A/N: Do I want to do another Lobelia episode? The answer is no, but I did it anyway. Ugh.
"My, how lovely you look! We have a fairy here!"
"I think you should become a student now even more!"
"I can't breathe!" Fumika gasped as she and Haruhi struggled to get out of the group hug with Lobelia's Zuka Club.
"Gorgeous," Benibara said, letting go of the sisters, "It's almost as if that uniform were designed just for the two of you. Yes, it is most befitting innocent girls like you." Fumika looked down at the Lobelia uniform she was wearing in distaste. Yes, they looked much better than Ouran's uniform, but she didn't like how they practically forced her to put it on.
"Maiden..." the other two girls squealed.
"Whoa, hold on, hold on!" Haruhi shouted, pushing them away, "Just a moment, please! What is all this, anyway? Please tell us what's going on."
Fumika nodded in agreement, "That's right. We were going to the market to do some shopping, when suddenly we were brought here."
"You folks are just like the people in the Host Club," Haruhi sighed.
"Maiden, stop that! Of all the people to compare us to, those guys?!" Benibara exclaimed before quickly calming down, "Oh, forgive me. It's only natural that you'd be angry. In all of our haste, we brought you two here in your bedclothes."
"Right, because we would go shopping in our 'bedclothes,'" Fumika muttered. She rolled her eyes and lowered her voice so only Haruhi could hear. "My god, they are so rude."
"They have the same level of rudeness as the guys at the Host Club," Haruhi agreed.
"We have but one request of you," Benibara said, "As we have mentioned before, our purpose is to put on regular performances of songs and plays that we research, every day."
"That shouldn't be possible because plays take forever get ready for," Fumika muttered,
"The truth is, today is what we call 'Pink Day,'" Suzuran said, "when we celebrate the birthday of the founder of the the White Lily league by putting on our annual special performance. WE've been rehearsing very hard for a long time for this day..."
"...but of all things, the student playing the heroine was in an accident and is in the hospital, so we're in a real fix," Hinagiku told them, "But we can't allow today's performance to be cancelled, for any reason. Which is why..."
"We want you, maiden, to play our heroine for us!" the Zuka Club finished together.
"We can't," both Fumika and Haruhi rejected.
The Zuka Club stayed frozen in their positions.
"We must decline," the sisters tried again.
Again, the Zuka Club stood still.
"We're sorry."
After a few more seconds of being in position, Benibara broke out of it. "Fortunately, this play's heroine only has a few scenes," she told them, "In most scenes, she just stands there, symbolically."
"All you'd have to do is stand there, pretty as a picture," Suzuran added.
"What's more, you have very few lines," Benibara continued.
"It will be all right," Hinagiku reassured them, "With your smarts, you can learn them right away."
By then, the Fujioka sisters were already standing at the door. "Okay then, we'll excuse ourselves."
Suddenly, Benibara let out a strangled scream, stopping the sisters in their tracks. "I'm sorry, I cannot be as you were," she sobbed dramatically, "Please forgive me, Mother."
"Benio..."
"Benibara-sama..."
"Your mother?" Haruhi repeated.
"Benio's mother was a graduate of Lobelia, too," Suzuran explained, dabbing her eyes with a handkerchief, "She was a senior member of the White Lily league and is regaled even now as a beauty in men's clothing."
"Especially today, on Pink Day, she left us with many legends of her magnificent performances in the songs and plays that she puts on," Hinagiku said, "Benibara-sama has dreamed for so long that she could be like her mother."
"If today's performance is canceled, that dream will be crushed," Benibara exclaimed.
"Oh no you don't, Haruhi," Fumika muttered, "Don't you dare fall for that sob story."
"But don't you feel bad?" Haruhi whispered.
"No. Not one bit," Fumika said in a monotone voice, no emotion on her face whatsoever.
"Kyoya has had a very bad influence on you," Haruhi muttered, "And come on, her mother..."
Fumika glanced at the depressed Zuka Club before sighing in defeat. "Alright, fine. But you're playing the heroine."
|| Meanwhile, with the Host Club... ||
"Now that I know Haruhi and Fumika were taken by the Zuka Club, I can't just do nothing," Ranka said as he and the Host Club stood outside of gates of Lobelia Academy, "Listen to me, the Zuka Club is like a fiendish flower's nectar that once you're caught up in, you want to get out of, even if it bankrupts you."
"How do you know so much about it?" Honey asked.
"I doubt neither Fumika nor Haruhi is the type of girl to get caught up in anything," Kyoya commented.
"You're right," Ranka agreed, "Kotoko was a cool woman, too, and not upset by anything."
"Kotoko?" the twins repeated.
"Their late mother," Kyoya explained, "Haruhi and Fumika both seem to have more richly inherited their mother's blood in many ways. Being like their mother is also something that Fumika and Haruhi aspires to."
Ranka looked down solemnly, "For a short time after we were married. I was so elated, I didn't notice it."
|| Flashback to when Ranka and Kotoko were newlyweds (Fumika and Haruhi were in Kotoko's stomach)...||
"Kotoko, what are we having for lunch?" young Ranka asked.
"Miso soup, with mezashi and rice," Kotoko answered with a smile.
"Yay! Calcium is good for you!" Ranka cheered.
|| Interruption ||
"What's mezashi?" the twins asked.
"They're dried, salted sardines," Kyoya explained.
"Don't interrupt my story!" Ranka shouted before going back to telling his story. "But then, one day, while I was cleaning, I found it...Kotoko's vast Zuka Club collection!"
Tamaki, Honey, and the twins let out surprised screams.
"What do we do, sir?!" Hikaru asked.
"Fumika and Haruhi more richly inherited their mother's blood in many ways, right?" Kaoru stated.
"Is Fumi-chan and Haru-chan going to go bankrupt?" Honey questioned, "They didn't even have much of a fortune to begin with."
"It's all right. Haruhi and Fumika have their own fortunes of 'cute'," Tamaki reassured them, but then his and the twins' minds had a dirty thought.
|| Entering the minds of the Troublesome Trio... ||
The blanket that covered Haruhi's naked body slipped a little in the back. "I'm as flat as a board," Haruhi said, "but if you will have me..."
"U-Um..." It was now Fumika in only a blanket, except, it was a really small blanket. "P-Please be gentle with me..."
|| Back to reality... ||
"That's so much worse!" the trio shouted, blushing madly.
Kyoya let out an annoyed sigh. "If you don't mind, I would prefer if you don't fantasize about my girlfriend," he snapped.
"Kyoya, order us some Lobelia uniforms immediately!" Tamaki ordered, completely ignoring what Kyoya had said, "We have to disguise ourselves and sneak in!"
"Overruled!" Suddenly, Tamaki was on the ground with Ranka standing on top of him. "Men who dress up like women without pursuing that way of life are just sickening. Are you making fun of a professional? Huh?
Listen up. If you're going to sneak into Lobelia, then listen to what I have to say," Ranka said to the rest of the Host Club, "I have a secret plan."
|| Time Skip ||
"Ah, Marianne, how many thousands of nights have I prayed that I might see you?" Benibara recited, "How greatly I despised being told that we were from different social classes and the thousands of other obstacles in the way of our love!"
"Frederick-sama!" Haruhi exclaimed robotically. Fumika snorted as Benibara dramatically fell to the floor.
"The gunshot wound I just suffered has it in for me..." Benibara said, "Is this where my fate ends?"
"For a guy who's dying, he sure is taking a long time to die," Fumika muttered to herself as Benibara continued her monologue, "My God, he's just like Mercutio. I hated Romeo and Juliet." She glanced at the rehearsal before looking at the ground in shame, "Thank God the Host Club isn't here."
Unbeknownst to her, the Host Club and her father were watching through the window.
"Say, is Fumi-chan and Haru-chan in there?" Honey asked, tugging on Tamaki's new Benibara Fan Club shirt. All of the members--par Kyoya--wore one as a disguise.
"Yeah, and it looks like she's playing the heroine in some tragedy," Tamaki answered, "But..."
"Frederick-sama," Haruhi said again.
"She is monotonous and an incredible daikon radish (wooden actress)!"
"I can't say anything to dress it up," Ranka cried.
"Why doesn't anyone tell her?" Hikaru questioned.
"Apparently, that is the only line she has been given," Tamaki explained.
"Oh, but it looks like Haruhi is going to sing," Kaoru pointed out.
"No way!" Ranka screamed, "Her grades in music have always been absolutely awful!"
However, when Haruhi opened her mouth, they were shocked to hear a beautiful voice singing the song.
"I'm sure that the way things are going
Nothing, no nothing would be lost.
Without you here
Under the same sky as me
Give me a reason to go on living-"
Suddenly, the singing stopped and the voice started coughing. However, despite the coughing, Haruhi's mouth still moved, confusing the Host Club and Ranka.
"I believe the source you're looking for is over there," Kyoya said, gesturing towards the back of the room. They looked and saw that Fumika was standing there, coughing into her elbow.
"I'm sorry," Fumika apologized through her coughs.
"Take your time," Suzuran said, handing her a glass of water.
After taking a sip, Fumika cleared her throat and began to sing again, her lyrics matching the words Haruhi was mouthing.
"Lip-syncing, huh?"
"She's lip-syncing, huh?"
"Hey, newbies!" Startled, the Host Club and Ranka turned around to see a group of girls--wearing the same shirt as them--standing behind them angrily.
"You want to join the Benibara fan club, so do what the rest of the group is doing!" the leader shouted, "Jumping ahead is not allowed! As a fan of Benibara-sama, your words and conduct must be becoming at all times! Now, all together, let's practice our greetings! Benibara-sama, hang in there today!"
"Benibara-sama, hang in there today!" everyone chanted, "Benibara-sama, you are extremely beautiful today! Benibara-sama, hang in there today!"
"Ranka-san, was this your plan to sneak into here?" Tamaki whispered to Ranka.
"To get close to the Zuka Club, first get on the same side as the fan club," Ranka instructed, "A woman's world can actually be far more competitive than you would imagine."
"Okay, let's take a short break," the leader said, clapping her hands.
Exhausted, Honey and the twins collapsed on the ground.
"Say, what do you think?" a girl asked Tamaki, walking over to him with her friend.
"What do you like most about Benibara-sama?" her friend clarified.
"Eh?"
"Oh, you know, the sprightly way that she carries herself," Ranka squealed, butting in, "her singing voice, the shape of her head, and when she wears that coat with the tails!"
"Haha, yeah! I know!"
"That's a professional for you," Tamaki and the twins muttered, "He can mix in with the girls' conversations."
"You know, I'm so looking forward to today's play," the long-haired girl sighed, "This one is supposed to be a tragedy."
Her short-haired friend agreed, "'The Señorita in Reminiscence.' Frederick, the son of nobels, in order to take revenge on his father, shoots his father's lover, Marianne, right in front of him, with a pistol that he says has blanks, but is actually loaded with live rounds."
"My, how sad," the first girl said.
"But I'm not too sure about the understudy for Marianne," the second girl admitted.
"If for any reason, she does anything to ruin Benibara-sama's play, then we can rely on the assembly of maidens from behind the gym!" the leader declared.
Tamaki and Ranka froze in shock when they saw the Benibara Fan Club's Combat Wing.
"What do we do? If Haruhi puts on that ultra-wooden performance in front of those girls..." Hikaru started to say.
"Will Fumi-chan and Haru-chan be beaten to a pulp?!" Honey exclaimed.
"No! Haruhi! Fumika!" Ranka cried.
"Whatever it takes, we have to rescue Haruhi and Fumika from this place," Tamaki said sternly.
|| Time Skip ||
The Host Club and Ranka were now hiding in the theater.
"Huh? Incidentally, where is Kyoya-kun?" Ranka wondered, looking around.
"Now that you mention it, I haven't seen him in a little while," Tamaki stated.
"Ah, there's Kyo-chan!" Honey said, pointing to the tech booth. In there, Kyoya was casually talking to another woman who seemed really flattered by his presence.
"That bastard," Tamaki cursed.
"He sure knows how to make his move," Kaoru commented.
|| With Kyoya... ||
"You're fully equipped, huh?" Kyoya said to the woman beside him, "That's where the orchestra goes, right?"
"Yes. Also, we have the latest in digital equipment," the woman said beginning to type on a nearby keyboard. "If there's any photos or other images, we can put them up as-is on that digital screen and use it as the backdrop for the stage."
The corners of Kyoya's mouth twitched into a small smirk. "Oh?"
|| Time Skip ||
When it was time for the play to start, the theater was instantly filled with Zuka Club's fangirls.
"At this point, we'll just have to take Haruhi and Fumika out of here during the show," Tamaki stated.
With the sound of a buzzer, the music started, and the curtains lifted to reveal a dressed-up Haruhi...with really heavy makeup.
"Ahh! Heavy!"
"Your makeup is too heavy, Haruhi," Tamaki exclaimed.
"It's so painful, huh?" the twins cried.
"Damn it I'm getting you out of here now!" Tamaki said, starting forward, but he was quickly stopped by Ranka.
"Hold on. Look at Haruhi's face," Ranka said, "Doesn't it look more lit-up somehow now than it did during rehearsal?"
"Her cheeks are rosier," Tamaki agreed.
"Isn't that due to the makeup?" Hikaru retorted.
"And she's glistening so much."
"Isn't that due to the lights?" Kaoru countered.
"You're right. If Haruhi is trying as hard as she can, of her own will, then we have no right to interfere," Tamaki reluctantly agreed. Sighing, he leaned against the wall. "For now, I guess we'll just let the show go on."
"And look over there," Ranka whispered, pointing at the stage. There, waiting in the wing, was Fumika wearing a pink gown, but unlike Haruhi's, her makeup was just right.
"So cute!"
|| Time Skip ||
It was now the scene that Ranka and the Host Club witnessed in the rehearsal, and "Frederick" was currently doing "his" long death monologue.
"Ah, the kiss scene is coming up!" a nearby girl squealed.
"But the kiss scene stops just short, right?"
"Of course. Benibara-sama wouldn't actually kiss her."
The whispers about the kiss scene drew Tamaki's attention. "Kiss scene?" Puzzled, Tamaki though back to the summary of the play he got from the girls from before. "Kiss scene...Revenge?"
"Ah...and yet, my love for you and my vengeance toward him are things that can never be blotted out..." At those words, Benibara made eye contact with Tamaki and suddenly, spotlights were shone on the Host Club.
"Senpai?" Haruhi said in shock.
"Dad?!" Fumika called out in confusion.
Smirking, Benibara jumped up and drew Haruhi close to her as the spot they were standing on rose out of the stage. "I will steal your first kiss, right before his eyes," she revealed.
"Huh?"
"That will be my revenge."
"No, Benibara-sama!"
"Don't kiss her!"
Tamaki let out an angry growl and marched onto the stage. "No! Absolutely no way will Daddy allow anything so despicable-" Suddenly, a monkey appeared out of nowhere and dropped a banana peel right in Tamaki's path. Not seeing it coming, Tamaki slipped on it and crashed to the ground.
"I win," Benibara declared, "Right now, I will steal this maiden's lips, in front of you!"
"Haruhi..."
"This is sexual harassment!" Fumika shouted, but her shouts fell to deaf ears.
"Maiden," Benibara said, drawing Haruhi's face closer.
"This is crazy," Haruhi protested, trying her best to push the woman away, "Just a minute! Please stop!"
Suddenly, the stage lights go dark, and the projection screen comes down. In a quick second, a picture pops up. A picture Fumika thought she would never have to see--Haruhi's accidental kiss with Kanako at the dance party.
"EH?!"
"What?!"
"Aah...That was...from the dance party?" Tamaki muttered in disbelief.
"Yes. Haruhi..." "...has already had her first kiss," the twins informed Benibara.
"Haruhi....!" Ranka growled, "What kind of trampy behavior is that, with another girl?!"
"Having her tranny papa say so..." "...is not at all persuasive," the twins pointed out.
"See here, Haruhi! Explain yourself! What is the meaning of this photo?!"
Out of nowhere, as Ranka and the twins were marching on stage, a monkey dropped three banana peels and all three of them slipped and fell on top of Tamaki.
"How shocking!" Benibara shouted, "Maiden, you mean..." She lunged for Haruhi, but Haruhi quickly dodged her. She ran to the edge of the podium but stopped seeing how high she was.
"Haruhi!" Tamaki shouted, managing to get out from underneath Ranka and the twins. He held his arms open to her. "Haruhi! Come on!"
Determined, Haruhi leaped off the podium, falling towards Tamaki...before landing on him.
"Sorry, senpai!"
"What's the meaning of this, Haruhi?!" Ranka shrieked.
Not wanting to explain to him, Haruhi quickly hid behind Tamaki.
"N-No matter," Benibara stuttered, composing herself, "Then I shall steal the first kiss of her sister."
"I do apologize." Fumika let out a startled squeak when she felt arms wrap themselves around her waist. She looked up to see Kyoya smirking at Benibara. "But her first kiss was given to yours truly."
"Kyoya," Fumika hissed, "What are you-mpfh?" she was cut off by Kyoya placing his lips on hers, earning another shriek from Ranka.
When they pulled away, Kyoya once again smirked at how red Fumika was. Fumika, on the other hand, looked around nervously.
"I think we better run," Fumika whispered, grabbing Kyoya's hand before breaking into a run. As she passed, Fumika grabbed Haruhi's hand, dragging her along with her. "Haruhi! We gotta make a run for it!
Benibara growled and jumped off the podium. "Suzuran! Hinagiku! Gather the Zuka Club's full force and catch the two maidens!" she ordered, "At this point, I don't care if it's the second kiss or third kiss! I'm still going to steal it!"
"This is why I like staying at home!" Fumika cried as she, Haruhi, and Kyoya ran away from the chasing stampede.