I chained my bike up outside of the café and went in. I looked around, but Delaney wasn't there yet.
Going up to the counter, I ordered the cheapest food and drink on the menu. When the man working the register handed it all to me on a tray, I holed myself up at a table in the corner and scanned the parking lot for Delaney's car.
What if he didn't show up? What if he was so mad and hurt that he decided not to come? If I couldn't fix things with him, I'd never fix things with Jack.
Jack was so damn stubborn, though. I didn't even know if this would help. But it was better than nothing, so I might as well give it a try.
Although it'd be pretty hard to even try if Delaney never even showed up.
I nibbled on the sandwich I'd bought, never peeling my eyes from the parking lot. It was pretty quiet here, but with just enough low hum of conversation to mask what was being said. The words around me were mixed enough to blur into dismissible white noise.
I set the sandwich down as a familiar car finally pulled into the parking lot. Delaney emerged from it a moment later, keeping his eyes on the ground as he walked towards the café's entrance.
He came inside and finally picked his head up, looking around. He spotted me and lifted his hand in a motionless wave before walking up to the counter to order.
Leaning back, I went over everything in my mind again. It wasn't Delaney I was after, so I could tell him the truth without feeling bad about the way it might hurt him or shape his opinion of me. I didn't care if he liked me or not. I just needed him to be on good terms with Jack again.
Delaney came over with a tray and sat down across from me. He looked tired and uncomfortable.
"Hi, Ace," he said.
Without preamble, I simply said, "I lied."
Delaney looked surprised. "What?"
"I lied to you. Mostly. Jack and I were kissing, but he put an end to it so he wouldn't hurt you. He gave me the CDs to be nice, not because he wanted to get in my pants. He only started doing it in hopes that I wouldn't hurt you. Jesus, I think every time we kissed he just pissed and moaned about how he didn't want to hurt you." I leaned my elbow against the table and looked out of the window again. "He was trying to protect you, I guess. I don't really get it. I didn't really care. I just kept kissing him."
But I did get it. Jack was doing what my friends and I did. We protected each other in weird, silent ways. Jack had been trying to tame me before I hurt Delaney. That was all.
"Jack should've told me," Delaney said after a moment of silence.
"He probably knew you'd overreact. Just because you saw me first, it doesn't mean I'm yours. In case you forgot, I get a say in this." I turned my gaze back to him, watching as he shifted guiltily.
"I know that. I'm sorry. I just...I wish he told me you two were..." He sighed. "I just wish he told me. So I didn't get my hopes up or anything. So when I asked you to be my boyfriend...?"
"I was already tonguing Jack," I said, shrugging. "He tried to stop it several times. He actually did stop it. I got pissed." I gave him a sharp grin. "I don't like it when I don't get my way. You probably dodged a bullet."
Delaney reached out, fidgeting with a napkin. "Why are you telling me this, Ace?"
"So that you'll stop being pissed at Jack."
The tired expression on his face grew. "Why do you care?"
I shrugged. "I just do."
"Did he put you up to this?"
I shook my head at him. "Jack doesn't even know we're here. He wants nothing to do with me. He was more concerned about you."
Delaney leaned back in his seat. "This is a goddamn mess. I never should've gone back to the bar to meet you."
"I'm offended. I'm wonderful company," I said.
Delaney stood up, food untouched. A flare of jealousy trickled through my veins. I wish I had the luxury of ordering food just to have something in front of me.
"I need to go talk to Jack," he said.
"Well, good luck with that," I said. I'd give it a few hours, maybe even a day. Then I'd go see what Jack had to say about all of this.
Delaney pushed his tray towards me. "I lost my appetite. I don't want it to go to waste, though. I'll see you later Ace."
That last part didn't sound very sincere. Delaney held his car keys too tightly and left the café without another word.
I ate my food and grabbed a box from the counter to put Delaney's in. I left the café and unchained my bike, riding one handed so I could carry the food.
When I got back to the house, I put the food in the refrigerator and threw myself onto a couch in the living room. I folded my hands behind my head and closed my eyes.
That whole situation hadn't exactly gone horribly, but it hadn't really gone well, either. Delaney seemed like he just wanted to be done with this whole situation.
What if he and Jack agreed to be done with me? The more I thought about it, the more it seemed likely. After all, there was always that chance that I could come between them again. They might not want to risk that.
I rolled over, burying my face against the back of the couch. Even when I tried to fix things, it wasn't enough. What was I supposed to do if the two of them decided to be done with me for good?
I tried to think of a plan, but nothing came to mind. I wasn't about to beg Jack to give me a chance. Either he did or he didn't, and I'd take the decision however it came. I wasn't the begging type.
My mind whirled with flashes of Jack, of Alexis, of my mom and dad, of my family and my friends. Eventually, everyone would slip through my fingers. Alexis had given us a home and left it. I'd always pictured him as a permanent part of my life, but he was moving on with new people. Jer, Ike, and Christian would move on eventually, too.
Why was it just me? Why was I the only one who couldn't form a bond? Who couldn't keep someone around? Who was rooted to the past no matter how far forward I thought I'd moved?
What if something inside of me really was irreparably shattered?
I squeezed my eyes shut tighter, trying to block out those thoughts. I was tired of the life I was living. I was tired of dragging myself along this isolated road of survival.
I wanted a real life. I wanted to stop throwing away my chances. But I'd been given too many and I'd tossed them all aside. Now all I had was an old couch in an empty house to lose myself on.
***
"Ace?"
My mind stirred towards consciousness.
"Ace!"
A mumble slipped from my lips as I shifted.
"ACE."
My eyes snapped open as someone shook me. I scrambled backwards on the couch, disoriented, throwing my arms up to shield my face as I flinched back hard.
"God, you're such a drama queen."
I slowly lowered my arms, looking at Jack. Jack. Just Jack. Not my father, angry over something I'd done wrong again. Not my Aunt, angry and ready to let her fists swing. Not my cousin, mood swinging into a violent force. Just Jack with an eyebrow cocked and his arms crossed.
"Why are you here? How did you get inside?" I sat up and rubbed my eyes. A blanket was lazily draped over half of my body, though I didn't remember having one when I laid down.
"Your friend let me in." Jack sat on the armrest of the couch at my feet. He looked bored, but I could see the tenser set to his shoulders. "Dex came over a little while ago to talk to me."
"He said he was going to." I checked the time and realized I'd been asleep for nearly three hours. Shit.
"He told me everything you said. Guess you can tell the truth sometimes," Jack said.
"Surprise, Jackass," I said. I pulled myself into a sitting position, letting the blanket slide off of my legs onto the floor.
"Why did you do it?" he asked. "It's not like you."
"Because..." I closed my eyes for a moment, calling up the thoughts I'd had before I fell asleep. Stop throwing away my chances. "Because I wanted to fix things with you."
"I'm sorry, I think I heard you wrong. What was that?" he said.
"I'm not saying it again. You heard me the first time." I glared at him, feeling embarrassed. I wasn't used to being vocal about things like this.
Jack sighed and pulled his hat off. He ran his hand through his red mane, letting it fall messily over his forehead. "You are a piece of work, Ace."
He was here, though. That was either a really good thing or a really bad thing.
"Why are you here?" I asked, deciding to just get it over with.
"Because you finally manned up and took some responsibility. I'm not that much of an asshole. I'll at least acknowledge that you tried to do the right thing." Jack looked at me, eyes searching my face for a reaction. "You can do the right thing. You're not too far gone."
You're not too far gone.
"Well, that's reassuring," I said, my mind desperately gripping to playful sarcasm. I didn't know how to handle this kind of situation. I'd never been in it before.
"Look, Ace. You're trying to prove yourself. I get that. But it's not going to be so easy to lower my guard around you after what you did. You may have apologized to Dex, but that doesn't mean he's going to forget what you said and forgive me. It'll take some work to get back to normal for us. But you and I? That'll take a whole lot of work. Are you prepared for that?" His gaze was piercing.
I thought about it, thought about the way I felt kissing him, holding his hand, leaning on him, being with him. That overwhelming feeling in my chest that I couldn't put words to.
"I'm a lot more persistent than you're giving me credit for," I said at last.
Jack barked a laugh. "Persistent. That's one word for it."
I stayed quiet, waiting for him to tell me what to do. I didn't know how to earn his trust back or fix things. Hell, I'd never even had his trust in the first place.
"Ace, I'm not going to help you out here. You have to fix all of this on your own. Prove to me how important this is to you," Jack said, crossing his arms.
"Are you testing me?"
"I might be."
I leaned back and let out a disbelieving act. "You're really testing me right now. Fine. Challenge accepted."
I had absolutely no idea how to fix everything, but I'd find a way. Maybe Delaney could even help me, if he'd still talk to me.
Jack moved towards the hallway. "I'm leaving. Figure it out. Or don't. I don't have a lot of patience, so either hurry up, or shoot me a text so I know you're wasting my time."
He waited for me to say something, but I had nothing to say. Jack gave a slight nod before leaving the house, the sound of the door closing echoing back to me.
After a few minutes, Ike entered the room. "You're being quieter than usual."
"I'm thinking," I said.
"About how to clean up your mess?"
I sighed and ruffled my hair in frustration. "I'm not good at this stuff."
Ike shrugged. "None of us are. But if my dad ever sobered up enough to give a shit about family again, I'd want to see him clean everything up with my brother first."
Ike moved through the living room and disappeared into the kitchen. I let out a groan and fell back on the couch, closing my eyes again.
Start with Delaney? But hadn't I already fixed things with Delaney?
Okay, okay, maybe I could help speed the recovery between his relationship with Jack. Maybe I could spend time with both of them and see how it went. It would be awkward at first but maybe, just maybe, I could get it to ease into something more comfortable.
Yea, yea, that sounded good. I would have the three of us go out somewhere public enough to take the edge off the awkwardness, but private enough that we could talk.
I pulled out my phone and, before I could regret it, I sent a text to both Delaney and Jack separately. That way either of them could ditch and I could at least say I tried.
But, unfortunately for me, the two of them texted me back within fifteen minutes agreeing to meet me. We started a group text, picked a place, and set a time.
"This is your fault," I told Ike as he walked past me.
"I didn't do anything," Ike said, not slowing his pace.
"You just got me caught in an awkward situation and I hope you pay for this with your blood."
"I hope you have a good day, too."
I pushed myself off of the couch and went up to my bedroom. I grabbed one of the CDs from Jack, the one he had given me special, and put it on, turning the music up loud and letting it comfort me. Trying to discover something about Jack from the music he loved.
I had to fix this. I had to learn how to be more vocal and open up to Jack. If I couldn't talk to him honestly, he'd never trust me.
Trust.
That would be the key to fixing everything. If I could manage to lower my guard, Jack might actually give me a real chance.
"This is a pain. I miss being an isolated asshole," I said with a sigh.
Tomorrow would determine everything. I just hoped my nerves could hold out that long.