CAROLINE'S POV
This year Easter and the anniversary of my dad's passing fell on the same day. Nashville was sunny and warm on the morning of Easter as I sat down in a pew of a local church. I had wanted to go to church this morning because my dad and I used to go to church every Sunday and the least I could do to honor him today would be to go to the Easter Sunday service.
Taylor had agreed to go with me and Karlie and Andrea were spending Easter with us so they were here too. Taylor's dad and brother were on a boys trip for the holiday, so it was just going to be the girls here in Nashville. As the four of us were all seated in our pew we got a lot of stares from the rest of the congregation. Going normal places with Taylor wasn't normal, and I'd learned that. But soon enough, the other churchgoers were distracted by the pastor coming in and beginning the service.
As hard as I tried to listen throughout the service my mind kept wandering back to my dad. It had been three years today since he died and I hadn't seen him in person for nearly four, but because I got his 'if you're reading this' letter earlier this year, I felt like it hadn't been so long.
For the last two years the anniversary of his passing had been tough, I'd had breakdowns and anxiety attacks. But now, I felt as though I had closure. It still hurt that he was gone. I had turned 18 a few weeks ago and it hurt that he wasn't there with me to celebrate. But still, finally being able to smile when I thought of him was a huge step for me.
As the pastor gave his sermon about how much Jesus sacrificed for us, I couldn't help but relate it back to my family. Taylor loved me so much that she was willing to take me in full time after my dad died. I would never be able to thank her enough for that.
Soon enough, the congregation was filling out of the church and out to their cars in the parking lot. We didn't stay for much small talk, we headed out so we could get back home and eat the meal that was waiting for us.
"I don't know about you guys but I'm starving." Taylor said from the drivers seat of her car as we pulled out of the parking lot. Andrea, who was sitting beside me in the back seat, pulled a plastic pink Easter egg out of her purse and opened it up from the middle to reveal a mini chocolate bar. She handed it up to Taylor as Karlie messed with the radio from the passenger's seat.
"Mom, why did you have this?" Taylor laughed opening the candy bar. Karlie and I laughed too after noticing how weird it was.
"I don't know, it's Easter." Andrea shrugged, stuffing the plastic egg back in her purse.
"It's Easter so you just carry around Easter eggs in your purse?" Taylor asked jokingly.
"Pretty much." Andrea laughed. The four of us joked about this all the way back to our apartment.
Compared to the warm outside air, the air conditioned apartment was chilly. My skin not covered by my dress soon got goosebumps. As Karlie, Taylor, and Andrea took the ham out of the oven and started preparing lunch I went up to my room to change out of my church clothes. I put on shorts and a t-shirt, knowing that today would be low-key and Taylor wouldn't care what I was wearing.
Because the apartment was so cold, I decided to throw on a sweatshirt too. Just as I was reaching into my closet to pull out my new Vanderbilt sweatshirt, something caught my eye. It was a framed picture of my dad that was hanging on the wall. I passed it by every day, but I didn't usually take a good look at it.
As I looked at his caramel eyes that so closely resembled mine, my stomach flipped. In the picture he was wearing a gray Army sweatshirt. It said 'Connor' on the back. The only reason I knew that was because his old Army sweatshirt had been in my possession for years and I used to wear it all the time.
Then, three years ago when I didn't want the sweatshirt to lose my dad's scent more than it already had, I stuffed it in an empty suitcase for a while. Eventually, the suitcase was pushed to the back of my closet and I forgot all about the sweatshirt.
Until now.
Now I felt the strong need to get it out again and put it on. It was a day to remember him after all. I swallowed the lump in my throat that had formed when I remembered the sweatshirt and pulled the old suitcase out of the back of my closet.
As soon as the suitcase was unzipped and opened the smell hit me. It was a familiar scent that immediately comforted me. With a small reminiscent smile now growing on my face, I carefully picked up the sweatshirt and held it out in front of me. It was just like I remembered it. The Army logo was printed on the front, and on the back was my old last name in bold black letters.
I slipped it over my head and stood up to look in my full body mirror. The sweatshirt went down to the middle of my thighs and the sleeves engulfed my hands since it was my dads size. I gently pulled the neck of the sweatshirt over my nose and inhaled the familiar smell of my dad's old cologne.
I turned away from the mirror and looked at the picture of my dad wearing it again. In that moment I got this amazing feeling that things had gone full circle. My dad once wore this sweatshirt, then passed it onto me. Then, while he was away, I forgot all about it until three years after he died. Coincidentally, I remembered I had it while I was finally fully accepting the fact that he was in happy in heaven.
With my heart full, I headed back downstairs to spend time with my family. Halfway down the staircase I met Taylor.
"Hey I was just coming to tell you lunch is ready." She said. Her voice trailed off at the end and I didn't understand why until I saw her eyes move down to my sweatshirt. I watched as her bottom lip curled and she looked back up into my eyes. I just gave her a small smile.
"I haven't seen you wear that in forever." She said quietly with her voice shaking a little.
"I can talk about him without crying now so I guess it was time to get it out." I said as I saw tears form in her eyes.
Before either of us could say anything else she stepped closer to me and wrapped me in a tight hug.
"I'm so proud of you Caroline." She whispered into my ear. When she pulled away she held me at arms length and looked at the sweatshirt on me. Finally, after much examination, she smiled at me and wiped the tears out of her eyes.
"Let's go eat, shall we?" She asked. So we both went downstairs to where Karlie and Andrea were waiting at the kitchen. The ham they had made for lunch was cut up and looked delicious. Of course, there were also vegetarian dishes on the table for Karlie.
"I have a surprise for you guys after lunch." Andrea said with a smirk on her face as we began eating.
"I think I know what this is." Taylor said suspiciously, shaking her head and giggling.
"It wouldn't be a surprise if I told you." Andrea replied with a wink.
"Let me guess. An Easter egg hunt." Taylor said quickly.
"Well you could have at least kept it a surprise for Karlie and Caroline!" Andrea laughed.
"Do most 27 year olds partake in egg hunts?" Taylor asked to nobody in particular.
"They do when I'm their mother." Andrea said back which made Karlie giggle at Taylor's expense.
"Hey it's free candy so I'm all for it." Karlie said.
"I'm very competitive you know. You two are going down." Taylor said, pointing at Karlie and I.
"Yeah and Karlie's going to rethink this relationship when she sees Taylor egg hunt." Andrea joked, making me choke on my water for a second.
"Oh I don't know. I'm a pretty fierce egg hunter myself." Karlie replied, looking from Andrea to Taylor.
"Well I'm the youngest so I'll probably the quickest and most agile. You guys can just forfeit now." I argued jokingly.
"Oh yeah?" Karlie asked. The chatting and banter went on throughout lunch.
True to her word, Andrea hid eggs for us after lunch. Needless to say, I found the most eggs because Taylor and Karlie were too busy fighting each other for them. Afterwards when I was sitting on our couch in my dad's old sweatshirt eating a handful of jellybeans while surrounded by family, I couldn't help but think about what a good life this was.