I was staring at my black shoes when I heard the principal's office door open. Averting my eyes from my shoes, it landed on who I assume the principal. The principal's assistant who's seated behind the wooden reception counter table briefly stood up to acknowledge the principal's presence.
"You must be Silas Gallego." she happily greeted upon seeing me. She seemed genuinely happy and nice, but her smile was too big that it looked like she's trying too hard.
Agad akong tumayo. Inayos ko ang bag sa balikat ko. I quickly walked towards where she is. I extended my hand as a courtesy. "It's nice to meet you po, Mrs. Ortega."
"Are you sure you're okay with your section? You can swap with a student from the top class..."
I immediately shook my head. I didn't want a be treated specially just because of our family name and status in life. It's already enough that my father called in a favor just so I could enroll late.
I didn't need to say anything else. She didn't push and nodded in compliance. I followed her lead as she walked me to what will be my room for the whole year. I grew tense and nervous as we walked towards what felt like a new hell.
This will be my first time to study here in the Philippines. I was born in the country but my mom and I moved to New York when they separated.
It's only been a few weeks since I returned to the Philippines. If I could have it my way, I would have stayed in N.Y. but my father thought it's for my best interest that I'll have him around, since my mother passed away last year because of illness. Dad's been trying to convince me to come back since last year, last month's the only time I got warm to idea of living with him and his new family. I was staying with my relatives abroad, but I know my mom would want me to stay with my father.
I wasn't an introvert, but I liked silence and being alone better than spending time with people. My mother always told me I was more of a lonewolf. It restrained me from making friends back in New York, and I've already exhausted the thought that it wouldn't be different here.
The principal introduced me to the homeroom adviser, Mrs. Ramones. I tried to focus all of my attention on them but I could feel the curious stares from the inside. It made my knees weak a little. I held my breath and peeked behind her. I was right. They were staring. It made me shift my stance in anxiousness.
"I'll take care of him, Mrs. Ortega." Mrs. Ramones said. It made me snap my attention back to her. "Come on, Silas."
This will sound pathetic but my heart slammed in my chest. My body gone cold like I've submerged in ice cold water. I clenched my jaw. I was barely breathing as I followed her in front of the class.
"Everyone, we have a new addition to the class. He's a late enrollee, kaya ngayon pa lang natin siya makakasama." the adviser exclaimed.
I didn't speak. I didn't move. I feel like I'm gonna black out. All I could think of right now is to retreat and fly back to the safety of New York.
"Go ahead. Introduce yourself, iho." she encouraged.
It worsened my state. I licked my dry lips and anxiously browsed the room. My head was spinning and their faces were blurred in my mind that they all looked the same to me.
"I'm Silas." I said in a clipped voice, looking at them but avoiding eye contact.
"Introduce yourself better naman, Mr. Silas." Mrs. Ramones instigated.
I clamped my jaw. My stomach clenched. I hate this. I am not comfortable with talking in front of everyone. I'm not scared of public speaking, but I'm not fond of it either. I took a deep breath to soothe my nerves.
"I'm Silas Raphael Gallego." I finally said, just loud enough for everyone to hear. "Call me Silas."
Brief silence spread across the room. No one reacted. If disgust or any violent reaction was on anyone's face, I wouldn't be sure.
"Alright. Any available seats?" she asked the class this time, looking around for an unoccupied seat. It made me scan the room again, too.
"Ma'am, there's an available chair here!" a proud and smooth voice of a girl rang in the room. My eyes automatically searched for her. I was a little taken aback when I found her already staring at me.
She let out a smirk as our eyes remained locked. I couldn't look away from her. This will sound really cheesy but... she's the most beautiful girl I've seen in my whole life. Her face could stand out in a crowd of thousands, a face that you'd never forget... and she also looked like trouble. Why didn't I see her earlier? Right, I was too scared to focus on anything.
"Okay." Mrs. Ramones' voice snapped me out of my absurd thoughts. "Mr. Gallego, go ahead and get settled down."
I never looked away from her, even when she did. I saw how her whole face lit up when Mrs. Ramones complied with her offer. Her reaction confused me. Why does she want me beside her? would she be happy? What could she possibly benefit from being seatmates with an awkward boy like me?
It would be safer for my sanity to disagree, but a bigger part of me wanted to be near her. There's this pull... a hook that she'd cast on me the moment our eyes met. I found myself slowly walking towards her way.
"What the hell, Laurene?" someone suddenly said. My eyes fell on a guy standing from the floor near the vacant chair beside Laurene. Bakit siya nasa sahig? He fell off? He looked pissed... She pushed him off?
"Shoo, Vance." she gracefully waved him off. It made me want to smile, but I stopped myself from doing so.
"But-" the guy got interrupted from what he's about to say when Mrs. Ramones told him to go back to his proper seat.
I straightened my body when he looked at me. If looks could kill, I'd be bleeding to death right now. He looked pissed off. Like I've just stolen a candy from him. Who is he anyway? Her boyfriend?
He made a point to scowl at me. He grimaced and clashed my shoulder with his before heading back to where he's supposed to be. My brain flashed red. I don't want to be on anyone's bad side. I don't want to be involved on anyone's business.
I never glanced at the girl as I sat down. Avoiding her is the right choice if I wanted to stay away from trouble. I placed my bag on the floor and carefully sat up straight, maintaining safe distance from her. Our seats were too close that the limited space to move feels stiff.
She was silence for a few seconds, but I could feel her eyes on me. On my face. Her entire presence is so heavy that I could feel her.
"Hi." she chirped. It made me jump from my seat. My second reaction is to look at her. She's wearing a big grin. "I'm Laurene Raphaelle Serrano. People call me L, but you can call me whatever you want."
She raised her hand, offering it to me. It was a knee-jerk reaction to back away, not wanting any kind of physical contact with her. It made her laugh, like I've done something highly amusing. I stared at her hand before returning my eyes to her face.
"Mapapahiya ako kapag hindi mo tinanggap ang kamay ko." she teased, I could hear the mockery in her voice.
My face warmed in response. "S-Sorry."
I didn't think twice, not wanting to make it awkward for her anymore, I clasped my hand with hers. My chest constricted at the feeling of her soft hand against mine. It feels... nice.
"Silas." I croaked and shook her hand.
She smiled. My eyes dropped to her lips. Even her smile looks beautiful. It hurts to look at it. I could feel the sting in my chest, but I couldn't look away. I'd rather hurt than miss a chance to see the curve on her lips.
I could feel her heated gaze all morning. It got me conscious. Her stares made me feel a little insecure, too. I know how I look. I was far from the guy he was with. I was sporting a clean cut, while the guy had a perfectly styled hair. My uniform was too big for me, while that guy looked like a model in his uniform. What's the perfect Filipino word to describe me again... Baduy?
I never paid attention to how I looked like. It never mattered to me before. I let our maids buy my clothes, let my Father's old barber decide my haircut for me. I feel... lacking beside her. She's this shiny star and I'm a stone buried in a mud. But being under her scrutiny... I've never been ashamed of how I looked and dressed up. Laurene Raphaelle... Even her name is beautiful. So... How?
What am I thinking about anyway? I never cared about a girl before, never been disturbed by what they think about me... So why do I want her validation? What's with her?
That night, I hardly slept. I couldn't stop thinking about earlier's events. The images won't stop playing vividly in my head. Laurene... expertly kissing that guy named Vance. It replayed in my mind over and over again, on loop. Studying in New York since I was a kid, I've seen people do worse... but seeing her make out with someone else... It bothered me. It stirred something... strange inside me.
I have no idea why she wanted to be friends with someone like me. She's popular. She could be friends with whoever she wants and make people follow her every whim... but she wanted me. And I liked it. I loved the attention she's giving me. I secretly craved for it.
Every early morning, we'd both be alone in our room. I've always been a morning person, but I never looked forward as eagerly as I did after Laurene started showing up to spend time with me. She's waking up early, going to school early, for me. And I'm not assuming. I've heard his conversation with that guy a few days ago.
Few days after, we started spending recess together, too. She found out that I spend it in the upper gym and invited herself to join me. I didn't complain. Why would I? I like her company. I... like her.
Laurene made everything better. Everything feels right with her near me.
"Silas!" Laurene called my name in a singsong voice. A smile automatically crept on my lips at the sound of her.
I turned my head towards the end of the upper gym's stairwell. I quickly hid my smile when she appeared in clear view. Her eyes were immediately set on me, like she already knew where I was going to be. She's wearing her usual cute grin, her eyes were shining brightly like always, as if I'd made her day. Or maybe it's just my head playing with me because God knows she completes my day.
"I brought food!" she bragged and lifted her hand, a small white plastic bag.
Laurene bounced her way towards me. She brought down the bag on top of the tennis table before sitting down on the monoblock near me. Inusog niya pa ito lalo palapit sa akin bago umayos ng upo.
"It's crazy down there. Puro hearts everywhere." she twitched her nose, as if repulsed with the thought. She talked while busying herself with removing a tupperware from the plastic bag. She snorted. "Palibhasa Valentine's Day is coming. Hm..."
She suddenly stopped from moving. She turned her head to me and squinted her eyes, searching my face for something. "How 'bout you, Silas? Who's your Valentine's Date?"
Her stares were inquisitive, stripping me raw and vulnerable in front of her. Not flushing under her heated gaze is impossible. I cleared my throat and looked away. "W-Wala."
She didn't say anything, which made me look at her. She's staring at me. Her lips slightly pouted. "Are you not going to ask me out?"
Laurene asked it in a small voice, which was out of her character. My heart beat sped up. Something kicked in me. Every part of my body was on high alarm. My face warmed. I wanted to answer yes, but like a pathetic wuss, I got tonguetied and failed to respond immediately.
"Joke lang!" she suddenly exclaimed, following it with a laugh. It crushed the untitled emotion building up in me.
"You looked so scared with the idea. I don't bite, Silas... At least not on the first date." Laurene cheekily grinned at me and winked.
My jaw clenched. I hate it. I hate that I was too chickened out to say yes. I hate that I couldn't be bold enough and tell her what I feel.
Being friends with her for a year, I've seen the kind of guys who pursued her. I've seen the few that she entertained. Just merely remembering the times I've seen her with other guys makes me see red, and I was never the violent type.
It frustrated me. I wanted all of her attention. I don't like her looking at other guys... I want her eyes only on me. It was an ugly feeling... to feel greedy and be selfish over someone you don't and couldn't possibly own.
I spent my whole summer, the past three months, working on myself. I've observed the way other guys dress, how my own siblings looked. Admitting this will be lame but I even Googled on how to dress up. I read self-help books... and even fashion magazines.
I wanted to look good for her. I want her eyes to fix solely on me. I don't want to be just friends with her anymore. I wanted her to see just me.
I went to school early, with seeing her in mind. My mood turned gloomy when I saw the announcement board and saw that we weren't on the same section anymore. I immediately went to the principal's office. I asked her to transfer me to Laurene's section. I nearly groveled.
I failed to attend the flag ceremony because of it. Mrs. Ortega even called my father regarding my plea. My Dad didn't give consent to my request, which means I have no choice but to join the top class. I loathed the idea of not being with Laurene as much as I did last year.
First day of school and I wasn't in the mood for anything. I need Laurene to make me feel better. Our homeroom adviser spent the whole morning, introducing herself and discussing the rule book. I listened halfheartedly for the next hours.
Ms. Felimer dismissed us earlier. I moved rapidly, fixing my things. The person beside me already left the seat, but someone else sat on it. Pati sa harapan ko ay naramdaman ko na may ibang umupo.
With a creased forehead, I stopped from moving and raised my head to look at the person sitting in front of me. My eyebrows raised when a familiar face welcomed me. Hadeon Davis Serrano. Laurene's fraternal twin.
"Silas Gallego." someone beside me said. My head turned to him next. Him, I don't know. "You're L's newly found friend, right?"
He's wearing a cocky smirk, overflowing with confidence. I could classify him as the type that Laurene usually goes for. Just the thought of it annoys the hell out of me. I pursed my lips. I didn't answer him. "Who are you?"
"Orion Saldivar. Your future best bud." he shrugged with an amused grin.
"Ignore the fucker, Silas." Hadeon snorted. I brought my attention back to him. He's wearing the same smirk that I usually see from Laurene. They don't look alike, but the similarities are evident. "We just wanna ask if you wanna eat with us."
I don't wanna decline the invite from Laurene's twin brother. But I'm too filled with need to see her to even think of doing anything else.
"May gagawin pa ako. Maybe next time. Thanks." I flashed him an apologetic look, including the Japanese looking guy who's standing near us before leaving them behind.
I headed to the upper gym. Wala si Laurene doon. I was a little worried that she won't show up. I waited by the railing because there were no Monoblock chairs around. I stared at the only entrance to the gym at first, but ended up staring on the floor when minutes passed and there's still no sign of her. Fear started to gnaw at me.
What if she doesn't come? What if she couldn't care less about seeing me? The middle of my chest achingly throbbed. Just thinking about it hurts... How painful will it be if it did happen?
"Silas."
My heart jumped at the sound of her voice. I couldn't raise my head faster. I stilled at the sight of her. It's been three months since I last saw her... And I missed her more than I should. I grazed my eyes on her, from top to bottom-not wanting to miss any detail. I needed a new picture of her engraved in my brain. I felt my chest squeeze. Damn...
"Laurene." I called, trying my best to hide the thrill in my voice.
She smiled while I fell. I unraveled at what I've realized from seeing her again today. She shook her head and laughed. She surprised me when she suddenly ran towards me and hugged me tight. Every part of me melted.
She moved her face away, but kept her arms wrapped around me. I watched her, focusing on her expressive eyes. I could drown in it.
"I missed you, Silas." she soberly and clearly said.
I breathed in sharply. It's like my heart grew wings and it's fluttering like a hummingbird's. My next moves were automatic and out of my control. I cupped her face without any second thoughts. I stroked her cheek with my thumb. I almost closed my eyes at the feeling of her soft cheek against the pad of my finger. I can't count the times I almost reached for her face and did this-I've imagined it for too many times.
She grinned, unabashed by her own confession. "Did you miss me, too?"
I was too happy to hold it in. I chuckled happily. I slipped my arm down to her waist while she pulled me closer swiftly, preventing me from escaping.
"Well?" she urged, arching a brow.
I missed you too. So much, baby Laurene. I missed you a lot and it's too much.
I wanted to say those words, but I was scared that it'd be too much for her. That it'd scare her away. That we're not on the same level yet. I've never fell in love before, it's all new to me, I want to play my cards right. I can't risk her.
So I settled for a nod and a dazed smile, "I did."
I always look forward to spending time with Laurene. It's always the highlight of my day. Before Laurene, there's a void in me that I didn't know that was there and when I met her, she filled it. When she's not around, it always feels like something's missing.
"Silas." a soft feminine voice called. It disrupted my thoughts and my eyes searched for the caller instinctively. She smiled when I gave her my attention. "Practice tayo ng presentation ngayong break?"
Magka-grupo kami sa presentation para sa subject mamaya. She's the group leader, which gives her commanding rights.
"May gagawin ako ng break." I apologetically replied. My breaks are reserved for Laurene. It's school work, so immediately brainstormed for an alternative. "But we can work on it on our library period later."
"Oh." her smile dropped for a second, but it returned in a flash. "Okay. I'll tell the others."
Hindi niya na ako pinilit pa at umalis na sa tabi ko. The discussion ended earlier, so, now we're just waiting for the bell to ring. My bag's fixed and I already had my phone and wallet with me, kaya nang tumunog ang bell ay nangunguna ako sa tumayo. I didn't want to look eager, which is why I waited for the guys first.
Laurene was waiting for me in front of the room. She smiled widely when she saw me and I tried my hardest to resist smiling back. The center of my chest was enveloped with warmth.
We bought food before heading to our place. I've declared it ours, dahil kami lang naman ang gumagamit 'non sa tuwing break. I enjoy talking about random things with Laurene, but I was content with silence with her, too. But a silent Laurene means something's bothering her.
I composed several sentences on how I'll ask her what's wrong. No sentence ever felt right. It felt like I was going to choke the words when I speak for too long, but it'd be less genuine if I asked in a few words.
"A friend of mine asked me for your numer. Si Pia, you know her..." bigla niyang sabi. I was half relieved that she finally spoke. She looked disinterested as she continued eating her food.
"And?" I asked.
"Hindi ko nabigay. Wala naman kasing akong number mo." she rolled her eyes and threw on a little tantrum as she drank her favorite lemon-orange juice.
She's pissed that she doesn't have my phone number? An amused smile slipped from me, I quickly bit down on my lip to hide it. Then fixed my face before she could see me.
"Do you want my number?" I casually asked.
The reason why we don't have each other's number is because I couldn't make myself ask her. I was scared she'd ask for a reason, and I don't know what alibi I could give her. And it discouraged me a little that she didn't ask me for it, too.
"Huh?" she gave me a quizzical look. "Hindi no! Ano naman gagawin ko sa number mo? Sinabi ko lang sa'yo na may nanghihingi."
Laurene is easy to read half the time. Especially when she's being in denial. She may be good at lying, but she's bad at denying her real emotions.
I nodded, giving her what she's pretending to achieve. "Then I'll give it to you para mabigay mo."
Her face transformed into honest irritation, displayed for me to bask on. "Baliw ka ba? Why would you give your number to a stranger?"
Now I get why Orion likes to mess around with Laurene. Seeing her riled up face is highly addictive. She looks cuter when she's annoyed and pissed.
"Hinihingi, e." tipid na sagot ko.
Napahinto siya at tumingin lang sa akin na parang hindi makapaniwala. "Are you like that to every girl who asks for your number?"
No, baby.
"I find it rude to say no." I casually answered, wanting to tease her more.
"Pasimpleng fuck boy ka rin, ano?" matabang na sagot niya.
"Ayaw mo bang ibigay ko?" maamong tanong ko.
"Bakit naman ako aayaw? It's your number. It's your life. Kung gusto mo ibigay sa lahat ng babae sa campus yung number mo, edi ibigay mo. Gusto mo magpagawa pa ako ng posters na may wanted textmate at ipaskil sa bawat sulok ng campus? Kasi ang rude naman diba kung di mo ite-text ang buong populasyon ng school, diba?" she ranted, not even bothering to pause for air.
I gawked at her face. Her eyes were sharp and stormy with slight anger. Her entire face was fierce. Oh damn... My baby is extremely pissed. And the reason why she is.... I couldn't help myself from being happy. A smile drew on my lips.
"Nakangiti ka pa d'yan?" supladang sabi niya. Oh damn it... She's too cute.
I shook my head, laughing lightly. "I was just kidding."
"What?" her face crunched in confusion.
I retrieved my phone from my pocket and unlocked it before handing it to her. "There put your number and give me your phone. I'll give you mine."
She pouted but still did what I told her to. Una kong inilagay ang phone number ko sa contacts niya. I glanced at her. She's still busy with my phone. Curious, I opened her message application. My jaw clenched when I was welcomed with a lot of guy names. My forehead creased as I scrolled through the conversations.
My jaw remained clamped as I browsed some of her exchange with a few guys. If I didn't know Laurene better, I would have thought that she's not interested, but I know her and I know she's playing them well.
It irked me. I didn't want her to entertain anyone. I didn't want her to play with anyone. If she wanted to play, then she.... she could... do it with me.
"Why do you have Francheska Ramirez's number?" Laurene suddenly asked, interrupting me from my own dark thoughts.
My head sharply turned to her. I still feel... dark.... and it was such an alien feeling. "We're groupmates."
Tumango lamang siya bilang sagot. Wala na siyang ibang sinabi. She looked resigned as she handed me back my phone. "Here."
My jaw tightened. I was mad. Mad at the guys who were trying to pursue her when she already have me. I was angry, but I shouldn't take it on her. I breathed in long and deep to calm myself. Ibinalik ko na rin sa kanya ang phone niya.
Her eyes dropped to her phone, unaffectedly scanning it, while I was still bothered from what I've seen on her phone.
"Ibibigay ko ba ang number mo sa friend ko?" matabang na tanong niya. That soothed me a little. She's not unaffected. She's just hiding it like me.
I cooled down. My stiff shoulders relaxed. I softly gazed at her, wanting to take back the cold shoulder I've given her.
"Do you want to?" I sweetly asked.
She bit her lip, holding something in. She looked away from me. "Do you want to text with her?"
"No." I instantly replied. I licked my lips. My heart was beating like a maniac in me that it felt like it's crawling up my throat. I closed my eyes, my jaw tightened as I gathered some courage. I opened it again, she's still not looking at me. "I'll only text you."
I saw how her eyes widened and that's when she looked at me.
"And you'll only text me." I smoothly stated. My eyes dropped to her hand. I glared at it before looking at her again. This time, earnestly and humorless. She remained unresponsive but she never looked away from me.
"No other boys, Laurene." I added, wanting to make it clear.
She slowly shut her eyes close before leisurely nodding, "Okay."
After exchanging our numbers that day, we fell into a routine of texting each other whenever we're apart. I always make sure to answer, and be fast about it. I didn't want to give her an opportunity to text someone else.
"I lasted longer than yesterday." Laurene proudly said, still breathless from running a few laps.
I've been training with her for a week now, preparing her for the marathon that I'd be participating in. I was hesitant on allowing her to join me, taking her case in consideration. She doesn't go to gym or jog. It's her first time joining a marathon, and the marathon I'd be joining isn't for beginners. But... I was selfish. I wanted to spend more time with her out of school, so I let her convince me to say yes.
Laurene's a fast learner and a hard worker. She'd improved greatly in a span of seven days. Her stamina and endurance increased each time. I can't help but be awe at her. I'm only seeing this side of her or the first time, but I know that whenever she sets her mind on something, she'll do everything, stubbornly achieve it. She's tenacious and headstrong. Her focus and dedication are absolute.
Laurene's naturally free-spirited. It's one of the things that drawn me to her. But seeing her work hard for something... I've realized how I've been hooked and there's no escape.
I nodded. I was so proud of her. "You did good."
She didn't respond and stared at me for a while. I could see the thoughts running through her eyes. Her proud grin disappeared. Her spirit dampened evidently. She shook her head.
"Just good isn't enough. I have to be great, para makasabay ako sa'yo."
My forehead creased at her crooked view. What?
"You don't have to be great or do anything, Laurene. I'd slow down for you." I softly said.
She shook her head. Her face was grim. Her eyes shouted sobered dedication. "I'll train more."
For some reason, her desire to be better scared me. She spoke like it's a matter of life and death. I wanted her to understand that such trivial detail didn't matter to me. That I accept her regardless.
Looking at her, I realized that it may be frivolous to me, but it's important to her. Laurene may be the strongest girl I know, but she's human with insecurities, too-and this is her way of coping. It mattered to her. This is her own way of proving her own worth. All I could do is support her, watch her grow, and grow with her.
I nodded. "Okay. Do what you want. I'll help you."