'm so sorry that he didn't show up. I really can't believe that man", she said sincerely.
"It's alright, I know why he didn't show up", I said softly. "You don't have to apologize for him", I said before taking my attention from the window and gazing at her. " You love me, you were there", I said and with that, I held on tight to my gifts, my roses rested in my grip as well as my balloons. Crowding the side I was sitting on.
With silence hovering, my mother spoke...
"So, who gave you all of that? Jade?", she queried in an odd tone.
"Yes, Jade gave me this", I said not wanting to say no and then she badger me about who...
After some time, we made it home. My feet were sore and I wanted to get out of that dress. Leaving my gifts downstairs, I washed my graduation away and found myself in my room in no more than a white skater dress. I sat on the end of my bed and bent down so I could buckle the straps of my sandals.
Standing to my feet, I walked over to my dresser and grabbed my paddle brush. With the help of a bit of edge control, I took my lengthy hair into a neat ponytail. As I messed around with my baby hair, I couldn't help but hear my mother yell my name which startled me.
It wasn't the fact that she yelled but the fact that her tone was more so anger written. Placing my brush down, I made my way out of the bedroom. Walking down the stairs, I couldn't help but see her standing near the end of the stairs. Once I made it all the way down, she held a displeased look upon her face.
Noticing that she held my card in her hand, I furrowed my eyebrows. "You opened my card?", I queried becoming upset.
Putting her hand up, she spoke. "Shut up Tahari", she fussed. "Here I am defending you and your father was right. You were out here being hot in the tail and messing around with the drug dealer that your father been going on about. How could you be so stupid", she fussed.
"You had no right to open my stuff", I said trying to control myself.
"Now I see why your father didn't show up to your graduation. Now I see why he has been treating you the way he has. Like trash. You are entertaining a criminal, a damn murderer. Someone your father wants behind bars, embarrassing your father", she fussed.
"I'm so sick of you and your husband. I'm not letting neither one of you control nor treat me like trash anymore. I don't need this and I don't need you going through my things", I fussed before snatching away my card that she had torn from the sealed envelope. "Who the fuck gave you the right?", I spat and with that she slapped me.
Taking in what she has done, I gazed at her...
"You will not disrespect me in my house", she spat.
"As long as you're doing it to me, it's alright...", I said before turning around and making my way upstairs to my bedroom.
Grabbing my duffle bag as well as my luggage. I unzipped both and began to tear my room apart for everything I needed to pack away.
Once I did so, I zipped everything up and opened my bedroom door and as I made my way downstairs, I couldn't help but hear my mother talking to my father I believe as she paced back and forth. Noticing what I had, she told him she'd call him back.
With the duffle bag that hung from my shoulder, I pulled the hand of my luggage so I could now roll it on the floor. I grabbed my flowers and stuffed my cards inside my duffle before opening the front door and with that, my mother spoke. "Once you step foot out this house, you bet not ever come back", she spat sternly with slit eyes.
Gazing back at her, I took the key that I had in my grasp and set it on the end table before walking out of the door and closing it behind me...
Walking down the few steps of the porch, I walked along the walk way for the last time before making my way to the main sidewalk. As I pulled my luggage along the broken up sidewalk, I cried. How could she make me feel so wrong for loving who I love. I couldn't help it and I couldn't take what she said as well as what my father have been doing.
As the second line music played throughout the neighborhood, the children enjoyed their time outside. Tuning out my surroundings, I continued walking until I made it to the bus stop. Waiting for 20 minutes, I sat upon the wooden bench. Noticing that the bus wasn't going to come any time soon, I called August.
"What's up lady", he said as an uproar of laughter and guys arguing sounded throughout his background.
"August, please come get me", I said with hurt written all over my voice.
"Where you at?"...
I told him exactly where I was.
"Aight, I'm on my way"...
"Okay", I said before ending the call...
I awaited for him for a while before seeing that familiar 1968 Buick Electra convertible pull up along the curb. I stood to my feet and with that, he got out and took my things away from me and put them in the backseat. After that, we got in the car and we were off.
I held my head low as silence hovered the car. August turned the air on before raising up the windows. "What happened?", he queried.
"My mama knows about you", I said softly.
Taking in what I said, he spoke. "So what that mean?", he queried.
"I made a decision and here I am", I said softly. "She opened the card you gave me, read it and chewed me out. I stood my ground and said what I felt and she hit me.", I said followed by a sigh. "I packed my bags and before I walked out, she told me if I walk out that door, I bet not ever come back", I said softly. "I left the house key. But August if you don't want me staying with you, I'll find somewhere else to go", I said and with that, he spoke.
"Listen here, I don't mind you stayin with a nigga but I want you to be sure that you wanna do this. I already told you I had ya back despite it all lady, I just want you to be sure and shit, we need to look for somethin better. Remember what I said, all you gotta do is pick out the house and I'll get it.", he said as he pulled up in the driveway of his home. "I'm makin all this shit up to ya lady, ya heard me", he said and with that, he parked.
Gazing at our surroundings I couldn't help but see the guys aside from Devin. They were a long the walkway playing craps. Being deep off into the game, they didn't even pay us any mind...
I unfastened my seatbelt and slid over to August. Wrapping his right arm around me, I sighed in relief. My peace of mind. "I'm so glad you chose me", I said softly.
As silence shown face, he let his fingers glide through my ponytail. "All my life, I prayed for someone like you", he started singing which calmed me. "And I thank God, that I, that I finally found you", he sang effortlessly.
Once he stopped, I shifted in my seat and turned to him, enough to plant a kiss upon his lips.
"You've made my day, my life, so much better. Believe it or not", I said softly as I gazed at him.
"Is that right?", he queried.
With a soft smile, I spoke. "Yes", I said softly.
"We came a long way from Mr. Sina", he joked.
Laughing a bit, I spoke. "We've grown so much on each other", I carried on.
"Lookin back on that shit", he sighed before speaking. "When I wake up in the mornin or when I go to sleep at night, I say Father God, thank you for my hands to touch and feel. Thank you for my legs and feet, ya know, to stand and walk. Thank you for my eyes to be able to see every thing that you've created in this world. Thank you for my heart to be able to love this beautiful woman you've blessed me with", he said sincerely.
Wrapping my arms around his neck, I hugged him tight and with that, he scooted the seat back and let me sit upon his lap.
Once I let go, I let rested my head in the crook of his neck as I took in his cologne. By this time he turned the car off and let the windows down. He would on and off laugh at Eric who was losing money playing craps, per usual.
Reaching in the back, I unzipped my luggage and grabbed my year book with a pen before getting back comfortable in his lap. Opening my yearbook to where I was, I asked if he could sign my yearbook which caused him to smile. Taking the pen, he gazed at my drape photo before reading what I've quoted...
Wearing a genuine smile, he spoke. "My baby huh?", he queried before kissing my neck. "That's love man, I love ya lil ass, on God I do", he said before taking the pen and just as he finished signing it, A.j got August's attention and motioned for some guy who fell familiar that was walking along the sidewalk.
"Lady, let me up", he said and with that, I got out his lap. Getting out the car, August walked towards him as the guys kept their attention on the two.
"What's up O, what's goin on, what you doin over here?", August said a bit confused on his reasons of being in these parts.
"Word around town is that ya boy snitched on you"...
_____
Sometimes I feel like a fatherless child...
Congratulations Tahari Campbell...