I flinched at the sound of a knock being hammered softly against my door, a voice following short after. "Adelaide? It's Ed. Do you mind me coming in?"
He didn't wait for an answer, and insisted on entering regardless. The hard light from the hallway seeped into my tenebrous room as the door shifted on its hinges, being pushed cautiously open.
Ed appeared to stall for a minute, clearly searching for my whereabouts before resorting to reaching his hand out to flick the lights on, revealing my hunched figure to the right of him. He flittered his gaze around the room, locating me with ease, a sad smile carving onto his face as he did so.
"I won't ask you how you are because well, I think that's already quite obvious, isn't it?" he said, attempting a light hearted tone as he perched himself on the edge of the bed beside me.
"I'm sorry," I sniffled, pulling my jumper over my palms in search for any sign of warmth.
"There's no need for you to be," Ed argued softly. "If anyone should be apologising, then that's me. I played a part in all of this too."
A small laugh left my lips, though it wasn't particularly out of humour, "I haven't even gotten to process the fact you two are cousins."
"I really am sorry. Even though it wasn't my place to go meddling with your relationship, I still shouldn't have lied to you."
"I suppose that you weren't really given a choice."
"Neither was Luke," Ed commented. "Look, I know that he screwed you over, but I think that the least that you owe him is a chance to explain. Surely you want some answers? He really is the only one that can give you them, Adelaide. To put it lightly, he's a mess downstairs, but I know that he'd do anything for a chance to come fully clean."
"I can't take anymore lies Ed."
"He won't give you any, not this time. Luke really isn't one to open up about a lot of his personal life Adelaide, but I know that he's more than willing to tell you everything. He trusts you, and cares about you a whole lot more than you understand. I know that claiming he did all of this for your safety may seem like an excuse, but it's not. Your safety comes before anything in his mind, so please just remember that. And don't hold Legrenzi over him, he has nothing to do with him anymore. He pretty much considers that man dead. I can't tell you anymore, because well it's Luke that should. You need to hear it from him, and him only."
"I don't know if I can bring myself to go and see him though," I admitted. "I don't trust myself to remain distant from him."
"Maybe because that's not what you need," he suggested. "You think it's what you want, what you need to be doing, but he makes you happy, don't you go forgetting that."
"I couldn't if I tried," I smile sadly. "I just don't know how to get past this if our whole relationship was based upon a lie?"
"I get that, I honestly do. I just think that you need to hear him out. Find out why he lied before you make any decisions, yeah? I know for certain that he won't let you go that easily. He's going to fight with everything he has for you Adelaide."
"I'm not certain that there's a lot left to fight for Ed," I admitted sorrowfully, shaking my head slightly as I pulled my body up from the floor. "Where is he?"
Ed failed to hide the small upturning of his lips as I moved away from him. I sent him a cold glance, though he merely shrugged it off before letting his back fall against my duvet. "His office. I'll be in here if you need me."
"Thank you. I think?" I forced a smile as I left my room, pacing downstairs before I could reconsider my actions or resort to sprinting back to what little comfort I could obtain at present.
Ed was right. I need to do this, for closure if nothing else. However, this mindset didn't help me in the slightest as I stood pacing in front of his door, my eyes boring into the wood as if that would provide the answers that I so desperately wanted, but didn't have the confidence to go looking for.
I groaned, eventually finding the courage to raise my fist to his door, though as my hand began its descent onto the wood, the door was flung open to reveal a flustered looking Luke. His eyes widened at the sight of me, his hand recoiling to rest of his neck as he watched me carefully. The same red rings that had encased his eyes the first time that I had met him were present, framing his face in a way that protruded the tears he had attempted to conceal in his eyes.
"Adelaide-"
"One chance Luke, to explain everything. That's all you're getting," I stated coldly, brushing past him to enter his office.
He shut the door behind me, standing awkwardly by the doorframe for a minute or two while I took a seat. "I'm not too sure where to start," he mumbled more so to himself than to me, but I answered nevertheless.
"You start from the beginning of this whole thing. I need to know it all," I said assertively, regarding him carefully as he took a hesitant seat opposite me.
"Thank you," he stated rather suddenly, "-for giving me chance to explain- sorry." He was stumbling over his words, appearing considerably agitated, but I refrained myself from comforting him, despite the fact that it was all I wanted to do at that given moment.
"Well you've figured out that,-that Legrenzi is my father. Not that I could ever consider him one. What I told you about Bennett was all true, concerning growing up and stuff. I lived with both of my parents until I was around seven, but then Legrenzi started getting involved in organisations like his own, which changed him a lot. He lost his morals, responsibilities, and didn't have a care for his family, though looking back now, I'm not sure that he ever did."
"Why do you say that?"
"The main thing I think was his relationship with my mum, that's always been something that has stuck with me, because they never really got along. In fact I can't remember a time that they were happy with one another. They fought a lot regardless but when my mum found out what he was had been doing at work, things got nasty, so she left. I don't blame her. She did the right thing, getting out while she still could. As for me though, I was shipped off to Morocco with Legrenzi, because your father found out about his dealings and he was pretty much a wanted man."
Luke paused for a minute, keeping his eyes on his palms. "By twelve I was firing bullets here there and everywhere. Legrenzi trained me up to be on his team, which he'd established almost as soon as we made it to Morocco. Most kids would be having a kick-about with their dad at that age, but I guess mine was a less metaphorical representation of a kick-about," he laughed unhumorously. "Anyway, he got what he wanted, I was out on the field by the time he thought that I was ready. But the things that I saw in those three or four years, they aren't something for an adult to process, never mind a kid. So when I turned eighteen, I knew that it was my time to get out. I needed to go, I couldn't stand and watch him do what he was doing any longer. He just cared about money, that was his focus, and if that meant killing every other person he came past, he wouldn't think twice about it. He's a sick man to put it bluntly, so I left. Came back to Michigan, did the odd job here and there but it wasn't funding me, so I ended up street fighting. I'm not proud of it, but it paid the bills for a while and that's how your dad ended up dad finding me. He saw potential, as he would put it, so gave me a job working at the unit. I owe him a lot for that."
"Did he know that you were Legrenzi's son at that point?"
"He didn't in the beginning no, because I'd taken my mum's maiden name. Hence where Bennett came from. But he figured it all out soon enough. He said that he'd only ever seen one person before with my 'trademark'-"
"Between the eyes?"
He nodded, "And that was Legrenzi, though he's lost his touch with age, probably why he gets everyone else to do his dirty work for him. After a bit of training from your father, I was out doing field work for the unit. And then, well I met you," he smiled to himself, lifting his head up slightly to catch my gaze. "God I was scared shitless of you back then."
I couldn't help but laugh at that, "Why?"
"You were so intimidating and you had that whole I'm your boss's daughter thing going. I guess that we ended up spending quite a lot of time together. Your father helped me find a place to stay, had me around a lot, made sure I was always fed. So after a while, I guess we just got together. We'd been together for nearly a year when Legrenzi found me, which was surprising because he had all the resources to have located me much sooner than he did do, but he wanted me back."
"Do you know what for?"
"He had a job that needed doing, something to do with some corporate business that could make him a considerable amount of cash, but he didn't think any of his men were up to the job, so he contacted me. He found out about us in the process, and basically blamed the fact that I wouldn't go back on you. He built up the mindset that if you weren't around, then I'd run back to him."
"So all of this," I said, widening my arms to refer to the wider situation, "is Legrenzi's sick minded way of getting you back?"
"Well in the beginning it was, but all he'd ever give out were empty threats, well that was until I really rattled his cage."
"What did you do?"
"I agreed to do the job for him," Luke replied simply.
"Why the hell did you do that?"
"I never went in with the intention of helping him, it was to try and get him off you back for a while, so instead of going off his accord, I went on my own. I turned the job into a shamball. I fucked it up for him, so the client wanted out, took his money and left. Only problem is that the client is huge in Legrenzi's market, and he basically put out a bad word to everyone else, causing other people to pull out of contracts, so Legrenzi lost out on millions, and that sent him out to get revenge as he would put it, so he went after you. He knew that killing me would do not justice, so he went after what would hurt me the most- you."
"This is so messed up," I scoffed. "But why can't my father's unit just go after Legrenzi and catch him if we know where he is?"
"He's only just recently gone back to his place in Morocco, and before that we had no idea where he was. As for now, well I think it's a measure of finding the right time, because Legrenzi's security force is equal, if not bigger than ours. Yes, we've gotten into his place numerous times, but getting to Legrenzi is a whole new level. We don't know if we can risk fatality to our work force at his moment in time. The night you were put into your coma is a perfect example of us underestimating Legrenzi's power."
"The nightmares, they're all real aren't they?"
Luke nodded slowly, taking an audible breathe before parting his lips to continue speaking, "Ed told me about the medical file Adelaide. I'm surprised you hadn't found it earlier to be honest. I never understood why your father insisted that I had it with me, it's not like it would ever be safe for you to go back to the hospital. You could've come to me though,- when you'd found it."
"What so that you could lie to me again?" I retorted spitefully. Luke winced, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. "I'm sorry, I just, well surely you can understand where I'm coming from right?"
"You shouldn't be apologising Adelaide. You had every right to do what you did, I just wish that the same could be said for me, but it can't and I know that," he admitted quietly. "You mean a lot to me Adelaide, more than you'd probably be able to understand, especially after all of this, but please just trust me when I say that everything I did was to try and keep you safe-"
"I know that Luke," I said, preventing his rambling from continuing. "I just need you to tell me what happened that night, the one in my nightmares? I've only seen certain aspects of it?"
"Well for starters you were never even meant to be there. The unit had been tracking Legrenzi, and were going to ambush a trade going on down at the pier. It was going well, at least we thought it was, but twenty minutes in I get a call from your father telling me that you were missing. We'd put all of our team out on the field, so no-one was on guard for you, and well Legrenzi saw this advantage and took it. He had his men bring you down to the pier, and to one of the outbuildings there. And from what I know, before Legrenzi could ever get to you personally, you'd managed to break free from the people watching over you. But that wasn't surprising because you kicked ass back then. Well you still do now. Probably why you picked everything up so quickly with your training, because you'd learnt it all before. In the midst of you getting out, one of the few men that you hadn't knocked out panicked, and fired at you. And well I think you can guess how that ended," he replied regretfully as my hand instinctively flew over my rib. "I presume that you ran after that, which was how you ended up where you do in your nightmares. I got wind that you'd gotten out at that point, which was why I was shouting."
"God Adelaide, I heard the gun shots, I didn't know what to think. I can't even describe what I went through not knowing if you were on the receiving end or not," he uttered quietly as he slammed his eyes shut as if wanting to rid the images from his mind. "It must have been a good hour or two before I found you because that loading sight was huge. You know from your nightmares what happens next. I found you and we go to the warehouse."
"Legrenzi shows up," I continue, silencing Luke. "He beats the living daylights out of me. Then what?"
"You have no idea what seeing that did to me Adelaide," Luke commented lowly. "I can't express that feeling to you. It was pure heartache. I knew that if we handed ourselves over that it could never end well, but we didn't have a choice, they were going to find us, I just hadn't comprehended that it would be that horrific. When it happened, I panicked. I knew that kicking off would just aggravate Legrenzi further, and he'd only hurt you more, but I couldn't sit there and do nothing. I couldn't have lived with myself knowing that, so after you'd fallen unconscious, I took it as my opportunity. It was safer for you that way. Legrenzi couldn't put you through anymore pain if you couldn't feel it. I hate myself for having to put you through that in the first place."
"You saved my life," I reminded, edging further forward on my seat in a bid to catch Luke's gaze again. "A punch here and there from him is nothing compared to what he could have done. You were clever enough to see that. I never would have gotten out of there scratch free anyway, so thank you."
"Don't thank me Adelaide," he replied curtly, an unreadable expression settling across his face. "After you'd fallen unconscious, Legrenzi went to talk to some of his men across the room, so with his back turned, I managed to get out of his men's grip and knocked one of them down so that I could get hold of his pistol. At that point Legrenzi had turned around and the rest of his guards in the room were homing in on me, so I shot the lights out. The room plunged into darkness, giving us an advantage in some sense. It was complete havoc in there, but I somehow managed to find you, and took out a few men. Around that time, your father and his team came raiding in, so had cleared the doorway, and I got us out."
"I don't really know what went down after that, other than Legrenzi eventually fleeing. They knew that there was no point going after us, we were long gone by then, but you were in a sickening state. There were a few times that you drifted in and out of consciousness, but by the time that we made it to the hospital, well it was too late. So they had no choice but to induce you into a coma after operating on your rib. For those four or five months it was touch or go as to whether you'd make it out or not. God, I don't think I slept a full night during that time, and I'd resigned from the unit-"
"Why the hell did you do that?"
"I didn't exactly have a choice. Not with how things ended. It was all because of me, and my involvement with both you and the unit, so I left. You father and I agreed that we'd bury Bennett under the sand."
"What do you mean? You're Bennett, so how do you get rid of that?"
"Bennett was the side of me that led to all of the trouble. He was the reputation I had in the business, he was what got you involved in Legrenzi, he was what hurt you. So I got rid of him. I considered that side of me dead. You didn't deserve what came with me still being Bennett, so I left that part of my life behind closed doors. But with time, we realised that was going to be enough, because Legrenzi made it clear that he wasn't going to back off. The unit wasn't going to stop trying to find him, so going after you was still his only chance at bringing us down in his eyes."
"You being with me, that made everything so much more complicated and I didn't want you to get hurt anymore than you were, both physically and mentally, so when you woke up and couldn't remember anything, we decided that we couldn't tell you about our relationship. We thought it would be safer that way. We also knew that you couldn't stay at home. So your father got you into witness protection, but for that you needed someone to go with you. After everything that had happened, the last thing I expected was to have your father want me back, but he claimed that there was no-one else. I didn't refuse, I couldn't. I knew that the only way I could ensure your safety if I was with you, but I also knew that if I grew close with you, that I wouldn't be able to control myself, so I tried to shut myself out. But well, that didn't last very long did it? And then everything else happened, Legrenzi found us and we moved here. And despite all of that, I couldn't hold back anymore, not after you'd let me kiss you. So I was selfish and let us happen. It had always been in the back of my mind, like I carried it everywhere I went, that I was lying to you, but I honestly just wanted you safe Adelaide."
"Why lie about Bennett though? It was one thing to lie when I first came out of the coma, but to twist the story even more?"
"I was selfish- I am selfish. I wanted us to work and in that moment, I thought that if you were to know the truth that you wouldn't want to be with me. Your father also didn't know about us, so he told me that he didn't want you knowing I was Bennett in fear that we'd get back together and you'd be in more danger. But the reality of it all is that Legrenzi is going to go after you whether we're together or not, because either way, you still mean a whole lot to me. He knows how to hurt me. You're all I have, so he's going to do everything he can to use that against me."
Luke quietened, his hands continuing to toil with another as he awaited my response. But my response never came. The words churning in my mind couldn't be accumulated in a way that expressed my feelings, because I wasn't certain on what exactly it was that I was feeling. Part of me lurched to comfort Luke in his clearly distressed state, to tell him that we could still work and be happy with one another, because after all my feelings for him throughout this, despite the deception, had never once faltered. The other part of me kept my heals trained onto the floor and forced my eyes and mind to expose itself to the side of Luke that he carried everywhere he went. The side that had lead to the betrayal, the hurt and the anguish. But looking at him at that very moment, with red-rimmed eyes, restless fingertips and tear swelled cheeks, I was only certain of one thing. Breaking his heart would only aid to break mine.
Following a minute of a clearly uncomfortable silence, Luke parted his mouth to speak, only to slam it shut an instant later. He repeated this action in clear agitation before finally settling on his words, "Adelaide," he began uneasily. "Look, I know this still isn't any better, because nothing can change the fact that I lied and made the conscious decision to lie to you, but please, Adelaide, don't give up on us, not yet. I just wanted to be safe, that's all I've ever wanted for you."
"The fact that you wanted me safe can't be an excuse for what you did Luke. Like you said, you lied, you made the conscious decision to lie, all while I'll trusted you with everything, and I don't know how easily I can get past that," I admitted truthfully. "I don't want to constantly be on my toes around you, questioning everything, that won't be healthy for either of us."
"You can trust me Adelaide," he persuaded gently. "I can prove that to you."
"Who's to say that you won't do it again? Especially with everything going on, and what we've planned. I wouldn't put it past you to lie again, even if you think it's in my best interest. You don't get to decide that Luke."
"Adelaide-"
"No Luke," I asserted forcefully. "I need time to get my head clear. I need time away from you. We can't work, not after this. This relationship is based upon lies, and I can't imagine what it would have toiled into had I not found that file."
"I tried to tell you Adelaide, I honestly did, I was just scared that you'd kick me to the gutter. I didn't want to lose you, I can't lose you."
"You should have thought about that before you screwed me over."
"Adelaide, please, don't do this," he begged, letting a string of tears fall helplessly from his eyes, not having the strength to retain them as he reached out to me. I rejected his touch, moving to stand up as he cradled his body on the sofa. "That envelope with a picture of Bennett,- I left you, I was going to tell you,- I, Adelaide, I promise- but you didn't open it and-"
The sight in front of me caused my chest to clench around my heart and I was forced to slam my gaze away from Luke in fear of giving in to my unsustainable desire to cradle him.
"Luke, I can't see you like this. I'm sorry, I'm sorry for everything, I just can't- I can't do this."
"Then don't do this," he cried quietly. "Please, don't leave me Adelaide, not after everything we've been through."
"I can't put us through more Luke, and that's all that we'll do if I stay. We'll destroy each other. We're better off apart, with everything going on around us, with your work, it's not an environment that can let this work. Look at the situation we're in. It's inevitable that we'd fall apart at some point, I'm just sorry that it's only now that I'm realising that."
"I don't give two shits about work Adelaide. I care about you, you're what I need."
"You don't need me Luke, you think you do, but you're better off without me. I won't make you go through anymore shit for me Luke, you don't deserve that. I don't deserve you."
"How can you say that? After everything that I've done, you're the one that thinks you're not worthy?" he scoffed in confusion.
"I can't be good for you Luke, just look at what I've caused," I said, gesturing my hands outward in emphasis of our present situation. "We just need some time apart, at least until this is all over. I'll keep my distance, you keep yours. I can't be around you after this, it'll only make it worse, so please just take some time to yourself, forget about me."
"Adelaide. I need you around," he begged, finally gaining the strength to pull himself to his feet. "I can't stay away from you, not when I know what we could be, when I know that you make me happy, when I know that I love you."
"You don't love me Luke. You want to believe you do, but you're just infatuated with the idea of me. I can't be that idea Luke, I can't be who you want me to be."
Luke took teasingly slow steps toward me as his mind co-ordinated his movements in detail to prevent his body from descending to the floor in a crumbled heap. "Adelaide. I didn't know how to love until I met you. You changed everything. You changed my perspective on the world around me and gave me a purpose, something to keep fighting for. You are what taught me to love. You are where I found love. You are who I love. So for you to say that I don't love you, that kills me inside. I couldn't be any more certain of the fact that I love you."
"Adelaide, if my chest didn't quake at the sight of you smiling, then I wouldn't be in love with you. If raising my voice at you didn't cause my throat to burn as if I'd just drowned six shots in a row, then I wouldn't be in love with you. If your presence alone didn't cure my worst anxiety attacks, then I wouldn't be in love with you. If the best part of my day wasn't being with you, then I wouldn't be in love with you. If the last thing I thought about before bed or the first thing when I woke wasn't you, then I wouldn't be in love with you. If my knuckles didn't clench at the sound of your laugh, in fear of never hearing it again, then I wouldn't be in love with you. If your needs didn't come before mine, or anyone else's for that matter, then I wouldn't be in love with you. If I wasn't in love with your flaws more than your perfections, then I wouldn't be in love with you."
"And if I wasn't stood here with a pain so deep in my chest that it's antagonising to get each breath out, then I wouldn't be unconditionally in love with you Adelaide Williams."
"Luke-," I stammered, letting the tears fall freely from my face, but not having the strength to prevent Luke from gently cradling my face. "I can't do this. I can't be that Adelaide. I'm sorry."
"Don't walk away, Adelaide, please, just, we can-"
"No," I stated sharply, ripping Luke's hands from my face as I hurled my body away from him, slamming my eyes shut to block them from obtaining sight of his distraught features. "I can't, please, just try, try and understand why I have to do this," I begged inaudibly, quiet sobs leaving my lips.
Dismissing my conscience, I tenderly reached out for his battered fist, clenching it tenderly in my palm. The warmth of his skin pulsed against mine, the beat of his pulse drumming along my finger tips.
"Goodnight Luke," I said quietly, using everyone ounce of strength within my bones to release his hand for one final time before turning on my heal and leaving his office without a second to glance back.