Disappointment
The week after arriving in Hobart town, and coming to Pa's place, was my dream come true. I loved cooking and cleaning for Pa and the boys’. Nash's teasing wasn’t as unpleasant as it was when he was younger. I found we had a lot to talk about. Although, the easy communication, could have been, because I would answer all his questions. Especially about the people back in England, which he wanted to know about. Or because he genuinely like talking to me. It didn’t actually matter, as long as we were talking. Charlie started work on my hutch right away. He had a stock pile of wood and a shed he built especially for his wood work. Pa was brilliant. He fussed over me something fierce. I think he thought I was going to up and leave him. I knew this because he was always asking me questions about Will and my life with the Townshends. I answered him as well as I could. I told him what my daily routine was like, how I helped out with Nancy and Sara. I would sometimes get teary when I spoke of the girls, and I found that I was baking the treats, I knew they liked, without even thinking. I couldn’t be sure of what was going to happen with Will until he was actually here, or if I even wanted anything to happen. Time could only tell I do know that I owed it to him to talk to him.
I sent Nash into town again to purchase some more food stores and glass jars for preserving. Pa had a reasonable garden going, and I wanted to make sure we had vegetables for winter, plus some sweet preserves made up from the fresh berries, that we had in abundance. I also had Nash purchased some fabric to make some padded cushions for the chairs Charlie made. We all fell into a reasonable routine, it was gratifying.
I could hear the sawing while approaching Charlies work shop. He hadn’t come in for his meal so I thought I would bring it out to him. It was quite hot in the kitchen, and it was time for a needed break anyway. I got to the wide doors leading into the work shop and watched for a moment. Charlie was working his saw, and seemed, as though, he was concentrating hard. He had chosen a lovely rich wood. The same as what he had used for the rest of the furniture he’d already made. He stopped what he was doing, straightened up and wiped his forehead with the back of his hand. He looked toward the door and smiled when he noticed me.
“Hi Payt, come in” I moved into the room and looked over what he was doing.
“You’ve been busy out here Charlie. So busy you miss your meals.” I said, lifting up the basket onto the bench beside him. “So, I thought I would bring it to you.” Charlie smiled and looked into the basket. “Yes there’s a pie Charlie, I feel bad, I didn’t realize how much work went into making something.”
“It doesn’t feel like work Payt. I have been enjoying making this for you.” He started to pull out the pie from the basket. “It gives me practice for when I make furniture for my own place.” His own place. I wasn’t sure I heard him right.
“Your own place? Charlie, you’re moving out?” I said, watching him bite into his pie. A little bit of juice ran down his chin. I reached into the basket for a linen napkin. I handed it to him and gestured for him to wipe his mouth.
“Thanks, and to answer your question, yes I am. I can’t stay here forever. I’ve saved enough money to purchase some land not far from here. I want to have an apple orchid Payt, and maybe do this.” He pointed to his work bench. I didn’t know how to explain it, but my insides were starting to flip. I only just found Charlie again, and now he was starting to talk about leaving.
“So…um …when are you going to do this?” I started making swirly pictures in the dust the wood made as it was sawed away. I glanced up to see Charlie studying me.
“Well that depends on a few things.” He took another bite of his pie. “I need to lay a claim first, and then I’ll have to build a cabin. Because, I’m not going to live in a stick and mud hut again, we did that when we first got here.” He finished his pie.
“You all lived in a mud hut?” I raised my eyebrows at the thought.
“Yes it gets extremely cold here, and I am not living through another winter like that. Not after having such luxuries, as we’ve put in here.” Yes, I thought of the heated water and pump. Who could forgo that?
“Charlie there’s something I’ve wanted to ask you.” Charlie finished what he was chewing and looked at me
“Go ahead Payt, ask.”
“Why is Nash always asking about Ashley?” I felt this was a safe way to find out if Nash held any regard for my friend. I knew it was likely she would be around soon, and I wanted to know so I could tell her something. Also, I wasn’t ready to leave Charlies company yet.
“That’s not actually something I think I can talk to you about Payt. Why don’t you ask Nash?”
“He won’t tell me a thing Charlie you know that.” I looked out of the door I came through, thinking of what to say. But, was saved when Charlie offered.
“Do you really think that Lady Townshend is match making Ashley?”
“Yes I do. Lord Townshend mentioned a certain clerk that lived out here, and an architect that is designing some of the nicer places in Sydney.” Charlie lowered his head in thought and then raised it to ask.
“Payton, why did the Townshends always joke about you and Will marrying?” He never took his eyes from me while waiting for my answer.
“It was because we got along so well, but you knew that.” I said. He took as small step closer to me and leaned on the work bench I was next to.
“Payt, did you ever get an offer for marriage? I felt you were keeping something back when your Pa asked the other night.” I felt my palms start to sweat. This man was too perceptive. I had no idea what the reasons for him wanting to know all these things for, but I was going to answer him, I had no choice, for some reason I wanted Charlie to know everything.
“No I didn’t Charlie, I made sure Will knew where I stood in that matter, and he always kept his mother at bay, or he wouldn’t leave my side at the dinner parties, Lady Townshend threw.” Charlies face frowned, in thought. I wanted desperately to know what he was thinking. “Charlie, why do you ask?” There, now hopefully I’ll know. He leaned in closer to me. I looked at his face. He was remarkably handsome. His jaw was strong, and his skin was tanned. He had a sheen of sweat still that covered his brow. I liked knowing that he was working so hard to make something for me.
“Payton have you ever been kissed?” My heart flew. Had I ever been kissed? Yes, I had been By Will. And I liked it; he was gentle and eager to show me his feelings. My heart beat, feeling a moment of regret for Will, leaning myself in closer to Charlie.
“Charlie, I’m not going to lie to you.” His face remained unreadable, but it was close. “In the week before we left to come here, Will kissed me.” There I said it; I watched the play of emotions flow over his face. “We were close anyway Charlie, and he kissed me right before he gave me Pa’s letter.”
I felt him pull away, so slowly it felt that he controlled time with his movements. He blinked his eyes and kept them down cast. Then He picked up a small splinter of wood and turned it over in his palm. I could feel something akin to disappointment oozing from every part of him.
“Well I better get back to work Payt. You can just leave the basket there I'll bring it back.” And then he turned his body to me and moved back to his work. I knew he just dismissed me, but I couldn’t move. I just stood there and watched the muscles in his arms begin to work again moving with the saw. I looked away and bit my lip. I closed my eyes. Wishing that our conversation, had turned out much more differently. I opened my eyes, gathered myself and left Charlie to his work.
“Payton,” Pa called to me from atop his horse, near the barn. He looked, as though, he was going somewhere. “I’m heading over to the Townshends, do you want to come?” No, I didn’t want to go I wanted to go into my room and sit there and look at the walls, and think about what had just transpired between Charlie and me.
“No Pa I don’t think I will. I’ll see Ashley another time.”
“I won’t be back in time for supper anyway, so it’s better that you stay, but don’t hold anything back. I’ll probably eat there. I won’t be late, but I know they won’t let me leave without eating.”
“Ok Pa Where’s Nash, will he be home?” I couldn’t bear the thought of being alone with Charlie again, not yet. The look on his face said worlds to me of how my being kissed by Will affected him, and I wasn’t happy that it made him withdraw. I should feel shame at the mixed emotions I felt, but I didn’t, I just felt sad for Charlie.
“He’s just gone to move the cows then he will be back.” With that, Pa gave his horse the gentle nudge needed, with his heels to get him moving, and then all I could hear again was Charlie Sawing.
‘’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’
“Where’s Charlie?” Nash asked, coming in through the front door. I was sitting down on a chair by the hearth, sewing. Pa, Nash, and Charlie were adept at staying, and keeping things clean, but they weren’t skilled at repairing their own clothes. So I had a healthy basket now to work on in the evenings.
“I don’t know Nash; he hasn’t come in yet,”
“Do we have to wait for him to eat? I certainly have an appetite tonight Payt.” He walked into the kitchen. And I called out to him.
“No, I suppose not, help yourself Nash it’s just a stew and bread.”
“Thanks.”
The time passed in silence. I could intermittedly hear Nash's chair rubbing on the wooden floor, and the clunking of his utensils on the bowl he was eating from, in the next room. The habit of cleaning up after themselves worked well for me. I heard Nash move about doing just that when he was done. He came into the sitting room. Looking up from my sewing, i found Nash frowning at me.
“I have to go to bed Payt, I need to be up early tomorrow, are you going to be ok if I go to bed?” I knew I wasn’t waiting up for Pa but used that as an excuse.
“That’s ok Nash im waiting for Pa.”
“Oh yeah he should be another hour or so.”
“Yeah I have a bit to do here.” I laughed pointing to the basket beside me.
“It's good to have you here Payt, I for one really missed being doted on.”
“It's good to be here Nash, now get to bed.” He laughed lightly and left the room.
An hour went by and still no sign of either Charlie or Pa. I actually didn’t want to wait up any longer, even though, there was a pull to see Charlie again, just to see if we were ok. I got up and tidied my sewing supplies, putting the items back into their wooden box. I turned down the lamp and went to my room.
I started to go about getting ready for bed, when I realized that I didn’t have a clean night dress left. I only had a few in the small trunk I bought on the boat. And I was lazily living from what was in there. In fact, I hadn’t had the time to go through my big trunks yet. I walked over to the window where one was that I knew i packed my under things in. While rifling through it, I found the package that I bought for Charlie at the book shop with the girls. I pulled it out and sat with it on my lap. I snapped my head up when I heard the back door open and close, then the pump being primed. It was Charlie, My heart started to beat faster, and my hands were a little Shaky. I knew how I could fix this. I stood up and headed for the kitchen.
I turned in to the kitchen and saw that Charlie was leaning on the sink looking out into the darkness beyond the window above it. I cleared my throat to announce my presence. He turned; he probably already knew I was there.
“Charlie” I said, walking toward to him as gingerly as my feet could move me. I felt,as though, any sudden movement was going to make him run away. “I have a feeling that maybe you were upset with me.” Nothing, he just stood there and looked at me. So I continued. “I got you this from Mr Peter at the exchange right before I left.” I held out the brown paper wrapped parcel. When I was finally in reach, Charlie took it from me.
“Thank You Payton.” He said fingering the string, which was holding in its contents.
“Well you have to open it.” Still, no emotion. But he at least started to open my present. When he had, taken off the paper and turned it over to see the front he stilled, was it a good sign or bad. He did the same thing I did when I saw it, traced the outline of the black and white picture of the little pirate boy.
“Thank you Payt.” He looked up to me. His dark eyes were soft and his hair was dishevelled from working. Then, all of a sudden, he pulled away from the bench and closed the meagre gap between us. His hand came up and touched my face ever so lightly. His fingers followed the line of my cheek and under my jaw. I could only look at him, I couldn’t move. “It’s the nicest thing any person has thought to give me. I’m glad it came from you.”
“You are.” I said in the smallest of whispers.
“Yes. I’ve been thinking about you, all afternoon Payton.”
“You have?” Again I offered as a whisper.
“Yes, I’ve been thinking what a fool I was to, not have kissed you earlier.” He stopped talking and looked, as though, he was trying hard, to make sure what he next said was just right. And I sorely hoped that it was. “The thought of someone else kissing you, after all the times I dreamed of doing it made me feel jealous and mad. Mad, that I wasn’t the one, to do it first.” I swallowed hard, I know he heard it, but what else could do. “Payton, can I kiss you?” I kept looking into his eyes, and reached my hand up and placed it behind his neck and gently pulled him down towards my lips. The contact was electrifying. I felt nothing but his lovely mouth on mine. We kissed each other like I never knew two people could kiss. I felt his every heartbeat pulsating from him, and I hoped that he could feel mine, because it was calling to his. His other hand came up and cupped my cheek. “Payton, I’ve been saving all my kisses for you. Thoughts of a moment like has carried me through the most horrible of pain, and heart ache.” We simply stood there breathing each other in, and then we heard them, the clip clopping of disappointment, coming up to the barn. It was Pa.
Charlie placed his forehead to mine and gave me another kiss. He smiled with this one. And then he pulled away. My insides were in an uproar. I didn’t want him to let go of me. Just as Charlie stepped back to the sink, Pa came through the back door.
“Evening kids,” pa went straight to the pump and started to wash up.
“Hi Pa”, it was all I could manage. Charlie chuckled under his breath and smiled at me. It was a glorious smile, it filled my being. I smiled back. Pa turned around and looked back between us for a bit.
“I hope you haven’t been waiting up for me Payt.” He said suppressing a smile. He was no fool. Pa knew what had just gone on. And I know he was happy about it. “Why don’t you head of to bed now, ill lock up.”
“Yes Pa.” I replied and spun around to head back to my room. I wasn’t around long enough see Pa give Charlie a fatherly pat on the back. And a loving smile.
I got ready for bed; the last thought on my mind was that I was glad that I found that book tonight.