song : Lostmyhead by The 1975
(I'm posting the live version because it's just beautiful)
(tw : panic attack)
Lim Changkyun
Sleep was cancelled; anything I had planned for the next however many years, in fact - was cancelled. My brain was going into overload as I stared at my screen, a throbbing sensation forming somewhere across my forehead.
I blinked, it having been 10 minutes since Kihyun's last message.
kihyun 📸: ??
sorry I crashed
you want to see me?
like seriously
kihyun 📸: yeah
kihyun 📸: I don't think you wanted to get my number just because your contact list was lacking, so yes, I want to see you
I thought long and hard before pressing send.
let's do it
when do you want to grab coffee?
***
The 8 hours of sleep I usually have felt like a 15 minute nap, since I had gotten up earlier than usual to shower again, and now stood in my underwear staring between my wardrobe and the mirror. To my luck, the bruises had began to fade, and minimal movement no longer hurt me; perhaps I was finally healed after the ass-beating I took.
I raced my hands through my hair several times, causing it to stick up by the time I had picked an outfit; all black with a leather jacket, ripped jeans and ankle boots. I smoothed down my hair, grabbing my school bag and making a runner out of the house, since despite waking up early, I was late, so here I was sprinting through Seoul whilst trying to maintain my image.
I caught up with Jooheon as he prepared to enter the building. "I genuinely thought you'd pretended to be ill to be able to prepare for the day."
"No..my parents...nah. They'd say if I wasn't good enough to go to school I couldn't go anywhere," I leaned on him, gasping for air. "how do I look?"
"You didn't put in half of this effort when we met."
"That's because we met at a funeral," I pinched his cheek. "but seriously, come on. I was so nervous that I almost lost track of time."
"You look great, Kyun. Totally ready to pull," he said. "one thing I would say, you should have planned for a different day."
He gestured at the heavy rain. "I know," I sighed. "I don't want to reschedule. I want to see him too."
"It looks just like the 1st of May, doesn't it?"
I looked at him, then to my feet. "Scarily. It's the same weird temperature too, and raining just as heavily."
"Let's change subject, I want to keep your spirits up. What are you guys doing today?"
"We're just going to chill in a cafe, maybe go for a walk if the weather allows it-" I was interrupted when Minjae roughly bumped into my arm, knocking me into the lockers.
"What the fuck?!"
He turned around, smirking. "My bad."
"Leave it; I could probably walk in a straighter line than him," Jooheon glared at him. "it's what happens when your parents spike you down the stairs as a baby."
"How much do I have to pay you to beat him up?"
"Nothing, I simply can't get suspended again," he sighed. "but next term, he better watch out. Come on now."
Yoo Kihyun
"You're in a good mood," Daehwi peered around the shelves, smiling to me. "anything major happening?"
"No, I just have plans after. That's all." I grinned, continue to stock up the camera film shelves. He whistled.
"Who's the lucky one?"
"Just somebody I met a few weeks ago, we're just grabbing a coffee and maybe-" I was cut off by a horrendous clap of thunder. "maybe not- we wanted to go for a walk after, but never mind."
"Good luck with that! It's meant to be this bad all day," he said. "have fun on your date and whatnot, but remember your shift finishes at 4:30 today."
"4:30? I finished at 4:30 yesterday?"
"It's a Wednesday, Kihyun," he shook his head. "you're all hung up on that date."
I sighed heavily. "It's okay, we're only meant to meet at 5 anyway."
He nodded, leaving me to continue to stock up. The store remained calm for the remainder of the day, only a few customers visiting the shop. Luckily, the calmness of the shop floor made 3pm roll around faster than predicted; by 4:26 I was already in the staff toilets fixing my hair & spraying myself for the umpteenth time.
I tried to send Changkyun but the service was bad, so I resumed with what I had to do, putting on my jacket and making my way back down to shop floor.
"Everything okay?" I reached Daehwi, who was stood by the door with an umbrella. A few metres down, the street had been closed off, several ambulances and police cars beyond it.
"Hmm, there was an accident down there. A driver lost control of their car because of the rain, and plus with the heavy rain, phone services are a little dodgy today so it took them a while to get here," He elaborated. "Good luck trying to get to your date. It doesn't look like they'll be clearing up anytime soon."
"I have to go, I really can't be late. Maybe I can take the bus around the long way to the station and switch there? Maybe they are lady have a diverted route planned," Daehwi nodded at my words. I opened my umbrella. "that'll have to do. I'll see you later, yeah?"
He waved me away as I jogged up the street, catching the bus just in time. I looked at my phone as the bus began to move, no new messages from Changkyun.
To pass time, I checked my social media & email up until I felt the bus slow down to a standstill, and only then did I notice, all 3 lanes towards the station clogged to the brim with traffic.
Im Changkyun
I clung onto the metal of my umbrella tightly, watching as cars steadily raced past the cafe. I had found a bench outside, and sat on it waiting for Kihyun.
It was just a few minutes until 5pm, so I looked both ways anxiously, hoping to see a head of pink hair walk in my direction but all I got were more unfamiliar faces.
Screeching brakes pulled me out of my thoughts, and I watched as a car momentarily lost control of itself, nearly slamming into the side of one of the shops. I inhaled deeply, my grip on the umbrella tighter.
Another car passed. I should have listened to Jooheon. Another car. I should have rescheduled for a different day. He would understand. Another car.
Quickly, I rose to my feet, stumbling forward as the memories began to take over my mind; I could see the two of us laughing in the car. The speeding. Soonyoung's bracelet. The tree.
I gasped for air, my chest tightening painfully as I nervously stared around. It was 5:04. He wasn't here. I sat again, my vision swimming as my eyes brimmed with tears and my hands grew more shaky. I blinked rapidly.
It was 5:21. By this point, the wind had gotten the best of the umbrella and I sat under the pouring rain. I was almost unaware of my surrounding; fully shut down. Another car, and I was pulled from my thighs, the chest pain and shortness of breath hitting at once. This time the tears couldn't be stopped.
I thought of staring at the windshield, our car wrapped around the trunk of an oak tree, a big part of the glass on the driver side missing. I gasped again, rising to my feet. I reached for my phone. "Hello?"
"Jooheon...please."
"What's wrong? Where are you, Changkyun? Changkyun?!"
"Please come get me."
I don't remember much after that; the phone fell out of my hands to the ground, and I quickly followed suit.