despair:(noun)
plural noun: despairs
the complete loss or absence of hope."A voice full of self-hatred and despair." -synonyms: hopelessness, desperation, distress, anguish, pain, unhappiness; dejection, depression, despondency, disconsolateness, gloom, melancholy, melancholia, misery, wretchedness; disheartenment, discouragement, resignedness, forlornness, defeatism, pessimism. "many parents feel pain and despair about their teenage children." -antonyms: hope, joy.
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"Trying not to need you, is tearing me apart. Can't see the silver lining, from down here on the floor and I just keep on trying, but I don't know what for." - a/n (This song just makes me cry every time I listen to it 😭)
Song - Trying Not To Love You
Artist - Nickleback
(hi guys, please go and check out my newest book called Phantom Space, starring Niall Horan. I'd love to hear your thoughts regarding it. I also love your opinions on it, I cherish what you guys think of my work, so don't be shy and check it out on my profile <3)
Ignore errors :(
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...Two Weeks Later...
Joe
So far Henry hadn't tried anything, maybe he was actually sticking to his word and not attempting anything until our baby was born. I don't know if he just called me to put fear into me or he was just doing it as a warning, either way, it worked.
Harry had moved us to a Penthouse for more security, which I rarely left in the last two weeks.
My morning sickness seemed to be fading away, I only got it occasionally now, my stomach was getting bigger according to Harry. I didn't really notice it, but he said I was getting a bigger. Also, my leg and ribs are almost fully healed.
Luke dropped in yesterday, telling me mums funeral was next tomorrow. I don't know if I'm ready for to say goodbye to her just yet.
Currently, I'm sitting in the bathtub full of bubbles, Harry had ordered me to relax for awhile because the stress was eating me alive.
I stretch my body out beneath the bubbles and let a relieved sigh fall from my lips, the warm water feels so nice and relaxing against my skin. I close my eyes only to reopen them when I heard footsteps approaching the bath.
"Got room for me in there babe?" Harry asks dropping a towel from around his waist. I bite my lip and attempt not to look at his semi-hard on, we haven't had sex for some time.
Harry said he didn't feel I was ready just yet for it even though I told him I was. He keeps rejecting me.
I close my eyes again and nod my head, the water shifts as Harry climbs in and sits next to me, I'm instantly pulled in front of him; between his legs. "What are you doing?" I question when he places his hands on my shoulders.
"Giving my fiancee a massage," He tells me and begins to gently rub my shoulders in circular movements with his fingers.
The feeling has my head falling back on his chest, I sigh reopening my eyes. "The feels good,"
When I feel his lips begin to attack my neck with wet kisses and sucks on my skin, I pull away from him.
"Joe? where are you going?" He asks as I climb out of the bath. "What's wrong?"
I trap my bottom lip between my teeth and wrap a towel around my naked body, before saying, "Stop rejecting me Harry, it hurts my feelings."
"Is this what it's about? Because I won't have sex with you?" Harry's voice is bitter and makes anger boil through my veins. "You know why I-"
"You always get me so turned on, then reject me! It's not fair Harry. You heard what the doctor said last week, I'm perfectly fine now, the baby's fine." I fight the tears threatening to spill.
He has no idea what it feels like when he refuses me, it fucking hurts.
"Joe, I'm just worried about you," I hear him climb out of the bath, his wet feet padding across the tiled floor. "You miscarried after the last time we had sex, what if it was my fault?"
I turn around to find Harry standing at the sink, a towel wrapped low around his hips, low enough to show his V line. "It wasn't your fault, the doctor said it was stress."
"Are you sure about that?"
"Yes, he said sex during pregnancy is fine, but if you don't want to, I get it." I don't give him a chance to reply, I walk out of the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind me and into our bedroom where I find Harry's shirt and slip it over my head.
I hate how this pregnancy is affecting my hormones I'm always horny, even in my sleep I wake up wanting to fuck Harry but he never does.
A heavy sigh escapes my lips as I slip his shirt over my head then walk out into the kitchen and lean against the marble benchtop.
I understand why he's worried but at the same time, rejection hurts.
I'm about to walk over to the refrigerator to get a drink when I hear his amazing voice.
"I'm sorry if I say, "I need you." But I don't care, I'm not scared of love." I remember this song, it's the same one he sang ages ago. "'Cause when I'm not with you I'm weaker. Is that so wrong? Is it so wrong?"
He continues a part I haven't heard before. "So, baby, hold on to my heart, oh, oh." It sounds like he's coming closer and then he opens the bedroom door slip out without notifying me. "Need you to keep me from falling apart, I'll always hold on, 'cause you make me stron-Ohh baby, there you are,"
I try to avoid his eyes because but just his voice alone it made me weak at the knees and kinda turned me on.
Fucking hormones.
I should be appreciating my fiancee's brilliant singing not getting turned on by it.
"Yeah, here I am,"
"Are you alright? You left without me explaining anything."
This time my gaze meets his, "What's there to explain? You don't want to have sex, you don't need to explain anything. My body's changing, I'm getting fatter so I don't blame you for not wanting to touch me. I wouldn't want to touch a beached whale either."
A frown takes over his face, it's only when he approaches me and using the pad of his thumb he removes a single tear from my cheek, that I notice I'm crying.
Curse you damn mood swings.
"Joe, come 'ere," Harry opens his arms for me and embraces me in a tight hug. "I do want to make love to you babe, it's me not you," He whispers into my hair. "Trust me, I'd really love to take you right now,"
I pull away from him, staring into his olive green eyes. "Then what's stopping you?" He sighs. "Harry, the doctor said sex is fine during pregnancy, I'm fine now, I-" I pause. "-Is it because of my body?"
"No baby, you're perfect."
"Harry, it hurts when you keep rejecting me and more so when you don't tell me why?"
His hands grip my hips, he pulls me flush against his body; our fronts touching. "I don't trust myself,"
"What'd you mean? Harry?" He redirects his vision to the floor but I use my thumb and place it on his chin, tilting his head up. "Do you think you'll hurt me?" He nods. "Harry, you won't hurt me, I'd tell you."
"Promise?" His lips pull upwards into a small smile.
I lean closer to him, our lips brushing a few times. "I promise,"
"Good, then let me show you how much I love you," He whispers against my lips, I can hear the hesitation and worry in his voice but I chose to ignore it.
"No one's stopping you,"
I squeal when Harry lifts me up and carries me into our room. "Did you finally finish that song?"
"Almost," He replies gently placing me onto the bed and crawls above me, fingers finding my panties and removing them along with my-his shirt from my body. "Are you sure about this?" He asks while removing his boxers.
"Yes Harry," I breathe out as he crawls down my body, leaving delicate kisses on my inner thighs. My breathing becomes heavier, I expect him to do some foreplay, but he doesn't and instead, he kisses my pregnant belly, whispering something I can't hear before he kisses it again.
His hands slide up and down entire body, from my legs to my shoulders.
I gasp when Harry takes my right nipple in his mouth, sucking it and licks the very tip then does the same to my right nipple. "H-Harry," A few moans slip out but all too soon my nipple drops from his mouth.
Harry comes back to my face, leaving kisses along my neck and jaw-line. He looks down at me, hooded eyes filled with lust, I feel him line himself out at my entrance. "Safe word babe,"
"What?"
"Use a safe word if it's too much," He kisses my nose while his tip glides over my folds.
I gasp feeling him press harder against me.
"Safe word Joe," He chuckles because my mind is completely blank right now I can't come up with anything. "Come on baby, think of a word."
"W-what was the name of that song you were singing?" A loud gasp followed by a moan erupts from my throat as he effortlessly slides in, stretching my walls.
His hands grip mine and pull them above my head. "Strong," comes his reply along with a grunt. "Because your love is my strength--ah fuck, babygirl you're always so damn tight,"
With the deeper depth he goes in, the more I want him to actually start moving. "T-then that's my s-safe word,"
"Strong?" Harry moans from above me, his length is so far in my body that I can feel his balls pressed against my butt, so he stills.
Looking down at me, Harry releases my hands and brings one to my face and the other sits on the pillow near my head.
I nod, smiling. "Strong, strong is the safe word,"
...
a/n
I'm sorry for ending it there, my nana was about to see what I was writing... I had to quickly publish it!
She thinks I write books 'bout fairies.
Ops
I'm actually joking about the fairies part, lol she knows I write mature books
I swear I need a lake filled with just holy water and a library with bibles.
Sorry but not sorry.