I couldn't help the tears that fell down my cheeks as I sat on the steps outside of the infirmary; my body feeling numb as I wished I could rewind time to before they left today, before we attacked the Saviors, and before the world went to hell.
As much as I hated to say it, I didn't feel safe anymore-- I didn't want to be here anymore and I just wanted to run like before. But at the same time, I didn't know if that is what I was truly feeling, or if I just wanted to escape my fears again.
I looked over my shoulder a bit as I heard the front door open up behind me; Daryl appearing out of it and making my emotions over this situation double, because I could feel that it was only going to get worse from here.
"So," I said shakily as he sat down beside me, "Was it him? The one who stole your stuff-- was he the one that killed Denise?"
Daryl said nothing as he nodded, the loss obviously getting to him just as much as it did to everyone else, and maybe even more.
I nodded back, wiping at my eyes as more tears threatened to spill with each passing thought,
"I should've went with her-"
"No-"
"If I would have taken her, she might still be alive, Daryl!" I sobbed, feeling like there was something more I could've done. It killed me to know that one simple decision could make the biggest difference, and it felt like I kept making the wrong decisions.
When I offered to go with Denise to the Apothecary, I did it without thinking, mainly because I knew it would never happen-- I knew someone else would want to step in to insure the trip was safe and I'd probably just stay back like I did.. but maybe if I would have never offered, Denise would have never been able to go and she'd still be alive.
"And it might of be ya instead, Liz!" He retorted back as he stood up, "Ya know he wasn't even aimin' for her, right? She wasn't supposed to die-"
"I should've went." I repeated, weaker now as I looked up to Daryl who looked as broken as I felt, even if he'd never admit it.
"Do ya not wanna be here?" He mumbled as we both refused to make eye contact with each other, "Do ya wanna die or somethin'?"
I drew my bottom lip between my teeth as I harshly bit down, actually asking myself the same question, "I'm just tired of losing everyone I care about," I breathed, my voice unsteady, "Sometimes I wish you never would have found me when I left."
"Then why don't ya go again?" He asked, his voice low and emotionless.
I desperately wanted to look in his eyes-- to find the one real reason I have to stay, but his gaze stayed stuck to the ground beneath him.
I sighed, looking back down to my hands that were anxiously pulling at the fabric of my pants, "Because I know what's out there now."
After moments of silence passed, I looked up as I heard footsteps, seeing Rick walking our way.
He patted Daryl on the shoulder, looking back and forth between us, "You two should go home-- get some rest." He suggested as he headed up the porch steps, squeezing my shoulder as he passed.
"Nah," Daryl shook his head, "She needs to be buried-- Denise."
I sighed at her name; what happened sinking in more and more.
"Yeah-- yeah, you're right." Rick nodded, "I'll be back out in a bit to help you-"
Daryl shook his head, turning to walk away, "I got her."
I heard Rick sigh from behind me as I got up, wiping away any remaining tears, "How're you holding up?"
I crossed my arms, mindlessly ignoring his concern, "We're going to kill these people, right? Because I'm ready-"
"I'm going to talk with Jesus and Gregory-- see what the best plan of action is, ok?" He stopped me, "This isn't like last time, they aren't huddled together in a building, we don't know where they are-"
"Well when we find out, I'll be right behind you-- hell, I'll take the lead." I cut him off, "I don't care what it takes anymore, I want this to be done."
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Shorter chapter, and also a bit late, but it had a lot of dialogue and emotions to take in, so I really want to focus on that.
Tensions between Liz and Daryl got pretty high and I can tell you that's partially because of her insecure feeling regarding the relationship they have and also because, both Liz and Daryl, are having a particularly hard time with this loss, for obvious reasons.
They're both the kind to shut down in these situations which can cause outbursts and distancing.
We also saw a bit of a turn in Liz, which is definitely due to the current high emotions. If you've been able to tell, Liz gets very impulsive and ballsy when her emotions run high.
Let me know what's going on in your head regarding this chapter!