Media: What About Us - Pink
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Jared's POV
There was a sort of a chill in the air.
I can't explain it.
The weather this season isn't cold. Don't get me wrong. I am layered up in my suit, and if anything, I should be feeling slightly warm right about now.
But just watching Coe walking in absolute silence, step after step, pretending I didn't exist in this world, was making the hairs on my skin stand and my spine to crawl.
What was it about this harmless mouse of a man that could reduce me to this state?
I was a hardened underboss for crying out loud.
When had I grown to fear Coe ? How could I? When has he ever given me a reason to?
He wasn't throwing a tantrum, he wasn't threatening me, he wasn't pointing a gun in my face or holding a blade to my skin, but what was it about his entire demeanour was making me swallow my saliva to ease that uncomfortable dryness in my mouth?
Why was it so hard for me to reach out to touch him and hold him to me? Why was I worried that if I did try to hold him, I would be painfully rejected and this time, he would not be in the mood to give in and allow me to do as I please? Why was it that I wanted so badly to turn back and deal with Fion and let Heath placate Coe until it was safe for me to grovel?
What exactly was I afraid of? Fuck, why am I even thinking of grovelling?
Truth be told, the anger that I had felt when I saw the mark on Coe's face created oh-so-kindly by the bitch Fion was completely overwhelmed by my fear of never fixing this with Coe . That bitch. They were always more trouble than they were worth. After I grovel and get Coe's forgiveness, i will make sure she eats every single word or thought she ever had against Coe. I'll make her wish she never even dared to breathe the air that Coe breathed.
I wanted to laugh.
The great Jared Jackson, one of the most feared gang member in the Family was actually cowering to someone who has absolutely no power over him. I repeat, no power.
Everything has gone to shit, and I don't even know how to fix it. I would honestly pick a gun fight or a police raid right now over Coe's cold and hostile back view.
I paused slightly and turned my head towards Heath as he jogged to catch up with us, assuming he had done what I instructed of him. I didn't dare to slow my steps as I strode after Coe, who was taking each step so painfully slowly that it was making me very anxious.
As I eyed Heath's approaching figure, I rolled my eyes incredulously at the man when he slowed to a stop right behind me, his eyes obviously worried about Coe, but I could tell that he wasn't about to break the silence in the otherwise quiet and echoing carpark by trying to talk to Coe. This man had no balls when it came to Coe either.
Coe came to a halt right in front of our car, and I gulped, not sure if I wanted to be trapped in a confined space with this silent, ticking bomb.
I am legit stressed. It's not even fucking funny.
My breath caught in my throat when I saw him take two more steps towards the passenger's side of the car and reached for the handle. I had half the mind to ask him what he was doing. To ask him why he wasn't going to sit in the back seat with me, like always. Problem was, my voice didn't seem to work and all I did was stare helplessly at him tugging open the unlocked door and sliding into the car without even a backward glance at me. Fuck, my balls didn't descend right when I was a kid.
Heath offered me a weak smile before entered the car from the driver's side, and I flinched at the loud bang as Coe slammed the door after he had climbed in properly.
I sighed loudly, running my hand over my face.
God, I knew this relationship thing with Coe would do me in one day. I knew it. I knew it and I didn't stand my ground against his ridiculously adorable and persuasive face. And lips. And body. Damn it. Now how do I fix this goddamn problem without sounding and acting like a pussy?
I resigned to my fate, climbing into the backseat like always, and shooting Heath a look through the rearview mirror. He nodded slightly before he glanced at Coe, frowning deeply before he leaned over and reached across Coe.
I held my breath as I watched him tug on the seatbelt and fastening it quickly for Coe, who didn't protest, nor look at Heath with that addicting appreciative smile that I know he would always give whenever we did anything for him.
This is how I know I'm fucked, and from the look that Heath was giving me through the mirror, he knows it too.
The whole time that Heath drove us back, the car was so silent that I didn't even dare to fidget in my seat, in fear that the sound of the leather shifting would trigger Coe's mood, leaving me stiff and aching in my seat, wishing Heath would drive faster, or start a conversation to ease the uncomfortable silence.
But there was no conversation to speak of. We arrived back at our building, Heath parked and we rode the elevator in silence. Coe was swift to exit the elevator and enter Heath's apartment without speaking a word. He ripped off his shoes as he disappeared into the bedroom so quickly that I was still left at the door.
He didn't even close, let alone slam the door behind him despite his mood. But there was still a barrier that was stopping me from going after him. I think said barrier was my cowardice.
"Aren't you going to do something?" Heath asked quietly. He too didn't want to poke the angry cute hamster.
I shook my head and shrugged, "What do you think I could do to fix this? I can't! Fucking Fion." I kicked my shoes off my feet, "Where do I even start? He's never been angry like that at me before."
"Do you want to watch the footage now?" Heath offered weakly.
"You have it with you?" He nodded, and I was reminded exactly how efficient my right hand could be, "Show me." I instructed with a tired sigh.
Might as well take this time to figure out what exactly that bitch said and did to Coe while he takes some time to calm down, hopefully. Damage control will have to come after I get my facts right. Knowing Coe, he wouldn't want to talk about what happened.
Heath set up his laptop on the dining table and inserted the thumbdrive he had in his chest pocket into the laptop, and I stared hopelessly at the bedroom door.
A part of me hoped that Coe doesn't misunderstand my distance from him now as a sign that I didn't care about him. I did, which is why it was so impossibly difficult to approach him easily this time.
I knew of the insecurities that Coe has always harboured when it came to our relationship. I know he thinks everything is a game to me, and with three people involved in our relationship, I know that Coe must feel like this is just a phase for me, that i would change my mind about what we had when I wanted to move on. I know it every time we are intimate and if I have to leave immediately after for any reason. I know he thinks I treat him like a convenient lay. But honestly, I don't know how else to show him that he is not. I've never been good at expressing myself, and I don't think I ever will be.
I need to find a way to let Coe know that this was not a game, I'm not bored, I won't ever be and I'm not looking for anyone else apart from the two people in this apartment.
I glanced at Heath as he worked. Sure, I may have experimented with Heath and prefer not to have sex with Heath in that manner again, but that doesn't mean I was going to get rid of Heath. The fate between us doesn't end just because we preferred not to have sex. Our relationship still works whether or not Heath and I are directly intimate. We've talked about this over one stressful and drunk night we had while working.
We agreed that sex between us was only tolerable, but we weren't as into each other's bodies as much as we were with Coe's. Fine by me. We still kissed and touched one another, but we didn't need to go any further, we understood that with each other. Still, it wasn't just a game or a test to me. Heath is here to stay as much as Coe is. Heath understood this so bloody easily, and here I am, trying to figure out a freaking intervention plan to try to make Coe start to even comprehend this.
"Boss." Heath interrupted my thoughts as he turned the laptop towards me.
I slammed my fingers on the spacebar, forcing the screen to come alive and show me the details of what shit Fion had done to lead up to my current crappy situation.
The camera angle was at the end of the corridor outside of the washrooms, catching the narrow passageway in one shot. I saw as Coestepped out of the washroom, his head bowed slightly, looking suspicious, before he stopped walking altogether.
I paused the video, frowning at Heath, "Audio?"
"Do you want to plug an earphone in? I don't want Coe to hear anything she has to say again." Heath asked with a wince.
I nodded immediately. Good idea. No more triggers for Coe. Once is more than ever enough.
Heath hurried to reach for his earphones, plugging it into the laptop and handing me the earphones before he dragged the slider on the video to start again.
It was a whirlwind of emotions that I felt as I watched and heard the video being played.
My blood boiled from the very first sentence she dared to shout after Coe.
"Fuck!" I swore, clenching my fists tightly as I continued to watch on.
Coe is a fucking angel for not smacking the shit out of her for what she has said and done against him. It is not fucking normal how well he could control his anger. I for one will love nothing more than to slap the shit out of her and see how she likes it.
Fucking bitch. I will make an example out of her. Fuck, she dare lay hands on my lover? We'll see what hands she has to talk about when I'm done with her. I am going to crush every last bit of bone she has in those wretched hands of hers.
How dare she ever gather the audacity to insult my lover.
I was getting so worked up that a headache was starting to pound at my brain. Heath's hand curled around my wrist in an attempt to calm me down but it wasn't working. I wanted blood, Fion's blood specifically, and I want everyone else who ever harboured a bad thought against Coe to watch and learn the consequences of even looking at him wrong. I will end her. I will make her wish she never said or did anything to Coe. She will die knowing what Coe was worth to me. She will learn her place as the dirt on the ground that Coe walks. She will die knowing that Coe is permanent, and I will never ever 'drop his ass'. He was mine to hold, to have and to keep. He's going nowhere. Fucking slut.
I ripped the earphones from my ears and pushed myself away from the table violently once I saw that I had entered the scene in the video.
"Fuck this bitch." I wanted to punch something, "Get Lewis to transfer her to the interrogation room. I will deal with her first thing in the morning."
Heath nodded quickly and stood to grab his phone.
"Remind him that she has crossed the line and hurt Coe. She will pay for what she did." I spat, "If she dares to bargain for leniency, he can start her punishment before I arrive. I'm sure he would be more than glad to." I know this for a fact because Lewis has developed an unhealthy tendency to pamper Coe when he thinks I don't know it. Coe has grown on Lewis and it's almost heartwarming to see my men treat Coe like the precious gem I know he is.
I stared at the bedroom door. I have to talk to him. I have to. But my feet were so fucking reluctant to confront the situation with Coe. I'm afraid. I'm afraid that this time, no matter how clingy I become, how pathetic I become, or how much bribing I try, I won't get through to Coe.
"Talk to him." Heath suggested, and I shot him a death glare. Easy for him to say.
"Go and talk to him. Tell him what you feel right now, about him." Heath pushed again, "Stop giving him the chance to second guess your feelings for him. Stop giving him the chance to be convinced by outsiders that he's not your priority, that you will leave him. Anchor his heart to yours for once, Jared. I'm telling this to you as your friend and your lover." Heath ran his hand through his hair, "You keep avoiding your feelings for him because of your pride, and you will lose him one day. If not today, then some other day. How long do you think Coe can function without knowing for sure that you feel anything for him at all?"
The realisation of it all dawned upon me and I felt my spine tense.
"I'm not going to lose him."
"He thinks he's going to lose you." Heath countered, "You now how insecure he gets. He thinks that in this relationship, only he cares enough to be afraid to lose you. That you have nothing to lose."
"He's wrong."
"Tell him that." Heath leaned closer to me and kissed me on the lips and I felt my anger melt away some, "Tell him how stubborn your goddamn heart is, and how you're never going to change your mind about him. Tell him what you think of this relationship we have. Tell him how you truly feel towards him. Throw your pride away, Jared. It won't kill you to say the 'L' word if you truly mean it."
Fuck. This escalated quickly.
I breathed out loudly, knowing that there was truth in Heath's words. I should heed them. He is my right hand man, specially chosen for a reason.
"Fuck it all." I threw my hands up in the air in mock surrender.
I shot him an awkward, reluctant smile before I trudged towards the bedroom.
"And Jared?" Heath called softly after me, "Remember to grovel."
I sneered at my lover, wishing I could bite that stupid smirk off his face as I walked towards the bedroom. Ever since being intimate with one another, Heath has forgotten his filters and his fears towards me.
I lingered at the doorway, peering into the room hesitantly.
Coe was sitting on the bed, his back against the wall as he read a book. He looked the picture of calm and collected, but I know how he must feel on the inside, what he must be thinking.
My eyes traced the mark on his face and I grit my teeth. Fucking Fion.
I knocked on the door for the first time since I've been living in this house. Fuck, where have my balls gone?
I approached him carefully when he ignored my knocking, not wanting to agitate him.
I tested his reaction as I inched towards the bed, finally settling down on the space right beside him. His eyes never left his book, but I knew he wasn't actually reading.
I reached out tentatively to cup the side of his cheek that Fion had slapped, and he turned his head away from me. My chest clenched painfully and I licked my lips.
"Does it still hurt badly?" I asked under my breath. The mark on his face still hasn't subsided, and there were small scratches on his face, presumably from Fion's crazy manicured nails. When I deal with her, I will rip off those godforsaken things first.
He ignored me, his fingers seemingly gripping the book in his hands tighter.
I swallowed my pride.
"Coe." I kissed the side of his head, "Coe." I kissed his ear, "Coe." I kissed his cheek, "Coe." I kissed the side of his lip, not wanting to overstep the boundary right now. He simply shifted his body further from me, but I could see his ears starting to turn red.
"My Coe, my love."
Fuck. That came out without permission from the rational side of my brain. Fuck Heath for ever putting the idea of using that word in my head.
I saw Coe still and his lips part.
Fuck my pride. If I had to be a sap to get his attention, so be it.
I reached out to hold his arm, "You should have never had to go through that. She will be handled for what she did." I whispered close to his ear, pulling him close to me, "Coe. Please talk to me."
He squeezed his eyes shut.
"Coe. Please."
He was silent.
I tried again, "I know. I know how mad you are. I promise this will never happen again."
"How many?"
I frowned, not understanding his question.
"How many more of these sort of attacks do I have to endure? How many women have you been with? How many have you broken up with because you were bored and moved on to someone else? How many had feelings for you that you couldn't return, so you push them out of your life? How long more before you'll have me replaced?" He asked bitterly, his voice cracking at the end.
My heart seemed to stop beating for a couple of seconds, enough for me to freak out.
"No more. There will be no more after you. There is no after you. You are it, Coe." I promised desperately, reaching out to touch his cheek, "I know you're mad. You have every right to be. But don't you dare compare yourself to those women. You are not them, you are never going to be like them. You are precious and special to me, Coe. You will never be replaced."
"For now." He turned to look away, only to catch Heath's gaze as my right hand lingered at the doorway, "I guess the only upside is that I will still have Heath."
"That will never happen. I can swear on it. I promise you, Coe."
He let out a tired breath, "You know how I feel about promises you can't keep." He shook his head, "I'd rather you didn't promise me a thing."
"What can I do to make you believe me, Coe?" I asked, my eyes lingering on his cheek, the guilt eating up my insides like it was a starve refugee at a buffet.
Coe stared blankly at me, before I saw tears starting to gather at his eyes, "Can I?" I whispered under his breath, "Can I believe you?"
"You can. Believe me. You're permanent, Coe. I will never forsake you."
"I don't know that. You don't know that." He narrowed his eyes at me, "Anything can happen." He clenched his fists and a tear fell from his eyes, "I don't want to be hurt, Jared. I am tired of always crying and always being weak and afraid of losing you. I don't want to believe you, to give you every single bit of my heart and my trust, only to be let down at the end of the day just because you got bored of me."
"I won't ever do that to you." I assured firmly.
He shook his head, "You don't know that."
My heart broke for him. I did this to him. All these years of stringing him along and never giving him the love and the attention that he craved, this was my doing. His lack of trust in a relationship with me was because of my history. I know this. This is my problem to fix. I did this.
The fear that was relentless in my heart this whole time, I understand it now. It's probably what Coe has been feeling all these while with me. The fear of saying or doing something that would drive him away from me. The fear that his love for me will be met with a barrier because of something that I did wrong. The fear of him rejecting me. The fear of him leaving me.
I took his hand in mine, staring at him with so much emotion that I wished he could feel how I felt about him, "I know it. I know it well. I'm not going to ever change my mind about how I feel about you, Coe." I tried again.
He scoffed, "And how do you feel about me?" He challenged.
"I love you."
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Dun dun duuuunnnnn.
This chapter came out fast because it's a holiday tomorrow and I took the day off~ You're welcome.