***Jack's POV***
I sat in my room, drumming my fingers against my thigh. Man, I was such an idiot sometimes.
I sighed and pulled out my cell phone. I was 20 years old, sure, but my mom always knew how to get my dumbass into line.
Listening to the rings as I held the phone to my ear, I laid back on my bed, staring up at the ceiling. Why had I kissed Ace like that?
"Hi Jack!"
My mom sounded absolutely delighted that I'd called her. "Hey, ma. Don't sound too happy. I need advice."
"Are you okay?" she asked.
"Yea, I'm hanging in there. Look, remember that manipulative kid I told you Delaney got caught up with?" I said.
"Yes, I remember. Is Delaney okay?"
"He's okay. But this kid is..." I paused, wondering how to word it. I didn't want to tell my mom that I was caught up with Ace. She'd worry about me being tangled with someone like him. "I don't know, ma. He's got something really wrong with him. I think he's broken in a way no one can fix."
"Jack, no one is broken beyond repair," mom said. I could imagine that fierce look she got in her eyes when it came to people. She believed what she was saying. She believed anyone could be put back together with enough love and compassion.
"I'll be sure to pass along that message," I said.
"Some people just need more guidance than others," mom said.
"Well unfortunately for him, I'm not qualified to give guidance," I said.
"Jack! Unless you know this boy's whole story, I hope you're not judging him. Not everyone was lucky enough to have a family that loves them as much as we love you, or to have the money that we have, or to get the proper guidance you had," mom said, working herself into a rant.
"I know, I know. I'm a lucky kid who's spoiled beyond all reason. I just don't think he's safe for Dex," I said.
"Then tell Delaney to slow down with this boy. He doesn't have to cut him out- just take his time," mom suggested.
"Maybe you should just be Dex's mom instead of mine," I said. "You might be able to talk some sense into his thick head."
"I like being your mom," she said.
"Good, because you don't really have much of a choice. Alright, I'm going to let you go now. I just needed you advice," I said. "Bye mom. Love you."
I hung up the phone and got off of my bed. I looked at the little collection of CDs I had brought to college with me, wondering why CDs were starting to die out. Having music on your phone was convenient, sure. But holding that physical copy in your hands was better.
There was a light knock on my door and then Delaney came in. He shut my door and leaned against it.
"Listen, I know you're going to tell me I'm an idiot. But I want to ask Ace out. And I don't want you to be a dick about it," he said.
I mentally sighed. "Dex, you should just slow down, man. Please. Just get to know him more. Give this more time. You haven't even known him that long."
"Jack, just trust me," he said, trying to keep as calm as I was pretending to be.
"I trust you. I don't trust your judgement, though," I said. "Dex, you are moving way too fast here. Spend more time with Ace and make sure this is really what you want. Besides, no offense, but he doesn't even seem like the dating type."
Delaney looked away from me, shaking his head in disbelief. "You can't even try to be supportive. Guys and girls always go after you. And I finally get a guy I like and who actually seems interested in me, and you act like it's the worst thing to ever happen."
"No, people who don't vaccinate their kids are the worst thing to ever happen," I said, pointing a finger at him. "This is a minor inconvenience."
"Jack, you never take anything seriously!" Delaney said, glaring at me now. "I came up here to talk to you about it because you're my best friend. But this is why no one liked you before you got to college. Because you're stuck-up and selfish, and everything is a goddamn joke to you."
"Unvaccinated kids are not a joke to me," I said.
"This is what I mean!" he cried, angrily gesturing at me.
"Okay, okay. I know I'm an asshole. But if you're getting mad about my personality, I don't get what draws you in about Ace," I said. "He's much worse than I am. At least I know right from wrong."
"I get it Jack; Ace has his problems! It's not his fault! Not everyone had this fantastical upbringing that you had. And you know what? You're no better than the Ace you think you know. You're stuck-up and selfish. I'll say it a million times because it's true. You only have friends now because you're talented at what you do and they need you on their technical crews. Nico and I were your only real friends. But guess what? Fuck you," Delaney said, leaving my room and slamming the door.
I sighed and sat on my bed, rubbing a hand down my face. He was right, I guess. I wasn't exactly best friend material and I'm sure plenty of people used me for my technical skills.
But at least I was aware of my faults. At least I acknowledged that I had them.
Ace, on the other hand, seemed to make any excuse he possibly could to hide his faults or blame them on anyone but himself. He seemed to be able to justify his actions by making himself the victim. And he seemed to actually buy whatever bullshit story he came up with to defend himself.
Still, my thoughts drifted to our kisses. I shouldn't be kissing him and I knew that. I knew it would backfire on me if I didn't stop now.
But some selfish part of me was begging to just forget about Delaney in those moments. Even just being with Ace set me in a state of ease I didn't know was possible.
And wasn't that what it meant to have a true connection to someone? People said love was when your stomach twisted into knots and your heart beat too fast, but that sounded more like anxiety to me. Love wasn't anxiety; it was feeling at ease as you sat with each other.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Easy Jack. I was not in love with Ace Foley.
Still, I couldn't deny the way being around him made me feel. On one hand, it made me seriously consider inventive murders. On the other hand, it made me feel...happy. But not the kind of happy that you got from winning the lottery.
When I was around him, it was a faint buzz of happiness humming through my bones. The kind of simple happiness you got from petting a puppy or eating your favorite dessert.
I swallowed hard and got up. It was time to figure out all this shit with Ace. I couldn't let things keep going like this.
I left the house, getting into my car and driving myself down to Ace's house. I parked and got out, heading up the porch.
Jer watched me from the chair he was usually in. Did this guy ever leave that damn chair? He was definitely going to be one of those old men who sat outside and screamed at kids to get off his lawn.
"He inside?" I asked.
"It's not going to end well. Nothing with Ace ever ends well," he warned.
"That's why I'm here," I said, shrugging.
"Someone always leaves. Either him or the other person," Jer said. "He's in the kitchen."
I went into the house and through to the kitchen. I stood in the doorway, watching Ace as he doodled on the back of an envelope with a pen. He was talking to Christian.
"But it could," Ace was saying.
"Trust someone with a higher degree of education than you, Ace. It couldn't," Christian said.
"Well don't you just feel so special? College is a load of a bullshit. Have fun being in debt for the rest of your life," Ace said. He brought the pen up to his mouth and began to chew on the end of it.
"Stop chewing on all the pens. We write with those, you asshole," Christian said. He noticed me and narrowed his eyes, distrust in them. "Ace."
Ace looked up and noticed me as well. He smirked, the pen still between his teeth.
"Jackass," he said, dropping the pen to the table. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"
"Let's go. We need to talk," I said.
Ace got up and led me to his bedroom. He shut the door and dropped on his bed, watching me.
"Dex wants to ask you out," I said.
Ace raised an eyebrow. "I don't date."
"Should've told him that before you made him your game," I said.
Ace spread his hands and shrugged. "It's not my problem."
"I'm very tempted to stab you," I informed him.
"Knives are in the kitchen. Help yourself." He laid back, hands behind his head, eyes closed.
I sat next to him on the bed, grabbing his shirt and yanking him into a sitting position. He was trying to act casual about all of this, but I could see the tense set of his shoulders.
"We need to figure this out," I said.
"Figure what out?" he said, trying to pry my hands off of his shirt.
I yanked him closer to me, letting our lips meet. Ace gave up his attempts at getting me off of him as he kissed me back.
And there it was: that faint hum of easy happiness. It worked its way through me, putting me at ease and threatening to drown my cautious thoughts.
Think of Delaney. Don't do this to him. He's your best friend and this is going to hurt him.
But I had to know. So I let that hum drown out my thoughts of Dex, hoping that I'd be able to forgive myself for this later.
Ace pulled me closer to him, shifting so that I was in his lap. His arm hooked around my neck and I tightened my grip on his shirt. I could feel his body pressed against mine, knowing that he had been much closer to others with significantly less clothing involved.
I kept telling Ace that I didn't pity him, but I wasn't sure that was the truth. Someone who had been beaten down so hard that they saw their own body as nothing more than entertainment drew some of my pity.
Ace laid back on his bed, pulling me with him. His body was firm under mine, surprising me. Ace always looked so dangerously thin.
I pulled away from his lips, kissing down his jaw to his neck. I kissed at it, resisting the urge to bite at the soft spot on his neck. Ace guided my head back up so he could kiss me again, his hand tangling into my hair.
The ease to our motions as we shifted into a more comfortable position drove me crazy. I'd kissed guys before where it was a messy make out, bumping into each other as we tried to move around. There was no understanding shift of limbs to sink further into each other. But with Ace, he moved his arm enough that I could hold myself up and not crush him. His legs didn't messily tangle with mine; they intertwined themselves so that neither of us were stuck or falling over. His hands shifted around to hold me close without any guidance. My stomach rested on his, the slightest of contact. Yet I could feel the warmth from his skin radiating off of him.
I released his shirt and traced my fingers down his arms. The skin there was surprisingly smooth. My fingers brushed over old scars and a few fresh scratches. There was a knot of scar tissue just below his elbow that I traced my finger around for a minute.
Ace was human. He'd been hurt, physically and emotionally. His scars and his behavior proved it. But I would not excuse the things he'd done just because of the things he'd been through.
He was complex, though. There was a human side to him, something he'd let slip around me a few times. I wanted to see more of that side of him.
Our kisses were steadily getting more intense, a slow build up. But Ace made no moves to remove my clothes or take things to a more physical level.
I didn't even know how long it was before we finally eased our kissing. I shifted so that I was next to Ace, my arms around his chest, holding him against my body.
I reached up and skimmed my thumb over the scar near his ear. "How did you get that?"
"My aunt," he said. "She told me to grab her a beer. I had an ear infection and I couldn't hear her. So she said there was no point in me having ears if I wasn't even going to listen, and cut me with a broken bottle." He gave a bitter smile. "My dad heard me screaming and came inside. Thought he was going away for murder when he flipped shit on my aunt."
I kissed his neck, feeling like I could just go to sleep here. I was content in a strange way. I knew that I shouldn't trust Ace. I knew getting involved with him would only end in disaster. But I was going to let myself have this, let myself get a taste of what could be. Just so I'd know. So I wouldn't have to sit there and wonder anymore. It was easier to walk away from something dangerous once you knew exactly what you were in for.
Ace reached up, his knuckles brushing against my hands. "What's your family like?"
"My mom is a school counselor. She really loves people," I said. "My dad works with computers. He also coaches basketball at the local high school in our town." I kissed his neck again. "I'm an only child, so naturally, I'm spoiled rotten. Sickly kid, quiet childhood, mother who loves me far too much, father who does his best." I shrugged. "What about you?"
He was silent for a moment, as if he wasn't ready to share anything. Finally, he spoke.
"My mom left when I was a kid, my dad was an overbearing parent, and I spent a lot of time with my aunt and my cousin. My cousin never knew his dad and I wonder if his slut of a mother even knew who fathered the kid. My aunt, she was always angry. She liked to hit people. My cousin was pretty unstable too. Mood swings like you wouldn't believe."
"What about your dad?" I asked.
"Like I said, overbearing. He thought everything was a bad influence. Books, movies, music, people. I spent a lot of time with him alone in our house. I didn't have anyone else." He gave a bitter smirk. "We don't exactly talk anymore."
"Ace, you don't like Delaney," I said. "What about me?"
He snickered. "Don't get so full of yourself. I don't do relationships."
"I don't want a relationship with you. I'm just asking because I need to know exactly what's going on with us," I said.
Ace shrugged, his shoulder moving against my chest. "We're just casually making out on my bed. That's all."
I rolled my eyes. "You're an ass."
"So I've been told by men and women," Ace said, that smug tone back in his voice.
"So you're bi," I said.
"Pansexual would probably be the best way to sum it up. I don't know. I don't care for all these labels. I don't even understand half of them," Ace said, shaking his head.
I closed my eyes, letting the warmth of Ace's body comfort me. Once I left his house today, this was going to end. I would put a stop to this. I would put a stop to him and Delaney. I was going to get Ace Foley out of our damn lives.
"You claim to hate me, yet here we are," Ace said.
"I know your games. You'd be a good catch if you weren't so fucked up," I mumbled.
"Hard not to be when life kicks your ass," Ace said.
I pictured his face on that missing poster. A 16 year old boy with a smile that didn't quite touch his eyes. A 16 year old boy looking clean and healthy. A 16 year old boy who hadn't quite reached his breaking point yet.
I looked up at the family picture on Ace's dresser. It was face-up, showing his young self, happy to be with his parents.
He looked like his father. They had the same facial features, the same blond hair and hard set to their eyes.
Something had driven Ace away from his father. Something had snapped inside of him and he'd run like hell. He'd been missing for five years. He was over 18, yet he chose to keep himself hidden. He was still afraid of whatever had scared him away in the first place.
I sat up, climbing off of Ace's bed. He was too human right now. I couldn't let myself fall for a side of him that he was barely clinging to. I had to get out of here.
Ace's hand shot out and gripped my wrist. "Not yet."
I looked down at him, at a boy who looked more human than I had ever seen him. He knew he was losing his grip. He knew he had lost too many pieces to be put back together this time. And he was afraid, even if he didn't understand what fear really was.
"I have to go, Ace," I said.
He sat up and tugged on my wrist. "Not yet." He smirked, but it didn't carry the cocky weight it usually did. "You'll leave and it'll be over. I'm the only one who gets to walk out before you wake up."
Wake up. Because the idea of us together would never be anything more than a dream and Ace knew it. There was Delaney, there was Ace's busy life, there was the fact that I knew what he was like. There were too many factors pushing against us. No matter what I felt, I had to enter this situation with my head, not my heart.
Ace stood up, keeping his hold on my wrist. He pulled me closer and kissed me, grabbing my other wrist and holding my arms against his body.
We broke apart and looked at each other. Ace slowly released my wrists and nodded at me, sitting back down on his bed.
I went over to his desk and picked up a piece of paper. I wrote the date on it, folded it up, and tucked it into the corner of his family photo.
"I wish you stood a chance," I said.
"I wish someone gave me one," he said.
I looked at him one last time before leaving his bedroom, quietly shutting the door as I went. I leaned against it, closing my eyes. Now we were done. Now all he had to do was break Delaney's heart when that idiot asked him out and we could finally end this. But, god, I wished I'd never met Ace Foley.