I'd never felt such pain in my life. Nothing I'd ever experienced hurt this much. Despite the overwhelming emotions, I was totally numb to the feeling of my bare knees against the cold, damp concrete of my front path as I sobbed and screamed, my mum and Niall attempting to comfort me and convince me to get up off the floor and go inside. I couldn't even fathom what had actually happened, all I could do was think about how helplessly terrified I was.
I knew this was it; Harry had been taken from me and there was nothing anyone could do. I was sure that the mere fact he had been arrested meant it was the end for him. It hadn't been a year since he was given his suspended sentence in court, which meant he was going to be locked up, and who knows how long for.
"Jess, come on. Let's get you inside. People are staring," my mum said sympathetically, noticing the neighbours peeping out their windows at my breakdown like we were on an episode of Eastenders.
I let them pull me up and lead me back into the house like a zombie. I didn't even feel conscious at this point. I was sat down on the sofa; I now didn't have any tears left so I just sat there seemingly emotionless and drained. Neither Niall nor my mum knew what to say.
"Jess..." Niall started, meekly. I didn't respond, but he knew I was listening. "Aggravated assault of a minor... What exactly does that mean?"
He was hesitant towards me, like I was frail china that he was frightened he might shatter. And he had a right to be.
"Typically... Sex with someone underage."
I didn't even blink. Only when I said it out loud did it register what Harry had actually been arrested for. I just stared vacantly into space, my eyes sore and cheeks tight from all the tears.
Niall wasn't angry, he just glanced nervously at my mum, perhaps urging her to say something to make the situation less awkward.
"I'm sure there's some sort of explanation, Jess..." she offered, carefully.
I really hoped so. A million and one things were flying around in my head now that we were talking about it - when did this happen? The fact he was arrested for it must've meant someone had reported it. Who? Did he... force himself on a minor? I shuddered. Was he also a minor at the time? That would mean this had all resurfaced from four years or so ago. But why?
"I have to speak to him," I whimpered desperately, catching my family's attention.
"I don't think you can do that right now honey." The realisation made my eyes burn even more, like I just wanted to bawl my eyes out but physically couldn't anymore. "Why don't you go back up to bed and try and get some rest, we can sort all of this out in the morning."
"How do you expect me to sleep when my world is falling apart!" I cried.
"Dramatic," Niall chimed in under his breath. He didn't say it spitefully, he just didn't understand. No one could.
"Niall!"
"You've finally got what you want, at least let me be upset about it before I'm forced to get over it!" I snapped, standing up so quickly I got head rush and almost couldn't see where I was going as I stormed up the stairs and flung myself into my bed, yanking the covers over my head and just laying there in darkness. I could hear them muttering downstairs.
The bed smelt like him. It was warm and the sheets were disturbed where he'd been laying. How could I carry on without him? I'd finally adjusted to life with Harry, and everything was going so smoothly, and now he's gone.
I wondered what he was doing, and what he was thinking. Was he dumped in a cell, just sat there all alone? I thought about whether I was on his mind, or whether he was just scared about what he may or may not have done. I could picture him, sat on the end of the cell bed, head in his hands, maybe even crying. Or maybe he was thrashing around, banging on the walls and shouting in anger about how he was innocent.
It took me at least two hours to fall asleep. Eventually I was so drained that I just drifted off. I don't remember what I was thinking about before I went to sleep, but it definitely wasn't the same as the first thing that popped into my head when I woke. There was a blissful few minutes when I hadn't yet remembered the events of the night before, and I wish I could've lived in that moment forever. All of a sudden the pain came flooding back and it was all I felt. The loss totally consumed me.
I could hear voices downstairs, one was my mum's, but the other I wasn't sure about at first. I tried to listen hard and that's when it came to me - it was Louise, Harry's mum.
I leapt out of bed and hurriedly went down the stairs, feebly turning the corner to find my mum comforting Louise on the sofa. She wasn't crying, but she did seem like she was having to try awfully hard not to. My attention turned to the back doors as Harry's dad, Ian, marched in, his phone to his ear.
"Thanks for nothing," he hissed, hanging up the call and running his hands through his dark hair in an exasperated manner.
"What did they say?" Louise asked, looking hopefully at her husband from beside my mum.
"Because of his history and the nature of the crime, they're not giving him bail. He'll be waiting for his trial in a prison cell."
"What? No!" She yowled, "When's the trial?"
"They can't say yet, it's never normally straight away." Ian sat down at the dining table with his body facing Louise, looking stressed with a hand massaging his forehead.
"Is he in prison now?" I found myself asking, quietly. I was concerned about how Harry would behave in prison. He's different now, would he be scared and obedient, or would he find himself having to adapt back into his old ways to survive?
All heads raised to meet my gaze at the bottom of the stairs. "Not yet, they'll be transporting him today," Ian advised.
"Jess..." my mum cooed, "How are you feeling? Any better?"
"Do you know anything? Did he do this?" I ignored my mum, directing my question towards Louise.
"I was hoping you did," she replied, sounding worried. "He tells you everything, Jess, we're none the wiser."
"Is it bad?" I asked Ian, "How long is he looking at?"
"It could be anywhere from one to ten years... Excluding the one year automatically added on for breaching his suspended sentence."
I couldn't even feel anymore hurt, I just felt mentally exhausted. I was just so disappointed that everything that'd happened was for nothing, and we were back to square one. I couldn't help but ask, "Why does Zayn have such a big problem with Harry?"
Everyone in the room looked confused in response.
"Well it has to be Zayn that reported it, doesn't it? Both charges are relating to him and his family."
"I didn't know that was the case," Ian mused, with the same crease in-between his brows that I've seen from Harry as he looked at me.
So no one knew. Was there another big secret Harry had been hiding from me? There had to be some reason why him and Zayn didn't get on.
"Can we speak to him?"
"Not today, Jess. He's getting sent to prison - there'll be a lot going on in terms of checking him in, so to speak. We'll be able to go and see him during visiting hours tomorrow."
I just couldn't wait that long. Not knowing the ins and outs of all this made me so anxious; I couldn't imagine spending all day just waiting.
"Why don't you go into school?" Louise suggested kindly. Until now, none of us had even considered that today was Tuesday and I was supposed to be at sixth form for nine AM - it must've been past ten now.
"I can't do that. I can't."
"You're only going to beat yourself up about this all day if you don't go in, Jess," my mum predicted.
"There's too much going on, I can't sit in a law lesson for an hour when my boyfriend is quite literally being admitted to prison," I pointed out the irony in the situation, and all three of them looked to be understanding and realised how stupid the situation was.
I trundled back upstairs, defeated, planning on getting back into bed and putting the TV on to try and distract myself somewhat. That's when I saw it. On the side, sitting there in all its glory... the note.
What would you say to her if you knew those words would be the last she heard? Would she believe you?
The eerie line haunted me, and sent a sudden chill running down my spine as realisation kicked in and I added up all of the evidence.
I snatched the note off the side and sprinted down the stairs, waving it in front of me when I reached the bottom; "It was him! It has to have been!" I blurted.
"What was who?" Ian asked, intrigued by what could potentially be new evidence. He wandered over and took the note from me, examining it closely.
"Zayn sent the notes! He had to have! God, why didn't I realise before. All of the dirt on Harry to try and turn everyone against him, the threats... Harry hates Zayn, they always fight and I always find myself suspicious of things that are said by both of them in relation to the past. There's something missing, but Zayn has to be the one trying to scare Harry."
"Where did this come from?"
"Someone left it in Harry's car. We didn't know who sent it until now."
"But why? I thought they were friends?" Louise wondered naively.
"It seems like Zayn is trying to get his comeuppance..." Ian thought aloud, looking up from the paper.
"Like I said, something doesn't add up, but I don't know what it is."
I'd gone into full on detective mode. Everything was coming together and starting to make sense. At the same time, though, this was all even more strange. If Zayn is so keen to sabotage Harry, what had Harry done to make him want revenge in the first place?
I had to know. I dashed out the door unexpectedly, with those inside shouting after me with concern. I ran as fast as I could to the end of the road, fumbling to get my phone out of my pocket and use it whilst running. I finally put the phone to my ear and stopped, panting as I waited for an answer.
"Jess, alright?"
"Louis I need you to come and get me right now," I gasped, trying desperately to catch my breath in a panic.
"Okay... is something wrong?"
"Just get here as soon as you can, please!"
I hung up immediately, waiting impatiently until around ten minutes later Louis' car roared up the road to where I was standing. I quickly climbed in and strapped up, Louis looking at me with confusion.
"So where are we going?" he asked suspiciously, as if I was a mental patient escaped from an asylum.
"Harry's been arrested-"
"What!"
"I know you won't tell me anything, so I need to speak to Zayn."
"Jess, slow down. What the fūck has happened? I won't tell you anything about what?"
"About Zayn and Harry's rivalry. Zayn's the one trying to ruin Harry's life and he's got Harry arrested."
"Zayn? How do you know that?"
I was blubbering and to be honest, I did seem a bit delusional, somewhat like Teddy in Shutter Island. I was kind of forgetting Louis knew nothing about the whole ordeal.
"Well, I don't. But it has to be - it all adds up. They hate each other and Zayn is always pushing Harry's buttons, the notes and threats, he basically told us this was going to happen!"
Louis started to look slightly uncomfortable as he looked down into his lap and shifted in his seat, like he was drawing conclusions too. Something was definitely going on that I didn't know about.
"What?" I urged, and he just looked guiltily at me. "What!"
"No, I don't know, Jess. This is all crazy. But talking to Zayn won't help. Have you even spoken to Harry?"
"No, and I can't sit around doing nothing all day waiting to!"
"I'm not taking you to Zayn's house. It'll make matters worse."
"Urgh!" I cried in frustration, banging my fist against the window, making Louis flinch. "Why am I the only person that wants to help Harry!"
"You're not," Louis said, almost angrily. "Jess, none of us want him locked up but you'll only make things worse if you go around shouting at people accusing them of stuff. You need to speak to Harry before you make any assumptions."
"Why does everyone keep everything from me!"
"I don't know anything," he lied. He had to know - he was Harry's best friend and used to be close with Zayn, he must know why they have this secret feud.
"Whatever, Louis. If you won't tell me I'll find out for myself."
And with that, I yanked open the car door and stepped out, slamming it shut and going to walk away sassily. When I span round, for a split second I saw the front bonnet of another car coming straight at me, just inches away, and with shouts of "Jess!" in the distance, I hit the concrete and everything went black.
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Hiiiiii.
So yeah, I finally posted an update. It's been a year and a bit, but I did it.
Thanks so much to everyone who voted or commented on my last post letting me know you're still here. It means the world to me that people are still interested, and I massively want to let you all know how it ends so just stick with me and I promise I'll let unveil it gradually for you! For anyone who doesn't know where the heck I've been, go back and read my last post on this book.
I don't have any questions to answer from the last chapter, so if you want to ask me something leave it here and I'll answer next time :)
Life update: I've lost almost 7lbs with slimming world so far! I'm buzzing about it, and can't believe I'm sticking with it and actually succeeding! Have any of you been working on yourselves? I mean I'm always working on myself, but this is a big change for me and I'm really proud of myself!
I find it so weird to think how much has changed since I started writing this book. It's actually quite scary... I'm nearly twenty years old now! It feels like 1D was a lifetime ago. Idk.
Thanks for reading, make sure to let me know how you're liking it with a vote or comment.
Love,
E x