"Put a gun to my head and, paint the walls with my brains-" I turned my car off, stopping the music mid-song. Since I had been hanging out with Hope more often, I had been listening to a lot of her music and I really enjoyed it. I pulled the keys out of the ignition, tucking them in my pocket as I climbed out of the car and shut the door.
I walk across the car park, towards the hell hole known as my high school. I didn't even bother bringing my backpack. I've literally given up on school. Not like I am going to be able to do anything with my life anyways, job market around here sucks.
I say a few hello's back to some people in the hallways, looking for someone I know. My eyes eventually land on Levi at his locker. We had actually talked a few times and were friends. I walk over to him and lean against the locker next to him.
"Hey Levi," I sigh, tired of being here already.
"Hey Louis, how's your morning been?" He asks, struggling with getting a textbook out of his cluttered locker. I shrug, not verbally answering. He stops tugging on his textbook and looks up at me.
"You alright? You seem a bit down lately." He lets me know of his observations. I shrug again.
"Eh, I don't know. I just feel numb to everything nowadays. I just go through the motions of things. I don't actually feel anything unless I'm with Harry, and even then we are just friends. I've been over thinking things too much also. Like, what's the point in anything, anymore? We as humans don't really live, we are born and raised to learn for the first twenty years of life and then work until we die. What's the point? My mind is a jumbled mess, I have spent way too much time thinking. I don't even participate in conversations at lunch anymore." I sigh again, dropping my head to the side so it bangs off the locker. The slight pain disappearing within seconds.
"Have you been taking your meds?" I scoff and roll my eyes. Of course he would ask that. But in truth, I haven't taken them in almost two weeks.
"Really, Levi? Must you be so quick to jump to conclusions? And yes, I have been taking them." I lie to him, not wanting him to chastise me about it.
Levi opened his mouth to say something but closed it when Harry came up to the two of us, "Hey guys!"
We greeted him back and Harry started telling us a story about how a girl out in the car park just fell and they think she broke her leg. I received a look from Levi saying our conversation wasn't over, but it really was.
The shrill sound of the bell ringing bounced around the hallways, letting us know we should be heading to class now. Lockers slamming shut, sneakers squeaking, and goodbyes being shouted over shoulders. Levi managed to get his textbook out of his locker, waving goodbye to Harry and I. I pushed myself off the locker I was leaned against, walking the opposite direction of Levi.
"You alright, Lou? You seem a bit off the past few days." Harry noted, walking beside me to our music class.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a bit out of it ya know?" I shrugged again, sticking my hands in my pockets. I wish people would stop being so observant.
"Just wondering." He responded quietly. We continued to slowly walk to class, the only sound heard was our feet quietly padding the ground, the occasional brush of our shoulders. Occasionally we were bumped by another student passing by. We were almost to the music room when I stopped in the middle of the hallway.
"Lou?" Harry stopped in front of me, looking me in the eyes, searching them almost.
"Wanna skip today?" I blurt out. I really don't want to be here. I don't like more than half the kids here. I am failing almost every class anyway. Like I said earlier, I don't really care about school anymore.
"Uhm," Harry hesitates, "what about-" I cut him off mid sentence.
"Screw school. Harry, I'm asking you to skip with me. Do you or do you not want to spend more time with me? I thought we were trying to get to know each other better? That requires the both of us, not just one." I explain, hoping to change his mind.
"Yeah, I guess so." He agreed, "It's not like I'm missing much, I'm already smarter than half the school anyways." I turned on my heel and started towards the exit, Harry trailing behind me.
We weren't even noticed as we slipped back out the front doors, the straggling kids more worried about getting to class on time. I led him out to my car, getting in and starting it. The music started up where I stopped it a mere twenty minutes ago, startling Harry at the loudness. I reached out and turned the knob to turn the music down.
"Sorry, I was jamming this morning." I smiled a little at the memory of an old lady glaring at me as I pulled up to a stop sign, music playing loudly out of my rolled down windows.
"It's fine, your music taste just surprised me." He admitted as I peeled out of the car park and onto the road.
"Surprises me too. I actually just started listening to this kind of music because of Hope. I honestly listen to a lot of music, not just one specific genre. Anything from Bring Me The Horizon -like you just heard- to Ed Sheeran, Nero to Machine Gun Kelly." I explained, taking a few turns and stopping at stop signs occasionally. I really wanted hot chocolate.
"You like Ed?" He questioned me. I could see from the corner of my eye, him turning his head to look at me, a small smile playing across his lips.
"Yeah, I do. Why?" I reply, pulling into the car park of a little cafe/book store. This is honestly the best place to get hot chocolate. They put whipped cream and cinnamon on it. It is literally the best. I admit to spending a lot of time here not only because of the hot chocolate, but because my sisters like to come here to get books. I might get a few books as well, I'm not all that illiterate.
"I know Ed actually. It may not seem like it, but I do. I could get you tickets to a concert if you like?" Harry offered as I turned the car off. I twisted in my seat to face him.
"You're kidding, right? There is no way you know him!" I exclaim. He is just messing with me. He has to.
"Yeah, I'm serious! Hold on," he fiddles with his phone for a few seconds before turning it to show me the screen. Sure enough, it's a picture of him, Ed and his sister. "I actually don't have his number anymore but I can call Gemma later to see if she can call Ed. The three of us can go. I haven't seen Gemma in months and Ed in almost a year because of his tour, but he's back for now." Harry rambled on. I was practically bouncing with excitement.
"Oh my god, you're serious! I would love to see him! I love you, Harry!" I didn't realize what I had said until Harry froze. "I-I uhm, slip of the tongue, I was excited. Sorry." Harry brushed it off, shaking his head. I ruined my chance, didn't I?
~•~•~•~
"Two hot chocolates, please." I ordered at the little counter, handing the middle aged woman the money. She gave me a look like she knew I should be in school but didn't say anything.
"Here you go." She handed me the two little mugs on saucers. I took one in each hand and made my way over to Harry sitting at a little table with two chairs. Harry thanked me, sipping his cocoa as he looked around at the books from his seat.
"Do you read?" He asked me, turning his gaze back to me. I nodded, sticking my finger in the whipped cream.
"Yeah, I do. I may be failing all my classes but I can still pick up a book and enjoy the beauty of it. Do you read?" I licked the whipped cream off my finger, trying not to make eye contact with Harry and make it seem sexual. We were trying to be friends first. The sex can come later. If we ever get there.
"I do. After all, I am a nerd." Harry teased, sipping more of his hot cocoa.
"What was the last thing you read?" I asked, toying with the mug between my small hands. Harry's hands are so much bigger than mine. I wonder what they could do to me. I need to stop. You two are friends. Nothing more. Get that through your thick skull Louis. I sighed, realizing the voice was back. It had stayed away for quite some time without the medication, but I knew it would be back sooner or later.
"I just re-read Reckless by Cornelia Funke. She writes amazing stories. I think the second book just came out last year actually. What about you?"
"She wrote Ink Heart, right? That was an amazing book, trilogy actually. The last book I read was The Fault In Our Stars by my sisters request. I never thought I could cry so much over a fictional story in my life. Amazing work, John Green is a pure genius." I told him, tearing up at the thought of what happened in the book. (I am not spoiling it for those of you that haven't read it.)
"She did write the Ink Heart trilogy. I read The Fault In Our Stars awhile ago. It was a good book I do admit, but I am tired of reading books where they are from a girls point of view. And that when she meets the guy, her life suddenly changes. I'm not saying this about The Fault In Our Stars, I just mean in fiction and romance books overall. I think we need more books from a guys point of view and see how he feels about the girl. Not this love at first sight stuff. I mean yeah, it's cute at first but after a while it's the same stuff over and over." Harry huffed at the end of his rant. I grinned at him. We were having a normal conversation.
"I totally agree. I read one a while ago, once again due to my sisters request, and it was about a princess with like, eleven sisters, and she fell in love with the man who brought her dance slippers or whatever. Like, can you get anymore like Barbie and cliché?" I regret ever reading that book, but then again, it was sort of good. Harry snapped his fingers at me, catching my attention from my half empty mug. Where did it go?
"I think I read that! What was it called, uhm, Enchanted! Yeah, and then that guy who wore the black that she danced with at the magic pavilion, he was sketchy and I didn't like him from the start." I nodded, agreeing with him full heartedly.
"I'm not even gonna question why you read it, I'm just going with it." I joked, tipping my mug up to swallow the remaining gulp or two. I brought the mug down, licking my lips to rid them of left over cocoa.
"Hey, it looked like a good book by the cover and the back made it sound interesting." Harry defended. I raised my hands and smiled at him, letting him know I was only messing with him.
"Why do you read everything your sister tells you to?" he questioned after a few moments of silence. I shrugged, never really thinking about it until just now.
"Don't know, really. I guess it's just because I like to feel closer to them and sharing books is our way of doing so. We obviously can't share clothes and make up." I explained the best I could. He nodded, seemingly understanding. He drank the last bit of his hot cocoa, looking at me after.
"Wanna browse? You can get a couple books if you'd like. I'll pay since you got the cocoa." Harry said, standing up and walking over to a bookshelf.
"I guess. I can't guarantee I will find something though." I told him, wandering off to look at different books.
~•~•~•~
I found Harry half an hour later, three books in his giant hand. I only had picked out two. I had heard good things about one of them. The other, I had no clue it even existed until I stumbled upon it. It looked interesting enough so I thought why not.
"What did you decide on?" He asked me, looking up from one of the books in his hand.
"Not much actually. I decided in this book called School of Fear and a book I have heard about called Thirteen Reasons."
"I actually think I've heard of that one before." Harry said, taking my books and walking up to the cash register. I stayed behind, playing with a children's book while I waited. When he was done, I joined him again and together we left the store.
I drove him to his home, Pierce The Veil's Hell Above playing quietly in the background. I pulled up in front if his house, turning in my seat to say goodbye. I watched as he climbed out ungracefully with his three books in hand. He was about to close the door when he leaned down and poked his head back in my car.
"Hey, Lou?" I looked up at him curiously. "Don't worry. I won't tell anybody a tough jock like you reads for fun and pleasure." He gave me a cheeky smile, standing up straight and closing the door. He waved to me as I pulled away from the curb. The entire way home all I could do was listen to the voice inside my head telling me how stupid I was for letting that slip up happen earlier.
You're so stupid, Louis. He never loved you and never will.
~•~•~•~•~
A/N: Hey, long time since updating. Sorry my updating has been so irregular. So the song at the beginning was Alligator Blood by Bring Me The Horizon. I have read all of the books mentioned except Thirteen Reasons. I want to read it though.
So, how are your lives going? I feel like I don't really interact with you guys enough... My 16th birthday is coming up. I'll be spending that alone due to prom being the same day and having no friends that live near me.
I kind of based Louis off of me for this chapter, from the random music tastes to the thoughts he has about life. The only thing different is that I don't hear voices. Instead I have become almost entirely mute.
Anyways I'm rambling... thank you all so much for the votes and comments. I appreciate it but not so much the comments that just are demands for a new update. I hate them and they are annoying. If anything it makes me push updating off longer. Crap, I'm rambling again. I love you guys. Stay unique. Xx