Ashton's P.O.V
Michael trusted me with a razor blade! I could have cut myself! He really thought i was shaving! Actually i wanted to use it to make cuts again, but after i heard Niall and Michael laughing i couldn't do it anymore. I didn't just drop the razor blade accidentally. I threw it with all the power i had to the ground, causing it to break. Small pieces of plastic are now flying around me in the shower. The blade also fell out.. It was so easy. i could just grab the blade, make a cut and put my black hoodie on to hide the fresh cut.... But i didn't.. I wanted to wait until i was feeling worse. Then i would cut, until all the blood that streamed trough my veins would disappear into the sink and on the floor. But i wasn't ready to do that now.. Now i wanted to put my fluffy black hoodie on and just forget about the pain...
Michael's P.O.V
Ashton has already been in the shower for 1 hour.
I really trust Ashton, but i start to worry about what the voices said to him.. What if they told him again to kill himself .. What if they told him to cut again.. What if they told him to burn himself with the water while showering! That thought makes me jump up of the couch.
"What's up Mikey?"
"Ashton!" Is the only thing i can scream before running up to Ashton's room. I kick against the door to open it as quickly as possible,
No Ashton..
Now i run to the bathroom and kick the door open, like i did with Ashton's room
"MIKEY!" Ashton screams, making the razor blade hes holding fly into the air.
"I KNEW YOU WOULD CUT!"
"Wait what? I threw the razor blade on the ground..."
"sure.."
"Look at me Mikey! You can check my wrists if you want?"
"But what if you started to cut on your stomach or hips?"
"Mikey, come on.. Have you ever seen me as calm as i am now?"
"Ashton, show me..."
"Trust me.!"
"how? You have the fucking razor blade still in your hand while wearing a hoodie and bracelets! What would you think if you caught me like that!"
Ashton slowly grabs the sleeve of his left wrist, rolls it up and shows me his wrist. His old scars are still visible in the light. Sometimes it looks like they shine when Ashton smiles..
"Other" is the only thing i say.
Ashton nods, he looks annoyed and a bit worried, like he didn't want to show me his other wrist.
"See? Nothing!"
"Put your pants down, Irwin.."
Ashton's eyes become big.
"What?"
"you heard me.."
"But.."
"Just show me! I'm not a pedophile, i'm just trying to help you out!"
"I don't want to.."
"Do i have to pull them down for you?"
Sulking, he shook his head and slowly started to pull his sweatpants down. I quickly walked to the door and close it, making Ashton hopefully feel a bit more comfortable.
"Don't tell anyone about this" Ashton mutters while he's now sitting, only in his boxers in front of me.
"Ashton? What are these?' I say pointing out the small, white scars on Ashton's hip.
"When i was younger i fell off my bike, onto my hip. I was wearing my swimming suit, don't ask me why! "
"oh, i'm sorry.." I quickly say.
"it's nothing.. i didn't do it on purpose like these" Now Ashton looks up, his cheeks blushed; pinkish. I understood it was awkward but i had to check them.. He hopefully understood that..
"Look Mikey, they're all old scars" Ashton says proudly.
"Sorry for checking Ash, but can you understand i was worried?" I suddenly ask
Ashton nods, making his still wet, curly hair go up and down.
"Yeah, but it's still a bit embarrassing.."
Ashton and I start to laugh
"How are you feeling now?" I ask, looking Ashton in his eyes to see if he was lying or telling the truth.
"Alright, the voices are going away gradually .." He says, sounding even prouder than the minute before
"Good, good."
"Sorry for making you angry Mikey..." Ashton suddenly says, while looking down again
"No, i'm sorry. I was just scared and sad about you being so upset so then i just over reacted." I explain to Ashton, knowing my reaction wasn't really nice.
"thanks for everything Mikey!" Ashton says, his dimples showing and an award winning smile showing while he gives me a big hug.
I hug him back. I wished Ashton wouldn't be so insecure. I never really got told a reason for why he self harmed. The only thing he told me was the hate towards him. It still made me feel sick. Why would you send someone hate? Why didn't they just keep their thoughts to themselves?! Suddenly another thought filled my mind..
Ashton still had to tell the other lads about it..
I knew he hated the fact he had to, but we never hid things from each other.. Sometimes the other boys made jokes about him wearing so much bracelets around his left wrist. Ashton just laughs about them but now, after discovering why he wears them, i know he hates jokes like that. Before i knew he cut, i thought he found those jokes funny, I wish Ashton had told them about it...
"Oh Ashton?" I suddenly say, making him lean back from our hug
"Yeah?" Ashton asks, a bit worried. His award winning smile was still on his face.
"Well, we have to... no never mind, put your clothes back on okay? I'll see you downstairs!" I quickly say while i make my way downstairs.
I probably had to tell Ashton another time we had to tell the other boys about it soon..
"Mikey! wait!"
"What''s the matter Ashton?"
"I know i have to tell them one day, but i'm just not ready yet.."
I smile
"I understand.. I'm glad you know you have to tell them one day.."
Ashton nods.
"You know what, if you don't cut, we'll just wait untill you're ready to tell them.. But if you cut, you have to tell them immediately and also have to show of your cuts.."
A look of worry and fear disappears on Ashton's face.
"but, they will think i'm a freak!"
"Did i think you was a freak when i discovered what you did to yourself?"
"I don't know?"
"No Ashton, you aren't a freak.. You're just very insecure about yourself.. That isn't your fault."
"But that isn't a proper reason to cut right?"
"The boys won't mind, they maybe will be a bit shocked, but self harming Ashton or not self harming Ashton, you will still be our cute, dimpled, curly haired little bad ass."
Ashton smiles.
"Okay, you know what? I like your plan! I'll do it!"
(A/N) :)
Heyy, i know i normally don't leave a/n's at the end of my chapters but i really wanted to thank you all for reading and voting! :D
When i uploaded the new chapter, i got 10 reads within 1 minute!
It may sound weird, but it really means a lot to me! :D
xoxo Serena :D
P.S: i just want to thank @_NiallsLuckyRam for helping me and for being such an amazing friend! :D