Camila decided that Lauren was a liar. Multiple reasons led her to believe this.
One, Lauren said that she'd be gone for two days and here they were, day three and no appearance from the Latina. Two, Lauren had promised Camila multiple times in their relationship that she would never leave her and that had ended quickly. Three, Lauren said Camila would be okay (okay, so at the time she was talking about Camila's physical health but Camila still felt it applied) and the brunette currently felt anything but okay.
And Camila hated liars. She always had. It didn't even matter the scenario or how big the lie was, if a person lied she just couldn't find it in herself to like the person.
Only, Camila couldn't find it in herself to hate Lauren, no matter how much she lied, and that made her a liar for saying that she hated all liars because she didn't.
She hated all liars who weren't Lauren.
It was her third day at of Dinah staying with her but right now she was currently alone because Dinah had gone to the shop and to get some more clothes from her house.
She was wearing a pair of leggings and an oversized t-shirt and her hair was thrown into a messy ponytail. She knew she had bags from getting minimal amount of sleep to function but she couldn't be bothered to do make up.
She didn't have anyone to impress anyway.
Dinah had come to a dead end with her.
On the first day, the day Camila came home from Maria's, they'd cuddled and that night they both got drunk. Dinah's suggestion, not hers. It seemed like a good idea because Camila didn't want to feel anymore and for a short while it was. The two danced and giggled until Dinah put on Beyonce and Broken Hearted Girl came on Camila ended up crying in Dinah's arms.
The second day was worse, if possible. Not only was Camila acting full on depressed, she was now nursing a hangover alongside a whiny but supportive Dinah.
And they were only halfway through the third day so Camila couldn't give a full summary of the day but so far it was shit.
So yeah, Dinah had almost lost all hope in the brunette ever smiling again. A bit dramatic, but seriously, Camila had a permanent frown on her face.
Almost.
She wasn't giving up that easily.
Camila had a small heart attack when she heard the front door slam, signalling that the blonde was home.
She opened her mouth to chastise her friend but Dinah and ran into the living room, a bag hanging off each arm.
"I'm sick of you moping around my house all day because whilst Lauren might have pretty eyes, I'm hot as fuck and I think you're being really under appreciative," She announced seriously. "And you should appreciate me even more because I've got the perfect things to make you happy."
"How?" Camila mumbled, crossing her arms whilst her bottom lip jutted out.
"The Notebook and a pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream," Dinah lifted her arms, therefore raising the bags. "And a shit ton of other food because let's face it, I could do with the Cheetos and your boobs could really do with growing just a little bit more."
Camila found a small but genuine smile on her lips for the first time in a few days.
A pint of ice cream, lots of tears and lots of cuddling later, the film had finished and Dinah decided she should probably talk to Camila about her feelings instead of encouraging her to eat them away.
She was unsure of how to start but in the end it didn't matter because Camila did.
"Do you know when she's coming home?" She asked and Dinah shook her head sadly.
"Normani isn't messaging me and neither is Lauren. I'm sure it'll be soon though, neither of them are that interesting so they're probably bored without us," She attempted to joke but it was wasted on the brunette. "Seriously, they're probably just trying to catch up on work or something."
"She said she'd be back in two days," Camila mumbled and Dinah sighed sympathetically.
"I wish I could help Mila. Really, I do. I know you have nightmares because you kick me," She informed her.
"I know," Camila ducked her head only for Dinah to lift her chin up with to fingers so their eyes met again.
"Do you still have bad anxiety?" She questioned and Camila shrugged before nodding. "Come here."
With that she stood up, taking Camila's hand and pulling her upstairs into the guest bedroom where Dinah had took over the closet and made it her own.
She grabbed the bag that she'd carelessly thrown on the bed, rummaging through it before emerging with a small bottle of pills.
"You aren't allergic to antidepressants as well as anaesthetic too, are you?" She joked feebly, knowing that Camila was going to questioned her relentlessly about why she owned them.
"Why do you have them?" Camila shook her head slowly in answer and Dinah offered her the bottle.
"They'll help with your anxiety," She ignored the question and Camila took it into her own hand.
"You never answered me," She reminded her and Dinah sighed.
"After the whole kidnapping thing I kept getting nightmares, like, bad nightmares. And after a while Normani took me to the doctors. Apparently it's meant to help my 'PTSD' or whatever," Dinah muttered the last sentence and Camila's expression softened.
"Oh Dinah," She said quietly, leaning onto her tiptoes and wrapping her arms around her neck. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I don't know. I don't want to be a liability," Dinah shrugged slightly.
"You're not a liability. Oh my god, Dinah you should've said something," Camila murmured, holding her tightly.
"What was you gonna do Mila? Scare the nightmares away?" Dinah sighed.
"You could've talked to me. You can still talk to me. About anything!" Camila told her.
"You want me to talk to you?" Dinah raised an eyebrow and Camila nodded rapidly. "God, where do I start?"
"Anything. Sometimes it's good to get stuff off your chest, it always makes you feel better," Camila smiled reassuringly as she sat them on the bed so they were facing each other.
"Wanna know about my mom?" Dinah offered, unsure of where to start. Camila nodded and she sighed. "My mom... wasn't the best mom. She never wanted kids apparently and she never wanted me. She was an alcoholic so she used to go out a lot and leave me in the house."
"My mom and dad used to leave me?" Camila frowned because she didn't think that was a bad enough offence to get you taken out of custody.
"For two weeks, when I was seven," Dinah added and Camila's eyes widened.
"What the fuck," She whispered and Dinah only nodded in agreement.
"She-she never used to hit me or anything. She just... forgot I was there a bit. I had to fend for myself, I didn't get cuddles or stories or kisses. I wasn't a daughter to her, I was just Dinah, the kid she'd had accidentally. She never even named me, the nurses in the hospital did," Dinah said the last part bitterly and Camila took her hand in both of hers, squeezing it reassuringly.
"You good?" She whispered and Dinah nodded.
"I was took into care when I was nine. Apparently if you don't show up at school for three weeks they send out social workers. They found me asleep on the sofa in dirty clothes and my mom nowhere to be found. They couldn't ship me into care fast enough," She laughed slightly although there was no humour in it. "I've not seen her since. No messages, not visits, no nothing. Until she messaged me on Facebook."
"Have you replied back to her?" Camila questioned.
"I'm going to meet her. In a few weeks. I just want an explanation," Dinah sounded confident in her answer despite it being so quiet and Camila launched herself into the blonde's arms.
"I'm sorry you had such a bad childhood," She mumbled, holding her tightly and Dinah smiled.
"It's okay. If it never happened I wouldn't have been brought to the society and met Normani and Lauren and you and the girls," She shrugged and Camila nodded but never released her.
"You know, we both have pretty fucked up ways of getting into these situations but we've both met some pretty great people too," She told her and Dinah quickly agreed.
"I love you," She sighed contently and Camila smiled, nuzzling into her shoulder.
"I love you too," She was happy right now, the conversation proving a good distraction from the current situation. "And I'll kiss and hug and tell you stories to make up for your mom."
"You already kiss and hug me enough," Dinah laughed, pushing her away. Camila shrugged before attacking her cheek with kisses, the force knocking the two onto the bed.
"Thank you for the tablets," Camila told her sincerely and Dinah smiled at her.
"Thank you for listening to me. You were right, talking does help to get stuff off your chest."
Camila couldn't have regretted what she'd said more that night when the sound of the front door closing rang through the house.
Dinah and Camila shared a glance, panic obvious in their features. Only, one of them managed to compose themselves a little bit better.
"I'll go check, you stay here," Dinah told her and Camila nodded, watching as she climbed off the couch and left the room.
Camila could only hope that it was Lauren and Normani and not some stranger trying to rob them. Then again, maybe the robber would be better company.
Dinah returned moments later and Camila looked over her shoulder to see who it was.
"Look what the wind blew in," Dinah said sarcastically, stepping aside and revealing Normani and Lauren.
Camila clambered off the couch, turning to face them but at the same time walking away from them. Dinah had her arms crossed, looking less than impressed whereas Camila just looked confused.
They stood in silence for a few moments before it was broken.
Camila stormed forward, shocking them all, until she was directly in front of Lauren. "Fuck you," She hissed, shoving the older girl. Lauren took a step back to steady herself but if the action shocked her she covered it well. "Fuck you."
With that she slipped past her, running up the stairs. The sound of the door slamming shook the house a few seconds later.
"You are so fucking lucky she loves you," Dinah told Lauren, also leaving the room. "Neither of you deserve her."
With that she ran after her friend, leaving the two alone.
"Mila," Camila could hear Dinah calling, opening the doors to each room. "Hey," She said quietly when she finally found her.
"Hi," Camila muttered, fumbling to try and open the window.
"What're you doing?" Dinah asked, hovering in the doorway.
"I'm trying to open the window but it's stuck," Camila hit her hands against the glass in frustration.
"You can't run away from this Mila," Dinah sighed.
"I don't want to talk," Camila crossed her arms, giving up on the window.
"And you think if you climb out that window she's not just gonna follow you? She showed it to you," Dinah told her, "you were the one who told me earlier. It's good to talk and get things off your chest."
"You can't use my own words against me," Camila huffed and Dinah smirked.
"Oh but I can and it worked," She cocked an eyebrow.
"I hate you," Camila rolled her eyes and Dinah stuck her tongue out.
"Love you too," She beamed before leaving the room.
Lauren came in a few minutes later.
Camila stared her out, waiting for her to break the silence.
"I know you're mad..." She started what was probably going to be the start of an explanation but she didn't get far before Camila interrupted.
"You know I'm mad? Are you serious Lauren!" She cried out in disbelief, "you disappeared for four days without any texts or calls to tell us where you were. I'm furious at you."
"At least let me explain," Lauren sighed.
"Why do you deserve a chance to explain? I never got an explanation before you took off and left me. Whilst I slept, because you're too much of a pussy to deal with me," Camila snapped.
"I did it for you Camila," Camila snorted at the statement Lauren just gave.
"You did it for me? Did you not hear when I begged you to stay or did you just choose to ignore me?" She scoffed, raising an eyebrow.
"I wasn't ignoring you Camila. We've been together for the past five months every day, we needed some time apart," Lauren told her.
"No, you needed it. Don't try and make any of this a joint decision because you know that this shit is your choice," Camila crossed her arms defiantly.
"I know it's my choice Camila! I know but i did it for you," Lauren snapped back, growing frustrated as Camila continued to deny her attempts to explain.
"You never did it for me! I'm not stupid Lauren! If you did what I wanted you would have stayed with me but you left anyway. You did it for yourself," Camila spat, her voice gradually getting louder. "You left for three days without explanation. You stayed god knows where and did god knows what and you did it for me!?"
"Fucking listen to me and then I'll explain," Lauren also raised her voice, running a hand through her hair. "This isn't fair, you can be pissed at me but at least let me explain."
"No. You know what's not fucking fair? The fact that we're meant to be in a relationship but everything I say gets ignored. We're meant to be in this together, you can't just leave whenever you want. I get to make choices too Lauren, I have feelings too," Camila shouted, tears in her eyes.
"I only wanted what was best for you. It's what you needed," Lauren shouted back.
"I can make decisions for myself I'm not a kid! I need you Lauren, I've always needed you. You're such a fucking idiot but you're still all I think about. You're all I ever think about and it sucks because you don't give a shit about me. You think you know what's best for me all time but guess what? You don't," Camila yelled, hot tears now falling down her cheeks that she didn't bother to wipe away. "We're in a relationship Lauren. You're my girlfriend, not my mom. You don't get to make choices for me without my input. And you don't get to take off and leave me without even telling me why."
Both girls stood in a brief silence after Camila's outburst before she spoke again.
"Oh my god. You don't get it. You never fucking get it," Camila groaned, halfheartedly wiping the tears that has dripped down her cheeks. "You're a liar! You're a liar and you're so fucking selfish and you murder people for a living but I'm in love with you anyway. And i hate it because you're my girlfriend and I thought that you of all people were meant to love me, not hurt me."
"Camila," Lauren said softly but the brunette shook her head.
"You're a bitch and I love you but you keep hurting me and it's not fair. I don't want to be hurt all the time, I-I can't. My feelings matter too," She said, wiping her damp cheeks again.
"I'm sorry Camila. I really am but we needed a few days apart," Lauren told her sincerely.
"Don't say that. Sorry is such a useless word. Anyone can say it but it doesn't do shit. How is a word meant to make all of this okay?" Camila screwed her eyes shut and Lauren slowly made her way over to her.
"You're right. A word isn't going to fix this but I will," She declared, looking her in the eye before pulling her into an embrace.
"You can't just hug me. I don't want a fucking hug I'm not a toddler. It's not gonna help anything," Camila cried, hitting her fists against Lauren's chest repeatedly.
"I'm here now," Lauren murmured in her ear and that was all it took for Camila to collapse against her, her fists still curled in balls against her chest but no longer hitting her.
"I hate you. I hate you so much. I'm so mad at you," Camila sobbed, her head hidden in Lauren.
"I know. I know. You have every right to be mad at me," Lauren agreed quietly, running her fingers through the ends of Camila's ponytail.
Camila doesn't actually think she stops crying. She just runs out of tears, resulting in her just struggling to get her breath back to normal.
There was a knock on the door and it swung open, revealing Dinah who hovered in the doorway.
"I think Normani said she's gonna order takeout. If you wanna choose what you want," She announced and Camila pulled out of Lauren's hold, nodding.
She started to make her way out of the room wordlessly, only to be pulled into Dinah's arms the minute she's in reach. Camila melted into the embrace, looping her arms around Dinah's neck and resting her head on her chest.
"You're gonna be okay," She whispered in her ear and Camila nodded, not having enough energy to argue with the statement.
Dinner was awkward, to say the obvious.
Dinah and Camila sat at one side of the able whilst Normani and Lauren sat opposite, none of the four really talking.
Camila was pushing her noodles around her plate, not actually eating anything. Her eyes were fixated on the table because she knew if she was to make eye contact with Lauren she wouldn't be able to hold back tears.
"Don't you like it? You can split with me?" Dinah offered but Camila was in her own world. "Mila," She nudged her and brunette's head snapped up. She could feel everyone's eyes trained on her and blushed with embarrassment.
"I'm just not very hungry, but thank you," She murmured, continuing to push her food around. Dinah let it go but she could still feel the eyes on her. After a few more moments of being stared at she sighed, pushing her plate forward and standing up. "I can't do this," She muttered before walking away.
All three watched before Dinah turned to Lauren.
"Look what you've done to her," She snapped and Camila paused in the doorway.
"Don't Dinah. It's not worth it," She said halfheartedly.
"Look at her! Look how hurt she is because of you!" Dinah exclaimed, ignoring her friend's protest. "Fucking answer me!"
"I can see Dinah," Lauren complied, standing up and moving away from the table.
"Then why aren't you doing anything about it!? If this was the other way around she'd be doing anything to make sure you weren't upset and all you're doing it sitting there," The Polynesian shouted. "Don't her feelings matter at all to you?"
"Of course they matter Dinah! I care more about her's than anyone else's," Lauren snapped back.
"Bullshit," Dinah scoffed. "Where were you when had a panic attack about you hating her? Or when she had nightmares? Or when she got drunk in hopes of feeling better, only to cry anyway?"
"I get it Dinah I'm a shitty girlfriend. But it's already happened what do you want me to do?" Lauren shouted. The table was now abandoned as the four girls stood spread around the kitchen.
"Make up for it! God knows you don't deserve it but everyone here knows that Camila wouldn't ever dream of leaving you," Dinah yelled back.
"I know I don't deserve her. You don't have to keep telling me because I know!" Lauren ran a hand through her hair frustratedly.
"But you never do anything about it. She gets hurt, time after time and nothing ever changes. Do something Lauren!" Dinah near on screamed.
"I can't! You think I don't know how bad I am for her? I know she gets hurt because of me but I'm fucking selfish and I love her and I can't help it," Lauren shouted. "You've hurt her before Dinah. You aren't perfect either."
And maybe it was the way Dinah clenched her fist or the way that she took a step forward that everyone saw what was about to happen when Dinah's hand connected with Lauren's face. Normani rushed to grab her from behind, effectively trapping her arms in the hold before she could get a second hit whilst Camila stood frozen.
"That's enough," Normani snapped, fighting to keep Dinah still. "Stop screaming at each other and maybe then we can actually resolve something."
Lauren had stumbled backwards in surprise, her hand cupping her cheek. Her eyes lifted up to meet the younger Latina's who looked like she'd just witnessed a murder.
"Camila, it's okay. I promise it's all gonna be okay again, I'm gonna make it up to you," Lauren began to ramble but Camila shook her head before turning on her heel and fleeing the room.
Dinah had burst into tears and had sunk down to crouch on the floor. Normani was also crouched down in front of her, whispering something inaudible whilst holding Dinah's hands.
"Camila! Camila wait!" Lauren called after the brunette who was running up the stairs.
"I can't. I can't stay in there," Camila shook her head as she momentarily paused, looking over her shoulder. "I can't do any of this."
"You don't have to do anything. It's us who fucked up, not you," Lauren told her.
"But I'm always the one who it impacts," Camila's bottom lip quivered.
"I'm so sorry Camila. I promise I'm going to fix everything. I'll do everything I can to make you feel okay again," Lauren declared.
"You always say that," Camila argued, the first few tears falling down her cheeks.
"I know and I always fuck up straight after but I swear to god. I'm never gonna hurt you again," Lauren promised, cringing at the thought of how many times she'd hurt her girlfriend.
"I'm so tired of always being hurt. Everything in my life is always so fucked up!" Camila exclaimed desperately, wiping her tears feebly. "Everything's going wrong. Why is everything going wrong!? I can't even go on the roof because the windows stuck."
"Do you want me to open it for you?" Lauren offered and Camila paused, considering the offer. "I'm opening a window Camila, you don't have to forgive me. I'm just trying to help you in at least some way."
"Promise?" She questioned fragilely and Lauren nodded.
"Promise," She confirmed. "I just want to make you feel better until you want to forgive me."
And then Camila ran downstairs and launched herself into Lauren's arms, her arms wrapped tightly around her neck.
"Lets go upstairs," Lauren murmured in her ear and Camila nodded, although didn't release her grip.
Lauren guided her up the stairs, rubbing small but firm circles on her back as they walked. Camila refused to let go of Lauren long enough for the older girl to open the window, never mind climb out, so instead they sat on the bed, Camila on Lauren's lap with her legs wrapped around her waist tightly.
Lauren pulled Camila's hair tie out, allowing the hair to fall loose around her shoulders and down her back. It was wild and untamed and Lauren didn't have to guess twice about why it was like it was.
Camila kept trying to nuzzle further into the crook of Lauren's neck and the raven-haired girl knotted her fingers into the mass of Camila's hair, pulling her head closer.
"Promise me?" Camila pleaded, clinging to Lauren in a desperate search for comfort.
"Promise you what?" Lauren asked gently, running her fingers down Camila's spine.
"I don't know. Just promise me something," Camila cried and Lauren stilled her hand, sliding it up Camila's t-shirt and rubbing her thumb over the small of her back.
"I promise that you have me. You have me for as long as you want me," Lauren told her and Camila sniffled.
"I want you forever. I just don't want to keep being hurt," She furrowed her eyebrows, feeling Lauren remove her hands from her back. She frowned at the loss of contact, although it vanished when she felt Lauren cup her face.
"I'm so sorry I keep being the cause of all your hurt. I swear, I'm going to change. I'm going to..." Lauren began to ramble, although a Camila zoned out, instead watching as she talked.
Her cheek was an angry red from where Dinah had slapped her and Camila reached out to press her cool hand against it. Lauren's eyes fluttered close as it relieved some of the stinging, her hands falling from Camila's face and resting them on her waist. "And you weren't listening to any of that," She laughed slightly, opening her eyes again and Camila shook her head. "I-just... I'm trying to be a better girlfriend from now on. I promise."
Camila nodded, rubbing her thumb over Lauren's cheek.
"If there's anything I can do, like, to make up for it just a little bit, tell me. Okay?" Lauren bit on her lip and Camila nodded again. Lauren furrowed her eyebrows slightly, not sure what Camila was doing but in no place to question her. Camila's hands moved to rest on her shoulders and she pulled herself closer, holding on loosely.
"Don't ever leave me again," She mumbled softly and Lauren rested her chin on her head.
"I won't," She reassured her.
"Good. Because I don't want to feel like this again," Camila whispered, closing her eyes as she leant against Lauren. The action forced Lauren to lean against the headboard in order to stay sat up. Camila adjusted positions so she was straddling Lauren's waist, their stomachs pressed together. Her fingers blindly searched for Lauren's, linking them and holding them between them.
"I'm so sorry," Lauren whispered into her hair, using her free hand to rake her fingers through Camila's hair.
The position seemed to console Camila because she eventually stopped trembling from crying so hard; her sniffles reducing to nothing. Neither of them spoke, Camila just laid on Lauren with her head head pressed against her chest, the steady heartbeat reassuring her, whilst Lauren continued to play with her hair.
A knock on the door eventually interrupted them.
"I'm gonna go home soon, unless you want me to stay. Dinah and I also have to talk," Normani announced from where she was stood in the doorway.
"Okay. How is Dinah?" Lauren questioned, momentarily stopping running her fingers through the brunette curls to gently scratch her scalp.
"She's going to be fine," Normani brushed it off with a small smile, shrugging. "She wants me to tell you that she's 'so, so sorry and that she hopes you don't hate her'."
"Tell her I don't hate her and that I'm sorry too," Lauren smiled softly, shaking her head. Normani paused as if she was about to say something but decided against it, leaving the room and closing the door behind them.
"Do you hate me?" Camila spoke up quietly, her voice cracking.
"No. Why would I hate you?" Lauren questioned with a small, confused frown.
"I said I didn't want you. I said I wanted to go home. I didn't mean it, I didn't really want you to go," Camila told her and Lauren squeezed her hand.
"I will never hate you because of something you want Camila," Lauren said softly and Camila opened her mouth to protest, "not saying that you want it right now. I'm just letting you know, if you do choose to leave I won't hate you for it."
Camila nodded slightly before rolling off of Lauren and laying on her side.
"Are you going to sleep?" Lauren asked and Camila nodded again, cuddling into her.
"Don't leave," She whispered and Lauren wrapped her arms around her.
"I won't," She whispered back, pulling her closer and Camila breathed in her familiar scent.
"I don't really hate you," She mumbled, her voice thick with fatigue. "I'm mad at you but I don't hate you."
"Dinah was right, I don't deserve you. And you deserve someone so much better than me," Lauren sighed quietly. Camila didn't respond right away but nuzzled into her neck as if Lauren might leave after her statement.
"But I want you and you want me. That's enough, isn't it?" Camila frowned and Lauren let out a breathy laugh, although it was humourless, and buried her face into the mass of brunette locks.
"That's more than enough," She told her, feeling Camila relax in her arms at the response.
She was passed out in minutes and Lauren stuck true to her word, holding her in her arms until she also drifted off to sleep.