Ride the Waves | Chris Brown

28. Love 2 Remember

100k+ reads? thanks guys. Sorry this chapter took so long, exam season really ain't a joke but I promised you guys I'd update so here it is. (Warning: this hasn't been proof read)

Chapter 28: Love 2 Remember

"Ouch, Kadirah! That's way too tight" I cried, smacking her hands out of my hair and loosening the low pony tail she had slicked my hair into.

Kadirah sucked her teeth stepping back some, her hands raised up in defence, "that's the whole point, your hair's gotta look sleek"

"I want to keep my edges too, thanks—you know what, I'm going for a high bun" I muttered, pulling the hair tie out my hair and brushing my curls upwards. Kadirah had put so much gel into my stubborn hair that I didn't even need to worry about re-slicking it.

"Suit yourself"

Kiera then walked back into the room after disappearing for so long and plopped down on my bed, my white fluffy robe tied around her body accompanied with my fluffy slippers. It wasn't until I had seen her stuff her face with some chips and get crumbs all over my fresh sheets that I realised she had been in the kitchen again.

"You're looking awfully comfortable in my clothes, eating my food" I gave her a pointed look watching her cross her legs over at the ankles.

"What's yours is mines" a smug smirk contorted her features as she chomped away. "You remember everything you're going to say for your speech?" She muffled through mouthfuls of food.

"First of all, ew" Kadirah grimaced, shoving her sister's shoulder. "You can never act like a lady"

"Oh, and you can?" She countered, throwing a chip in her sister's direction, narrowly missing her face.

"Guys, not right now please" I interjected, knowing that if I'd let them continue going back and forth any longer I would end up prying the pair of them apart. "And pick those crumbs up off my damn floor" looking back at Kiera, she had an innocent smile on her face.

"Sorry, Ms. Valedictorian but I technically live here now. You gotta deal with my mess and me eating up all your food too" She countered, throwing a chip into her mouth.

I chuckled, looking back at the mirror. "I'll deal with it once you start paying some bills. Anyway, I'm so nervous to give the speech, even thinking about it makes my stomach do flips"

"I mean, it's only in front of about three hundred plus people, and their families ... no big deal" Kadirah said, nonchalance laced within her voice.

"Yeah, you're totally not helping!" Finally tying my hair tight enough, I rested my arms against my vanity table. "Not to mention these heels I gotta clamber around in all day. Just watch my clumsy ass trip and fall on stage"

"But it'll be worth it because you'll look so good—lemme see you put on your graduation dress one more time" Kiera said, excitement in her voice, mainly at the fact that she was the one that picked the dress out for me in some fancy overpriced store we had walked past in the mall. I was practically forced to buy it after I had squeezed into it in the fitting room. It cost me about a weeks wage but it was gorgeous nonetheless.

"I am not squeezing into that thing again until I really have to, I damn near broke out into a sweat trying it on in the store"

"But you looked hot in it"

I smirked, smoothing out the kinks in my hair with a brush. "I did, didn't I?"

They laughed as I swivelled around on my stool, being careful not to smudge the fresh coat of polish on my toe nails. "I can't believe this is really happening, I've already gotten two conditional offers from my college choices. We're really done with high school, and after today it will finally feel real"

"Me too! I couldn't wait to leave Thymewood the minute I enrolled. Although I say that now, some part of me is going to miss it strangely enough" Kadirah said as I nodded, a sigh escaping my lips.

"Of course. I've meet some of the best people in my life at Thymewood, I wouldn't have two amazing best friends in my life if it wasn't for that God forsaken place" I said, looking at the twins who had become like my sisters, another extension of my family and in such a short amount of time at that.

"Aww, come here" Kiera stood and pulled me up from the stool into a hug, Kadirah joined us and squashed me into a sandwich as we toppled over onto my bed, laughing at our own clumsiness. My heart swelled as I embraced them.

"I really do feel like y'all are my sisters" I said, sitting on the edge of the bed, looking at the two girls who had willingly taken me under their wing and stood by me through it all while others looked at me like what I had gone through made me alien; made me different from anyone else who walked those hallways.

"Everybody says how much we look alike so you may as well be" Kiera said matter-of-factly. I laughed because it was true. People were beginning to struggle telling me apart from the twins. Which I couldn't possibly mind at all about, I was being mistaken for two stunning girls.

"Have you spoken to Chris at all...?" Kadirah asked after a few seconds of silence, her sudden and random question throwing me for a loop.

My face dropped, right along with my stomach as I stared blankly, allowing the silence to continue to consume us.

If I stop to dwell on the thought of Chris for even a fraction of a second, I knew that by the end of my painful trip down memory lane, my face would be covered in tears.

"No" I muttered.

The twins looked at each other and sighed as I felt Kadirah's arm wrap securely around my shoulder.

"It's been weeks and he's hurting too, Nina. He's cut up about the whole thing, more at the fact that you left him with no type of explanation"

"You act like he's an angel and that I left for no reason. He knows what he did, he's doesn't need an explanation. I'm hurt about it too!" I snapped angrily, releasing most of what I had been bottling up inside these last few weeks. When I caught glimpse of the saddened look on Kadirah's face, I took a deep breath. "I-I'm sorry. I just don't think you've ever been betrayed the way I have"

"You're right....We haven't. But we know when someone's in deep pain and you left him high and dry. We know what he did wasn't right either but don't you think you at least owe him some type of closure? He doesn't even know if you love him anymore and he still sits up every night convincing himself that you'll come around eventually. I don't think I can take another phone call from him begging me to tell you how sorry he is and how much he needs you. Do him a favour and let him down easy"

Hearing those words broke me to pieces.

In my heart I had already retracted the bad things I had done and said to Chris. They were never a reflection on him, only on my own inner demons. I had spent weeks avoiding him and if I ever ran into him on school grounds, I'd act like I didn't know him. I could see in his eyes how much that got to him, but as selfish as it sounds, I always figured he would just get over me. Forget I'd ever existed. It would make leaving town a whole lot easier for me too.

"Hey, don't cry Nina" Kiera comforted, wiping the tears that I hadn't realised now stained my cheeks. "We don't need you in a rut right now, we're about to graduate. All we're saying is you need to talk to him. Don't let him keep waiting on something if you know for sure it isn't going to happen. Right now you're just giving him false hope and we like Chris, we don't wanna see him like that either"

Both the twins speaking at me was only letting the realisation sink in of how selfish I am and how much of a bad person I was being. I nodded slowly, sniffing away my tears.

"You haven't spoken to Amerie yet either, and we're not asking you to, but it could help you get over her if you find time to hear her side of the story. Figure out why she did what she did" Kadirah suggests and I quickly shake my head.

Now that's one thing I don't feel selfish at all about.

"I'm trying to stay as far away from her as possible" I seethed, my expression stoic just so that they could gather just how serious I was being. "I heard what I needed to hear from Veronica and it's enough for me to rule that she's bat shit crazy. I don't need that type of energy around me"

"Yeah, you heard it from Veronica, we don't need to remind you what she's like and the tales she tells. All I'm saying is it's not fair on Amerie, you didn't hear the confession out of her own mouth"

"Not fair?" I repeated incredulously, a strained, dry chuckle leaving my lips. "What's not fair is how I almost took my life because of that girl. Need I remind you that Chris' mother is dead because of her!"

The twins stayed quiet as a deep sigh escaped my lips. Granted, Chris' mom had her own problems, her own demons she was fighting through, having a mental disorder is nothing to play with yet she was worried about a little ass girl trying to ruin her marriage. I couldn't even fathom how Chris could look Amerie in the face knowing that she had played a big factor in his mother's downfall.

A knock on the door caused the three of us to look up and when we did, Riley had poked her head in, a huge smile plastered on her face. But when she had laid her eyes on me, her smile vanished.

"What's wrong?" She asked, her brows furrowing with concern before looking to the twins for answers.

"Nothing, She was just getting a little nervous. But she's okay now, right Nina?" Kadirah bumped her shoulder into mine, staring at me with a smile that stretched from ear to ear. I laughed and shook my head.

"I'm fine, Riley" I said, wiping the last of my tears. "Have you been to the doctors for your check up?" she plopped down in front of my vanity table and started brushing her thick dark hair.

"Nope, had to reschedule it to two days from now. Couldn't have that shit clashing with my favourite person's big day!" she cheered, her rosy cheeks glowing as she smiles brightly at me.

"It's our big day too you know?" Kadirah interjected, flipping her long golden brown curls over her shoulder as her eyes rolled heaven-ward.

"Yes... but y'all aren't valedictorian" she replied smugly, cracking a smile over her shoulder so that the twins knew she was just playing around.

"Damn, sorry we ain't superhuman and couldn't get straight A's, like ms brainiac over here" Kiera said, chucking a pillow my way which I was quick enough to duck from.

"I told y'all all that time I spent in the library would pay off" I chuckled lightly, but my smile slowly faded as the bitter-sweet thought of who was always keeping me company during those times rose to the surface of my mind. I almost cackled out loud at how much of a jittering, nervous wreck I was around him, I even still have my moments now when I revert back to the old me. All he had to do was stare at me with those piercing brown orbs I had become so accustomed to and boom, my nerves would skyrocket. But who could blame me. Chris was beyond stunning, and it was baffling and almost scary how much he had his eyes set on me when I—in now—way matched his ineffable beauty.

I blinked hard, not wanting to dwell on the thought of him and looked up at Riley watching her as she rubbed her dainty hand over her little baby bump and sighed at her reflection. "Do you think you could come with me to the appointment? I know mom's accepted the whole situation but I still feel weird being around her all pregnant and what not"

"Yeah of course, hopefully I won't be too swamped with packing" I smiled small at her seeing the emotion behind her eyes. Riley finally confessing to her mother that she was pregnant was the hardest thing she's ever done and even harder for me to watch, knowing that I had that suspicion the whole time and failed to act on it. Sarah was mad at first of course, but at the end of the day Riley is going to have the baby, it is inevitable, so she just has to bare and grin and wait to be a grandmother. Riley hasn't given any details about the father of the baby yet and every time I ask she either seems to have this distressed look on her face or she's close to tears. I don't want to be stressing her out while she's pregnant by pushing the matter so I guess I have to wait until she's ready to tell. Sarah, on the other hand, was about ready to catch a case. I think deep down we both know the situation Riley's in but neither of us want to accept it. I don't want to have to think about anyone putting their filthy hands on my little cousin and having their way with her, but it's the only thing my mind is conjuring up on the situation. 

"Cool... Do you think I'm getting fat?" She suddenly asked, her face scrunched up as she poked at her round cheeks. She was only a few weeks into her pregnancy but her baby bump stood at attention. She hates it but because she's so small it's the cutest thing I've ever seen.

"Well ... you are eating for two now" Kiera muttered under her breath. Riley snapped her head around, her mouth agape whilst I tried to suppress my laughter.

"Are you insinuating that I'm getting fat?" She taunted. "Think carefully before you answer now" Riley threatened, her manicured brow arched, daring Kiera to say something else out of line.

"I'll give you about five months, then you'll get my real answer"

"Y'all calm down. Riley you look great—getting fat in all the right places" Kadirah winked, "now if you don't mind, I've got a face to beat" she said pulling me off of the bed and shooing Riley away from my vanity table.

"Wait. Mom asked if y'all three riding together or with me and her"

I looked at the twins, "We're getting a ride together, Donovan is picking us up in a limo" they nodded and I looked at Riley. "You get dressed. I don't want y'all to be late to the graduation ceremony"

"Alright, and fyi, she's acting kinda crazy downstairs. Blew the dust off of your old photo album and everything. Her widdle Nina poo is all grown up now and mom ain't know how to act" she mocked, laughing her way out the room and into the hallway.

"Great. I swear she's been extra emotional lately" I muttered, thinking about all the Saturday nights she had made me spend with her in our pjs, watching a whole bunch of romance movies and crying over each and every one of them. The Notebook always had her blowing snot rockets before the credits rolled.

"Well, She practically raised you, you're like her daughter and now you're shipping yourself upstate, not to mention the fact that her other daughter is still a baby and is going to have a baby! I'd be an emotional wreck too!"

I laughed. "You got a point"

Just then Kiera's phone rang off my nightstand. She got up and answered it on the third ring. "Hey baby ... yeah we're just getting ready ...  no, it's not too early, we just know it's going to take us a while" she slumped against the bed. "How many rooms? ... three? I know me and you are going to share but what about the others?"

I glanced at her through the mirror, confusion written across my face whilst Kadirah dipped a brush into something pink and tapped it across my cheeks, her mind too focused on 'beating' my face, as she'd call it, to notice the conversation Kiera was having behind us.

"We'll figure it out when we get there ... sure ... oh hey Chris" Kiera turned away from me as she tried to whisper into the phone. My ears pricked up at the mention of his name as I tried my best to listen in to their conversation. "She's fine, she's getting her makeup done" she whispered once again. "I don't know ... you're going to have to find out yourself. You'll be alright, I promise" she whispered. "Okay, see you guys later"

"Who was that?" I asked as soon as she hung up.

"Donovan" she said quickly, giving me a tight lipped smile. "He booked an apartment for after the graduation party. Ain't nobody trying to go straight home after a night of drinking" I squinted at her.

"You damn right" muttered Kadirah as she brushed a mascara wand over my lashes.

"Mhm" I hummed dubiously, trying not to move.

"You're going to be cool aren't you?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Donovan and Chris are best friends, he's obviously going to be coming along too. Y'all might be stuck in the same room"

I gulped. I don't know how that even slipped my mind. It's one thing to avoid someone when you rarely see them every day, but to be stuck in an apartment with them, that's a whole other ballgame. "Of course I'll be cool" I lied.

"Great, so once again Kadirah will be third wheeling. This will be so much fun!" she cheered sarcastically.

"Chris and I aren't together, Kadirah. If Kiera can keep her public displays of affection to a bare minimum we should be alright"

"Honestly Kadirah, we're identical. If I can find a cute ass boyfriend then why can't you?"

I laughed while Kadirah rolled her eyes in response before dusting a light brown powder over my face.

After being beat to death with powder puffs, prepped and primed, myself, Kiera and Kadirah we're finally done with our hair and makeup and all that was left was to put on our graduation outfits.

Christopher Brown

"You sure you gone be cool?"

I glanced up at Donnie with furrowed brows before chuckling at the expression that stared back at me. He had on dark lensed shades but I could still see the concern plastered across his face.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"Cus you ain't said shit since we got in this limo, you're sweating bullets and you look like you're damn near ready to pass out" He laughed. I wiped my forehead and sure enough, it was damp.

"It's okay to admit that you miss her, y'all can be cordial for one night"

"I never once said that I didn't miss her, I think the whole world knows that I want her back. And yeah, being cordial is the idea but I haven't been able to get a word in. She walks past me like she don't even see a nigga" I sighed thinking about all the times I had built up enough courage to talk to her at school only for her to walk by and ignore my whole entire existence.

"Well you did fuck shit up" he stated, his voice so serious that I was beginning to question who's side he was on. He leaned his elbows into his knees simultaneously earning an eye roll from me.

"Gee, thanks—"

"—But, I think all you gotta do is talk to her. Let her know what it is. Figure out where her head is at"

"That is the plan" I reiterated, growing frustrated the more we talked about this. "But if she don't wanna hear me out then the hell am I s'pose to do? I just gotta accept the fact that I messed up and I've lost her"

Donnie shook his head vigorously.

"That girl loves you, Chris. Everybody with eyes can see that. You never really lost her either, she's just upset and she taking her anger out in a different sorta way. If you can't get a chance to speak to her today, then you gotta force her to listen to you, be straight with her and fuck all that beating around the bush shit you've been doing"

I kept quiet letting Donnie's words seep in.

"This is supposed to be a good day for us. For all of us. Don't ruin it for yourself by moping around all day"

"Yeah, I know." I sighed, leaning back into the chair and crossing my arms over my chest.

It was hard putting up this front, this facade that I didn't care. But I wasn't kidding no one but myself. Not being able to speak to Nina all these weeks and knowing that she practically hates my guts has been making me feel like a fuck up. I messed everything up. And I can sit here and say it wasn't my fault because up until the truth came out, I found that Veronica was lying to me too. I found out a day before Nina did that Amerie was in fact alive, I thought she really was dead,  Veronica led me to believe that anyway. But that's besides the point. No use trying to play the blame game now. I still lied to her and kept things away from her, and now she's hurt and probably lost all her trust in me. And I'm suffering the harsh consequences of that.

"Are you still going through with your fight tomorrow, because with the way you've been acting lately I don't think you're in the right frame of mind to get into the ring?" Donovan suddenly said and I paused to think. I had forgotten about the match he had set up, a lot of people had placed bets which meant there was a lot of money to be made, it would be stupid to opt out now. Especially knowing that large sums of money had been exchanged over the length of three days simply because my name and reputation was apart of it all. I had made a name for myself as an underground fighter over the years and was being counted on to make lots of people money, and to get a cut myself. Besides, this was most likely going to be my last fight. With my future in mind I was going to have to hang up the gloves some day, and why not pick one of my biggest fights yet to finally give up the name 'Breezy', officially retire from this.

"I'ma need to take my anger out on something," I shrugged. "Besides, that's a lot of money I'm not trying to miss out on"

"Alright then but the locations changed. Ever since the last fight the feds have been coming around a lot so I had to set up some place else"

"Just as long as I can get in there, do what I need to do then get out without getting arrested, I'm cool with whatever"

Donovan nodded and sat back, analysing me for a brief second before his vibrating phone stole his attention. I sighed and leaned back, anticipation coursing through my veins like a toxic drug. The most I had seen of Nina since our last encounter was the back of her head as I constantly trailed behind her in the hallways trying to build up enough courage to tap her on her shoulder so we could finally talk. I failed each and every time though. I sit up all night planning exactly how I was going to word my apology, only to have it vanish from my mind into an abyss the very moment I lay eyes on her.

This time I was determined to pour my heart out.

Soon enough we were pulling up at Nina's house to pick her and the twins up. I was nervous to be face to face with her, I knew she had grown to dislike me, but I didn't want to see that fact when I look into her eyes. It had been a while since I'd been around her place too, although I say a while, knowing damn well I was parked at her doorstep a couple weeks ago, too chicken to get off my bike and talk to her. I don't know if she told her aunt that we were no longer together. Whether she did or didn't, I knew that it would be an awkward tension in the air once I was face to face with her.

Donovan opened the door and looked back at me. "Breath, Chris. God damn" he laughed before climbing out. I followed behind him, taking deep breaths as we walked up Nina's porch.

"Quit bugging out. All you gotta do is walk in, say hello and keep it pushing" He coached but it was easy for him to say, he wasn't the one who fucked shit up with Kiera and had her hating his guts.

Donovan pressed the bell to the small canary yellow house and I sighed deeply, hoping not to see Nina on the other side. I felt I needed a whole prep talk with myself to calm my nerves before I could even face her just yet.

"Well don't you two look dapper" Riley chimed after she opened the door, a smile stretched across her pink lips and her five foot five frame adorned with a white blouse and black pants came into view. I smiled looking down at my three piece tux. "Come in, come in. The girls are still upstairs they'll be down in a second"

"Their asses better be ready" Donovan voiced as we stepped in the warmth of her quaint house. Although I couldn't pay attention to what was said after because when Riley had turned to the side to let us in, my eyes were fixated on the bump that protruded out of Riley's shirt. Nina had always had her suspicions and worried about Riley a lot, I just didn't think that it would turn out to be that she was in fact pregnant.

"Mom! Chris and Donovan are here!" Riley screamed as she walked into the kitchen where her Mom was, Donovan and I following suit.

"Oh my. Look at you two looking all grown up" she smiled, standing up from the stool and giving us a big hug. "I almost didn't recognise you Chris with you're hair like that. You look handsome" I let out the deep breath I had been holding in running a hand over my now naturally dark hair. I thought she'd be mad at me, but I guess either Nina hadn't told Sarah that we were no longer together or Sarah was just being nice enough not to ruin our big day.

"Thanks, you're looking beautiful too Mrs. Coleman" I said, taking in her appearance and the black knee length dress that hugged her figure in all the right places. If I hadn't known any better I'd say Sarah was graduating with us too. She looked great for her age and I'd always thought that when Nina first introduced us.

"Oh stop it, Chris" she blushed and Riley grimaced as she faked like she was going to be sick.

"Don't say that, Chris. She hasn't had male attention for what seems like decades. That compliment will only go straight to her head" Riley laughed but her amusement was short lived, quickly ceasing once she caught glimpse of her mother's deathly glare.

"Go make yourself useful and get my camera on my night stand, 'fore that smart ass mouth gets you hurt" Riley rolled her eyes whilst Donnie and I tried our best to suppress our laughter.

"Here we go with the damn pictures. Good luck y'all"

"Watch your mouth!" Sarah called after Riley as she laughed her way upstairs. She looked back at us with a quick eye roll before her smile resurfaced.

"So boys, what are your plans after summer? Nina tells me you have a football scholarship" Sarah says as she turns her attention towards Donovan.

"Yeah, I'm so lucky to have had someone scouting at one of my games, I'm just trying to go pro" he said, adjusting the collar on his black jacket. I was happy for Donovan. For as long as I've known him football had always been his 'thing' and although he doesn't express too many emotions, I knew just how excited he was to receive a scholarship. Going pro has been his life long dream.

"What about you, Chris? I know Nina is moving away, I'd hate for the two of you to be far from each other" sincerity laced her voice and molded her soft features.

Donovan coughed beside me, his eyes shifting awkwardly about the room while I shifted my weight between each foot, my bottom lip lodged between my teeth.

I paused, not really knowing how to answer the question. Do I tell her we're broken up? Is it my place to say? The more Sarah and I talk, the more I'm realising that she doesn't even know.

Even with Nina and I being in the same vicinity right now, I still felt far away from her so I doubt that her moving away would make much of a difference. Besides that, I knew I didn't want to go to college because I don't feel like I need a degree to show me how to artistically express myself. The question hit a nerve really because Nina always gave me stick for not wanting to go about things like a traditional American would. I wasn't quite sure yet how I was going to go about it, but owning an art studio has always been a dream of mine. I never told anyone about it, not even Nina but I'm pretty sure she had her inclinations. My father had the funds, an abundant amount of money to help me start it from the ground up but I really didn't want him dabbling into what was my creation. He had already expressed his opinions about art not being a 'real career choice' anyway so setting it up myself, and turning it into a success would come with a lot more gratification.

"Uh, well, I'm actually n—"

Heels clanking at the stairway and soft giggles caught my attention causing my words to get lodged in my throat. My heart panned in my chest when I had heard the girls coming downstairs. I stood frozen where I was, and the last thing I heard was aunt Sarah gasping beside me before my heartbeat went into overdrive and thumped loudly in my ears.

I watched as she descended, one heel at a time everything seeming to slow down and blur around me. My eyes traveled the length of her frame, from her long golden legs, to the way that her black dress danced elegantly around her body with each move she took. It was almost poetic watching her. My eyes keep going until I locked eyes with hers, and at that point I was pretty sure my heart had completely stopped beating. She was such a natural effortless beauty. Barely having to do much for me to be wanting to wait hand and foot for her.

When she smiled, she took my breath away. I could see that she was nervous with the way that she fiddled with her fingers behind her back and half smiled at everyone in the room but the way she was walking with her head held high had everyone fooled.

Everyone but me. I just knew her too well for her own good.

"Oh my God!" Sarah screeched beside me snapping me back into reality. Everything moved at real-time now as I realised how much of a creep I must have looked like, appraising Nina the way I had. "You girls look beautiful!" She said, snapping a quick off-guard picture.

"Than—"

"Thank you Ms. Coleman, make sure you get my good side though" Kadirah chimed in posing with her hand on her hip.

"Dang, move. It ain't always about you, Kadirah" Kiera said, moving in front of her sister, her hand planted on her hip and her smile as wide as it could be as she awaited another snap from the camera. Kadirah moves from behind Kiera to stand next to her and they shoved shoulders for a bit, both of them with tight lipped smiles.

"It's always something with y'all two" Nina muttered as a laugh escaped her lips.

"Right. Bring your cute ass here before you get yourself into a fight" Donnie said to Kiera as he eyed her closely in her long red dress. She blushed and ambled towards him in her heels, leaning up to kiss his cheek.

Sarah shook her head and took a photo of those two lovebirds before hanging the camera off of her neck and shuffling into the foyer to get a closer look. "Wow Nina, you look stunning, doesn't she look beautiful, Chris?"

Suddenly six pairs of eyes were trained on me as my throat went dry, Nina glanced at me before looking down at her hands, a small but noticeable smile gracing her lips.

"Uh-yeah, s-she looks amazing" I choked through my own words, mentally cursing myself for being a nervous wreck. My hands went clammy as I fought to wipe them on my pants.

"I seen that cute little number in the shop window and knew it'd look amazing on her" Kiera bragged as she appraised Nina's appearance. She smirked and twirled the little black dress and I tried hard not to stare holes into Nina's body. It was hard not to stare bug-eyed when there was a goddess in the room.

"Ugh, you two look so good together in your matching outfits—go stand over there so I can take a picture of you two"

Nina shook her head, her smile widening as I picked up the red tint coating her cheeks. "Sarah, w-we don't have much time for this, I don't want to be late" she said, her strained voice contradicting the cute little grin on her face.

"Nonsense, I need to capture this moment and frame it" Nina cleared her throat and I looked to the twins. I could see the grimace on their faces as they felt the awkward tension in the air, one Sarah couldn't seem to pick up on. "Hurry up" she reiterated and I hurried my way closer to Nina and stood beside her.

Sarah snapped a picture and looked down at the view finder. Her eyebrows pulled to the centre of her face. "Come on don't y'all get all shy on me now. Give me something, put your arm around her and be cute"

I clenched my teeth swallowing hard feeling the awkward stares of Donovan and the twins. Knowing how Nina really felt inside was making this whole thing torture. I forced a smile and gripped Nina's waist in my hand, pulling her towards me. She was stiff and caught off guard at first but slowly she loosened up, her shoulders relaxed as she leaned gently against my chest. I loved the feeling of being around her again, her scent made my head swirl and my body warm, but it was also just a bitter reminder of something I'd never be able to feel again.

Sarah snapped another picture and I looked down at Nina to make sure that she was comfortable with this. My heart sank when I found that her eyes had been staring up into mine the entire time.

Her emotions were not easily hidden on her innocent face. Her pain was evident in the crease of her lovely brow and the down-curve of her full lips. But her eyes, her eyes showed her soul. They were a deep pool of restless gold, an ocean of restrained sorrow. As I looked into her eyes I knew, all the beauty of the universe could not even hope to compete with this simple thing: passion. Passion turned her eyes into orbs of the brightest fire, and in them I read clearly that she still felt something deep down. As much as she tried to fight it I knew what I was seeing in her eyes. She was fighting to keep the walls up that she had built so sturdy around her heart but I knew that if I could reach her somehow, I could break the walls. She'd just have to listen and let me speak from the heart.

Another click of the camera lit up Nina's profile and with our eyes detaching from one another, the moment we were having vanished into thin air. "This is perfect" Sarah sighed as she appraised the picture she had just taken.

"Okay, mom. Let 'em go now. Nina will never let us hear the end of it if we make 'em late" Riley intervened making me relax a little. As much as I don't want to, I remove my hand from Nina's waist and followed the rest of them towards the door.

"Okay, you guys. We'll meet you there, make sure you take lots of videos and pictures. This is a big day for you guys, you'll want to keep these memories." We nodded, an ensemble of goodbyes and see you's left our lips as we made our way out onto the porch and headed for the limo.

"Nina, can I have a quick word with you"

I turned around and watched Nina and Sarah turn back into the house, my interest piqued at what they might be discussing. Had she noticed Nina and I acting differently?

"Come on you" Kiera flung her arm over my shoulder, pulling me towards the limo. "You're so damn cute, you know that right?"

I laughed shaking my head. "Don't lie to me, just tell me how pathetic I looked gawking over her, I know you want to"

"You didn't look pathetic at all Chris." She said, stopping to face me so that I was forced to look at her. "You're the best thing that has happened to Nina in a while and I'd hate to see the two of you end this way. I know she loves you and we can all see how much you love her. I promise I'll do my best to help her come to her senses. Ain't no way in hell I'm letting her leave without hearing you out first"

She pursed her lips and I let out a deep sigh. "Thanks, Kiera you're the best. Honestly"

•

"Wow, so fake. Look at everyone pretending to like each other" Kadirah snickered as the limo pulled up into the school parking lot.

"I don't think I've ever seen Mr. Cavanagh laugh that hard in years, his old ass could pop a rib cackling like that" Kiera said as she glanced out the tinted windows at her, soon to be ex, biology teacher.

"That's because he knows that after today, he'll probably never see any of us again"

I peered out the window where I saw a big crowd of people, laughing and chopping it up as the teachers littered around trying to usher the teens and their parents towards the field, where the ceremony was taking place. It was almost weird to see everyone all dressed up and seeing everyone look so happy. There was a shared excitement coursing through the school which really lifted everyone spirits. It's the first time I've seen everyone genuinely happy being on Thymewood High school soil in a while.

"Come on, I wanna see everyone before the ceremony starts" Kiera said as she opened up the limo door.

We were greeted by the warm sun beaming down at us, and a calming breeze blew across the parking lot. After the weather being so dull for the past few weeks, it really picked a good day to be nice out. Kiera, Kadirah and Donovan filed out of the limo which just left Nina and I. We all spoke about random things during the journey but Nina and I were yet to say anything directly to each other.

I cleared my throat which seemed to echo through the quiet limo and she looked up at me. "You okay?"

She shrugged, looking down at her fiddling fingers. "I guess I'm just a little nervous. I got my speech to do then everyone's gonna see the play we've been working on" she sighed, I could see the stress on her face. 

With her loving to write and all, I knew just how much this meant to her.

"You'll be okay, Nina." I uttered, leaning closer to her so that I was in her line of sight. She watched my every move as I felt my heart race in my chest. "All you gotta do is speak from the heart, say whatever that comes to mind. Those usually make the most genuine, heartfelt speeches" I placed my hand over her bobbing knee and her movement ceased. Her eyes locked on mine and I fought hard to draw my eyes away before I was tempted to do something I probably shouldn't.

A small smile graced her glossed pink lips, and I'm sure she could see that my eyes kept jumping from hers to the curve of her Cupid's bow. "Thanks, Chris" she whispered, my name sounding like liquid gold coming from her mouth.

I shrugged, leaning my head away from hers, somehow fighting the magnetic field that always pulled me towards her whenever I got close. She looked down, and when realisation hit at what her eyes were trained on, I quickly moved my hand from her bare thigh. "Sorry" I chuckled, scratching the back of my neck as an awkward tension engulfed us. We were yet to address the elephant sat right beside us in the limo.

"You know..." she started, her voice coming out small as a pink hue coated her cheeks. "You look exactly like your dad with your hair like that"

Her soft dainty hand ran against the side of my short black waves, moving slowly down my face and then at my cheek where her hand rested. She tilted my chin up so that we were face to face while goosebumps rose in the path her hand had travelled. As I analysed the curve of her soft pink lips, I had almost forgotten how to breath for a second. Tempt and want grew thick in the air the longer we silently stared at each other.

"Uh, y-yeah. It's the whole reason I dyed it blonde in the first place, I wasn't trying to look anything like him" I stuttered feeling the warmth radiating from her hand, seemingly heating up my whole body. Her eyelids lowered as she stared at me and an emotion flickered behind her darkened eyes. But suddenly her hand fell and just like that, the emotions had disappeared before I could figure out what it was.

"W-we should go find our seats, the rest of 'em are probably waiting on us"

She opened the door and got out and I sunk into the leather seat letting a deep sigh escape my parted lips. I swear if that girl really knew the power she had over me, I'd be screwed. I ended up loosening my tie and top button, which seemed to suffocate me every time Nina was near and adjusting myself in my pants before I stepped out into the day light. I followed the signs they had out for the parents and visitors to get to the football field where the ceremony was going to be and began looking for my seat.

Nina Coleman

I looked to the left of me, there I saw a huge crowd sitting on the bleachers and my heart quickly sank to my feet. There were so many faces filling the stands, some I could recognise and others total strangers to me and the longer I looked, the people just started to look like a blur of colours. I had always sat in the crowd right along with them watching the games, now it was my turn on the field, and shortly I'd stand at the podium and all eyes would be on me. The thought of that many people's eyes being on me never really crossed my mind, it's more than I can fathom really. It was hard to spot Sarah and Riley, at first, but after squinting my eyes and telling one of my classmates to move their head, I found them. They were on the fifth row. Sarah had binoculars in one hand and a blow horn in the other while Riley, no surprise, had already treated herself to the food stand where they had little snacks and ate popcorn as if she was at one of the football games. I shook my head; they were always this silly but I loved them. To my right were the principals, guidance counsellors and all the other school faculty. Some didn't look they wanted to be here whilst others looked ecstatic, probably due to the fact that we'd all be leaving.

My friends sat smack dab in the middle with the rest of my classmates. Class of 2017, the future sportsmen and women, doctors, writers, artists and engineers of this country and so much more. I smiled at the thought. But then I lost it when a memory I had burrowed deep into my mind subconsciously rose to the surface. Amerie and I had spent most of high school talking about how we couldn't wait to leave, what graduation would be like and where we would end up going after. We talked about how we'd be friends forever and somehow end up on the same college campus. But how quickly do plans change. I never would have imagined this would be the outcome of my future; Amerie faking her death, me being distraught over it to the point where I had almost made a decision I'd never come back from; and then discovering the real truth in the worst way possible. I prided myself on showing how much I didn't care about her, but in actuality, I did. When I had seen Amerie emerge from that house like a ghost my mind clouded with memories—good memories. So much so that I had almost ran to meet her halfway and engulf her in a hug. I shared everything with her, of course I'd care that she was still alive! But now I'm just confused on if our entire friendship was all a lie. The rest of her life and aspects she had shared with me turned out to be a lie so it isn't unbelievable to think that our friendship was a big, fat lie too.

Looking through the crowd again, my smile seemed to have resurfaced, widening when I got a glimpse of Chris, in his tuxedo. A drastic change to those black hoodies I'd grown to love seeing him in. Ever since I had met him in that library, I knew he was going to make me fall in love with him somehow, even if he was a bit scary and hot tempered. It wasn't simply because he was beautiful, but because he was caring, protective and smart. So smart that he had a seat in the front row with me and the other honour students.

After the principal greeted everyone and went through his long and boring speech, we were asked to stand for our names to be called. I watched gleefully as everyones names was being called seeing how they would act once they got on stage. Mostly everyone went of stage, shook hands with the principle and took their diplomas like normal humans, while others just plain and simply made a fool of themselves. I shook my head at Tristan on the football team who attempted a backflip on stage and cringed of second had embarrassment when he almost didn't land it. I stood up and cheered for the twins when their names were called but it didn't last long. Not knowing if this would be the last time I'd see them really made me want to cry. But I held it in for the sake of not ruining my makeup.

Ten minutes later the principal had gotten to the honour students row and Chris' name was called. Everyone cheered and I watched him walk past my row and up onto the stage where he received his diploma and smiled for the camera. He waved at the crowd throwing up a piece sign and then dismounted on the other side. I couldn't contain myself watching him, I felt so proud of him, being the underdog that he was I felt like today he was proving everyone wrong, along with the rumours they had made.

Next my name was called, and I suddenly felt glued to the seat. The whole time I walked I chanted 'don't fall' and tried to go over my speech on the short walk up to the stage. My principal presented me with a temporary card. I walked across the stage, shaking hands with the school faculty, however my mind and eyes were glued on my feet, trying my best to not trip up.

"Let's give our valedictorian a warm welcome." The crowd began to clap as the principal helped me towards the podium and adjusted the mic to suit my height. The moment I had turned to the crowd and saw everyone's faces, all the pair of eyes that stared back at me, I immediately forgot everything I had planned to say.

I closed my eyes and cleared my throat and when I had peered back into the crowd, my eyes instantly locked on a pair of soft brown eyes. Glistening orbs that still somehow manage to calm my nerves to this very day.

"Good morning esteemed faculty and families of my fellow graduates ... it's an honour to be standing up here today" I scanned the crowd seeing the faces of those I've passed in the hallways, those I've sat next to in class and others I've shared notes with. Even though I didn't have the greatest high school experience I still was truly going to miss each and everybody seated here today. "I know we all think that we're immortal, we're supposed to feel that way... we're graduating. But, like our three to four years in high school what makes life valuable is that it doesn't last forever. What makes it so precious is that it ends. It's a universal truth we all have to face, whether we want to or not, everything eventually ends" I leaned back taking a deep breath. I could see Kiera and Kadirah smiling proudly at me and I fought hard not to have a meltdown into the mic.

"As much as I've looked forward to this day, I've always disliked endings. Last day of summer, the final chapter of a great book, parting ways with a lover or a close friend. But endings are inevitable, Leaves fall, you close the book. You say goodbye to everything that was familiar, everything that was comfortable. We're moving on. But just because we're leaving, and that hurts, there's some people who are so much a part of us, they'll be with us no matter what. They are our solid ground. Our North Star. And the small clear voices in our hearts that will be with us ... always."

The crowd erupted with cheers, an onslaught of appraisal and honestly it warmed my heart. I could see Kiera and Kadirah up on their feet screaming at the top of their lungs it seemed. And then my eyes traveled back to Chris'. He smiled at me with a smile that said he was proud. And I was too. At the start of the year, before I had even known Chris, the thought of public speaking, especially in front of people who had judged me for going through something as turmoultuous as death and suicide, would have sent me curling up and dispersing into a black hole. Chris had turned me into a courageous women, one who could stand up for myself and not dread too much about the unknowns of my future. He taught me not to take life too seriously, to live a little and that it was okay to let go of your inner demons and let love in.

Chris was that love.

"Um, I-I just want to say one more thing before I go. I promise I won't take too much of your time" the cheering quietened down into mutters then, and I continued. "Someone very special to me taught me something ... it stuck with me to this day and probably will throughout the rest of my life ..." my eyes met with Chris' and this time I refused to disconnect my stare. "He told me to just ride the waves. At first, yeah I'll admit I was confused. We hardly knew each other at the time and honestly I thought he was crazy" Chris looked down, a chuckle escaping his lips and his face reddening.

"But then I had to think about what he was saying. Ride the waves; It's a surfing term. Surfers paddle out to catch waves. They wait for a really good ... high ... strong wave, then they surf it into shore. When you ride a wave, it's not YOUR power propelling you, it's the strength of the natural phenomenon. So to ride a wave metaphorically is to go with something already happening. What I took out of that is, like the waves, life is not something you can necessarily control. Sometimes you just have to let go, don't over think the future ... ride the waves and see where it takes you"

The crowd began to cheer again and I smiled at everyone and looked into the stands to see my family, Riley and Sarah. I could feel my heart racing and my eyes watering, my cheeks hurting from smiling so hard. My parents would have been so proud of me.

"Thank you Thymewood high, class of 2017!" I yelled over the crowd as I dismounted the stage, jumping the last two steps and landing straight into the arms of Riley.

"You almost had me shedding tears listening to your speech" I laughed pulling her in close while I watched Kadirah, Kiera and Donovan weave through the crowd making their way to me. I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face when I saw the looks on their faces.

"Were you aiming to have us crying or something? You couldn't be anymore adorable even if you tried" Kadirah cooed, her hands pressed together as she fluttered her big brown doe eyes at me

"I literally said the same thing" Riley exclaimed, nodding in agreement beside me.

The twins and Riley began to blabber on about something while I scanned the thinning field. Everyone was making their way towards the assembly hall because soon the play chris and I worked on would start, and as the crowd cleared I had yet to see a glimpse of him.

"Chris is talking to his brother on the phone, he was supposed to be here but I guess something came up" Donnie's voice suddenly appeared beside me. I jumped startled and glared at him, my cheeks reddening.

"How do you know I'm looking for someone, let alone him?" I retorted.

Donnie's eyebrow raised as his lips pursed dubiously. There was no point me trying to deny it with the look he was giving me.

"Okay, maybe I was, but only because we need to get backstage"

Donnie nodded slowly, doubt still forming his features. "He'll probably meet you there in a bit. He looked pretty pissed when he walked off, I don't really know what his deal is"

"Did he not say where he went?"

Donovan shrugged. "He picked up the phone, spoke for a bit then went inside. I don't know though, maybe you should leave him. We both know how he gets when he's upset"

I shook my head. "I'll be back"

Regardless of the situation I had yet to make sense of between Chris and I, there was no way I was going to let him get upset over anything on his graduation day. He didn't need that, I also hadn't seen his dad around and I really do hope he's got something very important going on because nothing can justify missing your sons graduation day.

I weaved through the crowd, holding my dress up and trying to ambled as careful as possible without buckling at the ankles. I had barely just made it through the back doors without falling flat on my face, which landed me in the cafeteria. I hadn't seen it so empty in here and the sound of my heels clicking against the floor further highlighted my lonesomeness. I slowly walked around the tables, my hand touching every flat surface once filed with trays and my boisterous classmates. I pictured where everyone used to sit, it was the one place where we could be ourselves, as loud as we wanted. I surely was going to miss it here.

Exiting on the other side of the room I walked through the empty hallway, loosing all sense of urgency. I slowly passed by my red locker, my fingers tips running over my initials I had scratched into the rusting steel. Why did I suddenly feel so emotionally attached to the things I once overlooked? It's like the feeling you get throwing out all your notebooks, the ones you spent lessons doodling in for four years straight. It's like it holds sentimental value, or maybe that's just me. All of this was apart of me, my daily routine and soon I'd be doing something new and meeting new people.

As I neared the end of the hallway, I saw a figure sat outside on the side of the stairs. My heels clicked as I jogged the rest of the way and pushed the glass door open. Chris looked up at me instantly.

I sighed. "Donovan said you might be out here" I lifted my dress up by my calves and sat right beside an emotionless Chris. He had his phone tightly grasped in his hand and his blazer sat next to him on the concrete. I knew he was upset about something just by the furrow of his brows and the tightness of his jaw.

"What are you doing out here, everyone else is inside, don't you wanna watch what we've been working—"

Chris interjects. "I thought I wouldn't care if my dad didn't show up... guess I was wrong"

I frowned, the shakiness of his voice made my heart wrench. My body quickly betraying me when I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him close. He felt stiff against my body.

"Forget him" I whispered against his neck. "You have all you need right here. Me, Donovan and the twins"

"But do I really have you though?" Chris pulled away and I looked at him with knitted brows. He stared back and I could see the sorrow swimming in his eyes. He gritted his teeth and looked away.

"I really wish you wouldn't look at me like that" he gritted, his eyes focusing on something far off in the distance.

"Like wh—"

"You look at me like a stranger, yet worse" he glanced at me and it's then that I notice the glimmer in his eyes. "Instead of the fragile soul you once loved for so long you see an enemy. Baby, I never meant to hurt you. It's as if all that love became pain, pain became betrayal and the betrayal birthed a hatred strong enough to break us"

My heart tightened in my chest. I wasn't ready for this. I didn't want to speak about this. I didn't want to reopen those wounds. I didn't want to relive what I tried so desperately to forget. Forgiving had never been easy for me, neither had loving and when you show all of you, strip naked your insecurities and fears and secrets before someone and then get betrayed, it's not easy to get over. It's not something I can just so easily sweep under a rug.

"Chris, please" I just about managed to utter through clenched teeth.

He ignored me anyway. "Maybe that's the way things go, a strong hate to break a strong love, to build walls, to protect the self. That can't be us though, can it. I know I fucked up but is this really it?"

"Chris, you lied to me that whole time. I'm conflicted because I love you dearly, but I'm also fucking hurt" a tear slipped from my eye, traveling it's way down my face. The wounds were opening now. Those weeks I had spent avoiding Chris did nothing to prepare me to be face to face with him and to finally hear the truth of our situation.

"Damnit!" I sighed, wiping at my face only to have more tears fall.

"I thought I was protecting you—"

"I'm not a kid, Chris!—"

"I know" he muttered, sighing deeply, pain moulding his features once he caught a glimpse of my now wet face. "But now that you see how this is all effecting you, would you have rather not known?"

I stayed quiet, not knowing how to answer that question in the moment. Being oblivious to this mess wouldn't cause me heartache it does now but not knowing what happened to my friend still did.

"I still see who you are, know the person you were to me. I know you hurt and I'm sorry, truly; yet there has to be a part of you that sees I hurt also"

"I see it, Chris. And it's painful to know that I'm the cause. You have to understand though that to trust where trust was shattered is far from easy, so be patient"

He nodded slowly. "I can only be patient for so long. I just hope that somehow, the distance and time we'll spend apart doesn't effect how you once felt about me"

A small smile surfaces on my lips. "Yeah, me too. Who knows, three years may go by quicker than we expect"

Chris cringes. "A lot can happen in three years, Nina"

I touch his shoulder for reassurance and we make eye contact. "I'm never going to find love like yours" Chris doesn't move. Like his mind is processing the words that come out my mouth. "I know you were listening to my speech Chris. None of it was made up. You told me to ride the waves and that's exactly what I'm going to do ... We both just need time, to heal ..."

Chris remained silent. Looking at me with a new found glimmer in his eyes. It was that dangerous thing called hope. Leaning closer, his forehead gently touched mine and I held my breath, his close presence like a intoxicating yet addictive drug. He made my head swirl and my lungs tighten in my chest.

Unexpectedly, his hand drifted to my hip. It settled there and pulled me closer. I inhaled sharply. I was against his warm chest, chiseled to perfection. I knew once he had me right where he wanted me, it'd be hard to protest against his affect. God! Must he be so perfect?

I splayed my hand against his chest, intending to push him away, but instead I left it there, picturing his bare skin that lie underneath and the beautiful ink that decorated it. His breathing quickened as did mine. He began nuzzling my neck with delicate kisses. So faint, they were tiny whispers.

"Chris, please stop" I whispered, urging myself to push away, but couldn't. My limp body began to tremble uncontrollably. His head was angled slightly to the side as his lips came closer and closer to mine. I was surprised to find my own lips parted. Our breaths mingled. My heart fluttered inside my chest. At first, it was a delicate butterfly of a kiss. Then his arms encircled me. He drew my body to his, so close that I could feel the pounding of his heartbeat.

That's when alarm bells rang off in my head, rationality quickly swarming my brain. I jump back and as I stand to my feet, I see the look of shook splayed across Chris' face.

"I-I can't do this"

I pushed through the glass door and run off towards the assembly hall, the palm of my hand quickly coming in contact with my forehead. "I'm so stupid" I mutter to myself.

I get halfway down the hallway when I hear the glass door open and close in the far distance. Glancing over my shoulder I see Chris. His head bowed, brows furrowed. The slouch of his shoulders are almost depressing as he takes slow steps, his blazer in his hand, dragging across the floor behind him. I sigh deeply and quicken my pace, fighting the urge to run into his arms and confess my undying love for him.

"Where have you been!" Ms Bennett whispered loudly after I had ran straight into her, she grabs me by my wrist and pulls me backstage behind the curtain.

"I-I was just getting some fresh air" I muttered, watching everyone getting ready, fixing their hair and adjusting their makeup.

"We need to introduce the play—where's Chris?"

As if on cue, Chris comes in behind us, his brows severely furrowed. I can see that the pain and sadness he once felt had quickly translated into anger as he brushes past me and sits at one of the stools. Ms Bennett looks at me, her brow arched inquisitively. I quickly shrug my shoulders not wanted to cause any awkwardness by addressing Chris' obvious mood.

"Okay, so I'm going to introduce you guys, explain a bit about what's been going on these past few weeks, and then one of you can introduce the play, then come back behind here" she explains showing us behind the curtain so we know where to walk. Chris doesn't even look up when Ms Bennett speaks so I already know I'm going to be the one doing all the talking on stage.

When Ms Bennett turns to talk to the main cast, I look at Chris taking slow easy strides towards him.

"Do y-you want to introduce the play or should I?" I ask, my voice trembling. It was like the first day I had met Chris all over again, the hurt in his eyes, completely impervious to my existence. Chris looks up and stares at me silently for what seems like an eternity. As he continues to glare at me, anger rising in his eyes, I quickly get the memo that he wants nothing to do with me and with that, I retreat to the other side of the room, my heart pounding in my chest as I walk away. It's probably safe to say that Chris hates me now, and I'd hate me too quite frankly. I had gone about the situation terribly, I'm making him feel like I want nothing to do with him when in actuality I do, but at the same time I'm hurt and confused. I can see he's trying to make peace but at this point he's probably tired of my shit.

"So, how're you feeling" I turn around just in time to see Kiera sneak beside me and sit on one of the stools. Kadirah, somehow managed to make it into the play which is why they let Kiera backstage too. I glanced past Kiera back at Chris and my heart sinks.

"I think Chris hates me" I mutter. Kiera blinks at me for a few seconds then glances back at Chris, who hasn't seemed to have moved an inch since he sat down.

"I was talking about the play but what happened, why do you think that?"

I sighed deeply, avoiding eye contact. "He kissed me and I rejected it"

It's quiet on her end for a while, besides the chatter around us before Kiera breaths out in annoyance, I don't even bother looking up at her because I can already see the infamous scowl that's on her face. "How did he take it?"

I look up at her—brows furrowed with confusion, Kiera's bottom lip lodged between her teeth as she awaits my response with anticipation. "How did he take what?" I reiterate slowly.

"The break up, did you let him down easy or ...?" Kiera trails off as the realisation slowly settles on her face. "You didn't let him know, did you?"

I grimace.

"Nina! You're only going to play with his emotions and hurt him more than he needs to be!"

"I know, but it's only going to break his heart if he hears me say it. He knows I'm leaving already so what's the point?"

"Look at him! His heart is already pretty much shattered, don't you think?" I try not to but my eyes trail over to Chris, he has a permanent frown on his face looking deep in thought. It was like the first day I had met him, he was this hurt soul, completely misunderstood. "You're playing games with him now—"

"—It's not as easy as you think it is, Kiera" I interject. "I don't want to break up with him but I don't want to give him false hope"

"Wow, really?" she says blandly and I look up at her, frustration contorting my features.

"Alright Iyanla ease up, I never asked you to fix my life. If it's troubling you this much you should quit while you're ahead!" I snap.

"I'm only looking out for a friend of mine. If you're going to treat him like that you should let him go now and quit letting him chase after you" Kiera says before standing up and walking towards Chris. She stands by him for a while and they exchange a few words before she sits down. I try to decipher their conversation but there's just too much noise around me. I roll my eyes and swivel in the stool, facing the vanity mirror looking at my reflection.

I was the one hurt and betrayed so why am I the one that's feeling horrible right now and being treated like the bad guy. Am I blowing all of this out of proportion? I don't know. But what I do know is that this is all Amerie and Veronica's fault and I have yet to see either of them since the truth had come out a few weeks ago. Part of me wanted to be understanding and to get where Amerie was coming from. But the other half, the more prominent half was saying fuck it, fuck her and fuck everyone that was involved. It was all an elaborate, selfish scheme that I wanted no part of. How she had managed to ruin my life two times, two different ways is beyond me. But when I think deeply about it, Chris and I may never have crossed paths if it weren't for her. I'm debating whether or not I should be thankful for that.

"Okay you guys. Showtime!" Ms Bennett calls after she emerges from behind the curtain. I stiffened in my seat and watch her with intent, the hustle and bustle in the room quietening down to low murmurs.

It was nice to see everyone made up and in character, nothing like themselves and even better to see an idea I had buried in my mind paint itself in front of me and come into fruition.

•

The play was a such a huge success, we received a huge standing ovation, non of the actors fucked up their lines and overall it was so well performed that I forgot watching from the stands that these people were my classmates. Despite the friction between Chris and I, we managed to put our problems on the back burner for a second to introduce and close the play. 

We now crowded the parking lot, most of our parents already having left after the graduation ceremony, there was talk of a last get together, graduation party that Kadirah had caught wind of so I already knew what I was going to be spending my Friday night doing.

"I swear to god yo, if I don't get an Oscar for that performance I'ma be so mad" Kadirah said as we strolled towards the car we booked. I rolled my eyes, a smile stretching across my lips. She had been flapping her gums about how amazing she did the minute she had stepped off stage.

"You had like two lines, it was barely a performance" Donovan commented making me burst out laughing.

"Shut yo shit up! You just mad you weren't in it" Kadirah shoved his arm. "You better yo dude before I do Ki"

I looked at Kiera who laughed but her smile didn't quite reach her eyes. She had been a little bit quite since I went off on her which I completely get, but at the same time this was my business to deal with and her constantly bringing it up was irking my nerves.

"How you gone take down a quarterback, you can barely lift a finger without being worried about breaking a nail"

"Oh, Something gone be broke in a second—"

Kadirah leaped at Donnie and began chasing him around the parking lot like a mad woman. Kiera and I laughed but once they got far away from us and the laughter quietened down, it got kinda awkward.

Kiera sighed deeply and stopped walking. "I'm not mad you snapped at me, Nina. I get where you're coming from and I shouldn't have been all up in your grill like that"

"Don't even" I held my hand up. "You were just trying to help and I was being an asshole"

"Hmm, you right, you were" Kiera nodded in agreement, a smile contorting her features as she wrapped her arm over my shoulder.

"I know you deal with stuff in your own time so I'll let you figure it out on your own. Don't hesitate to talk to me about it if you need to though"

"Of course not. I'ma always need you" I smiled.

As we continued walking I looked up and noticed Chris in deep conversation with an older guy I had never seen before but I think I noticed him in the crowd, watching the play. It was hard not to. He was an older white gentleman who looked worth a million dollars.

"Who is Chris talking to?" Kiera questioned.

"Was literally going to ask the same thing"

I watched Chris scan the lot for a second and once his eyes locked on mine he smiled and waved me over.

"He's calling me over, what should I do?"

"Go, dummy!" Kiera laughed shoving me towards him. "I'll get Donnie and Kadirah and wait in the van for y'all"

I hesitated for a second then began walking towards Chris.

"So this is the mastermind behind it all?" The guy smiled stretching his hand towards me. I furrowed my brows and looked to Chris for answers. "I'm Wesley, a local talent scout in the area and a drama teacher a Juilliard. I heard there was a production taking place and had to see it for myself"

I was still slightly confused as I shook Wesley's hand. Juilliard was one of my options and it was kind of a coincidence to be meeting someone associate with my chosen major before having went to the introduction day.

"Introduce yourself" Chris nudged me and I couldn't get over the smile plastered on his face. He had gone from hating my guts to beaming at me all in the space of an hour.

"I'm Nina" I squeaked timidly.

Wesley nodded. "I was just speaking to Chris about that amazing play I just seen. He says you love writing and pretty much wrote the whole script"

I furrowed my brows and glanced at Chris who kept a smile on his face nodded at Wesley with agreement.

"Actually I didn't write it all on my—"

"She just being humble" Chris quickly cut me off. "I helped a little bit but she was the brains behind it all. She's actually been thinking about coming to Juilliard but it's a bit of a trek, right?" Chris looked at me with wide eyes and I stared wide-eyed back, quickly forcing a smile.

"It's true. I love to write, have been my whole life really. I feel like Juilliard is the one place I can properly express my talent while still learning a lot of knew skills at the same time"

"Hmm" Wesley paused to think for a minute while I swayed nervously from foot to foot.

"You take my number, I'll be in contact with you. You've got real talent" He said as he reached into his jacket, which probably cost more than my life and pulled out a small white card.

"And Chris, it was great talking to you. You two take care of yourselves" I nodded and just like that, he was on his way.

I looked down at the the italic font on the card. Wesley McVey, it read.

"Explain" I finally said, looking up at Chris.

He simply shrugged. "He was a talent scout and said he worked at Juilliard. I remember you said something about the college so I put a good word in" his hand sunk deep into the pocket of his pants as he stared at me.

"W-why?"

"With the way you've been treating me, I honestly don't really know. No matter how mad you make me, I guess I won't be able to stop caring about you"

My heart panned in my chest.

"You really didn't need to do that Chris"

Chris clenched his jaw, his brows slightly furrowing. "Make sure you hold onto that. That could be your ticket outta here, and then you can finally have me out ya hair for good" he said pointing at the card pressed firmly between my fingers before backing up and walking towards the van.

I stood stunned for a second before making my way to the van. Once I got in everyone was already turnt and getting excited for the after party we were headed to but to be honest I just wanted to go home. My emotions have been all over the place enough for one day, I just needed a long shower and my bed.

•

For the next hour, I watched Chris fend off girls and suck down shots of whiskey in the living room. Each time he caught my eye, I looked away from him, determined to get through the night without a scene. I knew how he could get when he had alcohol in him so I already knew there was going to be a scene.

"You look miserable," Donovan said.

"You couldn't look more bored if you were doing it on purpose," Kiera grumbled.

"Don't forget.. I didn't want to come" I reminded them. I had said it about five times on the drive down here. I honestly didn't even know whose house we were in.

Kadirah made her famous face that I was just as famous for giving in to. "You could pretend, Nina. For us."

Just when I opened my mouth for a sharp retort, Kiera touched my arm. "I think you've done your duty. You ready to go, Nina?"

I drank the remainder of my beer in a quick swig and then took Kiera's arm. As anxious as I was to leave, my legs froze when the same song that Chris and I danced to at my birthday party floated up the stairs. I grabbed my bottle and took another swig, trying to block out the memories that came with the music.

Just them someone leaned against the counter beside me. "Wanna dance?"

I turned my head and I smiled at once I realised who it was, shaking my head.

"You stalking me now?" It was that cute guy from Berkeley who approached me at another house party. Mack, I think his name was.

"Nah not when I realised you was dating Breezy, but I didn't really take you as the type to be at all the functions"

I grimaced at that nickname. "It's Chris, and we're broken up now and I'm only here for my friends to be honest"

Mack's eyes lit up, a smirk appearing on his face. "What happened between you two?"

I sighed. "I don't really wanna talk about it"

Mack noticed my downcast expression and began to say something else, but he was interrupted.

"Dance with me." Chris stood a few feet from me, his hand outstretched to mine.

Kiera, Kadirah and Donovan were all staring at me, waiting for my answer as anxiously as Chris.

Once I had smelt the liquor in his breath, I instantly got heated. "Leave me alone, Chris," I said, crossing my arms.

"This is our song, Nina."

"We don't have a song."

"Nina...."

"No."

I looked to Mack and forced a smile. "I would love to dance, Mack."

Mack's smile stretched across his face, his new found confidence probably stemming from his new knowledge of Chris and I now being broken up. He gestured for me to lead the way to the stairs.

Chris staggered backward, the hurt plainly displayed in his eyes. "A toast!" he yelled.

I flinched, turning just in time to see him climbing onto a chair, stealing a beer from the shocked football player closest to him. I glanced to the twins, who was watching Chris with pained expressions.

"To dickheads!" he said, gesturing to Mack. "And to girls that break your heart," he bowed his head to me. His eyes lost focus. "And to the absolute fucking horror of losing your best friend because you were stupid enough to fall in love with her and then fuck everything up"

He tilted back the beer, finishing what was left, and then tossed it to the floor. The room was silent except for the music playing in the lower level, and everyone stared at Chris in mass confusion.

Mortified, I grabbed Mack's hand and led him downstairs to the dance floor. A few couples followed behind us, watching me closely for tears or some other response to Chris' tirade. I smoothed my features, refusing to give them what they wanted.

We danced a few stiff steps and Mack sighed. "That was kind of...weird"

"Welcome to my life."

Chris pushed his way through the couples on the dance floor, stopping beside me. It took him a moment to steady his feet. "I'm cutting in."

"No, you're not. Jesus!" I said, refusing to look at him.

After a few tense moments I glanced up, seeing Chris' eyes boring into Mack's. "If you don't back away from my girl, I'll rip out your fucking throat. Right here on the dance floor."

Mack seemed conflicted, his eyes nervously darting from me to Chris. "Sorry, Nina," he said, slowly pulling his arms away. He retreated to the stairs and I stood alone, humiliated.

"How I feel about you right now, Chris... it very closely resembles hate."

"Dance with me," he pleaded, swaying to keep his balance.

The song ended and I sighed with relief. "Go drink another bottle of whiskey, Chris." I turned to dance with the only single guy on the dance floor.

The tempo was faster, and I smiled at my new, surprised dance partner, trying to ignore the fact that Chris was just a few feet behind me. Another guy on the varsity football team danced behind me, grabbing my hips. I reached back, pulling him closer. It reminded me of the way Chris and Cassidy danced that night at the kickback, and I did my best to recreate the scene I had wished on many occasions that I could forget. Two pairs of hands were on nearly every part of my body, and it was easy to ignore my more reserved side with the amount of alcohol in my system.

Suddenly, I was airborne. Chris threw me over his shoulder, at the same time shoving one of the football players hard, knocking him to the floor.

"Put me down!" I said, pounding my fists into his back.

"I'm not going to let you embarrass yourself over me," he growled, taking the stairs two at a time.

Every pair of eyes we passed watched me kick and scream as Chris carried me across the room. "You don't think," I said as I struggled, "this is embarrassing? Chris!"

"Kiera! Is the driver outside?" Chris said, ducking from my flailing limbs.

"Uh...yeah?" She said.

"Put her down!" Kadirah said, taking a step toward us.

"Kadirah," I squirmed, "don't just stand there! Help me!"

Her mouth turned up and she laughed once. "You two look ridiculous."

My eyebrows turned in at her words, both shocked and angry that she found any part of the situation funny.

Chris headed for the door and I glared at her. "Thanks a lot, friend!"

The cold air struck the bare parts of my skin, and I protested louder. "Put me down, dammit!"

Chris opened a car door and tossed me into the backseat, sliding in beside me. "Are you the designated driver tonight?"

"Yeah," the guy said, nervously watching me struggle to escape. I could tell by his eyes that he wanted to help but at the same time didn't want to get involved in what wasn't his business.

"I need you take us to my house."

"I'm supposed to be taking you back to the apartment you booked. That was the plan"

"Well plan's changed"

"Uh...I don't think...."

Chris' voice was controlled, but frightening. "Do it, or I'll shove my fist through the back of your head, I swear to God."

He pulled away from the curb and I lunged for the door handle. "I'm not going to your house!"

Chris grabbed one of my wrists and then the other. I leaned down to bite his arm. He closed his eyes, and then a low grunt escaped through his clenched jaw as my teeth sunk into his flesh.

"Do your worst, Nina. I'm tired of your shit!"

I released his skin and jerked my arms, struggling against his grip. "My shit? Let me out of this fucking car!"

He pulled my wrists close to his face. "I love you, dammit! You're not going anywhere until you sober up and we figure this out!"

"You're the only one that's drunk and hasn't figured it out, Chris!" I said. He released my wrists and I crossed my arms, pouting the rest of the way to his house.

When the car slowed to a stop, I leaned forward. "Can you take me home, sir?"

Chris pulled me out of the car by the arm and then he swung me over his shoulder again, carrying me up the stairs.

"I'm calling your dad!" I cried.

Chris laughed out loud. "And he'd probably pat me on the shoulder and tell me that it's about damn time!"

He struggled to unlock the door as I kicked and waved my arms, trying to get away. "Knock it off, Nina, or we're going to fall down the stairs!" Once he opened the door, he stomped into the living room, struggling to keep a good grip on me.

"Put. Me. Down!" I screamed.

"Fine," he said, dropping me onto the couch. "Sleep it off. We'll talk in the morning."

The room was dark; the only light a rectangular beam shooting into the doorway from the hall. I fought to focus through the darkness, alcohol, and anger, and when he turned into the light, it illuminated his smug smile.

I pounded the couch with my fists. "You can't tell me what to do anymore, Chris! I don't belong to you!"

In the second it took him to turn and face me, his expression had contorted into anger. He stomped toward me, planting his hands on the armrests and leaning into my face.

"WELL I BELONG TO YOU, DAMNIT!" The veins in his neck bulged as he shouted, and I met his glare, refusing to even flinch. He looked at my lips, panting. "Why don't you get it? I belong to you," he whispered, his anger melting as he realised how close we were.

Before I could think of a reason not to, I grabbed his face, slamming my lips against his. Without hesitation, Chris lifted me into his arms. In a few long strides, he carried me into his bedroom, both of us crashing to the bed.

I yanked his shirt over his head, fumbling in the dark with his belt buckle. He jerked it open, ripping it off and throwing it to the floor. He lifted me from the mattress with one hand, and unzipped my dress with the other. I pulled it over my head, tossing it somewhere in the dark, and then Chris kissed me, moaning against my mouth.

With just a few quick movements, his boxers were off and he pressed his chest against mine. I grabbed his back, but he resisted when I tried to pull him into me.

"We're both drunk," he said, breathing hard.

"Please." I pressed my legs against his hips, desperate to relieve the burning between my thighs. Chris was set on us getting back together, and I knew it was wrong to lead him on, knowing that in just a matter of weeks I'd be on a plane and starting my new life at college. I had no intentions of fighting what I thought was inevitable, so I was more than ready to spend the night tangled up in his sheets.

"This isn't right," he said.

He was just above me, pressing his forehead against mine. I hoped that it was just half-hearted protesting, and that I could persuade him somehow that he was wrong. The way we couldn't seem to stay away from each other was unexplainable, but I didn't need an explanation, anymore. I didn't even need an excuse. In that moment, I only needed him.

"I want you."

"I need you to say it," he said.

My insides were screaming for him, and I couldn't stand it a second longer. "I'll say whatever you want."

"Then say that you belong to me. Say that you'll take me back. I won't do this unless we're together."

"We've never really been apart, have we?" I asked, hoping it was enough.

He shook his head, his lips sweeping across mine. "I need to hear you say it. I need to know you're mine."

"I've been yours since the second we met."

My voice took the tone of begging. Any other time I would have been embarrassed, but I was beyond regret. I had fought my feelings, guarded them, and bottled them up. I had experienced the happiest moments of my life while at Tymewood, all of them with Chris. Fighting, laughing, loving or crying, if it was with him, I was where I wanted to be. But I knew that once I left and I had made promises I knew I couldn't keep, Chris would truly be shattered.

One side of his mouth turned up as he touched my face, and then his lips touched mine in a tender kiss. When I pulled him against me, he didn't resist. His muscles tensed, and he held his breath as he slid inside me.

"Say it again," he said.

"I'm yours," I breathed. Every nerve, inside and out ached for more.

"I don't ever want to be apart from you again, Nina. Promise me," he said, groaning with another thrust.

"I love you. I'll love you forever." The words were more of a sigh, but I met his eyes when I said them. I couldn't say the words and promise him that because I knew I couldn't keep it. But my feeling for him have always been true. Not matter the distance I'd love Chris forever. I could see the uncertainty in his, like he didn't believe me, but regardless, even in the dim light, his face brightened.

Finally satisfied, he sealed his mouth over mine.

•

Chris woke me with kisses. My head was heavy and fogged from the multiple drinks I'd had the night before, but the hour before I fell asleep replayed in my mind in vivid detail. Soft lips showered every inch of my hand, arm and neck, and when he reached my lips, I smiled.

"Good morning," I said against his mouth.

He didn't speak; his lips continued working against mine. His solid arms enveloped me, and then he buried his face in my neck.

"You're quiet this morning," I said, running my hands over the bare skin of his back. I let them continue down his backside, and then I hooked my leg over his hip, kissing his cheek.

He shook his head. "I just want to be like this with you,"he whispered.

I frowned. "Did I miss something?"

"I didn't mean to wake you up. Why don't you just go back to sleep?"

I leaned back against the pillow, pulling up his chin. His eyes were bloodshot, the skin around them blotchy and red.

"What in the hell is wrong with you?" I asked, alarmed.

He put one of my hands in his and kissed it, pressing his forehead against my neck. "Just go back to sleep, Nina. Please?"

"Did something happen? Is it Kiera? Kadirah?" With the last question, I sat up. Even seeing the fear in my eyes, his expression didn't change. He simply sighed and sat up with me, looking at my hand in his.

"No...They're fine. They got back to the apartment around four this morning. They're still in bed. It's early, let's just go back to sleep."

Feeling my heart pounding against my chest, I knew there was no chance of falling back asleep. Chris put both hands on each side of my face and kissed me. His mouth moved differently, as if he were kissing me for the last time. He lowered me to the pillow, kissed me once more, and then rested his head on my chest, wrapping both arms tightly around me.

Every possible reason for Chris' behaviour flipped through my mind like television channels. I hugged him to me, afraid to ask.

"Have you slept?"

"I...couldn't. I didn't want to...," his voice trailed off.

"Why not?" I asked.

He shook his head in the crook on my neck and I sighed and kissed his forehead. "Whatever it is, we'll get through it, okay? Why don't you get some sleep? We'll figure it out when you wake up."

After a few minutes he lifted his head up and he scanned my face. I saw both mistrust and hope in his eyes. "I didn't sleep because I thought you'd leave me in the middle of the night. I know that you're still leaving, you wouldn't give up your college dream for me. So, I stayed awake all night... did you really mean your promise last night or did you just say that because you knew it was what I wanted to hear?" He asked, pain in his voice and hurt in his eyes.

My eyebrows pulled in, confused. "Don't say that!"

"Say what?" He countered.

"Don't say for me like that, as-as if you're insignificant, as if I don't care about you. Are you asking me to pick between you and college because that's what it sounds like?"

"Well it don't seem like you care anymore. And I'd never ask you to do that. That would be selfish of me" he sighed.

I couldn't imagine what he had been going through while I was sleeping but I know the thought of me leaving him again would cause him so much anguish. "I don't know what's going on, but I'm here."

"You're here? As in you're staying? With me?"

I knew that my expression must have been ridiculous, but my head was spinning, from both the alcohol and Chris' bizarre questions. I sighed as my heart thumped in my chest. I was suddenly regretting everything we did and everything I said last night. I had given him hope, knowing that the possibility of us getting back together was slim to none. I was still leaving the state and Chris was staying. I knew this yet I promised I'd be with him. I was supposed to be giving him closure but instead, once again, I was being selfish. "No. I'm still leaving, Chris ..."

"I was hoping you wouldn't say that" he sighed, discouraged as a pained expression held his features captive.

He rested his head back on my chest and I stroked the nape of his neck, searching the room with my eyes, thinking.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "You really thought you were going to wake up and I'd be gone?"

He shrugged, making a poor attempt at the indifference that used to come so easily to him. "That is what you've become famous for. Disappearing out of my life without warning"

________________________________________________

I know this chapter took a while but I was kinda running out of ideas. Made it an extra long chapter to hopefully make up for it.
Vote and comment what you think.