And I will still be here, stargazing
I'll still look up, look up
Look up for love
I will still be here, stargazing
I'll still look up, look up
Look up for love
~Kygo feat Justin Jesso
I breathed in heavily, as another contraction hit me.
My fingernails dug into Leo's hand, tightly and I knew I was hurting him but the pain was excruciating. Although the contractions were still twenty minutes apart, they still hurt like a bitch.
"They need to turn it," I whimpered out, through the pain.
"I know bella, and they will, they have to otherwise I will fucking sue this damn hospital!" Leo promised as he dabbed at my sweaty forehead with a wet wash cloth.
I had been in the hospital for only two hours and so far I had multiple contractions, but they have still spread apart by 20 minutes to half an hour. Usually, women in labour are only advised to come to the hospital if their contractions are minutes apart, as well as being four centimetres dilated, the only reason why I hadn't been sent home yet was that my waters hadn't broken and my baby was facing the wrong way.
A midwife by the name of Sarah had come and informed us that she would be with me throughout the whole process and would help me to turn the baby if it would not turn by itself.
"Can we go for a walk?" I asked Leo. The pain had toned down, and all I now felt was the numbing in my back.
"Is that a good idea?" Leo asked, standing up. He looked like he was about to push me back onto the bed but I was already getting ready to stand.
"Who knows, maybe if I'm moving it will make the baby move," I said trying to sound convincing even though I had no idea what I was talking about.
"Alright, I need to go for a smoke anyways," Leo said.
I mentally rolled my eyes at him. I could understand that Leo was addicted to smoking but yet I would have thought that he would be more concerned about our baby, rather than his disgusting urge.
"Why don't you just get a vape pen or something like that-"
"It's not the same and if you're thinking about trying to get me to quit, it will never work."
"Never say never," I replied, as Leo helped me to slip on my dressing gown.
"I packed slippers in my overnight bag," I told Leo since I wasn't wearing any shoes and I didn't come to the hospital with any due to the fact that Leo had carried me, to the car and into the hospital.
Leo pulled out my slippers and helped me to get them on, once he was done he slipped on his blazer and took his hand with mine.
"Let's go," he said with a small smile.
We walked at a slow pace, hand in hand because my back was aching and my feet felt numb and I also felt as if my back was going to give in at any minute. We passed other hospital rooms with pregnant women in there, most of them were screaming their heads off as contractions hit. Other women were just lying on the beds reading magazines.
It made me realise that not every woman had the same labour experiences, but yet I hoped that none of them had a complication like I did.
"What are you thinking about?" Leo asked, giving my hand a small squeeze.
Shrugging my shoulders, I didn't bother to answer him.
We continued to walk, a slow but comfortable pace.
"You're gonna be fine Leah, I won't let anything happen to you or our baby-"
I had to stop him from saying something that he could not guarantee.
"You can't promise that. You have no idea what to expect Leo, don't make this promise that you may not be able to keep."
He was silent. He didn't say a single word but kept his eyes on me as we walked.
"I mean it though. If anything happens to any of you two, I won't be able to live with myself," he said solemnly. I knew not to argue any further and try to get the last word in, after all, I had enough stress with the baby being in the wrong position, I didn't need another argument with Leo.
We made it to the outside of the hospital, where we had come from. It seemed to be only a twenty-minute walk from my private room. I wasn't sure if we had walked too far, in case something happened to me, but there was no way that Leo was going to be able to smoke inside of a hospital. In fact, I was sure that it was illegal to do so.
I sat down on a nearby bench whilst Leo stayed standing. I watched him light up his cigarette and inhale it within ten seconds, was he that desperate for a smoke?
"Don't give me that look, Leah, you know I've been smoking for over six years," Leo said with a sigh.
"I know that I just wish that you would try to stop..." I trailed off. The subject of Leo smoking was always touchy but no matter how many times I told him, he would never give up his habit, and I had no choice but to accept that.
We stayed outside for around ten minutes. The fresh air was doing me good and I hadn't realised how stuffy the hospital was. It made me think about the different ways I could have given birth, at home, in a water bath but due to the baby being in breech I had to be in the hospital.
I heard Leo sigh heavily and I glanced up and gave him a questioning look.
"Nothing, don't worry. It's just my sister and Theresa, I told them you're in the hospital," he explained, but I could tell that there was something he wasn't telling me. I decided that I didn't need to know, I didn't need any more stress. Whatever it was, I just hoped Leo would tell me after the baby was born.
"We should probably get back, I don't fancy having a contraction outside," I said dryly, remembering how are the pain was. There was no way to describe it but the pain was just like menstrual cramps, but more intensified.
Leo nodded his head and took me final drag from his cigarette, before throwing it to ground and stepping on it. Once he was ready he took his hand in mine and squeezed it tightly and we began the slow journey back to the hospital room.
On the way, I had hoped that I wouldn't get a contraction but I inevitably did. I couldn't stand up straight, I ended up crouching down and leaning against Leo's legs, as I waited for the forty seconds to pass.
I groaned heavily, as the thought of walking the rest of the way to the room made me stressed.
"Bella, I'll carry you," Leo chuckled and before I knew it I was in his arms, bridal style.
"Thank you," I hummed as I was grateful that Leo wasn't being totally useless.
"No need to thank me, mummy, to be," Leo smiled, pressing a kiss to my forehead.
Once we were back in the private room, Leo set me back on the bed and helped me to take off my slippers and dressing gown.
I sunk back into the pillows of the bed, wishing that I could be home in my own bed, but that wouldn't happen for a while.
My eyelids felt heavy as if I had been awake for over twenty four hours, but I knew that the pain from the contractions and all the stress was making me tired.
Soon enough my eyes closed, as the sound of my slow breathing helped me to fall asleep...
***
"Leah, baby! Hey, wake up!" I felt Leo shake me, gently.
I opened my eyes and breathed heavily.
"What's wrong?" I murmured sleepily, as I looked around the room, and saw an unfamiliar nurse standing near my hospital bed.
"You fell asleep but only for ten minutes, a nurse has come to examine you," Leo said, helping me to sit up. I winced as I felt the muscles in my back contract, as they were so stiff from being in the same position, which didn't help that the fact that my back was still aching.
"Hello Leanne, how was your nap? Most women don't usually fall asleep, so I am guessing the pain isn't that bad," the nurse said in a bitchy tone.
I took one long good look at her and resisted the urge to roll my eyes and scoff at her. To say she looked pretty would be the biggest lie of the century, she was far from it and I always believed that every female was beautiful in their own way, but this girl... there was nothing attractive about her.
She wore glasses that were way too big for her face, her hair was short and scruffy and was an alarming lime green colour. Not to mention, the snobbish look she upheld made my blood boil, how dare she talk to me in such a manner.
"The pain is bad. I can just handle it better," I muttered against my gritted teeth. I narrowed my eyes at her and held her gaze and I watched her sink back.
She cleared her throat and went over to my clipboard to check the notes, and then left without saying a word. She didn't even examine me but I guessed I must have scared her off.
Sinking back into the bed I groaned as I felt another contraction hit me.
Leo's hand was already clasped in my own, and he whispered soothing words and I got through the contraction.
Yelps of pain left my mouth and I tried to breathe in and out, like Sarah, the midwife had shown me.
"That nurse was such a bitch to me," I stated as the contraction passed. Leo agreed with me and sat back down on the plastic chair.
He kept hold of my hand, rubbing soothing circles into my skin, with his thumb. I looked down at our entwined hands, the IV in my hand, had caused a bruise. I always managed to bruise easily, even when I was poked and prodded with needles and injections.
Leo tapped at his phone with his free hand and a smirk came across his face, as I watched him intently.
"What's up?" I asked.
"Rosalia wants to come here," he stated.
"Ah well tell her I said thank you but there's not really a point, I don't think the baby will be here for a while," I said.
"That's what I said but she said she's eager to come."
Sighing heavily, I looked down at my stomach.
"Leo... I just want to be with you through everything... I don't want anyone else to come and I am sorry if that makes me selfish but we made this baby and we have to be together at the end... if that makes any sense." I didn't look up, in case Leo would feel insulted that I was blatantly stating that I didn't want his sister to come.
The room was silent, and I swear that if a pin was to drop, it would be the loudest thing in the room.
No one said anything, and I made me feel as if I had offended Leo until he spoke.
"She's not coming. She and the others will come when the baby is born, or a few hours after."
That made me look up and gasp.
Leo had listened to what I had said, he had understood where I was coming from and how I just wanted it to be the two of us together, in the most special and important part of our lives.
"Okay," I replied and licked my lips, cringing at how dry they felt.
"Are you thirsty?" Leo asked, and before I could even reply to him, he had a bottle of juice in his hand, ready to give to me.
I nodded my head, and took the juice from him, knowing that the vitamins in the drinks would give me energy.
I took a few sips of the drink and widened my eyes at how thirsty I was. Soon enough, I had drunk more than half of the containments of the bottle.
Screwing the cap back on the bottle I sighed again heavily and turned my head to look at the handsome Italian man, that I was lucky enough to call my husband.
"What?" Leo smirked at me.
"It's nothing," I shrugged, passing him the bottle of juice, and then placed my hands on my bump.
"No tell me," Leo said, as he placed his hands on top of mine.
"I'm just thinking about how lucky I am to have you, even though you can be a dick at times," I shrugged.
Leo chuckled at my comment and nodded his head.
"I'll take that as a compliment. But I am lucky to have you also, Leah. I'm lucky to call you my wife and mother of my child, even if I do take that for granted, I'm so grateful for you in my life," he said sincerely. The words he used, came out smoothly, and I knew what he was saying came from the heart and that he did mean what he said.
It was weird to think that there was a time where I would have never expected to marry Leo or even have his child, but now that I looked back on the past, I wouldn't have had it any other way. I couldn't see myself with anyone else but Leo and it did scare me to realise that a number of times we could have lost each other, could have ruined us, but we always seemed to come out stronger.
Leo and I continued to talk and remember certain parts of our relationship, until the midwife Sarah came.
Sarah was a middle age woman, with honey brown hair and green eyes, she was neither slim or curvy, but somewhere in between. She was very helpful but at the same time, she also wasn't.
"Hello Leah, how are you getting on?" She asked, checking my notes on the clipboard.
"I'm doing alright, a few contractions every twenty minutes, as usual, nothing's changed," I shrugged, taking my hands away from my precious bump.
"Alright, I'm just going to feel your cervix and then we can see how many centimetres you are dilated," She informed me, I knew exactly what she was going to do, but of course Leo had no idea and freaked out when Sarah had put on plastic gloves and helped me to spread my legs slightly.
"What the hell are you doing?" Leo snapped in a harsh voice.
"Mr Russo, relax, I know what I'm doing," Sarah replied, kindly.
"Leo it's okay, she just needs to feel how open I am," I said trying to make Leo understand.
I felt slightly uncomfortable as Sarah examined me, and I tried not to move as she checked.
She stood back up and took the gloves up and gave me a reassuring smile.
"How many centimetres?" I asked.
"One centimetre-"
"ONE!?" I asked, outraged. How could I be only one centimetre, I felt as if I was at least four.
"It happens, Leah. Some women are already three centimetres dilated before they even get into the labour stage, some aren't. Every woman is different, but it seems like this is going to be a long process for you, just hang tight and I'm going to go and get Doctor Phillips who will help me to turn the baby," She explained and then walked out of the room, leaving me in a mess of shock.
"One centimetre," Leo scoffed.
"It's a fucking joke, I've been in labour for three hours and..." I couldn't even finish my sentence, I was outraged.
"First, my water doesn't break. Second, my baby is in breech. Third I feel like my back is about to break and finally fourth, I am dilated one centimetre!"
I measured a centimetre with my fingers and showed Leo, and sighed at the fact that I remembered something I had read in a book. Some women only considered four centimetres to be when a woman is in labour, but here I was with contractions and all, and that was still classified as labour.
"I hate our baby," I said sadly, looking down at the bump. Why did it have to be so difficult, why couldn't it just have its head first?
I wasn't scared of giving birth, I was just scared of the fact that I would possibly have to have a caesarean. A C-Section wasn't as bad as people thought, I knew that, I was just scared of the added complications that came with it.
"It's gonna be okay, I'm here with you, and I will do my best to help you through it, but don't hate the baby." Leo said. I appreciated that he was being supportive, that's all I really needed, a husband who cared about me.
After about an hour, Sarah came back, with a man who I had assumed to be Doctor Phillips.
"Hello Mr and Mrs Russo," He greeted.
"Hello." Leo and I replied simultaneously.
I watched as Doctor Phillips set up his equipment, along with another computer monitor. I knew that he would have to do a quick scan to see if the baby was still in its awkward position, and he would also need it to keep on checking if he was helping the baby to turn or not.
"Is this your first?" Doctor Phillips asked me kindly.
How did I exactly answer that, without giving away my life story?
I didn't answer, I let Leo do that for me.
"Yes, to an extent," Leo answered, in his professional business tone.
"To an extent?" Doctor Phillips laughed. He was an old man, who reminded me of a granddad but he actually had dark hair, instead of white hair, so he couldn't have been that old.
"We've miscarried before," Leo answered, not giving away any emotion.
The doctor stopped what he was doing and gave me a sympathetic look.
"I'm sorry to hear that. I will do my best to turn this baby," he smiled.
"Doctor Phillips is the best at the ECV," Sarah said, giving me a hopeful look.
Leo looked at me in confusion.
"External Cephalic Version, the procedure to turn the baby-"
Leo's stressed face cut me off from talking, I knew all this terminology wasn't making any sense to him. I sighed heavily and looked down at my bump.
"Let's begin," Doctor Phillips said, pulling up the hospital gown so my bump was showing, my lower half was covered by the sheets, so all he could see was my pregnant belly.
The doctor put his hands on my stomach and began feeling around for the baby. I watched as he did a quick scan and I looked up at the screen and unfortunately, it was still facing the wrong way.
I laid flat on my back, as he began to slowly massage my stomach, whilst using a slight pressure to try and turn it. Every few minutes he would stop, and place the transducer on my stomach to see if it was cooperating. The whole time, the doctor was performing the procedure, I didn't say a word. I could feel the baby being pushed around, but I couldn't feel if it was even moving.
"It is alive, right?" Leo asked, as he too noticed how still the baby was.
"Yes, there's a heartbeat, have a listen," and the doctor clicked a switch and instantly the room was filled with the sound of our baby's heartbeat. I wasn't sure why, but tears pooled in my eyes and an emotional wave washed over me.
Please turn.
After around five minutes, I could tell that this was going nowhere, the baby didn't want to move.
Doctor Phillips, sighed and gave a disappointed look.
"I'm going to come back in an hour and try again," he said.
I didn't say a word, I just watched him and Sarah leave.
"So much for being the best," Leo scoffed, as he glared at the door.
I nodded my head and sat up, and swung my legs off the bed.
There was a blue inflatable ball in the corner of the room, and I knew that pregnant women usually sat on them during labour, but I never understood why.
"Can you bring the ball closer?" I asked Leo, and he got up and brought it to me. He had even supported me as I lowered myself down to sit on it.
Once I was seated, I felt a sense of relief on my back. I felt the strain on my back slowly going and before I knew it I was rolling forward and backwards on the ball.
"Is it helping with the pain?" Leo asked and I instantly nodded my head.
"The strain on my back is going, so the ball is handy," I sighed, trying not to think about how awkward I looked, sitting on the ball.
Leo was seated behind me and I felt his hands slowly massaging my lower back. My muscles ached and I relaxed slightly, as I felt the pain easing.
"That feels good," I said, letting Leo know that he was doing a good job.
"Good to know I'm not being entirely useless then," He said.
I continued to rock back and forth on the ball, as Leo eased the tension in my back.
"You know we never did talk about names properly," Leo said, and I turned my head to look at him.
"Did you have any in mind?" I asked raising an eyebrow. It was never a topic that Leo would approach himself, throughout my whole pregnancy he had been so careful not to jinx a miscarriage, even if it meant talking about names.
"I quite like Lucan," Leo said slowly.
My mouth flew open in shock, it was something I couldn't hide. I couldn't even stop the gasp that came out,
"What? Really, I've never heard of that name," I tried to lie casually but I knew I had failed.
Leo got up and stood in front of me, his eyes hooked with mine and he clasped my hands together tightly with his.
"I hear you crying his name when you sleep at night Leah. I have no doubts that you dream about our first baby. You named him Lucan and I guess that baby will always be apart of us-"
"You never said anything-"
"I had no reason to, I just knew you longed for our baby and your nightmares consisted of him."
I sighed heavily and looked down at the floor.
"It's not right to name this baby after the previous one, we'll think of new names," I smiled sadly.
Leo nodded his head and squeezed my hands tightly.
"I love you bella," those were the words I needed to hear, to know that Leo would always support me no matter what.
"I love y... ugh not again," I groaned as a contraction hit me. I squeezed my eyes tightly and tried to breathe and almost instantly sweat was pouring down from my face and I breathed in and out deeply. My harsh breaths were all that could be heard in the private room.
"It hurts so much!" I cried, gripping the side of the bed, as I rolled my body along with the huge inflatable blue ball I was sitting on. Leo knelt behind me, his hands firmly on my back as he tried to relieve some of the pain I was feeling as the contractions hit.
"I can't believe I ever wanted kids!"
I never knew that the pain was this intense. Though I did want to be a midwife, I could never judge how each woman took to the pain of labour, as each woman was different and had different pain tolerances. I always thought mine was pretty high, but clearly not.
"I'm so sorry, bella," Leo kept on apologising over and over again.
What else could he do, aside from trying to make me more comfortable and attempt to ease my pain and suffering?
"Why is it taking so long! Why doesn't it want to come out!" I cried out, as frustration was getting the better of myself.
"I don't know the answer to that Bella, but my guess is that you made such a lovely warm home for it, and it doesn't want to leave-"
"Don't try and be Ross from Friends, you're not a palaeontologist," I smiled weakly but Leo's words did lift my spirits up slightly.
"I can't believe I'm doing this without drugs," I muttered to myself.
I had the option for an epidural but in all honesty, I didn't want it due to the fact that I needed to know when to push and if I was numb to the pain, how would I know when to push on a contraction?
As well as that, I did have the option for gas and air, I did try it but for some reason, I couldn't get the hang of whether to blow or inhale the gas and air, which did not help me at all. I was then left without anything to help me through labour, as contractions hit me.
"You're doing great my love-"
"That's easy for you to say, you're not the one going through the pain!"
"Yeah but it pains me to see you like this!" Leo retorted.
One minute we were talking normally, the next I was in so much pain that it made me want to scream and argue.
The pain started to fade away and I squeezed my eyes shut, just wanting the whole experience to be over.
Since I was connected to a monitor, Leo was able to tell me when the contraction would be over. He held my hand tight and rubbed soothing circles into my skin.
"It's passed now bella, open your eyes."
I hadn't even realised that my eyes were closed. I slowly opened them and breathed in deeply.
"You're doing really well," Leo smiled.
I smiled back and squeezed his hand.
"I just want this to be over with. "
I hadn't even given birth yet, but I could see the experience of being the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life.
The hours went by fast, there were times when I was in so much pain that tears started to stream down my face, there were times where I was happy and was able to discuss with Leo what the future held for us. However, in the back of my mind, all I kept thinking of was if my baby had turned around or not.
Sarah came back and scanned my stomach again, with the other doctor, whose name I actually forgot, by her side. They had come back to try the ECV again, and this time I had hoped that they were successful, because I hadn't felt my baby move at all. There were no sudden movements, no random kicks, it literally felt as if it had stopped moving.
I watched the screen closely, holding Leo's hand tight in mine, and waited for the disappointing news to hit me. But it didn't...
"Leah, I'm so happy to tell you that Baby Russo has turned by itself!" Sarah cheered, causing my eyes to widen and my mouth to fall open. I instantly looked down at my bulging stomach and caressed it.
"Well done, honey! I'm so happy!" I said to my bump, knowing that everything was going to be alright.
"Well done Mrs Russo, I'm sure you're baby should make it's arrival soon," the male doctor said, nodding his head and then left.
"Alright love, let me examine you to see if you're dilated any more centimetres," Sarah said, as she went to the head of the bed and helped me to get into a comfortable position, for her to see if I was ready to push.
"Nearly there Leah, just four more centimetres," she said, standing back up and taking her gloves off. I watched as she wrote something down on my clipboard and put it back on the head of the bed.
"I'll be back to check on you soon, press the buzzer if you need me," she smiled and walked out of our private room.
"How long have I been in labour for?" I asked Leo, as he passed a bottle of cold water to me.
"Almost 18 hours," Leo sighed. "It's five in the afternoon."
I groaned and looked at the clock that was on opposite wall. We had been in the hospital since eleven at night and now it was almost evening again.
I had never expected to be in labour for this long, I had always thought I would have my baby within four hours, just like my mum did with me.
"Do you know how long Rosa was in Labour with you?" I asked Leo, unsure of whether he would want to talk about his mother or not.
He nodded his head and looked away from me.
I knew that Leo found it hard that he barely talked with his mother. They were close but not that close if she refused to believe her youngest son.
"Almost a day, I was the most difficult," He answered, interlocking his fingers with mine.
"I bet our baby wants to be even more difficult than it's daddy," I laughed lightly. It definitely seemed like the baby was competing with Leo but at the same time, I just wanted to give birth already.
"Possibly," Leo laughed, standing up from his seat, and began to put his jacket on.
My eyes widened and I instantly sat up.
"Where are you going?" I demanded.
Leo sighed heavily and showed me his pack of cigarettes.
"No, Leo don't leave me. You can wait!" I exclaimed, what if I went into labour while Leo was gone? What if something bad happened, there was no way that I was in a position to go with him.
In all fairness, it had been hours since Leo last went out for a smoke, and those previous times I didn't mind him leaving me, but now I was in labour for eighteen hours and anything could happen if I was alone.
"Leah, I really need to go out," he groaned, looking slightly agitated.
I opened my mouth to speak but instantly closed it. Nothing bad would happen, I was safe and if I needed something a nurse or midwife would come. I couldn't deprive Leo of smoking even though I wanted him to never leave me in my time of need.
"Okay," I side, feeling my eyes tear up.
"I promise I'll be quick," Leo whispered, leaning down towards me and pressed a kiss on my forehead.
I watched Leo leave and tried my best to remain calm. After all could you blame me for being nervous and overbearing after everything I had been through, every time Leo wasn't with me?
I could cope with being pregnant and alone, but how would I cope with having a baby and being alone, if something was to happen to Leo. It was clear that my life wasn't save, it didn't seem fair to bring a child up in that lifestyle.
I sighed again heavily, and placed my hands on my stomach, trying to feel my baby, would it be healthy? Would it be a girl or a boy? So many questions popped in my head and it frustrated me that the answers were so close but yet so far away.
I wasn't sure how much time had passed, but within a blink of an eye, Leo was back, holding a brown paper bag. Instantly the smell of delicious food filled my nostrils and I could feel the hunger inside me.
"Sorry I took so long, I got dinner," he said placing the bag down on the table with wheels and brought the table closer to me.
"I wasn't sure how hungry you'd be or if you even feel like eating at all, so I just got a mixture of things," Leo explained, as he helped me to sit up.
"You didn't have to Leo," I said peering inside the bag.
"Well, what kind of husband would I be, if I didn't feed my wife," he laughed.
"Any contractions, while I was gone?" he asked, taking out various containers from the bag.
"Nope, not a single one. I would've thought they'd be closer together now, but they're not."
Leo produced a container of chips, salads, pasta and plenty of other things but it just didn't seem appetising to me, despite my stomach rumbling.
"I don't think I can eat anything," I whispered, feeling bad that Leo had brought all of this food.
I was expecting Leo to get annoyed with me, but he didn't. He smiled softly and pushed the table away. He sat on the bed and clasped my hands with his.
"It's there if you want it, bella," Leo said.
"Can you hold me?" I asked in a small voice. For some reason, I felt as if I needed to be surrounded my Leo's warmth and comfort.
He nodded his head and wrapped his arms around me tight, I felt complete knowing that I was safe in Leo's arms and that my baby was possibly safe too.
There was nothing that could ruin the moment that Leo and I were having, except a contraction...
I felt the pain and the pressure in my back but yet I didn't say anything. I wasn't even sure if Leo had felt me tense up. I knew that the contraction would pass, but for some reason just didn't feel like the normal contractions I was having.
"Bella, are you alright? You feel stiff," Leo said, pulling away from me, he stared at my face in confusion and out of instinct held my hands tight.
"It's just a contraction," I muttered through gritted teeth. Slowly, it passed and I breathed out, grateful that the contraction had finished.
"That felt quicker," I said more to myself than Leo.
"Yeah, that's a good thing right?" Leo asked, standing up. He gave me some space and helped me to sit up and swing my legs off the bed. My whole lower body felt stiff and I knew that I had been in the same position for too long.
It wasn't long until another contraction came, almost five minutes after the previous one. The contractions were getting closer and closer together, and that could only mean one thing; I was nearly ready to deliver.
"Leo, get Sarah!" I breathed out, through the pain. I didn't have to ask him twice, he ripped his hands from mine and left to find my midwife.
The pain that I was experiencing and the need to push scared me, was I actually ready for this; mentally and physically?
I breathed in and out, feeling sweat beads forming due to how hot and bothered I felt.
Suddenly, I felt a gush of liquid leave my body, causing me to shriek.
"Oh my god!" I screamed out, realising that my waters had just broken.
Leo ran back in, and stared at me in horror. That was enough to make me feel scared.
"My waters... they've broken!" I cried out, feeling nothing but pain all over me. My back was aching, it felt as if there was something heavy stuck on my spine and it was weighing it down.
"Leah, it's okay calm down. The midwife and doctors are coming, just keep breathing," Leo soothed, running to my side and gripping my hands tight in his.
"It hurts so much!" I whimpered, not knowing what to focus on, the pain or the fact that I needed to breathe.
"You need to lay back," Leo said firmly, as he tried to push me back down onto the bed.
"No Leo! Don't!" I screamed out, I didn't feel comfortable at all, I felt that my back needed to be supported and if I laid down it would only add to my discomfort.
"Leo leave me be, it hurts to much!"
I felt blinded by my pain, I didn't even realise that any doctors and midwives had come in, and before I knew it I was being pushed down and propped up in the worst position ever.
My legs had been pushed more towards my stomach and I could feel someone examining me, but I was unaware of who it was.
"She's fully dilated, she needs to start pushing."
"Mrs Russo, your contractions will be coming a lot faster, and you may feel the urge to push on a contraction, just listen to me and we'll help you through your delivery," I didn't even care who was talking to me, but I just wanted them to shut up.
"Leo where are you?!" I cried out, I couldn't feel him near me and it was like he had left. "Don't leave me!"
"I'm right here sweetheart, I'm not leaving you," I felt his warm strong hands supporting me and holding my hand tightly.
"Here comes a contraction, you need to push Mrs Russo!" Someone forcefully shouted at me.
This type of contraction felt different and more painful and it took all of my willpower not to crumble from the impact of the pain. It hurt badly but I did feel that urge to push and I hadn't realised I was pushing until the doctor was praising me.
I pushed and pushed every time I was told to, but I felt that I wasn't getting anywhere.
"I can't do this!" I screamed out, feeling overwhelmed.
"Leanne you can! Come on, keep pushing!" Leo yelled at me.
"Don't fucking shout, it's all your fucking fault that I'm in this situation!" I cried, tears drenching my face.
"It takes two to tango baby, and you're the one who came on to me!" He retorted... okay that was true, I did do that but I had a motive behind it and well that didn't work because Leo still left me to go and kill his brother.
"Well if you weren't set on revenge I wouldn't have had to seduce you!" I screamed, feeling the pressure build up in my stomach and in my back.
"Just push Leah! You need to-"
"She's not pushing hard enough and it doesn't seem that the baby wants to come out," I heard someone say.
"NO! I AM PUSHING!" I cried out. "IT HAS TO COME OUT!"
The build up of another contraction came and it was like my body knew to automatically push. I pushed so hard that I really felt my spine was going to break.
"Keep pushing! You're doing so well!"
I could feel hot flushes on every part of my skin, my head was spinning and my heart was pounding out of control. Never in my life had I experienced something so physically painful.
"Baby you need to keep pushing, come on you're doing so well," Leo encouraged, dabbing at my sweaty forehead.
"I'm trying, it's too hard," I whimpered out, squeezing his free hand tightly, as another contraction came.
"Push Leanne! Push!" he encouraged.
I kept on pushing, feeling strong but at the same time tired.
"I can see the head Leah!" Leo said, leaving my side.
"It has dark hair, fucking lots of it Leah! So much fucking hair!" Leo yelled out excited.
I would've apologised for his language but I really didn't care, he was happy and that was all I needed to carry on giving birth to my baby. I felt dirty, tired and as if all the oxygen in the world was being sucked away. I could feel myself struggling to breathe, I could feel myself suffocating. It was like an internal battle with myself, my body wanted to physically shut down but heart and mind wanted to keep going. I needed to keep going, but the lack of oxygen I was receiving made me feel sick and tired.
"I can't breathe!" I gasped out.
I needed a break, I felt as if I had been pushing for what seemed like a lifetime, but really it had only been half an hour.
I gave a huge last push and felt myself going light headed and dizzy, my eyes were slowly closing, I could feel my breathing getting shallow. But that one sound, that one precious and important sound, made me come back to reality.
High pitch crying or even shrieking made me awaken as if new air had been breathed into my lungs. As if new blood had started to pump around my body, and get my heart going again.
The sound of crying or even high pitched screaming...
"Mr and Mrs Russo, congratulations, you have a strong and healthy baby boy!"
My eyes widened and I gave a weak smile.
I had a son... a healthy son. It took a while for my brain to register that I had just given birth to a baby, let alone carried it for nine months.
"We have a son, Leah," I heard Leo say. I looked up feeling extremely tired and worn out after over eighteen hours in labour...
"I'm so proud of you baby, you did so well!" Leo smiled, leaning down and pressed a kiss on my lips, I kissed him back, feeling more tears stream down my face.
I pulled away, and closed my eyes slowly.
"Where's my baby?!" I asked, feeling my body start to shut down, the battle to stay awake was mentally draining. I was stuck in the same position, unable to move, I felt like I couldn't see anything but only feel.
My eyes fluttered open and closed, I honestly could not keep them open and it dawned on me that I had just done something I thought that I would never have the strength to do, give birth naturally.
"Here is your baby Mrs Russo," a kind voice said, alerting me and suddenly my hospital gown was tugged down slightly so that the tops of my breast were exposed and my baby was placed on my chest.
I felt a sob leave my mouth, as I cradled my baby close to my body.
"He's here Leo," I cried, feeling an emotional cloud over me.
I turned my head to look down at my baby and saw the most angelic face I had ever seen. A baby boy, with a head of dark hair, a cute pointed noise and chubby cheeks. His eyes were closed and felt excited to see who's eyes he had.
"Thank you Leanne," Leo said.
"For what?" I asked looking up at Leo, with a confused expression.
"For giving me a family," he smiled.
"I love you so fucking much," he whispered loud enough for me to hear.
"I love you more Leo, so much more," tears carried on trailing down my face, and it dawned on me how real this all was.
"Let me see him," Leo said, and I adjusted the position of the baby, so that he was cradled in my arms. He was probably freezing, as the nurse had not taken him yet to clean him. There was still patches of blood on him, but I didn't care, I wanted to see his eyes open for the first time, before they took him.
The baby cooed and made little noises and I found myself nestling my face close to his.
"I'm your mama, baby. Do you remember my voice?" and it was as if by magic, my son opened his eyes and stared back at me.
Bright green eyes gazed into my blue ones, and I found myself memorised with how familiar they looked... He was the splitting image of his father.
"Leo! He has your eyes!" I exclaimed, allowing Leo, to take him from me, just to hold him before the nurse told us off.
"Welcome to the world Baby Russo."
********
So the baby has been born and it's a boy!!!
I am so sorry for not updating for over like five months or so! I lost motivation and I've just been incredibly busy with school. For those of you who don't know, I am in my last year of High school and I study A Levels which are extremely tough!
I think this will be my only update until 2018, and I will try and get a chapter written for January 2018!
Please feel free to list some boy baby names as I don't actually have any unless you all like 'Lucan/Luca'.
Please vote and comment and let me know how this chapter was, I spent five hours today trying to write it and I kept procrastinating so it's not the best chapter!!
~Dhana