Finian's POV
Disbelief
Hurt
Anger
Hue's of blues shift Victoria's eyes, emotions on the greatest levels swirl inside them as if her life's storm is being revisited.
Meela makes a move to get away from a she-wolf who has eyes that track her as if she is hunting. Victoria blocks the only way out with her body, while Meela stiffens up unable to make an escape.
"Tell me, now!" Her voice is full of unleashed shaking fury.
"Victoria, it was a mistake." Trying to speak softly, cushion the blow of words that I will be hitting her with.
"What was a mistake Fin? I want to know now! I want every detail." Victoria takes a wide leg stance, bracing herself for the onslaught of who I really am to her.
"Betrayer," the demon appears on my left it's reptilian word slithers out against my skin, wrapping around my body with a squeezing embrace.
Meela slowly tries to get behind Victoria heading for the door. Victoria takes a step into Meela's space.
"Sit down, don't move." The words are controlled aggression. Eyes of ice beg for Meela to do something, anything that will shatter her barely there control.
Meela does exactly as she's told. Sitting down with a curve to her spine, not able look Victoria in the eyes.
"Tell me Finian." Victoria's fury is starting to grow eyes darkening the blues becoming sinister.
Watching her put her daughter on the counter, I understand that this could go very wrong.
Fear startles Meela's eyes awake when she see's this.
"Victoria, just listen before you get mad. It wasn't what you think. We just kissed, that's it, nothing went further." A bleeding laugh filled with her hurt pours out of a mouth that is sneering at me.
"What kind of kiss was it?" The growl that follows those words shakes into my chest, a warning to be very careful on how I proceed.
Looking into her eyes, "It lasted for a long time, our clothes stayed on. We never went further than a kiss."
Betrayal has a way of turning the marrow of you into petrified stone, hardening your heart against the one that is the betrayer. I understand this completely, how she is thinking in this moment.
Her eyes fall on Meela, head leaning low, mouth closer to her ear.
"Grey loves you Meela; he loves you so much." She shakes her head in disgustful hurt. Meela keeps quiet not uttering a single word even her breath is being held inside her.
"Do you love her? Have you fallen in love with her?" Daggers are thrown at me, with the way her heart pain sounds out. She's hurt beyond the threshold of what she can endure. This is a breaking pain of the soul she's facing head on.
"What? No. I love you, Victoria. I love you. I just, I don't know what happened. One minute we were both talking and the next minute we were kissing, holding each other. It just happened. It's not an excuse. My brother is hurt because of me, you, my child almost died. Meela was there; we were helping each other. She was looking after our pup, it just happened. I don't have an excuse; there is no excuse." It's a shift in her eyes that tell me of my loss. She's already straightening herself up, armor clicking in place around her.
"Meela, thank you for helping my mate!" Screaming it out because she's boiling over.
Victoria is giving the both of us an up and down look, sizing the both of us up as if we are a waste of flesh. Meela's head hangs lower, eyes unable to look at Victoria.
Her sight set on Meela, her whole focus tuned into her perceived competition.
"I could kill you Meela, right now, end your life easily. It would be so simple for me. I could be eating your heart out of your chest before you take your last breath. But I'm not going too; I want you to face Grey with what you've done. You can have him Meela." Victoria's finger points to me, dead center where my heart rests inside my chest.
"Go ahead and smell him, pretend that it's Grey you're smelling, it's Grey you're kissing. Fin will always be second best isn't that right Fin. You will always be her second, never a first." It's hard to take the venom of words. She's hitting exactly where she knows it will hurt the most.
"I deserve this Victoria." I understand that I will have to take all of her words over and over again, maybe even a few punches to the face.
"No, you deserve so much more than this, so much more but I have a child to raise, she needs me." Victoria now picks up Charlie who she smells and a small smile tugs at the corner of her lips as she looks down at her daughter.
"Fin, you can see your female anytime you want, stay away from me. I mean it, stay away."
The eyes of Victoria's wolf stare out of while Meela looks up at Victoria.
"Meela, if you come near my female or me, I will slice your throat open and feed your body to the crows. I hope that kiss was worth it, I hope you remember it over and over again." Victoria stops for a minute and just looks between the both of us.
When she makes herself stand taller, her head held higher, shoulders back, eyes look empty free of anger or love. It's not something I want to see because when she turns her back on me, I understand that she is leaving me in the background while moving forward in her own life.
She doesn't shed one single tear, not one, because I'm not important enough anymore for her to cry over.
Gripping the chair while slamming it against the wall it breaks easily in my hand.
"You break everything you touch, you pathetic male." My demon's claws are hooked into my shoulder as if trying to secure a solid hold on me. The table is the next to be thrown while Meela's body is tucked tight into itself.
When I really look at the she-wolf sitting on the only chair that's not in splinted pieces, I get a vile taste in the back of my throat from our actions.
"Look at your Golden wolf now Finian, isn't she perfect!" The words laughing out of a mouth that show its fangs. A hiss filling the inside of my mind..."so worth it, wasn't it?" Another volley of strung up words that make me flinch with the impact of them.
"Get up." When she does, I break that chair too, slamming it so hard on the ground that the tiles break underneath my rage. I can hear the pup crying in the background.
"Fin." Meela's hand touches my shoulder. Backing away from her, that golden glow I always thought she had around her has been blown out. No longer the female that can hold any part of my attention.
"Don't you ever touch me again! Do you understand Meela." Her name is falling off my lips in accusation.
"I'm sorry Fin, maybe if I tell Victoria that it was me. That I was the one to kiss you." My hand is quick to hold her by the jaw bringing her on tiptoes close to me. A whimper coming out her throat.
"If you tell Victoria it was you, she will eat you slowly over a period of time. You have no idea what Victoria is capable of. You keep your mouth shut and let me handle this. You need to stay away from me, no more pretending I'm Grey. You need to go to Grey's room and sit vigil at his bedside. Pull yourself together and be the mate he needs. The mate he thinks he has." With every word I speak, she flinches inside her skin.
"You can have more pups; you have a mate that will forgive you! I have thrown my family away because of what I did with you." Stinging words make her eyes start to shed tears that don't hold meaning for me anymore.
"Stay away from Victoria; she doesn't play. The only thing keeping you alive is because of her friendship with Grey. She won't hurt him that way no matter how bad she is wanting vengeance she will not hurt him by taking you away." She nods her head yes in understanding.
"I didn't mean for this to happen, Fin." Words of regret hitting my back while I walk away from her.
Opening the door, Victoria is sitting cross-legged on the bed looking down at Charlie, who's kicking her legs and arms as Victoria makes faces at her, kissing her little hands, nibbling the fingertips.
"Can we talk about his Victoria?" Sitting on the edge of the bed, not wanting to get any closer for fear she will swipe at me. She won't look at me as I try to catch her eyes.
"We have nothing to talk about. I really have nothing more to say to you. Why don't you talk to Meela, I'm sure she would love to talk to you Grey, oh, sorry, I'm bad. Fin..I'm sure she would love to talk to you." Sharp words coming out of a mouth that's smiling while looking at her daughter, the words even sound soothing as not to disturb the air around her.
"I don't have an excuse." Still trying my best to make eye contact with her. She refuses me her eyes.
"I did it, and I'm sorry that you're so hurt." Her eyes close for a fraction.
"I never meant for this to happen. I never meant for you to lose your trust in me, in us. I can't make up for what I have done. I just hope that maybe you can forgive me one day." I need to hold my own hands because I can tell she's already moved on from me, from us. It's in the constitution of who she is.
No looking back only ahead.
"I'll sleep in another room if you need me during the night-" She holds her hand up almost against my mouth, stopping my words mid sentence.
"I don't need your help anymore. I can do this all by myself. I don't need or want your help." Now I can't meet her eyes because she speaks words of truths, she doesn't need me, but I need her.
Charlie is looking at us, her mouth trying so hard to say something. Touching her cheek she turns her head towards my finger open mouthed.
"Go to Meela; she needs you. I'm done with you Fin." That statement is from her soul.
"I hate you more than my father, you took first place, at least you'll be first at something." Memories of her father trampling inside me. The beatings, the words of spit filled hate every single act of violence she has ever endured, and she thinks I'm much worse.
"Victoria, I have no excuse, it happened. I wish it didn't. I felt her Victoria. I felt her pain and misery. I felt how alone she was. No one is there for her; she's so fragile. She isn't like you. She was already drunk; I started to drink with her. I felt alone too; I felt so alone we started talking about the both of you. What we loved about you guys what we hated, what drove us crazy. Before you know it, we were crying together. I held her in my arms, and I could feel our connection. It's not like yours and mine, but it's there. She just looked at me so broken." Keywords for Victoria to latch onto. She can't help saving broken she-wolves like herself.
"I just kissed her, I take all the blame for it, it was me. I touched my lips to hers. I just meant it as a fast kiss, just a comfort to her, but it didn't go like that, it was more. This is on me, not Meela. I pulled away from her and apologized." Still trying to get her attention off of Charlie and on me, I can't hold her attention anymore.
"All those years Fin that you hated me for Grey when I didn't now that he was your brother. All those wasted years spent hating myself for betraying you. For ruining your life, the guilt that I had to live with, the countless nights I couldn't sleep because I would dream of your eyes and the moment you found out that I was with Grey. I hated myself so much; I hated everything about who I was. I want you to feel that now, I want you to know that you destroyed me...completely ruined me." It's the feeling inside her that gets me; she just wasn't meant to be loved because she is wrong inside. Tears start to fall quietly on the bed, my pup looking on.
A family destroyed.
"I want you to leave." My body refusing to listen to her words that tear at my throat.
"I'm not going to leave, I'm staying here with you, I'm going to make this right somehow, but I'm not leaving you or her. You're everything to me, and I will fight for us. Even if you're willing to throw it away, I'm not. It might take years to forgive me, but I'm going to be right here waiting for that chance." Touching her arm, she pulls it away quickly her eyes meet mine.
"This can't be fixed Fin."
My father's words are coming back.
You are only defeated if you think you are defeated.