today I celebrate two years of being clean
today I celebrate two years of success; of triumph; of victory
today I celebrate two years of not cutting myself
two years ago, I was twelve years old. I was depressed, and no one knew. when I cried out for help, no one came.
I'm not blaming this on anyone. today, I have friends who support me. however, two years ago I found myself attempting to take apart a razor. when I succeeded in removing the blades, I felt relief. then came my attempt.
I held that blade to my arm, and I made a cut. it didn't hurt for a moment, but then the pain came. it distracted me from the emotional and mental pain I was feeling, so it made me happy. I smiled.
I made another cut. another. another. by the time I was finished, both arms were covered in cuts made from a single blade. it hurt when I bent my wrists, and I now understand why: I was so close to slicing my veins.
two years ago, I nearly lost my life because people thought it was okay to bully me for my weight and push me further into my insecurity.
that day, I decided to starve myself and workout excessively.
I was in distress because I couldn't lose weight no matter what I tried.
two years ago, my journey of depression and suicide attempts began
I am better now. I haven't had thoughts of suicide in four months.
thank you to those who support(ed) me.