an/ at the end please read (kinda important)
Songs:
Eyes closed by the narrative
Say Something cover by Pentatonix (seriously hear it best thing ever)
*
“Louis? Are you listening to what I’m saying?” I almost shout to make him hearing me clearly. We’re coming from the library now to our dorm. I was asking him if he wanted to eat dinner out and then maybe we could give another try to ourselves by going to the cinema, but if it’s for him to be in this silence with a blank expression I prefer to just go to the dorm and watch a movie by myself.
He slowly looks at me to meet my gaze but he just stares some seconds to look away again “No.” he simply answers and I want to shove him against the wall and shout at him to wake up for life because it’s pissing me off. And this is new.
“You’ve been like this for weeks, can you stop?” I say but it’s not really a question and I’m not saying this in a harsh tone or I think it’d be worst for us. When he doesn’t say anything, for my relief, I continue “I know when you don’t listen to the other is because you’re thinking too much.” His head must be a place full of thoughts and it’s sad that I still haven’t had the chance to break the wall that is stopping me to know every secret, every thought, every idea he has in that head of his. I still don’t know half of it. “What have you been thinking lately?” I’m direct because I really want to know what’s been bothering him, if it’s something… I just hope it’s not related to the words I spoke while we had sex. But I don’t think it is, because if that he’d have said something at the time, he wouldn’t have given me a small smile and he wouldn’t be so relaxed and happy–well, normal the whole day.
“Nothing.” And he has been talking less to me, just the necessary and always small sentences.
“Lou…” I speak softly but we keep walking. His head is still looking forward however my eyes don’t look away from him. “Please tell me…”
“I-I’ve been…” he starts but his voice cracks and he stops. I wait a bit expecting him to continue “I think I am in…“ He stops again with a sigh and his words just make my heart beating so fast. I wait and wait but he doesn’t continue and it makes me mad. Not mad from upset, mad from crazy because I want him to end that sentence. The anxiety about wanting to know what he was going to say kills me on the inside.
“God, you’ve been acting so weird Louis!” I say instead of Fucking end that sentence because you’re slowly killing me.
“I’m not!” He says and finally adds some expression in his face and another tone instead of the cold and soulless I’ve been listening from him
“Yes you are, I want my Louis back.” He murmurs something in reply, something that I’m not sure if I heard correctly. Something like I’m not your Louis. I hope I’m wrong and I just heard it badly but I don’t ask him to repeat afraid of the answer. Afraid of being right.
~*~
“I’m heading to the practise!” Louis says focused on putting his stuff on the bag. I look up from the book I was reading – Louis’ influences – to look at him. I think he got more beautiful since the day we met. This thought already came up on my mind more than once but I pulled it away because how’s that even possible? The beauty he had was huge, it’d be impossible to gain more. But now I see how wrong I was and yes he got more beautiful.
“Okay, be careful!” I speak the same words I say every time before he goes out from that door and before he walks towards me to give me a kiss of goodbye. But this time he’s walking directly to the door without even giving me a second glance “Oi!” I protest “Aren’t you forgetting about something?” He looks above his shoulder when stops and raises me his eyebrow “My kiss.” I give him a cheeky smile hoping that he comes back to normal but then he gives me a frown. However, for my relief – and my health because I thought I was going to have a break down here – he walks back, with a sight, towards my bed and leans over to press our lips together. At first I feel like he’s so tense, I feel like he just wants to pull away because this is feeling differently but then his hand rests on my cheek while moving his lips in synchrony with mines. When he pulls back he joins our foreheads and caresses my cheek with his thumb. I look at him with a smile on my lips but he’s with his eyes closed. “Lou.” I whisper noticing his expression. I think I’m really getting crazy but I’m sure his expression is from pure sadness but he’s thoughtful and I think that’s why he looks sad. His thoughts are killing him, I want to help but I can’t because I don’t have a clue about what is bothering him. We’ve been doing things right and slowly, I don’t know what made him like this.
His expression quickly changes by my voice, he opens his eyes and pulls away “Hum, yeah bye then.” He says and in a moment I’m seeing him grabbing his bag from the floor and at the other I’m listening the shut of the door.
What’s going on? Something is wrong here. I miss his laugh, his happy face, the crinkles in his eyes when he smiles truly, I miss our long talks, I miss our snogs, his soft kisses, his fond looks, our cuddles… but mostly I miss the Louis who gave me the necklace I never take off, the Louis who told me I make him happy, the Louis who I was being so close to and… the Louis who told me that everything was going to be all right… but at the end what he said wasn’t the truth. This is not all right, things aren’t all right and I don’t know what to do. I love this boy so much, I don’t want to lose him and I feel like slowly, I’m losing him… and losing myself.
~*~
Things got serious on a Thursday, I want to blame Zayn for that but I think I would be being selfish. It was all fine, I even though Louis was coming back to his normal. He finally gave me a proper smile after telling how good he looked in the morning because he thought he always looked like a zombie which is the complete opposite, and at the end he allowed me to give him a kiss. But not a simple one. It was soft, long and I gave every piece of me because we haven’t had one of those in a month.
But then… then Zayn said something that made Louis went crazy. I saw that coming… not Louis’ reaction, but Zayn’s talk. Louis reaction was everything except what I was expecting from him after what we’ve been through. After what we shared and the words we whispered.
“So guys…” Zayn starts making us looking away from our plates “I-I… Are you…” He stammers and I bow my brow. He takes a deep breath to compose himself and if looks could kill, Zayn would be definitely dead by now by Liam’s one. “Are you two finally in a relationship?” Louis chokes himself in his water and I look widely at both at time. Liam looks mad at Zayn and his lips move probably just to say Zayn and making him see what he just did.
What now? What do we do now? I know Louis wasn’t ready to tell Zayn and Liam what we are… but that’s the problem, it’s been four months since we started this and we never, I repeat, never talked about us. I don’t know what we are and that’s not only weird but wrong, saying that we are only friends now is pointless and ridiculous.
When Louis stops coughing and Zayn shrugs by the look Liam gives him – and I think he might have kicked him under the table – I decide to speak “Erm, k-kinda…” I say unsure. Not unsure of what I am saying–okay kinda… UHG I’m so freaking confused! But I consider ourselves boyfriends even if we never said it but we’ve been going on dates, we kiss, we fuck, damn we do everything a couple does, so what’s the deal?
Louis starts coughing again by the surprised looks our friends give us and the Reallys and whats they say “Excuse me?” He turns his attention to me now and I frown by his mad expression.
“You two are dating?” Liam asks in a low tone, almost afraid of speaking those words, looking widely specifically at Louis
“We are-“ I start but Louis interrupts me
“You shut up!” he almost shouts and what the fuck? Why is he making this scene “We are not!” he quickly turns his gaze to his friends. He seems so damn lost and anxious “We aren’t and I don’t fucking know how and why you came up with this shit Zayn!” I look shocked at him.
“So this whole thing is shit for you?” I ask maybe too loud not caring where and with who we are. “Are you even being yourself here, Louis?” he’s not. He’s not Louis.
“What are you talking about?”
“You gotta be fucking kidding me!” he can’t be talking serious. He’s acting as if he doesn’t know what we are talking about, as if I dreamt everything and the moments we spent were all a fucking lie, my imagination. “You could think a little less about yourself in this situation and not being doing this to me now.” I speak truthfully. I’m not saving everything on the inside. Not now, not anymore.
“Harry, calm down.” Oh so now you talk lowly “Calm down and let’s skip this.” I’m literally looking at him with my mouth opened like an “o”. This is not happening.
“No fucking way. A thing is not being comfortable enough to talk about this another is doing what you’re doing.” Humiliating me basically.
“Harry let’s talk outside.” He lowers his head while standing up from the table. The attention from the people on the restaurant are all in us but I could care less, I don’t even bother myself to notice the looks from Zayn and Liam before following Louis outside.
“What was that?” I speak right away I feel the natural light hitting my face
“It’s me who needs to ask that.” I take a deep breath to control myself by what he’s saying “What the fuck Harry? You shouldn’t have answered him-“
“Why? You were going to do it?! Were you going to answer properly at him?” I’m getting so mad and I hate this feeling.
He doesn’t reply right away “Probably not, but I thought it was going to be me who’d have this talk with them.”
I laugh wryly, if Louis is not being himself, I’m not going to be me neither “What talk Louis? What talk if we never fucking talked about this? It’s been four months and we haven’t talked about us. Never! How do you think I feel about this?” he doesn’t answer. “Right. I don’t blame you if you don’t know because I don’t fucking know how you feel either.” I shout
“So you thought it’d give you the right to decide this on your own?” he’s mad, he’s so fucking mad. He looks like the Louis from five months ago and it pains me to see it.
“Don’t start with this right thing because it’s all bullshit!”
“Shut up Harry.” Right, he has nothing else to say so he tells me to shut up. It’s always the same
“Fine. You know what? I’m out. I think we shouldn’t be having this conversation right now with this temper.” I say and walk away, not giving him time to speak another word. It’s better stopping this stupid fight here. I’m being selfish thinking this way because I’m only going away not to listen to what he has to say… afraid of what I might hear, because a part of me feels like he has a lot to share with me and half of those thoughts are things that I don’t even dream of listening to.
~*~
It’s 10pm when I hear Louis coming back to the dorm, probably from the practise. I came to bed right after I left Louis this afternoon, I even skipped one class because I was feeling too down to go. But he’s just coming back now and I don’t have a clue what he did after me leaving him alone. If he left too, if he went inside to explain everything to the boys… I don’t know and this few weeks–wait no, months have been this. The constant voice in my head asking me What do you don’t know? What do you know here?
He doesn’t turn on the light and I don’t move from my sheets neither. I keep listening to him moving things and touching in clothes till I hear, for what it seems, him pulling the sheets from his bed on the side. Is he really going to sleep on his bed? Isn’t he going to try to say something?
I wait. I wait some minutes because waiting for this is too much and just after this few minutes the reality hits me. He’s not going to try and I’m so in love with him that is me who’s going to try. Well, when didn’t I try? It was always me trying, because I am the one in love here.
“Lou?” My voice comes out so weak and low, almost in a whisper and I ask myself if that’s the reason why he doesn’t answer. “Louis?” I speak a little bit louder. Probably just five seconds passed when I’m talking again “Louis, please…” I’m so pathetic, I just can’t give up
“Hum?” he’s sleepy. Maybe he was sleeping and didn’t hear me… yeah maybe…
“Are you–Are we…” I can’t find the words… I don’t even know what to say I just want to hear him talking normally at me.
“What Harry?” Thanks god his voice comes soft
“Aren’t you coming to bed?” I say then
“I am in bed.” His voice is still soft and I can hear a smile coming from his lips. Hearing a smile? Do we hear smiles even? I think I just know him too well to know when he’s smiling. So stupid.
“No. I mean in bed… in bed with me.” He doesn’t answer once again and I feel a knot on my throat “Louis, I am-“
“No.” He says and I think he’s answering me. “No I’m not.” He is answering me. “I will… I will just be here tonight. To think.”
I bite my lip and grab my pillow tightly “Are we-“
“We aren’t…” he answers right away knowing what I was going to ask. “We aren’t I just need a moment. I’m sorry.”
At least he’s gentle unlike the sleep. The sleep isn’t gentle at all with me and I wonder if I even got some sleep. Because it’s been a while since I slept without Louis next to me, it was a habit that I thought I’d never get ride off by now. Without feeling is presence, without having my arms wrapped around him, without having sure of him being okay I don’t find the courage to close my eyes and sleep. I wonder if I did that once during the whole night because I wanted that, I wanted to at least dream of Louis being by my side but that moment never came, only the light from outside and the sound of Louis’ alarm.
I stay in bed even listening to him getting up. I ask myself if he got some sleep. He probably did.
“Harry, time to wake up.” He says and his voice sounds tired and if I was really sleeping I doubt that I’d be able to hear him. But seconds after I move from the sheets and get up from bed because I wasn’t even comfortable so what was the point of staying?
We get ready in silence, walk outside the room in silence and I walk with him to his classroom in silence as well. I don’t know about him but I’m only doing it because I’m too tired and sleepy to talk.
~*~
I made my best to reach Louis’ classroom earlier, I ran the faster I could to reach in time. I did it because a part of me feared that he wasn’t there and left. And I was right. I was right, Louis is not in the place where I always come pick him up after classes. He just left me. It’s painful to even think this. I never had motives to think that, not until this past month. It has been hell for me, I was so happy with Louis and so out of sudden he’s just acting this weird. I made my best not to make him feel uncomfortable, to go slowly and not pressing him to do anything. I shut myself so many times when I knew I was going to talk about us. I wanted that, damn I love him and he knows that. He has to. I was sure he loved me too. Well at least liked me, I’m not asking for the love I feel for him, but a special feeling. The feeling of wanting that person right next to you and the feel of caring and concern. So it just hurts seeing him like this with me.
We aren’t and I don’t fucking know how and why you came up with this shit Zayn
Was it all my imagination? Was I so madly deeply in love with him that I dreamt about everything?
Fuck. Fuck, no, I’m not crazy to this point, I know it was real. It was.
I run around campus but he’s nowhere to be seen, I go to our dorm but I don’t see him laying down on my bed reading a book. I give up on trying to find him inside the campus and try to run towards the gate. And when I walk outside I stop midway the sidewalk when I can finally spot Louis. My heart just drops, my whole fears torment my head, my hopes fade away and I feel like my heart is coming out from my chest. I feel betrayed. Why? I see Louis with fucking Bryan and if that’s not bad enough for my eyes, Louis is smiling. He’s fucking smiling. And it’s not just a normal smile, is that true, warm smile. The one which lights up my day and could even stop wars. I think I even stop breathing for some seconds because it’s been a while since he has give me one of those. Damn he’s fucking talking with him happily and relaxed and it doesn't only pisses me off but also makes me sad. Sad because he fucking promised me he wouldn’t go talking with that guy ever again. What Bryan did to him wasn’t enough for Louis opening his eyes?
No one stops me, not even my thoughts. Nothing stops me now so I just give with myself walking in long steps towards them and pushing Bryan away from Louis and then clenching my fists together to punch him hard in the face. And when he hits the floor I grab him by his collar because that’s not enough. One punch doesn’t make my anger disappear, just feeds it up. I’ve been holding this since the first time I saw him with Louis and I just didn’t punch him the other times because of Louis but this time nothing stops me. So I punch him again and again, yelling words like I told you not to come around him again, and I don’t know how many times I do that and say more harsh words to him till I finally hear Louis’ voice and someone grabbing me from my shoulder tightly to pull me away from Bryan. I can’t recognise that touch, it’s not familiar so I just move my elbow to push the person away to keep adding anger on my veins.
“I’ll fucking kill you” I yell in his face. Bryan doesn’t fight back, I can’t even recognise his face due the blood. I don’t care, I fucking hate him and I’ve been keeping so much shit inside me so why not just throw it at his face? Literally…
“Harry stop!” It was Louis who grabbed me. With no intention I punched Louis and he’s now protecting fucking Bryan by pushing me away from him. I think I just give up on resisting his touch because I know if I keep doing this I’ll hurt Louis for real so I release Bryan from my hands. He lets himself fall on the floor, groaning in pain and I feel Louis’ hands wrapping my arms rightly
“What the fuck did you do!?” Louis doesn’t shout this time, he sounds shocked and shaken up. He lets me go and I see him running towards Bryan, crouching himself next to him. I see him helping Bryan to sit properly with his arm around him and with his other hand he reaches his face. I clench my fists, not caring about how painful it is and about the blood that is running through my fingers. “Oh my god! Are you okay. Fuck, you aren’t… Bryan, I’m sorry, talk to me” This scene is something that I don’t want to see and remember and also something that in my normal state I wouldn’t allow myself to watch so I walk towards them and grab Louis by his arm, standing himself and to walk away with him. I don’t care about Bryan, he can take care of himself, he’s making bluff I know he’s all right because he got in so many fights that this was nothing for him. If he wanted he’d make me much worst I bet he just didn’t do it because of his image towards Louis.
“You’re coming with me!” I demand and my voice is firm and harsh
“Let me go, are you crazy?!” he protests and tries to release himself from me. I can tell by his tone of voice that he’s concerned, mad and maybe afraid “We can’t leave him there like that. Harry!”
“We can and we will” I say looking forward resisting at his movements to get away from me. I’m much stronger than him, he can do whatever he wants but he won’t make me release him. I grab him tighter and drag him with me to the campus when he stops walking by himself and pushes me away. Still useless coming from him.
I can’t hear him. I know he’s shouting at me, I know he’s calling me names and saying bad things but I can’t hear him. I ignore. I ignore him and the looks the other students give us. The thoughts in my head are much louder, the fact that Louis broke a promise with me makes my heart breaking in million pieces. That was an important promise and I ask myself if it was today they made up or if it wasn’t in another day. Maybe it was a month ago and that’s why he’s acting weird.
I don’t know how Louis didn’t get tired of yelling at me, since I wasn’t paying attention, till we reach out our dorm. I open brutally the door and get inside with Louis next to me, still grabbing him because I know if I let him go, this time, he’s not going to stay.
I shut the door behind us strongly “What the fuck were you doing with him?” I yell. He doesn’t speak and I grab him closer to me “Louis, talk to me!”
“You’re hurting me, let me go.” He yells back at my face and I let him go. What am I doing? What did I just do? What happened now is the result of me when I don’t control myself. I hate being this angry, being this cold and dark… that’s why I make my best to be cheerful and lively, because I don’t want to be like this. But Bryan just changes my person, makes me lose my temper and when I start a fight, when I feel really furious I lose myself. “What is wrong with you?” he gives a step back and he might just yelled but fear is written up on his eyes. I look better at his face, finally, and I notice that his cheek is a bit red, almost bruised and I remember what I did… I forgot everything that was around me and was so focused on hitting Bryan that forgot that the person who was possibly stopping me by grabbing my shoulder was Louis.
I just yelled at him and I hate doing it. I know that I just made things worse, I know I made shit and screwed everything. He’s going to be–no, he is mad, he is so mad… but he needs to see that I am too and he has his reasons to be mad at me and I have mines to be at him. “Louis…” I give a step forward, my voice is lower now. I want to go back in time when Louis and I were doing just fine, cuddling in my bed and whispering sweet things between our kisses.
“NO, stop!” he says raising his hand. “What–What was that? I’m–You just…” he doesn’t even know what to say. He’s so confused, nervous and all that mixed with the anger he’s possibly feeling… “Harry, that wasn’t you…” at least he’s not shouting…
“Louis… I know!” I run my fingers through my hair. Where am I gonna start? “Fuck, I just… I hate him and you-“ I stop. I should be acting as mad as I am feeling. Louis owns me an explanation “You were with him…” I compose myself and my tone becomes firmer again “You promised you weren’t going to forgive him.” I shake my head and he only looks at me “You fucking promised” I shout again this time “I saw with my eyes the way you were looking at him, the way you were smiling at him, the way you two were talking… like nothing had happened. Can you imagine how much it hurt me to see it? You have been acting strangely around me, it’s been weeks since we don’t have a proper talk, since you smile at me like you were smiling at him!”
“That was no excuse to hit him like you did!”
“Don’t start with shit because I don’t give a fuck about him right now. You know how I feel towards that guy so I’m not here to discuss him with you, okay?” Louis is as surprise as I am with how I am speaking now “You know what he did, how he is and you still break our promise and give him another chance...?”
“It’s not like that Harry!” I know he’s making his best to control himself
“So how it is? Hum? How it is Louis?”
He looks carefully at me and takes time to continue. I give it to him, he knows I am right, he needs to. “He tried to talk to me once again the other day…” he turns around so he’s facing me his back at me and starts walking around the room. I can’t move so I keep stood up next to the door
“When was the other day?” I ask and I hope that he understands what I mean by it
“I don’t know when it was,” he shouts again “a couple of weeks ago I don’t know.” I knew it wasn’t recent “I didn’t give him the chance to talk right away, but then I decided to hear him out…”
“Fuck-“
“I wasn’t convinced,” he raises his voice to make himself hear so I can’t protest “I wasn’t convinced with what he said, but the days passed and he proved his words.” What words? “He felt regretted. He apologised to me and told me he wanted to apologise to you as well because he was truly regretted about what he did to me… to you” he turns around and I notice how desperate he is for me to understand what he’s saying, to believe in him “He changed Harry!” his eyes are full of hope and I open my mouth in shock. Bryan changed? Regretted? Louis is so fucking naïve
“This is a joke,” I just don’t laugh because I’m not in the mood to and the situation that we’re now is not funny at all “You gotta be kidding Louis, Bryan doesn’t change, Bryan will always be a fucking asshole who only thinks about himself. Were you fucking stupid enough to believe in him?”
He frowns looking at me “People always deserve a second change Harry.” He says too serious
“I know him better than you do-“
“That doesn’t mean anything. He deserved this opportunity.”
“He didn’t, he fucking didn’t deserve it Louis. He doesn’t deserve anything that comes from you-“
He keeps not allowing me to continue “How many opportunities do you think I already gave to you? Your second chance is gone for a long time ago. Why wouldn’t I give him if I keep giving that to you?” and he is shouting again “You always think you deserve everything that comes from me,” wrong. He’s wrong. I don’t deserve him, I want him but I don’t deserve him. But I keep that to myself “you always think that I need to do everything you tell me to. But guess what Harry? You can’t, you fucking can’t and every time you acted that way I just wanted to end everything because that’s not what I want for me. I don’t need a person who is with me to keep telling me what I need to do, with who I can be with, a person who thinks that owns me and is the only one who I can be around with. If I wanted that I wouldn’t have left home. And the worst, the worst of this is that you were always like this.”
“You’re not being fair.” I can’t believe the words he’s speaking, I know they are real but I don’t want to believe, especially when it comes from him “I care about you.” I just want everything to go all right. I want this to end, apologise ourselves and forget all of this
He sighs in pure frustration “Fuck, I know and that’s the problem. You care too much and it suffocates me, it confuses me and I don’t know what to do. I feel like all of this is wrong but I feel so...” he stops and I know he’s not going to finish that sentence
I think we really are going to have that conversation in the worst way after all. But if it’s that then we should be direct to the subject “Louis… I–What… am I to you?” then I asked it. We-I never had the courage to talk about it, scared of what is about to come but I want to know.
He freezes looking widely at me, probably not expecting this “What you are… to me?” he says to himself “Harry…”
“C’mon say it.” I’m tired of being this blind and if he’s playing around with me he needs to stop because I fucking love him, I can do everything for him and it’s been almost two years by now since I’m crazy in love with this guy and I never gave up, I always tried and I know I said to myself that would never give up but if he’s telling me right here right now the truth, the reality that torments my head, then I can’t be humiliating myself in front of him anymore. I may be keeping loving him, damn I think I’ll always be in love with him, but I can’t trap myself in this and all of this shit made me realise it.
But I keep listening to this awful silence that is destroying me “Say something or I’m giving up on you!”
His expression shows me worry, surprise and anxiety. He opens his eyes widely, I don’t know why this shock coming from him “You…” once his expression softens it changes again to one firmer and harsh “You are overprotected with someone that doesn’t belong to you.” What?
“What-what do you mean…?”
“You know what I mean. I don’t belong to you and I’ll never belong Harry. I’m not your boyfriend so don’t treat me like one.” Those were the words. The words I didn’t want to hear but made myself hear it anyway. I knew that. I knew that already but hearing it from him makes it more real, hearing it from him makes me think that he doesn’t care.
“What…?” my voice drops, I can’t yell at him because I can’t even speak.
“You heard it.” He looks anywhere around the room but me “You wanted me to say it, then I said it. Now you can give up and forget about everything, finally.” His voice is cold and dead as well as his expression but he looks at me, he looks at me to pass me his point.
“So you were… everything we spent was all…“ I stop, I sound brittle, I know I’m about to cry just thinking about all of this. Fuck I just love him so much and his words are hurting me, are craving me and I already feel lost. “…all a lie for you? You were just playing around with me?” I can feel my eyes burning. I can’t cry in front of him now.
“It–I just needed to feel something. I needed to feel love and you-“
I don’t listen to anything else, I don’t allow myself to listen to anything else. The first thing that comes in my mind is run away and I’m gonna do it but first… first I take my hands to my neck and take off the necklace he gave to me, throwing it on the floor next to him.
-
“It’s like my tattoo, you see?” he says rolling up the sleeve from his shirt
-
“You’re using it!” he says touching with his fingers on the necklace he gave to me, moving above his lips
“Of course.” And I’ll never take it off.
-
Then I just turn around and open the door from our dorm running away from him, from this problem, from this room that only brings me sadness. I can listen to Louis’ voice calling from me but if he thought I was going to stop to hear more bullshit, for him to hurt me more and more, then he was really fooling of himself.
I run and I know where my destination is. I strongly knock at the door, hoping that someone opens it. The pain I feel from my knuckles are the only thing that tells me I’m alive everything else is too blurry by the tears and my body just wants to give up.
The door is opened and “Harry…” Niall’s voice is sad and concerned. The way he looks at me just tells me that he knows the reason why I am here, I don’t need to say a word because he just knows what happened. The way Louis didn’t believe in me about Bryan, I didn’t believe in Niall about Louis. But Louis… He is just… he is just Louis so how? He’s not a bad person, he wouldn’t hurt me this way… he wouldn’t…
“Niall , I am sorry!” are the words that come out from my mouth once Niall pulls me inside of his room, closes the door and wraps his arms around me. My face is buried on the curve of his neck to his shoulder and I just cry while he pets my hair
“It’s fine babe, I gotta ya. Cry everything, I’m here now”
Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while, so that we can see life with a clearer view again.
I remember to read this quote and fuck it describes this moment so well. Because I start to put two and two together and everything makes sense. I was just stupidly in love to stop this, I was so addictive to him that I couldn’t stop… but today I put a full stop in this, for my own sake. I was hurt too many times by the same person and today was the limit.
The bad thing here is that I gave up, yes but I wished that giving up would be the same as stop loving.
*
[an:/] I liked writing this chapter even thought it's sad! I think after this you'll hate me even more omg. but probably some of you were expecting this
I just want to tell that starting now I'm not going to ask for more votes and comments, like, i appreciate if you give me it because it makes me really happy but i'm not gonna to ask it for posting the chapters. i don't really care for that now because we're almost in the end. *crying* but yeah only 3/4 chapters left.
Buuuuuuuuuut , i've got an idea for another fic and i think that one will be more interesting but i'll give you the details later on because i expect some of you to follow it as well?
bye bye cuties.xx