Finian's POV
Praise the moon
She has answered my prayers.
Movement is but an illusion in the void that swirls darken grey mist acting as a shroud around my sight. Obscuring the face of my father but his eyes shine out bright.
Father
No words come out of my mouth just a thought from my consciousness.
Trying to direct my energy forward towards him willingly. How do you go forward without the ability to move?
"Stop, I'm not here for you son." The voice surrounding every neuron of my being.
"No, take me. Please take me, my life for her's. I will give myself as a tribute to the Moon so she can claim me instead of Victoria. Please, father, take me instead." Echo's of sound is waving out in the never ending expanse of the grey mist rippling haze as if it's a current of water.
"The moon will take who she want's Finian. I will tell you this; today is not Victoria's day to die."
"Finian, my son." The shroud that is covering his face lifts away, he's smiling, taking in my appearance.
"You have become a powerful male. It's time for you to become what I always knew you had inside you. Make me proud Finian, become the Alpha you are destined to be. No more, no less. You're going to be fine. And remember you are only defeated if you believe you are defeated."
Something of great magnitude pushes on my chest propelling me backward, the grey mist becoming deeper, darker until I'm encased in a blackness that lets no sight in.
Opening my eyes, taking a breath while a tube is being pulled from my throat.
"Grey."
The word comes out fragile, scratchy it has no depth of sound. Great pain constricts my next words into a moan.
"Fin." Thomas is looking down at me; he looks as if he's aged beyond his years. Great frown lines are burrowing along his forehead. His eyes look as if he's carrying great burdens as if he is the Alpha.
It's a clumsy movement of hands as I try to sit up in bed. My motor function doesn't want to co-operate with what my mind wants my body to do. It's as if I am a newborn learning how to move again.
Thomas's strong arms help's me sit up, I feel as if I could fall backward still too weak to hold myself up.
"Lay back down Fin; you're not healed enough yet." His voice holds an authority that he rarely uses.
"Tell me," Saying it with closed eyes, bracing my body for the impact, squeezing the sheets with my hands.
"You were hurt, I carried you out. Grey kept the bear from chasing after us. He's been sedated so his body can rest and heal. He's alive, but he won't be the same when he wakes. He sustained life-altering injuries." Thomas's voice cracks before he pulls himself together. Sledgehammer force of words hit my body, life-altering.
"They lost the pup, Fin. It was stillborn. Meela won't let it go. We've been trying to pull him away from her, but she won't let him go." My chest feels heavy with the pressure of their loss.
"With Victoria's weakened condition, she was powerless-" I squeeze Thomas's hand, preparing myself. My throat is tightening up with a scream that's threating to power out.
"Victoria was unable to breathe on her own, she was in distress, she was slipping away. Mom had no choice, save the pup because Victoria was dying."
"No." My hand is clutching the fabric of Thomas's collar pulling his face towards me.
"Is she-"
"No, Victoria is alive, barely. She's still oozing blood; they can't get it to stop completely. The silver did extensive damage to the inside of her. The doctor's called in the healer. They are trying everything; nothing is working on her."
"I need to see her." Trying to get up again only for his hand to push me down against the hard mattress of the stretcher.
"Your pup is refusing to eat; she's rejecting all the females that are trying to feed her. The healer has been putting her on Victoria, but she's not producing enough milk. She can't heal and feed the pup at the same time." My breath leaves me completely. Victoria will not recover if she loses the pup.
"The wolves in the North are starting to jostle for position. They understand that Grey is no longer able to hold the North as his. They are getting restless. I'm holding off the fighting for the time being, but I think the challenges will be coming soon Fin. The borders between the far north and far south are starting to see more of a presence of wolves."
Everything is falling in on me from all different directions and angles.
"Thomas." My voice is feeling irritated, scratchy.
"Have half the Eastern warriors go South to reinforce the Southern border, have the Western and the remaining Eastern warriors go North to show Borson real numbers. Make him see it won't be easy if he's planning to do something." All wolves are opportunistic I need to show them we aren't an opportunity to be taken.
"I'm taking control of the North if anyone wants a challenge, send them here. I will be strong enough soon, just buy me some time to heal, Thomas." He nods his head at me.
"Sophie, is she alright?"
"She's fine." Thomas holds a look of great relief from those words.
"Help me up I need to see Victoria." Thomas instead unlocks the wheels of the stretcher, "you can't even sit up, there is no way that you can walk." The stretcher is now sliding out of the room into a short hallway. The clinic still under construction, drywall just going up.
The door opens revealing Victoria, whose eyes are closed. Lana by her side, taking off a blood-soaked dressing from her lower abdomen. It lands with a heavy thud in a garbage beside the bed. Metallic scent permeates the small room, along with the rot that still clings heavy to her skin.
The small muffled cries of a pup in the corner is taking over most of the noise in the small room. The blinds have been shut casting the room in a dim mournful darkness. Victoria's breathing is erratic, long pauses before a few quick breaths inward. Her chest is moving faintly with the shallow intakes of air before apnea causes her chest to still without movement. A held breath from me because I can't hear her breathing anymore looking at Lana who is unconcerned. She's cleaning a wound that's deep inside Victoria, packing the gaping hole with white gauze that instantly turns red with the weeping wound. She covers it up with thicker dressings securing it up with white paper tape.
Victoria pulls in a long breath before the cycle of her breathing continues with short, shallow intakes of breath, followed by no breathing for a short time, her rhythm of life she's fighting for.
"Get me close to her; I need to hold her hand." Thomas is getting the stretcher and bed side by side with a little maneuvering on his part.
When my hand makes contact with her's, it's as if the world falls back into place. A relaxation comes over me. Trying to feel inside her mind, to sense her presence, no flicker of existence remains. It's as if she's no longer present in the now.
"Alpha Finian." Lana washing her hands in the sink near the entrance of the door. Going over to the place where the female lies, crying as if she is in pain. Opening the side of the container that houses the small body, she wraps her up tight before bringing her to me.
"Your daughter." She places her on my chest, while I need to let go of Victoria's hand so I can hold this small infant with both of mine.
A little cap on her head that covers her ears and all of her forehead. Her body swaddled in warm blankets. A scrunched up face that is crying out her sorrows to the world, for anyone to hear and fix her problem.
She smells as if she is the Moon.
Rubbing her back her nose going against my chest, the crying stops for a moment. She's sniffing me, taking in my scent. Her head is trying to raise all clumsy with sporadic movement before laying back down on my chest, her insistent crying resumes.
She's beautiful.
Lana is taking her from my body, placing her against Victoria's chest, she starts to nurse greedily. Until she pulls away crying again.
"She's not producing enough to feed your daughter completely. We have been trying unsuccessfully with different females, but she is very picky, rejecting one after the other. I fear if we don't find a solution." She doesn't finish her sentence. Instead, she brings the pup to her face, looking at her deeply shaking her head from side to side while the pup whales it's voice in the air.
My daughter is dying the slow death of starvation.
Taking Victoria's hand again in mine Lana changing the small one wrapping her back up tight before placing her back into the warm container. Shutting the lid so now her cries again are just muffled sound, but still strong enough to be heard over everything else.
A male with a white coat enters the room, the pack doctor looking at Victoria, looking at the small infant then at me with a bow.
"Alpha Fin. I'm sorry, but I have to take the baby for a few minutes. We're going to need to put a feeding tube down her nose so we can give her the milk she needs." Another female enters the room, wheeling the incubator out and away from my sight.
"We're going to see if this will work. So far she's been spitting up anything that doesn't come from your mate's body. We've tried to cup feed her, but that doesn't work either. We're hoping she will keep it down and not throw it up." My thumb is brushing along Victoria's knuckles.
"What about Victoria?"
"She's recovering extremely slowly. We tried to sedate her so her body could heal faster but she just overpowers the sedatives. Her metabolism isn't like anything that I have ever worked with. We can't dose her the same as any other wolf, I could overdose her and kill her. She needs to heal naturally, all on her own, medicine won't help her, the healer needed to come. she knows the Old Ways of healing. She also can sing to her spirit to keep her tied to this world." Looking at Lana feeling thankful for her and what she can do to help my mate survive when modern medicine can't help.
"Your mate has sustained such incredible damage with silver that she will no longer be able to conceive again. We had to remove her uterus it was hemorrhaging so bad that we had no choice. Life before limb." The doctor says this with absolute conviction in his tone.
I don't care if we have any more pups, I have Victoria breathing beside me and that's all that matters, that's all that will ever matter to me.
"I need to go, Victoria is in good hands." He looks at Lana with a nod to his head before turning and walking out the door.
"What of Grey, how is he doing?" The doctor pauses before coming back into the room.
"We are going to need to have a discussion about your brother's future. There is a hard conversation as to what's best for him. Meela is unable to give consent at this time, she is in her own world, your mother and brother have been making decisions on him, but I feel as if you would have a better insight on what your brother would want." His face turns stoic, "we will discuss this in the morning after you've healed some more Alpha FInian."
"Get out." Thomas yelling at the doctor.
"He wants to turn off the machines Fin, he wants us just to let him go." Now pure panic fills the room. Thomas's steel is cracking with the thought of losing Grey.
"He's saying that the quality of life is not there anymore for Grey, that he can't recover fully from his injuries, that he will never be the same again." Thomas's voice rises in fury.
"We just have to have faith that he will recover Fin, we just have to believe that he can." True conviction of words coming out. Thomas turns from me, "I need to go check on things I'll come back for you in a while." Lana also leaves without saying anything, slipping past as if she is made of shadows.
It's just Victoria and me in the room, her breathing still so irregular that I stop breathing when she does only to exhale a relieved breath when she pulls in another breath. Her hand so cold in my grip, finger tips like ice. Her skin has a molted look, purplish in color with blue tipped fingers. Lips having an outline of cyanosis on them makes them appear dark blue as the blood retreats from her extremities to keep the vital organs alive.
It's her body going dormant in order for her to heal herself, naturally.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. If I could go on my knees, I would give thanks to the moon who has spared Victoria's life.
My hand is never leaving her's as I drift off to my healing sleep.
The shrieking cries of a new born have my eyes opening, Lana walking her around the room not able to console her. It's easy to move my arms now, able to sit up on the stretcher. Victoria has not moved at all. Her scent still the same, death, decay but she's still breathing, fighting for life like she has always done throughout her life.
"Put her down, and help me up." Lana is doing as I command.
"Did it work? The feeding?" Looking at the tiniest of bodies in her arms, Lana looking down sadly.
"No, she threw up all the milk, she's rejecting everything but her mother's."
"Is there anything that has been overlooked for her?"
"We could try Meela? She might be able to help, but she won't let go of her pup. Maybe if you could talk to her? Ask her? She might switch the dead for the living." Lana's eyes are darkening with something that I can't read.
Lana tries to shoulder my weight, but she's unable to get me on my feet without me falling to the ground, my lower limbs not co-operating with the singles my brain is trying to fire out.
"Get Thomas." She leaves while I pull myself up on the bed where Victoria is lying, my legs almost useless. With the strength in my arms, I get to lay beside Victoria who's white sheets have a spot of blood, the bleeding leaking through the dressings and sheets. Her breathing still so shallow, that I strain again to make sure she really is breathing.
Her fingertips still cold, while her body remains cool, she's not holding her warmth except her neck feels warm when I place a kiss to her mark. No reaction from her body, my body ripples in pleasure with being so close to her. It's then I lose control of my emotions, the first trickle of a tear lands on her shoulder, followed by another and another.
"Fin?" Thomas's voice questions out.
Keeping my face tucked into Victoria's neck, inhaling death, wiping my eyes.
"I need to see Grey and Meela." Thomas has a wheel chair to put me in. He picks me up, my useless legs not able to even help in the slightest.
Grey's room is dim just like Victoria's monitors beeping, alarms sounding off in screeching beeps. Nurses pushing buttons on machines that quiet them. The doctor at the end of the bed looking at a chart, his eyes going to mine. My mother's head lifts up, her eyes red-rimmed and puffy. She's holding Grey's hand with both of her's.
"Alpha Finian," The doctor greets me in deep sympathy. Thomas wheeling me to the side of the bed, so I can hold his other hand. His whole body destroyed from the bear, he's uncovered except for that hides his maleness from viewing eyes. His leg bandaged heavily, his abdomen stitched up as if his insides have been put back in.
A machine is breathing for him, a tube down his throat that makes his lungs inflate and defeat a buzzing of machines. A milky substance hangs from a glass bottle dripping into a tube that's connected to an intravenous in his arm. Another needle in his neck that's connected to more dripping bags of medicine that I have no idea what they do but what ever they are for is it's keeping him alive.
"Alpha Finian as you can see your brother is being kept alive by all of this. We don't know his outcome, he was down a long time, we were able to bring him back but we're unsure of how much damage his brain sustained. He was without oxygen for a very long time. We don't know if he's going to come back the same as he used to be." My mother wiping her eyes, Thomas's head is bowing, shoulders shaking.
"We want to ask you, would your brother want to come back this way? Would he want to live like this." The doctor is looking over all his injuries.
"Would he want to live if he couldn't walk on his own? If he needed to be fed, if he couldn't clean himself. Because that's what we are possibly looking at that he comes back as a useless wolf who can't even feed or clean himself. Who maybe can't speak or form complete sentences."
"We never had any talks about this, what are you trying to ask here?"
"We think, I think that it would be best to just let him go, let him slip away peacefully into the moon's embrace."
"No." My mother's voice is hoarse as if all she has been doing is crying.
"Is there a chance that he could be fine?" Looking directly into the doctor's eyes.
"A very small chance."
"Then I won't give up on him, you will do everything in your power to keep him alive, and we will deal with the consequences." I will take care of my brother for the rest of his life if he needs that care. My mother reaching her hand over, feeling my cheek.
"I love you Finian." That's all she says before her head rests back on the side of the bed.
We stay like this at Grey's bedside listening to the music of the machines keeping him within the realm of the living but at what cost to him? I will deal with that when the time comes but for now, we have to have faith that he will pull through this.
Lana coming in holding the crying pup in her arms, her screams sounding weaker not as fierce today.
"Where's Meela? Why isn't she at his side?"
"She's in the house; she won't move." Thomas is holding a look of horror.
"Take me to her." Lana behind us while Thomas wheels me to the house it's little ways away from the clinic but it feels good to have fresh air on in my lungs. It's a refreshing scent how Spring is blooming all around; life is fresh in the air.
Entering the house the rot hits my nose completely overwhelming my scenes. Making our way to the living room, I hear Sophie pleading with Meela to give her the baby. When we enter, it's a vision I wasn't expecting to see.
Meela's back pressed into a corner of the room, clutching a limp, naked pup to her chest. Congealed hardening blood on the wooden floor. The stink of a dead corpse saturates the air in stomach-turning gags.
"Grey." Meela is looking up with eyes that aren't seeing.
"Grey." She starts to hyperventilate, the baby's lifeless arm dangling down shaking with her increased breathing.
"He won't wake up; he won't wake up!" She's kissing the cheeks of the pup, sniffing him, crying into his neck.
"Make him wake up Grey, make him wake up. Make my pup open his eyes." She's crying, screaming, holding him to her chest, rocking them back and forth. Tears streaming down her face that a misery so profound pulls me to her.
"She hasn't slept yet; she's been awake for two days. She won't let him go, she's bitten anyone that gets too close to her." Sophie's eyes are tired, worn down with grief that she is seeing.
"Meela." My voice is harboring my sorrow for her. The depth of her cries reaching my soul.
Getting close to her. "Thomas help me sit next to her." He does, sitting me down next to her, she crawls on my lap, pressing the baby between us. Her nose presses against my skin, goosebumps ascend on both of us.
"Fin." Eyes wide in surprise.
She tries to get off my lap, but I hold her against me, rocking her the way she was just rocking herself.
She lets herself be comforted.
Looking down the infant's opaque eyes that are filmed over in death, half closed as if they are stuck on dry eyes that will never see through them. He's mottled in shades of blue death. No chest rising, no cries will come out of his mouth, ever.
His mouth is hanging open and to the side. Putting my hand on his head, I say a quiet prayer to the moon who has his soul. To my father to watch over him until Grey and Meela are united with him in the moon.
"I'm here Meela, shhh, it's going to be alright." Rocking her, my other hand in her hair trying to soothe, calm her. To be a comfort for her. The bond between us that we share is moon sent in this minute. I can feel her tension easing out of her. She's still crying but not as hard, not as strong.
"Meela we have to take him now. He needs to be given a proper burial. He's gone Meela."
"No, no, no." Another round of shaking sobs has her clinging to my shirt.
"Please Fin, don't take him from me."
"Meela, he's dead. You need to let him go." My hands are trying to let her fingers loosen their grip on him.
"I can't let him go." The grip on the pup tightens, and I'm afraid his insides are going to come out of his mouth if she's not careful with her strength.
Relaxing my body, controlling my breathing putting all my energy at this moment. Allowing her to feel as comforted as possible, as if it's Grey's arms around her and not mine. We sit like this for hours, my pups hungry cries finally disturbing the silence.
"What's that?" Meela's haze is slightly lifting.
"My daughter, she's hungry, and Victoria can't feed her right now. She's rejected all the other females that are trying to feed her. We thought if you would agree, you could try to see if she would take to you?" Meela's quiet looking at her dead son she's holding between us.
"Alright." It's whispered out. She brings him against her, just looking down at him,
Giving her time for the final goodbye.
"He's a beautiful male isn't he?" Her fingertip brushes along his cheek, to his tiny nose. A kiss placed on his mouth until she hands him to Lana's who replaces him with my daughter.
Life replacing death
"He's the most beautiful male I have ever seen." It's the truth I'm telling her; he's perfect in every way.
She lifts up her shirt placing the hungry female to her heavily chest. My pup starts to feed greedily making grunting noises as she swallows down the life that Meela can provide for her.
Meela stares straight ahead, face void of emotions while she nurses an infant that's not her own.
When she raises her eyes to mine, sunfilled gold regards me until her nose presses against the flesh of my neck; she inhales sinfully long.
"You smell just like him."