My heart was heavy. Full of sadness and anger.
The thought of would I ever recover wondered across my mind as the tires of my car sped down the dark quiet street. My vision obscured with tears which uncontrollably spilled over the brim of my eyes; I was grateful there were no other cars around this night, allowing me to speed freely.
Tonight was one of those nights where I had the urge to get away, only this time I was physically doing something about it.
Ever since Amerie passed I've been having vivid dreams about her death. Although I didn't witness her tragic death, my therapist tells me I dream up the things I've read on her autopsy. My irises stung with the tears that were welling up in the backs of my eyes again and I gripped the steering wheel hard, my knuckles turning white due to the grip.
It's nearing a month since Amerie died and it feels like I've died right along with her.
I slowly pulled up on the bridge that over looked the sea and turned my car off. Leaning my head back on the head rest closing my eyes I took a deep breath, all memories of Amerie and I circling my mind.
I wanted to escape. Forever.
Every good memory I had of her was being distorted by her killer who viciously took her life. Every memory I had, us walking to school together would be destroyed by me imagining someone in a black hoodie running up and grabbing her away from me.
When it comes to dealing with death, everyone goes through it differently.
Some go into a state of shock and it all seems like a bad dream that they'll wake up from the next day and go about their day like nothing happened. Eventually reality hits them and they break down.
When Amerie died, I felt like a big part of me was taken and thrown into a dumpster to be lost and forgotten forever. But prior to that I went through the denial state, I didn't think she was dead, I just couldn't believe it because I had just talked to her on the phone before she died and she sounded fine and candid like she always does. Everything was fine.
Some people go into a state of depression. They blame themselves and wish that it was them rather then the person who had passed away. They hold onto it forever and miss out on a lot in life.
I could say I've been going through all states possible. Shock, denial, depression. I often wished it was me who was gone rather than her. I mean everyone loved Amerie. She didn't deserve to go like that.
Opening my eyes and wiping my tears away I opened the glove compartment of the car and ruffled around the mess until my fingers touched a small box.
I pulled it out along with a photo of Amerie and I at Spring formal. She had just won Spring queen like I told her she would. She didn't believe me but when her name got called to receive her tiara she was the happiest I ever saw her. We took a picture and she hugged me tightly holding her tiara up whilst I smiled proudly into the camera.
Putting the picture down, I picked up the small box.
Inside was a golden necklace of half a heart. Amerie had the other half. My one said best, Amerie's one said friend. A sole tear slipped from my eye as I looked at it. Amerie was all I had and this necklace, since she passed meant everything to me. What made me more angry was that when they found the place she was supposedly killed, she wasn't wearing her necklace. I knew that it had been stolen because we promised each other we would never take it off.
I pulled down the mirror in my car and put the necklace on. The pendant resting on my chest was cold as I hadn't worn it ever since she left me.
More tears fell as I shook my head.
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Ride the Waves | Chris BrownFanfiction
Ride the waves; It's a surfing term. Surfers paddle out to catch waves. They wait for a really good, high, strong wave, then they surf it into shore. When you ride a wave, it's not YOUR power propelling you, it's the strength of the natural phenomen...