Hey.
As you guys now.
I haven't updated.
I'm sorry.
I just wanna get something of my chest.
When I was 9, 10, and 11 I was bullied. Both mentally and physically.
I used to think I was this strong girl.
That nobody could ever take down.
I was wrong, I was bullied because I was different.
Katherine (my twin sister. We don't look the same) knew, she told me that they only bullied me because I was beautiful.
I believed her.
But, words.
Words started to get to my head.
I started to believe I was trash, useless, stupid, ugly etc.
I started to get physically bullied when I was 10.
They used to push me into the wall, trip me, push me, and make up stupid rumors.
Nobody knew but Katherine.
She wanted to tell mum and dad.
I wouldn't let her.
We got into this argument, we didn't like for days, it might have even been weeks.
I had no one, just one thing.
I had music.
It relaxed me, it sent me to a while different world where I can be me, and nobody judges me for it.
It helped me think.
That when cutting popped up.
I've seen how many people cut and the pain goes away.
I got my knife and did it. It did it about 7 times.
I loved knowing that something else could make me feel something else besides hate.
I knew their was many different things I could have gone with.
But I didn't pay any attention to those.
I always had a sweater on, even if it was summer.
I curt more and more everyday.
I was bullied by this girl names Banessa and her friends.
(Yes, it's Banessa, not Vanessa)
One day I started to cut my legs because it was getting full in my arm.
My legs hurt so bad.
I couldn't sleep good because of it.
But that day that Banessa almost found out about me cutting.
It was the day my parents had gotten into the car crash.
I was sick and tired of life.
I wanted to be with mummy and daddy.
I found these pills in my big sister Brandy's Bathroom.
I didn't bother to look what is was for.
I took about 10 of them.
I made myself swallow 2 at a time.
Once I was done, I didn't feel good.
I woke up in a hospital room.
I yelled at myself for not dying.
A week or 2 later, I was out.
I never left my room.
The door always locked.
Didn't go to school for 2 months.
Rarely ate.
Music as loud as it could be.
Me and Katherine forgave each other after a while.
My family still doesn't know anything
{Should I Tell Them?}
But to this very day.
My past hunts me.
The day Banessa Almost Found out, my parent passing away.
It was on this day.
Getting bullied started in 9-13-09
I started cutting in 2-27-10
Banessa and Parents gone in 4-5-12
Ended in the hospital in 4-12-12
Moved and everything got better in 7-19-12
Now, it's 4-5-14, Sunday, 12:06, in Las Vegas .
Things have gotten better, but mesmerizes come back.
It takes everything out of me.
Nobody knew all this but Katherine , an I wanted to share with you guys.
And if you ever think of cutting.
DON'T
It ruins your beautiful body/skin
I used this scar remover, now it shows a bit. Only if you see it in perfect lighting ill show.
I hope you done Judge me. And If You Have Ever Gone Through Something Similar, Comment is down below please, I would like to read how you guys solved it, or are solving it.
"Never Think Of 'Lucky Life' When you See Someone Smile Everyday. They Might Have A Smile, But They Could Have A Million Tears On Thee Inside Just Wanting To Flow Out On Thee Outside ~Zoe Hernandez~
Well that quite just came out d nowhere.
~Zoe