Posted: July 2017 | Edited: January 6th, 2019
| . . . C H A P T E R . . . . 3 . 8 - R O A D - T O - H O M E . . . |
I blinked a few times to register his words in my head. "Swim? Somewhat." Ask me about trekking and I'd be the first on the list. It's what I've done growing up in a mountainous region. It's a different matter that now, my body couldn't handle the strain. But, swimming? In 4-5 ft., I could manage to not drown, probably because I knew it would be impossible to drown when I could quickly get back on my feet, but I couldn't swim laps like him from one edge to the other.
He nodded his head, asking me to get in. "Come on."
"Uh, no. Let's... no." I answered, hesitating.
"I'm not going to let you drown, Khushi."
I wasn't scared of failing at swimming. It had been a while but I knew I could still manage that. I was more concerned with what it would lead to if I stepped into the waters with a half-naked Arnav. "Yeah, that's not what I am worried about."
Ugh. This transparency thing is so working against me. I had decided to not hide things from him, and my brain took that as permission to tell him everything that was going on in my head.
I almost thought he wasn't going to comment on it when he didn't say anything. Only, his hands moved from the tile and came to my sides. "Arnav," I tried to stop him, but he lifted me and stepped back. With his hands on my sides, he had me in the water. I stood against the edge, the water reaching my thighs as we're in the shallow end of the pool.
My hands rested on his wrist and he still held on to me. I started to feel the warmth of his hands on my sides. "You know, I just showered. I'll have to..." I started using that as an excuse for not wanting to have to shower again after being in the pool.
He didn't listen.
He started to step back, pulling me to trace his steps. Water started to rise till my waist, dampening the hem of my shirt. "Relax," he probably noticed how stiff I was, but it only made me clench my muscles further. "Breathe."
My hands went up to his shoulders before I could even think of my actions. He stopped walking back when I started to feel my feet not touching the tiles of the pool. I moved closer to him unconsciously, holding on to him tighter. His shoulders under my tiny hands were firm. Obviously, his physique itself screamed that he worked out, and I've had my hands on his shoulders before, but this was a different kind of intense, having my hands on his bare shoulder.
The warmth of his skin on my fingertips.
My eyes travelled to where my hand was on his right shoulder, and then I looked into his eyes. As always, it made me feel that he was glancing not just at me, but into my soul. Reading all my insecurities and fears. His hand moved from my side to my back, gently tugging my legs closer to him. I leaned my upper body back when my feet touched his. I couldn't tell what was going on in his head.
No... that's a lie.
That was a complete lie.
Even before he had lifted me in the pool, a part of me knew where this was heading.
His face leaned in to cover the distance. His eyes travelled back and forth from my eyes to my lips and each passing second increasing my heart beat, raising the speed of my breaths. The black in his eyes grew as they dilated. Just as I wrapped my head around the fact that this was happening, I heard a throat being cleared in the distance.
He blinked and so did I. I even took a few short but rapid steps away from him. Suddenly, I missed the warmth of his arms around me. I glanced sideways at Anjali who was trying to look everywhere else but us.
"I... uh... sorry. Dinner is ready." She turned sharply on her heels and left. More than us, she looked embarrassed on walking in on us about to kiss.
Without looking at Arnav, I turned to leave but his fingers enveloped around my wrist. He took one step towards me while tugging me to take one towards him. His meaning was clear in his actions. Anjali's untimely interruption didn't end this.
I tried to move back, but he jerked me towards him again. I crashed against his chest, my palm resting on his side. He twirled me 90 degrees and I realized that if I were to step back now, I would be stepping back into the deeper end of the pool and my feet wouldn't touch the floor then.
I mentally shook my head at his clever antics and turning situations around in his favor.
He's got a sharp brain, after all.
His head moved closer until it was the only thing in my vision. Everything around us didn't matter. His breath fell over my lips before the soft brush of his lips. My eyes somehow knew to automatically close and revel the feel of his lips against mine. It was slow, only pecking my upper lips briefly as if afraid it would bring unwanted memories to the surface.
It didn't.
His gentle way was the stark opposite of those memories. Observing I didn't pull away or say his name to stop him, one hand of his comes to my neck, tilting it up. He kissed me briefly again, and again, as if still testing me, as if fearing I would push him back any second and that this advance of his would break me and everything I had been piecing together bit by bit.
But then I grew comfortable in a sync to kiss him back. The biting chill of the water around me seemed to have turned into its opposite as heat radiated up my body, firing up every inch of my being. I could feel it at the back of my neck and my stomach pulled in as it fluttered continuously.
I inhaled sharply and he put an inch of space between us. He took that the wrong way. He started to move back, but I wanted him to know he didn't need to. I just needed a moment. For the longest years, I had pushed away all thoughts related to physical intimacy. It had left a scarring impression on my soul.
It was time to wash away those unwanted feelings and welcome these new ones I felt with Arnav.
"I'm okay." I whispered, not finding my voice. I only inhaled deep in an attempt to push back the heat creeping up my face. Still, he didn't lean in again. His forehead touched mine and I opened my eyes. His were still closed, as if fitting this moment in a permanent long-term location in his brain.
A few seconds later, his fluttered open and I smiled at him. It was a very brief kiss, and for the most of it, I had no idea what I was doing. It was my first real kiss. The one I was going to count as my first anyway. One that he led and I just tried to follow. It seemed to happen so fast, I am still trying to wrap my head around the fact that it happened. And yet, it ignited a fire that was very much new and would take time to grow accustomed to, but I was welcoming it.
. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .
Few days later, Armaan put in a different CD while Arnav drove and Riddhima and I were in the back seat.
Instead of flying, Riddhima decided on travelling by road and thus trapping all four of us in a confined car for over two days. We should have known better than to let her plan the trip back home but it was too late now. There were no direct flights to Shimla and seats on the train had to be booked atleast 30 days in advance. In her defense, travelling by car or the bus were the only two options and of the two, she chose car.
Arnav had commented how we could have just used his personal jet but Riddhima scolded, saying he needed to travel like a normal person for once. Ofcourse, it did not settle well with him. For the next few minutes, he had grumbled and went on to insist he was very much normal.
I commented as soon as I recognized the tune, "Armaan, will you ever get tired of listening to your own voice?"
"Never," he cheekily replied and went on to sing Asmani Rang Ho. Honestly, why even bother putting on a CD when he was just going to give us a live show anyway?
I sweetly asked midway through the song, "Darling brother, as much as I love you and your amazing voice, for once I would like to listen to someone else. Can we?"
A frown appeared on his face while Arnav and Riddhima chose to laugh at his expense. He warned Riddhima, "Basket, just you wait," while flicking Arnav off. So mature. Note the sarcasm.
"Don't be rude, Amy," Riddhima teased with the female nickname she sometimes called him by to irritate him.
He hated it. Proof: he pulled off his seatbelt, "Doll, switch seats with me."
"What, but..." I started to object to side with Riddhima, but he had already started to make his way to the back seat.
"Dude!" Arnav warned as he was doing so while in an ongoing car.
"Just drive," Armaan muttered, slumping on the back seat as if quite proud of himself for having maneuvered from the front to the back giving his build. I figured I could still stay in the back... that was till he turned his head in my direction. "Doll, I wasn't asking when I said switch seats, unless you don't mind witnessing anything over PG-13."
Riddhima scolded, "Armaan!" but his gaze was fixed on me. I got the hint that he was very much serious and not kidding around like Riddhima assumed.
Ofcourse, I sit up at once placing my hand on the seat ahead of me. I had no intention of being a witness to whatever was going through his mind. I grumbled as I moved around him and awkwardly managed to slide into the passenger seat while twice bumping my head on the roof and risking slipping my foot. "By all means, brother, make me uncomfortable."
Arnav had caught my elbow at that point breaking my fall else I would have hurt my side badly. Once I was seated properly, he released my elbow and returned his hand to the gear stick.
While putting on the seat belt, my peripheral caught Armaan's actions. He was loomed over Riddhima's tiny frame and in a hushed voice, she was trying to push him away with little luck. I shook my head, returning my gaze to the road ahead.
Note to self: do not look back.
Well, one good thing: I was now in the front and that made me in charge of the music. I could change it to whichever track I wanted.
I glanced up from flipping through the CD album case when I heard Arnav chuckle. He had quickly glanced away from the rear view mirror before informing, "Armaan, seriously, I don't mind unlike your sister but do keep in mind that I am driving and I have to look in the mirror now and again. I'd rather not have this image of Riddhima burned in my head."
Well, then. Whatever Armaan and Riddhima were up to was definitely above PG-13, as Armaan had warned. He snapped in response, "Then quit changing lanes and you won't have to look in the mirror."
I rolled my eyes and returned to CD hunting. Unlike my previous assumption, it wasn't making me uncomfortable. It only reminded me of the kiss Arnav and I had shared while also finding mild amusement in the current moment.
Almost another hour into the ride, Riddhima scolded, "Stop tickling me, Armaan. I am trying to sleep."
"Then don't sleep!" He whined. "I want company."
I decided to jump in to tease, "Oh, would you look at that? I never would have thought my brother to act as a clingy girlfriend."
Riddhima joined along, "I know, right? I was under the impression he hated girls like - what was her name? That girl back in high school? Senior year."
"Priya," I offered at once. Clearly recalling how she had been the game-changer.
As he would back then, he cringed hearing her name, "How many times do I need to say never to say her name again?" We laughed and he went on to order me, "Anyway, sis, let me annoy my girlfriend and you go back to your fiancé. The poor guy must be getting bored with you not saying a word to him the past few hours."
I pointed out even if Armaan may have a legit thought, "Unlike you, he isn't clingy."
Even if not clingy, it was a road trip of sorts. I should try to have some conversation with him, right? I get that silence is comfortable between us but sometimes, it could be nice to talk too.
Armaan gave the smart response, "Oh, hush."
The conversation faded out and he returned to talking to Riddhima in quiet whispers. I reached for a bottle of water and after a few gulps, forwarded it to Arnav out of courtesy. He accepted it and returned it seconds later, empty.
As established by now, I could only sit still for few minutes at most before I started getting impatient. I looked for something to do. Finding a bag of food items we had carried for the road, I started ransacking through it until I decided on a bag of spicy chickpeas.
"Really?" Arnav asked in amusement and I understood why.
I wasn't hungry. We had stopped for lunch just a short while back. I was just eating out of boredom. "You know me. Not as disciplined as you. Want some?" I offered holding out my palm where I had poured some out.
He started to decline, but then seemed to change his mind. "I don't want to get my hands dirty."
"We have tissues."
He raised a brow at me again, "Right."
What? Why is he amused again?
I felt a kick to my chair and out of reflex, I turned around to look at the couple. Armaan was hiding his face on Riddhima's shoulder while his own shook... from muffled laughter? On the other hand, Riddhima was looking at me a certain way as if wanting me to figure something out and not be dumb. It's the way she looks at me when I am being oblivious about something that is undoubtedly obvious to everyone else.
Okay, seriously. What am I missing? I just offered him the chane, and sure, I get that he might not want to get his fingers dirty as the seasoning could rub off on the tips but isn't that why we keep tissues?
I waited for her to speak up. When she didn't, I shrugged my shoulder and returned my attention to the front. It must not be important enough. For the next couple minutes, I quietly plop each chick pea in my mouth one after another.
Then, out of nowhere, his fingers wrap around my wrist when I am about to put another in my mouth. My head turns sideways in confusion for why he stopped me. His eyes flickered to the rear view mirror as if checking something before bringing my hand closer to his lips.
Uh... what is he doing? Kissing my hand? So random...
And then, I felt the silliest I must have ever felt in my entire life as he opened his mouth. My stomach did a complete 360 as it flipped when he took the chick pea from between my index finger and thumb. Heat rushed to my cheek as I lowered my eyes but could feel his on me still while he released his fingers around my wrist.
Now, I get it. That comment earlier was an excuse to get me to feed him.
God, I have a lot to learn about flirting and romance.
. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .
Between the four of us, we shared the driving till we stopped at a hotel we had booked as ofcourse, we were not going to keep driving through the night even when we had multiple people to split the driving with. It wasn't worth the risk of driving in dark or pushing our sleep and we were in no hurry either.
As such, I wake up groggily in the morning hearing the clattering. On not finding Arnav next to me, I followed the noise to the washroom. And yes, we shared a room while Riddhima and Armaan shared the other. It wasn't as if we were unaware of each other's relationships whereby we would split girls and boys. Though, I doubt it would have mattered much. We were all pretty tired and had went straight to sleep given we were going to have another day of driving in front of us.
I pulled my hair back using a band before getting my bag for a fresh set of clothes. It was 5:42 and we had decided to leaving by 6. Surely, we weren't going to make it on the dot but that was the plan. I didn't hear an alarm going off but Arnav must have put one for 5:30 and judging by the call I received from Riddhima just then, she must have as well.
Ofcourse, never count on us Gupta siblings to get anywhere on time or wake up according to an alarm. Our better halves would have to deal with that. I assured her that I was up and Arnav was already in the shower and she too informed that she had gotten ready and just had managed to push Armaan in the shower before calling me.
Just as I ended that call, Arnav exited the washroom. I had noticed this at home too a few times. He had a towel around his neck over a bare torso while he wore the jeans and used one end of the towel to dry his hair. I'm starting to note this pattern of his of never taking his shirts into the washroom. Normally, one would take a shirt and come out with towel around their waist and put on pants outside if the floor of the washroom was wet but he does the opposite. As if one of his quirks.
Averting my gaze before he could catch mine, I started walking towards the washroom reminding myself I needed to take a quick shower. Just before I would pass him, his palm slipped around my elbow to stop me. "Hey."
"Hmm?" I briefly turned in his direction.
His eyes were slightly red from the lack of proper sleep and his face looked tired as well as it looks like when he is still tired. Still, he smiled as he leaned in and I knew instantly where this was going. I remembered that morning in Rome. I didn't freeze this time as he pecked my cheek. "Good morning."
Exhaling quietly, I smiled back.
Yeah, I could get used to this.
"Good morning."
After walking inside the washroom, my morning routine went by thoughtlessly. It wasn't until after I had dried myself, wrapped in a towel, and stepped out of the shower that I realized I had left my clothes on the bed.
Great, Khushi. What was the point of taking them out of the bag?
See, this is what happened every time I got a glimpse of a half-naked Arnav. My mind decided to shut off and go in hibernation with all thought process flying out the window.
An idea entered the second I realized I had left my previous days clothes on the floor and the water from the shower stall had seeped out. They were now damp in some areas and I couldn't wear them, go out, get my clothes, come back in, and change.
"Arnav?" I called him carefully. He didn't answer. Thinking he might have stepped out of the room, I twisted the knob and peeked out.
When I didn't see him anywhere in sight, I decided to make a run for it. Just as I grabbed my clothes and turned around to dash back in the washroom, he walked back inside from the balcony, "Hey, so Armaan said..." he trailed off realizing I hadn't stepped out of the shower dressed and ready to leave.
I held a busted look on my face as I turned to face him holding my clothes in front of my chest though I hadn't been doing anything illegal.
He cleared his throat as if trying not to let his eyes wander, "You know... this distinctly reminds me of our very first meeting during college."
I chucked away the feeling of being embarrassed. "Yeah, I guess the lesson is never to rush me in the morning to get somewhere."
My brain never was fully functional in the first hour that I wake up.
He laughed at my small attempt at a joke while walking closer to me. Pausing in front of me with a scorching gaze in those deep brown eyes of his, he lifted his finger to trail a lock of hair by my ear. "Well... I have many ideas..."
I bit the inside of my cheek to hold back a blush at his insinuation and a shiver down my spine hearing of the same even as his fingers trailed down from my nape to my shoulder. His touch turned my insides while also making me slightly nervous and close my eyes.
"... but I imagine your brother won't be happy if we were late."
I opened my eyes and the first thing I noticed was his erratic breathing that he was trying to control by keeping a steady rise and fall of his chest. I dared to lift my gaze, "Yeah..." That was all that came out of me.
He passed a light comment, "Our romance is forever doomed, isn't it?" After a small silent laugh to himself, he reluctantly stepped back. "Go, change."
I nodded and turned to leave. Only, after a step, I paused and faced him again.
"Forget something else?"
"Yeah."
But, it wasn't a piece of clothing like he must have been thinking. Even if we were running late, it's not like we had a deadline to stick to. This was a holiday. Two more minutes wouldn't make a difference... especially when it came to taking a bold step and reciprocate.
Taking a step towards him, I reached up on my toes with a hand on his shoulder to keep my balance and quickly but softly pecked his lips. This time, he was the one to remain frozen as I leaned back. "BRB," I said with a step backwards, quite aware of my reddening cheeks.
I turned to leave, and I would have rushed out of there to hide inside the washroom if his fingers didn't wrap around my elbow to stop me in place.
He recovered from my mini-shock rather quickly.
My breath hitched in my throat even as my heart was thudding away like never before. Closing my eyes, I prayed that he wouldn't ask anything... ask me to explain my sudden action.
I waited in anticipation, unsure of what he would do. What was going through his mind? I hoped he wouldn't turn me to face him. What if... what if he went on to properly kiss me? I don't think I would be handle that. I was already starting to get those panic-like symptoms. The racing heart. The lightheadedness. Tingles all over my skin.
Why did I kiss him recklessly?
Oh, yes.
Just the thought that he was forever patient with me was what suddenly gave me to the impulse to kiss him and before I could have overthought it and talked myself out of it, I took that leap. After all, we both knew he was capable of telling everyone off to leave us be and have a moment but he was holding back on my account. Waiting for me to be comfortable before taking our relationship forward and it was on me to convey that sign to him. He was still taking it slow but when he had kissed me on the cheek or trailed his hand down my nape, it hadn't stirred anything negative or even put me off balance. I was nervous, yes, but not afraid.
Then, as if after a life-time, his fingers loosened their grip around my elbow. He didn't say anything. He didn't ask anything.
That's when I knew. I could never doubt his intentions and as such, even if my heart was pounding away like crazy, it was in a different sense.
It wasn't as it would be at the onset of a panic attack.
It was simply a rush of endorphins in a pleasurable manner.
One which I was starting to welcome when it came to Arnav. To say, I was going home, but with Arnav, it felt like I was already home.
Until now, I never quite knew how staying in the moment had its own pleasure.
. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .