Twenty Two
I woke up the next morning on the couch, Sophia cradled into my side perfectly, like she belonged there. It was only about eight in the morning, and the sun was shining high in the sky, brightening the room through opened shades. I carefully slid Sophia off me to get up without waking her.
I opened a window, leaving the screen shut she Bad Kitty wouldn’t escape out the windowsill. The room filled with the fresh air of late spring, a smell that always woke Sophia in the morning. I took a seat on the floor by the window and played with Bad Kitty. Her attacked my arms with his clumsy paws and wrestled with them as if they were another cat, rolling around the hardwood floor.
It wasn’t very long until I heard light footsteps and a yawn as Sophia walked toward me, rubbing her eyes. “Why on earth did you open a window? I could’ve easily slept for another three hours.”
“Because I’m not going to let you waste another beautiful day!” I said theatrically. Sophia just laughed and asked what I was planning on doing today. “We’re going out to breakfast, so I suggest you shower. Most people would be scared off at a sight like that,” I teased.
“Look who’s talking,” she muttered. Sophie was never a morning person.
After we were both showered, Sophia emerged from her room in a sweater and jeans. I knew what she was doing. She was trying to cover up her scars on her arm and neck, but it was over seventy degrees outside. “Nice try, Soph. It’s a beautiful day, go put on something that’s not going to give you a heat stroke.”
I waited near the door with my wallet until Sophia came out in a sundress. I smiled. “Much better,” I told her, giving her a kiss on the forehead that brought her out of her pissy mood.
We walked to a café a few blocks away from her flat. We took a small table outside on the sidewalk. I looked through the menu and decided what I was going to get. “What are you getting?” I asked.
“I’m not that hungry.”
“Yes, you are.” I told her, seeing right through her.
“John would disa—”
I cut her off. “No. You’re not allowed to talk about him anymore. Not today, or tomorrow, or ever. He’s irrelevant, now. I’m not him.” I said. “You’re the tiniest thing ever anyway, Sophia. You’re eating, even if I have to force it down your throat, which I really hope I don’t have to do.”
Sophia was quiet. I looked back at my menu, angry. “I think I’m gonna get a bagel and some bacon,” she said then, her mood a complete 180 from what it had been moments ago. She sensed my frustration with her before. She always could.
I looked up at her and smiled. “Good choice.”
We ordered our food and I watched her discreetly the whole time to make sure she was eating. I felt bad doing it, but I was still worried about her. She did eat, and she even stole a piece of my food, too.
I noticed her looking off to her right, and I turned to see what she was watching. It was an old couple seated across from each other. They were at least in their sixties, and they were smiling and laughing together. The old man reached across the table and squeezed his wife’s hand lovingly.
I smiled. “That’s so sweet,” I said, but Sophia looked upset. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” she lied, toying with her straw.
“You’re a terrible liar, you know that, right?” I told her.
“It’s dumb,” she said, covering her forehead with her hand.
“If it’s making you upset, it’s definitely not dumb, I promise you.”
Sophia shook her head, playing with her straw again. “I was just thinking about things, I guess.” she started. I waited patiently for her to continue. “I guess I’m just doubtful. What if nobody ever falls in love with me?” Somebody already has, I thought. “Never mind, I’m just being a girl. It doesn’t matter,” she said, ashamed.
“Of course it matters. Why would you ever think that?” I asked, utterly confused.
“I just can’t picture it happening, I guess.” It already has. “I’ve never been good enough for anyone.”
“You’re more than good enough for me,” I said. She smiled warmly. How could she not see that the person she was meant for was sitting right in front of her? Was I not making it completely obvious?
“I just feel like I’ve been waiting for so long, you know? What if it just never happens?”
“The right person will come around when he’s ready.” I said.
Sophia looked up at me and smiled, completely naive to the hints I was laying right in front of her. “You think?”
“I know it.”
_______________________________________________________________
Over the next few days, I made it my job to keep Sophia busy and happy. I did pretty, well, too. One day, Sophia and I spent the entire afternoon in town, shopping around and just sneaking around in alleyways and secret entrances. The next day, we slept for almost the entire day. We spent a rainy day watching movies on the couch together. She spent a day catching up on her schoolwork, and we used up that evening getting drunk on the roof of her building. We a
woke with throbbing headaches the next day, but I don’t think either of us cared. Everyone needs to get wasted once in a while.
All over the course of these days, I got Sophie to eat more and more, and she was slowly gaining some meat on her frail bones. Her face regained some color, and she was looking tanner. Her ribs were no longer visible through her shirt, and the bones in her wrists and hands were protected by a healthy layer of flesh. She was looking so much better, like the Sophia I grew up with. She looked healthy.
The day came later in the week that her stitches had to be removed, so I took her to the hospital to take care of them before we got on with the day. The doctor approved of Sophia’s cleaning of the wounds and told her she had kept after them well, which she seemed to like hearing.
He was quick in removing the stitches, and Sophia only winced when he pulled them out of her skin. After her sterilized her arm, he sent her off. On the way out, she asked for a lollipop. The receptionist gave her a really strange look but allowed her to have one. I laughed at her childishness, and she punched me in the arm in return. I liked this Sophia. The one I fell in love with. She was coming back around, slowly, but surely.
We lay on the couch that night, making aimless conversation while the TV played like white noise in the background. Sophia’s head lay in my lap, and she got quieter as she was slowly lulled to sleep. I saw the other Sophia then. The one she’d been hiding from me for such a long time. The worried crease between her eyebrows, a constant reminder of the stress she must have been feeling, a stress I couldn’t relieve for her.
She was still so beautiful. In her restless sleep, she looked somehow peaceful and contented, almost as if it were brought around by my presence. I considered if this was just the result of my ridiculous hopelessness to have her love me back. Maybe it was. There was something different about her. I couldn’t quite place it, but I got a feeling that maybe she was starting to shine a light on what I was to her.
I brushed her smooth hair back from her face, strands of it slipping through my fingers. I thought of the delicate melody of ‘Lua’ again. For the first time, I started to consider what the song was written about.
The lyrics were sad, and they told a story of a girl. A girl that this guy loved. A girl he wanted to fix. She was fragile and stubborn, a closed book. She wasn’t a person, but an endless existence that lived on in the people who cared about her, even when she wasn’t around. Even when she left. I looked back down at Sophia and finally realized why she had shown me that song over six months ago.
It took me more than half a year to understand what the relevance of the song was to Sophia. It was almost like a lightbulb went off in my head when I finally pieced it together. She showed this song to me for a reason. A reason that at the time, neither she or I was aware of. Something I realized now, that Sophia didn’t even know. Sophia was Lua.