CAROLINE'S POV
I woke up with a feeling of dread on Tuesday morning. It would be my first day back at school since Taylor was outed. Taylor and I got back to Nashville on Sunday night, but I had convinced her to let me stay home 'sick' from school on Monday. We both knew I was really staying home so I wouldn't have to face my classmates and so I could keep an eye on Taylor.
I'd been especially worried about her ever since we said goodbye to Karlie and flew back home to Nashville. Taylor was trying to be strong, but it seemed that Karlie was the only one who could truly make her feel like herself. Taylor had another anxiety attack on Sunday after finally picking up her phone and going through all her messages and emails. She had told me she wasn't going to look at headlines or posts about the situation, but I'm sure they were hard to avoid. Thankfully, Karlie was there for that one, which wasn't the case when she got all upset again yesterday. But surprisingly, she was able to calm herself down without much trouble, which was a step in the right direction.
I had also been thinking of Karlie a lot lately. Taylor was the one who had bad anxiety, but Karlie had to be feeling awful too about this whole situation and on top of it all she was trying to be strong for Taylor. I just hoped she was okay.
Thankfully, as far as publicity goes, Tree's plan was working. For the most part, people felt bad for Taylor and Karlie because they were outed. And I'd seen at least 15 Facebook posts from middle aged Christian women saying that real Christians support the LGBT community, which was also a plus.
Still, that day at school I wanted to be as inconspicuous as possible so I opted for sweatpants and a hoodie. When I came out of my room and looked at my reflection in the bathroom mirror, the exhaustion from the last few days was prominently shown in the dark bags under my eyes. I shrugged away my appearance and threw my hair into a ponytail.
I was surprised to find Taylor awake when I went downstairs for breakfast. It was 8:30, but I expected her own exhaustion would have kept her asleep.
"What are you doing?" I asked when I arrived in the kitchen and found Taylor drinking a cup of coffee and stuffing the unread newspaper into the trash.
"Good morning to you too." Taylor said sleepily.
"Why are you awake?" I asked as I poured myself a bowl of cereal.
"I couldn't sleep, my anxiety was keeping me up." She said, taking another sip of coffee. I was thinking that coffee might just make her more jittery, but I didn't say anything.
I sat down at the counter and ate my bowl of cereal while Taylor stood opposite of me and drank her coffee. Her eyes were fixed on the counter, but her face didn't hold the emotionless expression it did a few days ago. She looked determined almost. Determined to do what? I don't know.
"I'll probably still be at the studio by the time you come home from school." Taylor stated, coming out of her trance and making eye contact with me.
"Okay." I said as I shoveled another spoonful of cereal into my mouth. It was a little surprising to me that she was working today, just a few short days ago she seemed like she'd never be up to leave the house again. I was happy she was with working though, it would be good for her.
Not long after this, I felt my phone vibrate in my lap. It was a text message from Kelsey.
'You coming to school today?' It read. All I said back was a simple yes. On Saturday morning I had texted Kelsey and Grace telling them the whole story of Taylor and Karlie so they could hear it at least a little before the world did. They seemed kind of hurt by it all and I really wasn't sure why. I guess it had something to do with me lying to them. It was a completely necessary lie, but now they don't know what else I'm not telling them. Needless to say, their seeming lack of support for my family was irritating.
By the time I had finished my breakfast and brushed my teeth it was time to leave for school. I drove the familiar route to Hillsboro High School with a pit in my stomach. I didn't want to see anyone, let alone all these kids from school.
Because I don't have a first period class, the hallways were empty when I walked into the school. All the other students were still in class. Just as I prayed that I'd be able to make it to my classroom before first period got out, the bell rang and kids flooded the hallways.
I continued walking to my class with my eyes fixed straight forward. It was one of the few times I'd wished I was invisible. A few freshman girls looked surprised to see me, their eyes went wide with shock as I walked by. Most people were avoiding eye contact with me but talking in not-so-hushed voices about Taylor after I'd passed. Mutual friends and acquaintances who normally smiled at me as we passed in the hallways gave me one glance before quickly averting their eyes. I overheard the word 'lesbian' more than what I considered to be a normal amount.
I was thankful when I got to my class, but my stomach flipped once more when I saw Grace sitting at our usual seats.
"Hey." I said as I put my stuff down and sat down beside her.
"Hey." She replied in a tone a little less friendly than I had used. I didn't know what else to say, so I left our conversation at that and waited for class to start. The tension between the two of us throughout class left me wishing I would have stayed home sick another day. Could she really be that upset that I didn't tell her about Taylor and Karlie sooner? I guess she could because eventually Grace and I parted ways after class with nothing more than a closed lip smile.
I didn't have any friends in my next few periods, but nothing changed. People were giving me sideways glances and whispering amongst themselves when they thought I couldn't hear.
I didn't feel much relief when lunch time rolled around. Grace, Kelsey, and I usually took our lunches to a back corner of the library to eat, but now I didn't know what the plan was. To my surprise, Grace and Kelsey met me outside my classroom before lunch so we could all go eat in the library together just like always. They greeted me, but that was about it before we took off toward the library. We settled into a back table behind a bunch of bookshelves where the librarian couldn't see us eating in the library.
"So, I know you probably don't want to talk about it, but I just have one question. Why did you tell me that your mom and her girlfriend were best friends the night of New Years Eve?" Kelsey finally asked after what seemed like an eternity of uncomfortable silence.
"Because they didn't want anyone to know they were dating and I swore I wouldn't tell anyone. Not even all the adults at that party knew about their relationship. I didn't say they were best friends to lie to you guys, I just said it to protect my mom because I love her." I said with a heavy heart. The sadness must have shown in my face because I could instantly see both my friends faces softening.
"And I don't care if we talk about it. You guys can ask me anything you want now that nobody's around." I said, hoping that if we just talked we could get past this uncomfortable stage.
"Do you like her?" Grace asked immediately with a small smile starting to play on her face.
"Like who?" I asked as I took a bite out of my sandwich.
"Your mom's girlfriend! Do you like her?" She asked again. I looked at their faces of anticipation and knew that nothing had really changed between the three of us. Everything was starting to seem more and more like old times.
"Yeah, I love Karlie." I said with a smile.
"Good-" Grace started, but before she could say anything more Kelsey cut her off.
"Well of course she does!" Kelsey said as if Grace's question was absurd.
"What's that supposed to mean?" I laughed, glad to have my friends back.
"Taylor would never date anyone you didn't like." Kelsey said as if it were obvious.
"Yeah, you're right. If Caroline didn't like her Taylor would have broken up with her immediatly." Grace agreed suddenly. Both of them seemed deep in thought.
"What's her name again?" Kelsey asked abruptly.
"Karlie Kloss." I answered. They both repeated the name back to themselves as if they were pondering. I just laughed and continued to eat.
"So do you think her and your mom are going to get married?" Grace asked.
"How long have they even been together?" Kelsey chimed in before I could answer.
"They've been together since August, and yeah, I can see them getting married. They're perfect for each other." I explained with a smile that wouldn't leave my face. I was so unbelievably happy to see my friends forgive me so easily for 'lying' to them.
"Caroline?" Kelsey asked after a few minutes of the three of us eating in comfortable silence. I looked up and her and saw a strange look on her face that I somehow recognized. It was the look people gave me when asking about my dad. The look they made when they were trying their hardest to tiptoe around my feelings.
"When did Taylor tell you she was gay?" She asked so quietly she was almost whispering. I let out a sigh of relief I didn't know I had been holding. I was expecting a much worse question.
"She's bi. And she told me on the first day of school. She and Karlie had their first date that night." I explained. Not long after Grace and Kelsey wanted to know all the details of the first date, but mostly how I felt about it. Everything in our friend group seemed to be just like old times again, and I couldn't be happier about that.
Knowing my friends were on my side was what got me through the rest of the school day. The stares and whispers didn't get to me as much as they did that morning. Still, after my last class got out, I sped home as fast as I could.
As Taylor had mentioned, she wasn't home when I got home from school. In fact, it was two hours before she arrived back to the apartment. By that time I was lying in her bed watching TV because Taylor's room had the biggest TV in the apartment. I watched as Taylor put her keys and purse down on her bedside table, slipped off her shoes, and flopped down next to me on the bed. She looked absolutely exhausted.
"I could really use a nap right now, but Karlie's supposed to be calling me any minute." She grumbled as she made herself comfortable. In my opinion, it was good that she was tired, it meant her anxiety wasn't keeping her awake.
"How was work?" I asked to make some polite conversation. I had made a resolution with myself to try to take care of Taylor. She had done so much for me in just four years and the least I could do for her is make sure she's okay.
"Fine." She said shortly and I noticed how she took a shaky breath afterwards. I didn't want to press on more about that topic, it seemed touchy. But before I could say anything else, Taylor's phone started ringing. Her face immediately lit up and she grabbed the phone and answered Karlie's call.
I was happy that her mood had lifted, and judging by the end of the conversation I could hear, Karlie was doing alright too. All that had mattered to me these last few days was that Taylor and Karlie were okay, and now that I knew they were getting to that point, I could breathe a little easier.