Playing the mysterious girl with a mysterious past has been fun—something I haven't experienced in a while—but it is time to let my schoolgirl crush go. Daniel has his own life, own problems, own crushes and I have to get over the fact that I will never be a part of it. I couldn't be even if I wanted.
Daniel is the type of guy girls dream of being with, he seems to be perfect. He is incredibly handsome, deliciously tough, mysterious, held back, and overall a teenage girls fantasy. That is what I am, a teenage girl fantasizing. There is a good and bad side to this as well, the bad being that I am wasting my time, and the good being that I am beginning to feel again. It may be just a schoolgirl crush, but it shows me that I can feel this certain way towards guys.
It was weird at first, to like someone. I did not like it one bit, but now I am grateful, grateful to not just act like a girl my age but to truly be one. Maybe Daniel is simply a stepping stone on my journey back to normality. Who knows what is next.
Jana and I make a quick run to the grocery store to pick up a few things. The fridge is running low and Jordan is growing cranky, so we agree to grab some essentials and some sweets before our midnight hike later. I am excited for it as there is supposedly a giant boulder at the end of the trail where people climb up and stare out at the view. Daniel says that you can see the creek perfectly from it.
At the store, I grab a basket and together Jana and I wander about. I drove Jordans Grandmothers SUV, which was very different than my small car at home. Thankfully we made it in one piece.
"I want this," Jana places a bag of kettle corn into the basket, "and these. Should we get stuff for s'mores? There's a fire pit in the backyard."
"I guess. Is there anything we should bring on the hike? Like granola bars or something?"
Jana nods. "Yeah, we'll probably want a snack when we get to the top."
Just as I stray out of the aisle to head towards the more healthy snacks, Jana snatches me back, almost making me trip. "What the he—"
"Don't look back," she whispers rapidly and drags me the opposite way.
"What are you talking about?"
I try to not stumble over my feet when she slips past a corner, her fingers gripping onto me like a scared child's. "Red alert. Our nightmares are coming to life," she breathes out, not stopping until I yank away from her, demanding an explanation. "Trust me, we have to go n—"
"What are you two doing here?"
I have never looked back so quickly. Behind me is someone I had hoped to dodge.
Jana steps forward. "We're here for fall break."
Daphne scans over her, not very amused. Her eyes find me again. "And where would you two be staying?"
"With a few friends," Jana says.
There is a box of tampons in her hand, and she looks quite miserable. Lounge clothes and a sloppy bun, Daphne's eyes watching me—and even through this she manages to intimidate me. Though, her appearance seems to humanize her.
"Let me guess, Taylor and Jordan. How fun it must be to play third and fourth wheel," Daphne says, "unlike you two, I have people to impress, excuse me."
She pushes past us and walks away, off into the store to get who knows what. Surprised, I glance at Jana and she too looks rather confused. "That's all?" Jana asks. "I thought she would be more of a. . . Well, a bitch."
"She wasn't exactly nice to us."
"She wasn't terrible either. I can live with third and fourth wheel, not having anyone to impress," she mimics her. "Let's just go before she changes her mind and rips our throats out."
I stop and scrunch my face. "Graphic, but we're in agreement. Let's just grab the granola bars."
Once we arrive back at the cabin, Taylor is waiting for us. "What took so long? I'm starving and I can't handle hearing Jordan complain one more time." She peeks into the bags then peers up.
"We ran into Daphne," Jana says.
"Why would she be up here?"
"Her family has a cabin. They come every year," I tell her, "we didn't think we'd actually run into her, though."
"She cause you guys trouble?"
Jana sits down at the kitchen counter. "Surprisingly, no."
As the sun begins to set, I find myself alone in my room, slipping on more comfortable clothes for the hike. Once I am all set, I sit down on the bed and fall back, wondering what everyone is doing at this exact moment. What would Harrison be doing? Throwing another party? Would there be some girl standing in the kitchen, nervous and alone, wanting to leave? He would find her, comfort her, convince her. . . I hate him. I always will.
For a long time, I would sob from frustration. My heart would squeeze, feeling hopeless, feeling as if the world wants to see me fall. The universe hates me, I would think to myself, the universe wants me gone.
If only Harrison wasn't who he is. If he was someone no one cared about, someone irrelevant, then maybe I would get justice, but he's not. I can scream and cry about how unfair it is, but that world is exactly that. Every day someone gets the short end of the stick in life, and that day it was me. There will always be someone who has it worse, there will always be a shorter end.
The sun begins to set and the warm colors are cast on the walls from the large windows across from me. I wish I could lay here forever. No more Daniel, no more Daphne, no more Harrison, or school, or parties, or mothers. Here, I am just a girl laying on a bed, but back at home I am the towns most hated. I never want to leave.
Tomorrow will be our last day, and thinking about it makes me anxious. Hauls creek seems to smooth me, even if I did run into Daphne. This cabin, the lake, the forest—it is a vacation well needed.
The bedroom door opens, letting Jana through. She looks down at me and sighs before laying down herself. "We're leaving soon," she mumbles, trying to get a few minutes of rest. Her eyes close.
"Shouldn't we be up then?" I ask.
"I'm too comfortable now. Just wait a second."
Sitting up, I peer out the window as if I must check something. The forest, yes, it's still there. "I'll go fill water bottles," I say while getting up. Walking into the kitchen, I find Daniel leaning against the counter, facing away from me.
The sunsets warmth has found its way into here as well, causing the white countertops to glow. Daniel does not seem to notice my presence until I grab one of the plastic bottles off the counter, heading to the filter on the fridge. It is Jana's bottle, the purple one with white polka dots, most scratched off. She scratches them with her nail.
"Ready for the hike?" I ask casually, something a normal person would do.
Surprisingly, Daniel does not answer. Instead, he leaves the room, looking to be somewhat bothered.
I watch until he disappears up the staircase.