Emory Allen POV
I left the music off as we both sat in my car on the freeway. My hands gripped the steering wheel tightly, debating on whether or not I should bring the half sleep girl to my house. I turned to my right slightly, watching as she tried her hardest to stay awake. Her brown waves pushing against the glass of the window every few seconds as her eyelids flickered open. I couldn't help but smile slightly, we were pretty much alone on this freeway, silence encompassing us while the street lights shined brightly into the windshield.
"Why are you watching me?" There was a grogginess in her tone that I found extremely alluring. I shouldn't be finding it alluring, I should be maintaining my professional position.
"It's funny watching you try and stay awake," my eyes glanced over at her before returning to the road. I took an exit that led to my apartment.
"Where are you taking me?" She sat up in the leather seat and watched as we came to a stop light.
I hesitated, not even sure with myself if I really wanted to bring my seventeen year old student into my apartment. "I, Uh, figured I'd just let you crash at my apartment, considering all that's happened tonight."
Her eyebrows furrowed together, "Uh, are you sure that's a good idea?"
The fact that she sounded concerned was a little flattering. She knew I could possible get into trouble by letting her stay at my place, but honestly, I could get into trouble for just about everything I did tonight. That didn't stop me from doing it.
"Yeah, its fine," I smiled when the light turned green letting me move forward until I was turning into my parking garage. She examined everything around her, from the seats in my car to the darkness of the large parking garage. As I pulled into my space, the engine cut and I motioned for her to follow me.
I led her into the elevator, pressing the button to the third floor and waiting impatiently. I had absolutely no idea what I was doing, why I was allowing her to stay with me when I should've been the adult and brought her back to Woodlands. I knew this whole thing was wrong, it was wrong for her to be here standing next to me in that red dress half asleep. But the doors to the elevator parted and I was already in way too deep.
We walked down the hall until I came to my door and unlocked it. Before I opened it completely, I turned to look at the post high, slightly confused girl, "My apartment isn't the neatest, just a heads up."
She laughed and made my skin shiver, "That's honestly kind of surprising, you always seem so organized."
I moved to the side allowing her to walk in. Shutting the door behind me and flipping on the kitchen light. There were clothes and shoes strewn all around, glasses from coffee sat scattered around the table and counter, the tv was on mute showing some reality show. She smirked at the scene before her as I went into the living room and cut off the tv. I stood with the remote in my hand, "So, uh, you can sleep in my room tonight and I'll bring you back to Woodlands tomorrow morning."
I started to go into my bedroom to make sure the bed was clear and to grab a blanket for myself when she spoke, "Why are you being nice to me?"
My feet came to a stop. The question was valid, especially considering all the trouble she had caused tonight. I should've been pissed off, threatening to report her to Mr Gains or worse. Yet I wasn't. Instead I was doing the complete opposite. I would've asked myself the same question, but I didn't have to because deep down I already knew why I was doing this.
I turned slowly to face her again, she was just standing in the middle of my living room. Dressed in that short red dress with her hair a completely beautiful mess. My feet came a little closer so that I was standing beside the couch that she was in front of. "You don't know me very well, and that's my fault." I looked down at my hands, "All those times you asked me to be real with you, I've wanted to tell you the truth about me... about why I am the way I am."
She crossed her arms, "What the fuck are you talking about."
I tugged on my bun a little before coming to sit on the black couch. I knew from the start that this wouldn't be easy, ever since she stepped foot into my office and showed such heavy signs of depression and self hate. I knew she'd be my biggest challenge yet, not just because of how damaged she was, but because of how emotionally invested I was.
I motioned for her to sit next to me and she did. Her hazel eyes were heavy from lack of sleep and from everything that she'd been through. They stared at me with pure curiosity, "A few years ago I had a friend. He was... my best friend, actually." I could feel my throat beginning to close up, so I took a breath and paused. Pulling my legs up underneath me so I was sitting more comfortably, "His name was Benjamin."
She widened her eyes, "Wait, so you lied about Benjamin being a cat?"
I giggled and went to open my bedroom door, the cheetah printed cat emerged from the room and immediately started meowing and rubbing against my legs. I picked him up and sat back down on the couch. "Tanner meet Benjamin, Benji meet Tanner."
The girl smiled and began rubbing the cat. I looked at her as he licked her fingers and she laughed, "So you didn't lie." I shook my head, "Well then why'd you name him after your friend?"
Benjamin jumped off the couch and travelled towards the kitchen. I leaned back and averted my blue eyes from hers. The living room was semi dark, being lit by just the kitchen lights. "My friend Benjamin had a lot of personal problems. Ever since we met in college he was very reserved and quiet. I was kind of the opposite though, and I always hated seeing people be lonely. We had psychology together and one day I just invited him to hang out with me. It took awhile, but eventually he opened up and we became extremely close. A few months into the friendship he finally admitted to me that he was gay, and that he had never told anyone."
Tanner listened in amazement, probably confused as to what this story had to do with why I was so invested in helping my students. "I'm a little lost, but keep going."
So I continued, "After I found out that he was gay and afraid to tell his family or anyone besides me, I started trying to motivate him. I wanted him to feel like he had the power to be honest and not be afraid. But he was very afraid, more afraid than I actually knew." The thought made me want to stop talking about all of this, I had never told this entire story to anyone. Not even Kristen. All they knew was the ending, never the beginning or the middle. My fears were catching up to my thoughts, telling me to just stop explaining myself, telling me that I didn't have to go through this. Despite the tears that I felt welling up in the pockets of my eyes, I wanted Tanner to know this. For some reason, I felt like telling her the darkest part of me would fix the bad between us and help her to realize that she's not alone. She had this conviction in her head that everyone else around her had their shit together, and that she was the only true fuck up. I could tell from the way she looked at me in my office that she thought I was some overly successful woman with absolutely no problems.
"Emory," the way my name sounded on her perfect red lips made me jump back to reality, I turned to see her hazel eyes filled with concern on top of the confusion. "You don't have to tell me this, if you -"
I cut her off, "No, I, want to."
She looked uncertain but allowed me to go on, "I didn't realize the real reason he had decided to tell me that he was gay. I thought it was just because he trusted me, and he thought I'd be able to help him come out. I was wrong though. The real reason he told me was not just because he trusted me, it was because he needed help. His goal wasn't to find a fearless way to come out, it was to find someone to talk to. But me being stupid and oblivious, I just, looked right over what was in front of me. What was worst is that, the more I pressed him to come out, the more he wanted to be gone. I wasn't helping him at all." Now I couldn't stop the tears. Remembering how much I could've done to prevent what had happened was literally pulling them from my eyes. It was hard to see the girl beside me from my clouded vision, so I settled on looking at the lines in my palm. "Every single time I let myself go back to those days, the days that I spent overlooking what my best friend really needed... I would start to drown in my own regret. It was me who he told, me who he entrusted with the truth. He figured if anyone would be able to help him, it would be me. But I didn't, and he lost faith. Benjamin committed suicide about a year after he told me he was gay. He left me a letter that I don't look at, because I can't."
I almost jumped from the chair when I felt someone's finger on my cheek. I lifted my head and turned to look at the girl who was wiping at the tears. I had never seen her look so... soft. I swallowed as she scooted closer on the couch, the heat from both of our bodies leveraging the already prominent heat. This wasn't right - how close we were right now. How badly I wanted to hold her and let her know that she wasn't alone and that I'd never leave her. Maybe it was odd for others, seeing as I had only known her for a number of weeks. But to me it wasn't. I refused to let any of my students lose faith, but I especially refused to let Tanner.
Then she spoke, after a few moments of silence, "What.. did the letter say?"
My vision was beginning to clear but my heart rate had heightened since her finger was still resting against my cheek. I touched her wrist and pulled her hand softly from my face, still holding it as it rested on my leg. The gesture didn't seem to affect her, it almost felt normal. "In the letter, he just told me how good I was to him. He made it seem like without me in his life, he wouldn't have made it as long as he did. I could read through the lines though. I saw with every reference to love from outsiders, he meant that he felt hate from them. He felt alone, and scared. He felt that because of who he was, people would consider him an abomination, a monster."
"It wasn't your fault." She said the words in a low tone, almost inaudible.
I smiled lightly while our eyes maintained contact, I couldn't help but notice that she stole a glance at my lips. I should've let go of her hand, told her to move away from me... but I didn't, instead I leaned closer and I grasped the back of her neck until my lips were close enough to taste hers. They were dangerously soft and she tasted like beer, I wasn't much of a drinker but this was a taste I could easily grow addicted to. She didn't hesitate to kiss back, her tongue grazed my bottom lip, asking for entrance. I obliged and opened slightly as the warmth entered my mouth, finding its way around. I hated how much I loved this feeling. The fact that she was an amazing kisser and made me desperate for more without trying. The fact that I had no idea how she felt about kissing me, or if she hated it. She scooted closer, placing her hand on my waist and gripping lightly. My hand went up into her hair and I tugged gently, causing her to moan which caused me to moan. Then an image formed in my head; it was her, pressed up against that girl behind the stage. I thought about how that other girl had tugged on her hair the exact same way I had, and how for them, it was legal. My lips released hers and I jumped up from the couch. I swallowed the mound in my throat while rubbing the back of my neck, "I, we uh, we should get some sleep," she looked sexy and distraught, making me want to pull her up from the couch and take her back into my room, I couldn't though... for so many reasons. "My bedroom is that way, there are covers and pillows in there..."
She took the hint and got up from the couch. Her hazel eyes scanned me for a second, probably trying to understand all that had just happened. Just yesterday she was claiming to hate me, now we were standing in my living room post make out. She walked away into the room, shutting the door behind her. I released a breath and flopped back down on the couch, realizing that I didn't have any blankets. I spread out on the couch, deciding that I wasn't going to walk in my room and risk seeing her again just for a blanket.
My hands covered my face and I really wanted to yell at myself. I had already probably committed a crime by inviting her into my apartment, now I actually kissed her! It wasn't like I could place the blame on her, not when I was the one who initiated the fucking kiss. I hated how badly I wanted to keep kissing her, I hated every time I closed my eyes I saw her lips and her eyes. Tonight I should've scolded her, yelled at her for everything illegal that she did. This was really bad. Not only could someone find out about what happened tonight, but I could be put behind bars. I was over five years older than her and she was my student. That officially made me a pedophile.
I turned on my side. Tomorrow I would have to set boundaries. It was obvious that my feelings for Tanner were above average, and that she could possibly feel the same. As the adult, it was my responsibility to make sure that our relationship stayed professional... no matter how badly I wanted more.
If nothing else was gained from tonight, I hoped that me telling her the truth about Benjamin helped her see me for who I really am. Hopefully she understood now, why I refused to give up and why I continued to try to help. I had made a promise to my best friend, that I'd never take advantage of what was right in front of me. I knew Tanner felt hopeless, she felt like her past had ultimately carved her future. My job was to prove to her that there was more, and that all she had to do was stop blaming herself.