~ Austin ~
I finally decided to visit Samantha today. I got out of my car and walked towards her door. I knocked on her door but to my surprise it is not locked. So, I did not hesitate to enter their house.
The house is so dark and it feels like no one is inside. It is also very silent that you can hear a pin drop if you listen closely. The house is radiating loneliness which makes me worried about Samantha.
"Samantha, are you there?" I said but no one answered.
I continued to walk towards their living room when I heard a faint sound, more like sobbing. I followed the noise until I saw a silhouette of a person sitting on the couch.
I don't even know who the person is because its so dark but I have a pretty good guess of who it is. But why would a person sit in the darkness if the electricity is working?
Ignoring the thoughts on my mind I went near the silhouette. My guess is right, it is Samantha. However, It did not made me feel better knowing that she is crying and alone. I do not want to hear her cry anymore therefore I made my way to her and then sat beside her.
"Baby what's wrong?" I asked softly but I got no response.
Looking at her makes me want to kill myself right then and there. She looks so pale and weak. She looks lifeless. I can see it in her eyes that she's lonely and exhausted.
She's emotionally drained. Her tired eyes beg for a long and peaceful sleep. The streaks on her cheeks and her puffy and red eyes tell that she's been crying for god knows how long. Her soft and pink lips turned into a dry and pale lips. I am so stupid to let these things happen to her.
I didn't bother to talk afterwards. I just watched her stare at a blank wall in front of her. Minutes of pure silence passed by until I earned the guts to wrapped an arm around her shoulder. For the first time today, she reacted. She pulled her eyebrows into a frown and slowly look me in the eyes.
"What are you doing here?" she said. Her voice is raspy and hoarse like she just woke up from a slumber but the bags under her eyes showed that she haven't slept yet.
"I came here to talk to you"
"What do you want to talk about? Are you here to break up me?" Her voice quivered and tears are threatening to spill out of her eyes.
"No baby I'm not going to do that to you. I'm here to say sorry for what I did to you." I started "I know that I don't deserve to be forgiven but please give me another chance. Not chasing after you last night was a stupid mistake. I was just so confused at that time and I don't really know what to do. I am nothing without you beside me. I hurt you a lot and I'm the reason why you're like these. Please forgive and give me a chance to set things right."
She broke our stare and looked at the white tiled-floor. Then, I noticed a teardrop roll down her cheeks followed by another, then another. She is crying and I don't know if I'm the reason or not. Maybe she is too hurt for what I did that is why she is crying or that she's crying because she doesn't want me in her life anymore.
That thought breaks my heart and I will never forgive myself if it happens. I don't want to lose her. Not now that I already fell in love with her.
~ Samantha ~
Austin is right here beside me. Just his presence makes me feel a lot better. I miss him so much. I don't know what I'd do with my life without him and I need him at time like this.
After I heard him asking for my forgiveness, I felt guilty. I mean first, he is worried about me and even made the effort to visit me when I thought that we are over. Second, he is not the reason why I'm like this. He is not at fault for whatever is happening to me right now. I'm being like this because of what happened between me and my mom and he has no ideas so he is blaming himself.
"Samantha, please don't cry. I can't stand seeing you cry especially if its my fault." he said while rubbing my arm up and down. The action made me feel a little bit better knowing that he is here with me.
I finally have the courage to look at him in the eyes despite my wreck image. "It is not your fault Austin so stop blaming yourself." Just hearing my voice makes me cringe. I seriously need a liter of water to quench my thirst. It feels like I ate sand.
After the tragic event of my mom leaving me last night, I completely forgot about taking care of myself. I'm not in the mood to eat and I don't have the strength to even stand up to do anything. I just spent my day sitting on this couch or in the corner of the living room. Sometimes my feet are in front of my chest and my face is buried on my hands while staring blankly on a wall and thinking deeply.
"Just please don't cry and tell me whats wrong." Austin said while positioning his index finger under my chin making me look at him.
I stared at him and asked myself some questions. Is it worth it if I tell him what happened that night? What if her mom thinks that I'm just making up some stories so that he will choose me instead of her?
But if I didn't tell hime the truth the. I'm going to lie to him again which can make things worse between us?
I taught about all these question before finally making up a decision.
"My mom." I finally said
"What about your mom?" he asked while letting my head rest on his shoulder.
"She left me" I said and I can feel my throat closing up on me. I can feel the tears again as I remember the events last night.
"What? Why did she do that to you?" Austin said in disbelief. After taking a deep breath, I told him everything that happened after I run away from him last night.
"She left me. Last night after I run away, I went home to be with my mom because I know that she is the only person that will understand me at the moment. So, when I came home, I was surprised and relieved to know that she is here. She saw what a mess I was and asked me what was wrong. I told her the whole story. I started from going to the dinner then I told her what happened between me and your mom including our little misunderstanding with each other. At first she comforted me which I wa thankful for until she asked me what was the cause of me running away from your mom." I stop for a while and briefly closed my eyes to what I'm about to say.
"Then I realized that if I am going to lie to her it will just worsen my situation. So, I finally had the courage to spill the news to her. I told her that I am pregnant and that was when all hell brake lose. I knew that she will be mad at me but the way she reacted last night made me feel unwanted and ten times worse." I said while crying because of remembering what happened. It still feels raw and I am so tired of feeling like this.
"I said that I am pregnant. Then she questioned me why. She said that I am smarter than getting pregnant at a young age. She even said that I am a disappointment. I know I am a disappointment and I know being pregnant at a young age is a mistake but hearing it from my mom kills me."
"Oh baby, I wish I was here to defend you. Instead I was at home and not here with you to take the blame. I don't see your mom right now so where did she go then?" Austin asked
"Do you remember the times when I told you that she's out most of the time than being home?" I said and he nodded.
"Well, she answered the questions that's been bothering my mind in a very long time. She said that she is going to leave me to clear her mind. When I asked her where she is going, she said that it is not my problem anymore but she gave in afterwards and told me that she will stay at Richard's house. I do not know any Richard therefore I asked her who the hell Richard is. She got mad at my questioning and said that they've been dating for a month now." I said and more tears are flowing from my eyes. The more I think of it the more hurt I feel.
After I told Austin what happened, he didn't speak anything for a while, which is a good thing because I don't want to answer any of his questions right now. We sat there in a comfortable silence. All I want to do is take a good shower and sleep.
"You are tired you should get some sleep." Austin said when he saw me yawn and I nodded without complaining. He helped me stand on my feet and asked if I am hungry.
"No I am not." I answered but my stomach betrayed me when it growled like a lion. I should have been embarrassed but I am too depressed to feel anything other than sadness.
"Take a shower first it will make you feel a lot better. That is enough time for me to prepare food or maybe a soup and hot chocolate." he said while walking beside me upstairs to my room.
"But I don't want to eat." I argued childishly
"What are you talking about that you dont want to eat? Did you forget that you are carrying a child, our child? Samantha please dont starve. You should help yourself and I dont want you feeling like shit that is why I am here right now. You are pregnant so don't hurt yourself please."
After realising that he is right, I finally agreed to eat. He helped me prepare for the shower and when everything's prepared he went downstairs to make me something to eat.
While in the bathtub, I can't help but think on what will happen to me. I almost forgot that I'm pregnant which is very ridiculous. I can't cant help but imagine myself with a baby bump. What will happen when I give birth? Does it hurt that much like in the movies or maybe worse? What if I'm going to be a miserable mother?
Mother.
Will everything be back to normal with me and my mom? Will our problem be fixed or will she just forget me as her daughter and start a new life and family with Richard? It bothers me a lot but I'm pregnant so I set aside the stress and focused on the good side.
I can't wait to buy baby stuffs for my baby. I can't wait to carry this baby in my arms. I can't wait to have my own family with Austin. I can't wait to plan for our baby's christening, first birthday and all. I cant wait to know what gender our baby is and what name we are going to give.
Thinking this kind of things makes me smile. A real and genuine smile. For so long it feels so good being happy again. It makes me think that everything is fine even if it's just for a short period of time.
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The night went by so fast. I changed into a much comfortable clothes after taking a shower. Then, Austin came to my room carrying a bowl of hot chicken soup and a glass of hot chocolate.
Austin never left my side that night. He helped me eat the soup which by the way was really good.
Everything is perfect. If I could only pause the time and stay in that kind of moment forever, I will but I cannot.
He is the best boyfriend ever. I'm never going to hurt him and I promised that im going to take care of this baby for him.
And most importantly I will never stop loving him.
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after the long wait! yeyyy hoped you like it :)
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feel free to ask me whatever you want :) love you!!
Twitter: @acmpizzaunicorn
Edited: 03/05/17