Posted: July 2017 | Edited: January 6th, 2019
| . . . C H A P T E R . . . . 3 . 7 - H A P P Y - B E Y O N D - H A P P Y . . . |
When I visited Riddhima in the evening, she said. "I want you to read something I wrote."
"Okay?" I asked, confused. I knew she wrote lyrics now and again, but it was Armaan who read them for her, gave her feedback. He was the one who put music to her thoughts. I didn't understand why she wanted my opinion. I was creative when it came to designing clothes, not music production.
She went to her room and brought her diary in which she wrote her songs. Opening it to a page, she forwarded it in my direction. Sitting on the couch, I read the title. 'Jeete hai Chal'
Kehta yeh pal, khud se nikal
Jeete hain chal
Gham musafir tha jaane de. Dhoop aangan mein aane de
Jeete hain chal
Talvon ke neeche hai thandi si ek dharti. Kehti hai aaja daudenge
Yaadon ke bakson mein zinda si khushboo hai. Kehti hai sab pichhe chhodenge
Ungliyon se kal ki ret behne de. Aaj aur abhi mein khud ko rehne de
Kehta yeh pal, khud se nikal
Jeete hain chal
Ek tukda haseen chakh le. Ik dali zindagi rakh le
Jeete hain chal
Hichki ruk jaane de. Siski tham jaane de. Is pal ki ye guzaarish hai
Marna kyun, jee lena. Boondon ko pee lena. Tere hi sapno ki baarish hai
Paaniyon ko raste tu banaane de. Roshni ke pichhe khud ko jaane de
Kehta yeh pal, khud se nikal
Jeete hain chal
As I read it, I couldn't help but connect it to myself personally. Wasn't it what I have been trying to do lately? Live? Let go of the past? Allow myself to be happy... to glow with positivity and stop being the gloomy self I used to be in college... to be rid of the fear set in my mind.
"So?" She asked.
I tore my glance away from the strength in her words and to her. She was looking at me quite nervously, and I could understand why. She wrote romantic songs. Her thoughts related to life and uplifting words were mostly kept in her personal journal. Venturing it out into lyrics was a new for her.
"You, my girl, have an amazing way with words." I complimented with a grin and her nervousness morphed into a smile.
"Thanks... but did you get what I was trying to say?" She asked, taking the diary and skimming through the words herself.
"It's everything I feel but wasn't able to put into words." She smiled in return, looking relieved I understood her meaning. I nudged her, "So, shown this to Armaan yet?"
"Not the whole thing." She informed closing the diary, "He read the first bit when I was writing it last night but then he left me be so I could write in peace. I'll show it to him today when he gets back from his shift."
"He needs to read this. He'll be so proud." Armaan had always tried to convince her to write songs with deeper meanings, but she was insecure to give it a try.
"Oh, by the way, he asked me to ask you this." She informed after few seconds of silence and changing the topic, "With Diwali coming, we were going to try and get a few days off from the hospital. Visit home, you know? All of us."
My mood brightens up at the thought of going home and seeing our parents, "Yeah, that's a great idea. I talk to mom every few days, but it'd be nice to visit."
"Exactly," She agreed, missing her own parents.
"Well, seeing that Arnav is my boss, I'm sure it won't be hard to get a few days off." She laughed along at that. It was true. All I had to do was tell him I wanted a few days off, and he'd approve it without even asking why. "Speaking of him..." I tell her everything about the flowers and his confession.
She gushed, "Oh my god!! I knew that guy had a romantic bone hidden in him somewhere!"
I blushed, "I swear, when he said it... I thought I'd stopped breathing. I didn't expect it at all, you know?"
She grinned along in my happiness, squeezing my hand, "Khushi, it's so good to see you happy. You have no idea how long Armaan and I have waited for this."
I placed my head on her lap as I have done multiple times as kids. Exhaling, I expressed. "It does feel amazing. Why didn't you two tell me earlier this was the high being in love?" I teased, pointing to her and Armaan. I wish Armaan was here right now. It would have been perfectly like old times then, all three of us hanging about on a lazy Sunday afternoon and having all sorts of talks on unimportant topics.
"Aren't you glad you got to find out on your own?" She asked back running her fingers through my hair. "You know, we need to do something about your hair. Style it up different. For the longest, you've just let it grow out. I almost find it boring."
I sat up, making a split-second decision. "Let's go."
"Where?"
"You just said I should do something about my hair!"
Her eyes widened in shock, "Are you serious?"
"Hell yes. I'm done using them as a way to hide myself. Let's go."
Like her song, I was ready to live in the moment. The only reason I let my hair grow out was because symbolically, I was trying to hide my body. Just like I wore oversized tops. I didn't need to hide anymore. I had struggled the last three years; and it was time to shed the past and make all the things I had once dreamed of for myself to come true. I fell in love with Arnav, not in the most ideal way as I had imagined growing up, but I was going to make all my other aspirations come true on my terms.
Seeing her still sitting on the couch, as if deciding whether or not she was dreaming, I grabbed her hand to pull her up. "I'm being 100% serious, Ridzzi! Grab your wallet and put on your shoes!"
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After getting a haircut, we went shopping for gifts to take home for our parents as Diwali presents. Then, Riddhima took me back to Arnav's place. Hari Prakash opened the door and let us in, though I got the feeling that if Riddhima wasn't with me, he would have asked who I was. It had taken him a few seconds to realize it was me and that I had cut my hair short.
They weren't super short, but they didn't fall all the way down my back. They fell an inch above my breasts and they were layered unlike before. I greeted seeing Anjali and Arnav in the living room, "Hey di. Arnav."
"Hey..." They both quickly glanced up at my voice and went back to what they were doing. Within a second, both doubled-back.
Anjali questioned, "Khushi?"
"Jeez, do I really look that different?" I chuckled at their surprising expressions. "It's just a haircut."
"Uh, yeah. Kind of." Anjali admitted but answered positively, "It looks amazing though. Just not used to seeing you like this."
"I'll say." Arnav muttered, causing all of us to turn to him.
"Did you say something?" I asked, not catching what he had muttered.
"Agreeing with di. What caused this... transformation?"
I cheekily answered going to sit next to him, "Oh, many things. Riddhima. Her new song. You. The fact that I'm in love. Anjali di deciding to get back to designing. Annie visiting. You get the gist?" I had so many reasons to be happy.
He laughed in an answer, folding the cover of his tablet and putting it away. "Yeah, I get the gist."
I informed in a by-the-way tone, "Oh, and I'm going to need a few days off work. I'm going home for Diwali."
I loved that he was in sync with my quirks, agreeing right away instead of needing a few seconds to recover from jumping to topics back and forth. "Cool, I'll tag along."
"Really?" I asked, surprised he made that snap decision and not worry of work.
He informed, "Di and I were talking earlier. Since she's getting back to work, she can look after the office. We've anyway worked overtime on the calendar."
Anjali seconded, "Yeah, the two of you deserve a break. I'm sure Shimla would be wonderful this time of the year with the snow and everything."
I smiled at the many memories I had of the place. "Oh definitely. I wish you could come too. The Mountain View is breathtaking. The cool winds from the Himalayas..."
Riddhima added, "Don't forget how we'd all play in the snowfall."
I laughed, "Yeah, you always fell ill."
Her nose scrunched up at those memories, "Ugh, don't remind me. It's unreal that I am born there but still not be used to the cold."
"Yeah, but Armaan making us hot chocolate after it was totally worth it." I told the rest mostly to inform Anjali and Arnav, "He could never find the ingredients because her mom kept changing the places in the kitchen every few months. She's against stability, I guess. She had to keep moving things, said it kept the place lively."
Riddhima corrected, shaking her head, "No, I'm pretty sure that was because you two kept finding her secret stash of goodies and would steal them."
I laughed, guilty of the charge but not at all embarrassed about it, "Okay, yes. That is so true. She baked the best cookies. How could we resist?" Though, Padma Aunty would never admit it to us.
We went on to sharing more stories until it was close to dinner time and Riddhima had to leave for her evening shift. Anjali went to the kitchen to instruct HP on what to make for dinner, leaving Arnav and I in the living room. Since it was just us, I took the time to ask, "So, how was your day?"
"Nowhere as exciting as yours," he hinted at my makeover, "but it was pretty good. Watched a movie and then got a few work related things knocked out of the way. There's still a backlog of things to do but di said she'd handle it."
"That's good, but wait. Back up. You watched a movie?"
He made a face at me for taunting him, "I am a human being, Khushi. Not an alien. I do watch movies now and then. In fact, we've watched a movie or two together before, remember?"
I did remember, but I also enjoyed pulling his leg since it wasn't often that I'd get the opportunity to, "Just making sure you weren't kidnapped by an alien."
He rolled his eyes and turned his head in the other direction. Thinking he took offense, I moved closer and my knee touched his leg but I almost didn't realize. I shook his knee, "Oh come on, are you really going to take offense at that?"
He turned his face in my direction with a smirk. Before I could blink, his hand wrapped around my elbow and he pulled me. I went crashing in his chest and squealed at the sudden tug. "No, ofcourse not. Just wanted to get you close."
I huffed, catching my breath. His arm wrapped around me and pulled me to his side. I thought of scolding him, but the next words out of his mouth made me forget his little antic, "I missed seeing that smile of yours reach your eyes. You have no idea how good it felt seeing you so carefree today."
I relaxed next to him, placing my head at the crook of his shoulder, "It's about time, right?" On a serious note, I added tilting my head to look up at him, "Are you sure you want to come home with me? I know you've said earlier you don't like to visit Shimla because of what happened to di there and I'd understand if you didn't want to."
His chest rises and falls before he answers, "I'm sure. You'll be there with me... that's all I need to not think of the bad times."
I smiled at his answer, realizing that it wasn't just me that used his support and love to bloom out of my cocoon. I held the same importance in his life. I stared ahead in silence. I had almost forgotten how I could sit with him for hours at a time during college days in silence and not feel the compulsion to make conversation. Even our silence spoke volumes to us.
He was playing with the ends of my hair that touched my shoulders. Now and again, the touch of his fingers tickled me, but it didn't stir any anxiety in me. If anything, it made me want more intimacy with him. Like I told Riddhima earlier in the day... being in love? That was a new high of euphoria. It made me happy, and I craved more of that feeling.
"You know what I'm thinking right now?" I had started thinking of other things that made me happy, that were my favorite.
"What?"
"Gol gappe."
"Gol gappe?' He questioned, and it was hard for me to tell from his voice if he was confused or amused. I lifted my head and leaned back to confirm which. The corners of his lips were turned up. Amused.
Without being embarrassed, I owned up to my cravings, "Yes, gol gappe. It's been months since I had them, and I really want some right now."
He nodded back, wrapping his head around that, "I see."
I pointed out, "You do know I didn't tell you that just so you could say 'I see'?" sitting up and inching away from his arm. After all, what kind of a boring answer I see is?
He chuckled, "I know, Khushi, but I also know that di would give us hell if we left without having dinner. So..."
I received his message. First, dinner. Then, gol gappe. I decided I was going to eat the bare minimum on dinner and save tons of space for the later. Grinning, I flung my arms around his neck, excited for later. "Oh, thank you thank you thank you!"
It was quite an awkward position hugging him while sitting next to him on the couch, but I didn't care. I felt his chest vibrate as he laughed and placed his hand loosely on my back.
I further added, "You're the best."
He struggled to speak against my death choke I like to call my 'happy-beyond-happy-hug'. "And you're ki-killing me."
I hadn't hugged anyone like this for a long time. It was mostly only Armaan at the receiving end, and he had gotten quite used to it to not be affected by it. I realized Arnav was completely new at it. I released my grasp around his neck instantly and pulled back. He coughed before inhaling deeply. "Sorry..."
"It's fine." He rubbed his hand over the back of his neck, "Just... you know, a warning next time would be nice."
"Mhmm." I answered bobbing my head up and down.
He verbalized the observation, "Today must have been a really good day for you, huh?"
"Very."
He tapped my knee once before getting up, "Okay, um... I'm going to do some work out before dinner."
"'Kay." For the briefest second, his warm touch on my knee lingered. With a release of breath was the realization of how much I needed that feeling only he brought about.
I picked up the shopping bags to take to my room while he left for his room. On the bed, I saw Annie taking her afternoon nap. So, quietly, I set my bags in the cabinet, deciding to sort them later, and plugged my phone in charging and showered since there would have been tiny hairs straying. I always took a shower right after haircuts, but today was an exception as we went shopping and then spent the evening away reliving old memories.
After a shower and towel drying my hair, I was about to return downstairs when I hear splashes coming from the pool. I opened the door to the poolside and caught a sight of Arnav taking laps. Since the pool was attached to his room, I had taken the liberty to earlier assume that he liked to swim, but I had never quite caught him swimming. After a while, I had started to think that he had an indoor pool just for the sake of it. Now, I guess not.
So... this is his work out.
I stepped out and my feet pick up on a mind of their own. As if catching my shadow, reaching the end of the pool, he came up. Before he opened his eyes, he pulled his hair back and rubbed the water off his eyes.
"What? Is dinner ready?"
"I don't know." His brows narrowed before he caught on. I sat by the edge and dipped my toe in. "Holy shit, the water is cold." I cursed and instantly pulled my feet back out.
He lightly chuckled and instead of wading over, stood up and started to walk closer. "Give it time."
It was as if he was also telling me in general terms to give everything time and that I would eventually come to embrace it. Taking his suggestion, I submerged my feet back in the water. By the time he reached me, my feet started to get accustomed to the temperature.
I lifted my head to look at him and met his bare chest. Ofcourse, he would be swimming without a shirt. Still, for a second, I froze. My eyes locked with his and for some reason, I started feeling nervous. "So, um..." I cleared my throat but my mind was blank. I couldn't think of a quick topic.
He caught on to the effect seeing him bare-chest had on me. I gulped further when his hands came to rest on the tiles at my either sides, putting me in between his arms. As my gaze traveled to his arms at my sides, my peripheral caught his torso again, specifically the swim trunks around his hips, his six packs and the lines of the V disappearing.
"So..."
His voice caused me to blink and snap my eyes up to his face. I mentally scolded myself to get it together, but that thought was dumped down the water the second I realized that his face was right in front of me and he had definitely caught me admiring the view.
"Can you swim?"
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