It's currently the weekend, Saturday morning to be exact, and Camila is laying on the couch, staring up at the ceiling and wondering if her and Lauren will ever get back to how they used to be. A week has passed since Lauren and Camila had the fight and neither of the girls apologized for anything they said that night. Lauren didn't feel like she had anything to apologize for, considering Camila is the one who has been distant. Camila, on the other hand, strongly felt the need to apologize, but she just couldn't find the right words to say. The musician was baffled herself when she came to the conclusion that she wanted to apologize, but she didn't know how. She writes songs for a living, but yet when it comes to marital problems and fixing those problems, she just cannot find the right words to say. Truth be told, she doesn't even know what to apologize for. How can she apologize for living out her dream and putting everything she has into making her solo career the best that she can make it?
Part of her knows that there's nothing she can say to fix the problems that are affecting her and Lauren's marriage. Camila knows Lauren wants to hear that she will cut back on her time at the studio, cut back on her time promoting her new album. She knows Lauren wants to hear her say that she's not overworking herself and wants to hear her say that she will be home at 6 pm every night to eat dinner.
The problem is, Camila can't tell her any of that because she doesn't want any of that. Of course, she wants to sit down every night and eat dinner with her beautiful wife, but she also wants to be successful. The phrase that comes to her mind is that she wants to have her cake and eat it too. She wants Lauren and she wants her music.
Camila decides that she's not going to dwell on their problems any longer. It's a new day and the brunette decides that she wants to make it a good one. Slowly sitting up from her previous laying position on the couch, she winces when she feels the tense muscles in her neck. Sleeping on the couch for the past week has not been good on her neck or her back. It's not that Lauren doesn't allow her to sleep in the bed with her, it's just that every night when Camila gets home, the door to their room is closed and Camila takes that as a sign that Lauren would rather sleep alone. Truth be told, it completely broke Camila's heart this past week when she would come home to their apartment every night to find that all the lights were off and Lauren was not waiting up for her on the couch. However, every night when she came in, she would sneak into the bedroom she used to share with Lauren and if her wife was asleep, she would place a light kiss to her lips. One time she came in to find Lauren awake, watching television. She wanted so badly to still walk over and kiss her, but when those disappointed green eyes locked with hers, all her confidence just seemed to vanish and she would just tell her goodnight.
What Camila did not know though was that Lauren did wait up on her. Every single night. Yes, she was in their room with the door shut, but she still stayed up until she heard the front door open. She couldn't bring herself to go to sleep if Camila wasn't home safely. Every night she would stay up and when she heard the door open, she would turn off the bedside lamp and pretend to be asleep. She would even pretend to be asleep when Camila would sneak into their room and kiss her on the lips. It took everything in Lauren not to pull the girl into her arms and kiss her senseless, but instead, she would just lay there and let Camila place a light as a feather kiss on her lips.
Every night she hoped that Camila would kiss her and then she'd feel the bed dip, signaling that Camila had decided to ditch the couch and sleep by her again. After a couple of days of Camila kissing her and leaving the room, Lauren decided to stay awake and see what the girl would do when she walked into the room and saw Lauren awake. The older Latina hoped that Camila would still kiss her, but all her hope dissipated when she watched Camila just peak her head in the door and tell her goodnight.
Once Camila manages to massage out the crick in her neck, she stands up from the couch and makes her way into the kitchen. She looks at the clock to see that it is 9 am and she doesn't have to be at the label until 10 this morning, so she decides to cook Lauren some breakfast. She scrambles two eggs, fries some bacon, makes some toast, and pours orange juice into a cup. Once the breakfast is made, she sets it on a tray and takes it into the bedroom where Lauren is sleeping. However, when Camila walks in, she sees that Lauren is awake and reading a book.
"Morning." The musician says as she makes her way into the room. "I made breakfast."
Lauren looks up from her book when she hears her wife's voice and a tender smile makes it's way across her face when she sees her holding a tray of breakfast food. "Morning." The brunette replies as Camila walks over to her. "Thank you. It looks great." She adds in when Camila sets the tray down on her lap.
"You're welcome." The younger brunette replies before slowly turning around to leave the bedroom. Lauren, however, has other plans and she reaches for Camila's hand. When the younger Cuban feels a hand snake through hers, she turns back around to face Lauren.
"Did you eat something?" Lauren asks, her voice laced with concern. The older Latina has noticed that her wife has been getting skinnier and skinnier and she's just worried that she's not eating enough. Lauren takes a moment to study her wife's features and frowns when she sees how her cheeks look sunken in and how baggy her clothes look on her.
"Yeah I ate." Camila lies. Truthfully, she hasn't had much of an appetite these past couple of weeks. It would be another lie if she said she didn't know why. She knows exactly why she hasn't had much of an appetite, but that's a secret she will never tell. A secret that Lauren can never know about.
The younger brunette's stomach flips when she feels Lauren's thumb rubbing circles on the back of her hand. She looks down at their interlocked hands and then back up at her wife. Neither one of them knows who leaned in first, but before they know it, their lips are locked in a heated kiss. Lauren immediately pulls Camila onto her lap and wraps her arms around her tiny body. They kiss until Lauren breaks it in an attempt to come up for air. When Camila feels Lauren's lips leave her own, she takes it upon herself to lean in and trial kisses down her wife's neck. The older brunette's eyes drift close in pleasure when she feels Camila suck on her pulse point near her collarbone.
Needing to feel Lauren's body molded against her own, Camila pushes Lauren so she is laying on her back on the bed. Once the brunette is laying down, Camila positions herself so that she is laying on top of the green-eyed girl's body.
"I missed this." Lauren whispers in between kisses and Camila breaks their kiss so she can look into her favorite pair of green eyes.
"Me too, baby. I'm so sorry. For everything." Camila says, her eyes oozing sincerity. She sits up, prompting Lauren to do the same.
The green-eyed girl smiles tenderly at her wife and reaches her hand out so she can tuck a stray piece of hair behind Camila's ear. "Me too. I love you."
"I love you too, Lo. So much." Camila breathes out and Lauren leans up and presses her lips to her wife's neck. She kisses down it until she reaches the collar of her shirt. Deciding that they are both wearing way too much clothing, Lauren immediately tugs at the bottom of Camila's shirt and the girl raises her arms up so Lauren can rid her of her shirt. Once Camila's shirt is off, Lauren trails kisses down her wife's chest. She goes to enclose one of her nipples in her lips, but before she can do so, she feels something wet drip on her forehead. She looks up immediately thinking that maybe Camila is crying, but when she sees a drop of red fall from Camila's nose and feels it land on her cheek, she sits up in concern.
"Baby, your nose is bleeding." Lauren reaches her hand out to wipe off some of the blood that is pooling from Camila's nose.
"Shit. I'm sorry." The younger girl quickly jumps from the bed and runs into the bathroom.
Lauren immediately gets up and follows her in there. The older brunette is worried because she's never known Camila to have nosebleeds. When she walks into the bathroom, she sees that her wife is holding a wad of tissues up to her nose, her head slightly titled back in attempt to stop the bleeding.
"Baby, is everything okay? I've never seen you have a nose bleed before today." Lauren's eyebrows knit together in concern.
"Yeah. When I opened the cabinet this morning to get out the bread for toast, I accidentally whacked myself in the face with it." Camila lies, once again. "You know how clumsy I can be." Well that part isn't a lie at least because she really is clumsy.
"I'll go and get you some ice to put on your nose. I'm sure it's sore." Lauren says as she makes her way out of the bathroom. When she returns, she sees that Camila has gotten the bleeding under control. She grabs her wife's hand and leads her back into their bedroom and over to the bed. When they both sit on it, she hands her the ice-pack and watches as she brings it up to her nose. "Are you sure you're okay?"
Camila brings the ice-pack away from her face so she can place a quick kiss to her wife's lips.
"I'm sure, Lauren." The brown-eyed girl assures her wife. Honestly, she doesn't know who she is trying to convince, herself or Lauren.
Camila knows deep down she is not okay.
She just hopes that Lauren never finds that out.