it has been a long 3 days since that night John came home drunk and started on India leaving her terrified of her own father and John has been trying so hard for the 3 days to make it up to her but India just leaves the room when he enters it
i feel so bad for India because what happened that night really shook her up and i feel awful that they were so close and now she is scared of him and wont come near him and wont say a word to him and i can see the hurt on John's face everytime he tries to talk to her and he gets rejected time after time.
" India can you come down stairs and into the kitchen your dad is in the basement writing a new song so its OK"
i decided i needed to speak to India and tell her she had to speak to him at some point this atmosphere is not healthy for any one
India came running into the kitchen and jumped onto the stool
" what have i done?"
" you have not done anything India i just want to talk to you about your daddy"
" i don't want to talk about him mummy"
" why?"
" because he scares me and i don't like him anymore he has not been nice for ages"
" India i understand that you are scared and i know your angry at him but he is still your daddy and he has been trying so hard to be a good daddy again like he was before and it hurts him when you ignore him"
" he had been ignoring me for weeks when he went out and came home acting strange he ignored me then and that hurt me"
" i know sweetie but sometimes your daddy is not good with dealing with things and he does silly things to try to make him feel better but he does not do those silly things any more"
" mommy can i stay with Uncle Paulie for a while"
' well we will have to ask him if he has the time for you to go for a sleepover"
" no i don't mean a sleepover can i live with him for a while"
' what India no way why would you ask that?"
" because i don't like seeing daddy everyday. maybe if i did not see him for a while i would miss him and want to see him again and then i might learn to love him again like that time when i did not see my best friend Sally for ages and i missed her and i was happy when i saw her again"
I looked at India and thought about how smart she was for only a 6 year old she really had her dads brains and i also felt so sad that a 6 year old was thinking about wanting to leave her parents
" so how long are you thinking of leaving us for"
" a month i don't know i didn't think about it"
" ok ill call Paul and ask him first and then ill talk to your dad"
" thanks mom"
I walked to the phone wondering how i am going to find a way of asking Paul to look after our little girl for a month or more i know he loves India as much as we do but he may not want to look after her full time
" Ello" i heard Paul's voice speak waking me up from my thoughts
" oh hello Paul its me Cynthia"
" hi Cyn hows things?"
" well things are not great Paul actually things are awful over here"
"oh dear what's happened"
" its a long story well you know John has been back on the drink and the drugs since Brian died and he has been coming home in some awful states and India has seen him and she has been drifting away from him and one night he came home and said some cruel things to her you know how he can be when he is drunk and he stumbled into India and she fell and hit her arm against the coffee table and since that night 3 days ago India will not speak to John will not be in the same room as him she is terrified of him"
"John can be a swine at times but he loves that girl. India and Hollie is all he ever talks about. what he did was awful but im sure India ignoring him is killing him'
" it is and what i have to ask you is awful but India has asked me to ask you if she can live with you for a month or so. she says if she does not see John for a while she might miss him then she might love him again'
" bloody ell Cyn that's a big ask"
" i know Paul and i don't want it to happen but i think some space might be good for them India is stubborn like her dad so she will not back down and will not speak to him maybe once she begins to miss him she will be begging to see him again"
" or she might like not miss him and it will drive them further apart it is a dangerous game to play Cyn "
" i know but what else can i do we have all tried to get her to speak to him but she wont i don't know what else i can do'
" well ok ill have her ill collect her tomorrow as long as John approves"
" thank you so much Paul see you tomorrow "
OK that's Paul told now time to face John
i walked down into the basement to see John lost in thought and strumming his Guitar his hair hanging over his eyes and i could not help but smile at how sexy he looked
" i can see you staring at me Cyn"
" I can't help it that my husband is that sexy i can't keep my eyes off him" i giggled
" oh you still find me sexy" he asked raising his eyebrows
" oh i do you get sexier every time i look at you"
" and you get even more beautiful every time i see you"
" John i have something i have to tell you"
" are you pregnant again"
" no John it's about India"
" i don't know what to do i have tried Cyn but she will not give me a chance to make it up to her"
" well its about that we had a talk and she told me she wants to live with Paul only for a month"
" WHAT she wants to live with Paul"
"she said that if she stays with Paul she might miss you then she will want to see you then she can learn to love you again"
" she doesn't love me i knew she hated me but i thought that she still loved me. Fuck Cyn this is worse than i thought"
" i rang Paul and he said he will be here tomorrow to collect her"
"well you can ring him right back and tell him not to bother. my daughter is not moving out to live with him she is only 6 years old she is still a baby and she is not going "
" John this might be the thing that helps this whole mess were in. you have tried to make it to her and nothing has worked she is stubborn like her dad and she wont be at Paul's long until she missed us and runs back to us"
" Cyn who are you trying to kid she fucking loves Paul once she goes there she wont be fucking back we would have lost her forever" John shouted
" don't shout John please"
John stormed past Cynthia and walked towards the front door
" where are you going John?"
" im going out"
' please don't drink or do any drugs you promised us"
" why does it matter any more huh i have already lost her she wants Paul as fucking usual im always 2nd best where he is concerned EVERYBODY JUST LOVES PAUL FUCKING MCCARTNEY" he screams storming out of house
I spent the night Packing a few of India's clothes and belongings into a suitcase and crying the whole time.
Once i got her stuff packed and i got the 2 girls into bed and asleep i sat on the sofa and waited for John to return home and he came staggering threw the door at 5am
" where the hell have you been to this time John"
" i have been with George and Pattie"
" i see you have been drinking again John you promised you would not get into this state again"
" yeah well who gives a fuck what state i get in nobody gives a fuck about me. India is better off with Paul i have already fucked up her life and its only a matter of time before i fuck up Hollies life im a awful dad just like my dad was. my own daughter wants to get away from me im fucking useless Cyn"
Cynthia held John in her arms tight while he sobbed into her shoulder
" i have lost her Cyn ive lost my princess