Feeling helpless and not in control of any situation is how i felt almost fifty percent of the time when i was in another's presence, i was used to that already and had accepted that fact a long time ago . . . but sitting next to Noah made me feel more helpless and not in control of the situation than i've ever felt before. I'd never imagine me feeling so vulnerable just by sitting beside a boy who could make my blood pressure rise so quickly; it was uncanny in a way. All throughout the rest of the class i felt as if he'd never take his eyes off me, and while the outside showed no known knowledge about how much stress that was causing me, no one would truly know understand how much that affected me on the inside. And what was bothering about that was i didn't even realize how much.
It was unsettling having to just sit there and let him watch me, but no matter how many times i tried to convince myself that it was weird or disrespectful, i'd take a second and really organize how i was feeling—and i couldn't deny how many butterflies i felt when i did that. My cheeks didn't falter once, and neither did my racing heart; my hands were hidden between my legs which stayed crossed since i sat down, and my eyes were horribly focused on the TV up front. For the life of me i tried to focus on the documentary, but it felt like an invisible role was trying to pull me closer and closer to Noah's oddly warm figure. I hadn't forgotten how freezing cold it was, and it seemed as this classroom didn't have the heater that Mr. McGonagall's classroom did so i was practically freezing, and with how close Noah was to me i could feel every heating fiber lingering in his tissues making me want to be closer to him, but i fought against that urge and rubbed my hands against my shoulders to try and create friction. What made matters worse was that i could still feel his burning stare on me. A harsh shiver rolled down my spine, and Noah sadly noticed.
Thankfully, though, he didn't do anything about that.
I noticed how Mrs. Strout stood up discreetly from her chair st the front of the class and began to walk around the darkened room while keeping her eyes glued to the TV. She seemed more interested in the documentary than anyone else here. Some of the students were sleeping, and a many of them were doing everything else, the amount actually watching the documentary was able to be counted on one hand.
"How's everything so far, honey?"
A sickly cold chill rolled all around and through me at the sound of Mrs. Strout's voice beside my ear. I fiercely dug my fingernails into the skin of my arm and shut my eyes tightly, everything went cold inside me and i had the sudden need to rush to the bathroom. Cautiously i turned my head and saw her silvery blonde hair practically glowing in this darkness, i was only able to nod my head. That seemed to make her happy.
"Going good?" She asked hopefully. "I'm hoping Noah here is not giving you a hard time? If you'd feel more comfortable sitting up front or in the middle of the class, dear, that's fine with me." She added with so much feeling you were able to see it in her eyes.
The option to move from here and sit somewhere else was awfully difficult to decide. Usually i'd never think about a question like that because i thought it was rude, but this was an exception. On one hand, sitting here was a way not to be seen to many people who walked in the class—as it was i hadn't even noticed Noah was even in this classroom until Mrs. Strout pointed him out to me, clearly I could use this blindness to my advantage; on the other hand, sitting here beside Noah for not even five minutes has already got me panicking about anything and everything wrong with me, which was possibly a new record. Oddly enough, the feeling of someone familiar here with me in this new class was somewhat . . . comforting, even if it is Noah.
Clearly my long silence was a way for Mrs. Strout to understand i needed more time to think about things. "How about this," Mrs. Strout pulled up a chair as quietly as possible beside me, "Why don't you stay here for the rest of the week, and if you like it you're allowed to stay—if you still want to switch, i'll find you another partner, okay?"
I nodded my head in agreement, mainly because i could practically feel my throat tightening up within seconds, but also because i knew undoubtedly that the sudden warmth in my stomach and the wetness forming on my palms was because of Noah's intense staring. With a short thin lipped smile, Mrs. Strout stood up again and continued her way around the classroom, occasionally nudging children who were sleeping and scolding others if they were talking and laughing so much they hadn't noticed her presence. Absentmindedly i slumped into my chair and adjusted my crossed legs before trying to focus on the screen again. My hands found there way between my thighs and for a split second i tried to forget Noah even existed so i could get something from the documentary, but my attention span flourished when i noticed him discreetly push himself a couple inches away from me.
The warmth inside me became invisible and throughout the rest of the class i wasn't able to get rid of the rotting feeling that took over my emotions, but at least i was able to pay attention.
*********
"Would you like a refill, dear?" Said a cracked, feminine voice.
Tearing away my eyes from the words displayed on the book i looked up, there stood a middle-aged waitress holding the coffee cup with spare straws in the pocket of her apron. Her uniform was old fashioned, the same way the diner i sat in was. Instantly i straightened myself and nodded my head, "Er . . . yes, please." the fallen locks of hair from my messy hair-do fell before my eyes, and i made no effort to try and pull them back.
The woman nodded and poured the steaming liquid into my empty cup, i crossed my legs over each other and sank back into the booth as i resumed my reading. Today was one of those days where i decided to spend the remaining hours of the day in a warm, coconut pie and coffee displayed building that wasn't my home. There were only a handful of people in the resturant, and the majority of them were adults, which was one of the reasons i'd rather spend my days in here other than the library. Not a lot of teenagers want to come into a old-school diner/resturant that didn't have anything that would interest them besides pies and pies and more pies. I, on the other hand, would likely be buried here.
Besides the pies and the coffee, though, the silent serenity was rewarding after a long day filled with loud, old children. Just as the waitress left, another one came and placed a small white plate with a thick slice of coconut pie on it beside the empty one i had ate half an hour ago.
I looked up again and smiled when i spotted the small, black figure collecting the empty plate in front of me, "Thank you, Dolores," i spoke sincerely.
Dolores flashed me a smile exposing her deep dimples and shrugged her small shoulders, "I know how much you like your coconut pie, Jamie. No need for the thanks, my treat." Afterward she walked back into the kitchen for her other customers' orders, catching sight of the beautiful slice of pie i straightened up again and dug in.
It felt and tasted like heaven.
The texture of the pie made the insides of my stomach flutter gratefully, a sigh of content escaped me and before i knew it i was sipping my coffee to wash it down. The thickness in my throat made me remember how i was feeling earlier today in Mrs. Strout's classroom . . . sitting beside Noah . . . again. Today marks the second day of being assigned to Ancient Greek instead of American Literature, it was still taking time to getting used to things, but i imagined (and hoped) that it may take longer. The feeling of Noah's presence each minute i was there made me like being in the class more and more.
And it seemed that our . . . friendship . . . was getting better, also. He still didn't talk much, but i believed — or i hoped i did — that he was growing more and more comfortable around me, and the tutoring lessons helped that issue very much. We still worked at the college library, but today it was closed because of some students there pranking the building, and i admit that hearing that news from Ms. Flanders made sadness brew in me for the slightest second, but in an instant it was gone.
But now thinking about it, the same feeling i had then began to tumble in me again.
I looked down at my crumb filled lap and one by one dusted them off. The once warm feeling i had felt when i entered the shop disappeared into thin air and i was once again filled with a cold, sick feeling that i couldn't identify. Was i so used to being around Noah that i now wanted to be around him all the time, or was i just putting too much thought into this? It felt like i was putting too much thought into this, but at the same time it didn't.
I huffed a long, deep sigh into the rim of the coffee cup and sunk deeper into the booth cushions. All this thinking about Noah made me loose my appetite for the coconut pie that lay in front of me barely even touched, i fiddled with my fingers and decided to push all these theories about him out of my head for now and returned to the epic love story of Beau and Edythe. Out of habit, i reached under the book and dipped my finger into the whipped cream of the pie and ate it just as the door to the resturant opened making the bell above it ring. I didn't look up right away, wanting to be sure of where i had left off before i did so, and when i did i was met with the same sky blue eyes that made me melt right in the spot.
Noah stood at the entrance of the shop wearing what seemed to be a black long sleeve shirt, a pair of worn out jeans and his usual worn out boots with a thick black jacket over his shoulders. His skin was pale except for his rosy cheeks and nose, and his jacket was leaking rain droplets that were still falling from the darkened sky. In the restaurants lights, he still seemed like a beautiful work of art.
When his eyes spotted me i felt my cheeks flush with warmth, and i noticed i still had my finger in my mouth. Quickly i hid behind my book and wiped my finger across my jeans, hoping he wouldn't mention that i was staring at him with wide eyes and my finger in my mouth. I pulled the hair that fell in front of my eyes behind my ear and tried very hard to ignore his presence, but the instant i knew he was here in the small shop with me, the sudden warmth i always felt around him was surrounding me tightly like a blanket, and i badly didn't want to be unwrapped from it.
My ears perked up at the sound of his boots stomping on the tile achingly slow, my heart began to race and my mind was going into overdrive with how much sugar both the coffee and the pie contained which gave me the ability to hear everything around me sharper then i was used too. I counted how many times his boots were heard, which probably wasn't the best idea since with each thump his boots made the more excited i became, but i couldn't help myself; i thought i wouldn't be able to contain myself any longer with all the sugar rushing through my body forming into adrenaline. Everything around me was going at high speed, until the low, gruff sound of his voice speaking to me made me relax almost immediately.
"Hello."
Foolishly i looked up as soon as the words were spoken, it was like a reflex i couldn't control. I blinked and forced air into my lungs before forcing a small, friendly smile on my lips, "Hello," I spoke quietly.
Noah's eyes glanced at the empty booth quickly before looking back at me and my blazing cheeks, "Do you mind if i . . . ?"
I tore my eyes away from him toward the booth and back again before shaking my head softly, my stomach tied itself into knots at his request and i managed to pull myself up off the cushion as he scooted in and made himself comfortable. I noticed how his hair looked darker than usual, then realized that it was because of the soft rain that was plummeting to the ground outside. When he looked at me again i looked down at my book page that was hidden underneath the table, the same piece of hair that fell in my eyes fell again, and this time i was quick to tuck back where it was supposed to be.
"What are you drinking?" asked Noah.
Again i looked up. Noah was watching me casually but closely, his hands were seated in his lap and he was back against the booth supporting his back, it took me a minute to absorb how abnormally handsome i found him to be before i answered. "Er . . . j - just some coffee . . . " I said with a small shake of my head.
He nodded and looked at the plate of half eaten pie sitting in front of me. "What kind of pie is that?" He asked, turning back to look at me.
"Co-coconut," i blinked.
Seconds passed of silence. Without a second thought i closed my book — making sure to save the page — and set it down beside me on the booth knowing that my attention was now elsewhere, and that if i again tried to get back into the action of reading, i wouldn't be able too. It was mentally confusing knowing that whenever near him i wouldn't be able to concentrate on anything or anyone, just him. He was like this rare gem that was precisely my type; he was golden and shining; he was bitterly fascinating and yet at the same time so casual, and that's what was so mind-blowing about this.
He was just a boy, but a magnificent one. And surely i wasn't the only one who noticed. I couldn't have been.
It had only occurred to me that he was now speaking and sitting with me as normally as any pair of teenagers would, but i hadn't realized it till now how that was simply not how Noah usually acted toward me. He was usually closed off to everything, now he seemed open to anything; asking questions about me without that hard glare in his eyes was most unusual.
"Are you okay?" I suddenly asked.
I hadn't realized what had came out my mouth until his hypnotizing eyes glanced up toward mine with a look of curiosity and slightly wounded-ness, "What?" said Noah.
Immediately i blinked and scrambled to to try and find a way to fix the mess i was creating, "I mean — i didn't . . . i'm sorry . . . what i meant was . . . er — please don't take any offense to it, i surely didn't mean it in that way, i was just saying — " Noah looked out the window and then toward his hands underneath the table with that same blank look on his face he always wore. I was worried if i had hurt his feelings, and if i did, i just wished he wouldn't judge me harshly for it.
"I'm sorry," i spoke sincerely, head hanging in shame. "I didn't mean to offend you in that way, i — i was just curious . . . you never seem that open to conversation when i'm around . . . " i added quietly. The feeling of his eyes burning into me again made me blush fiercely. It wasn't long until Noah spoke up again, but i was again shocked with how he spoke to me as easily as he was before.
"Don't be," he said, "I was just caught off guard, is all."
And then there was silence.
The same bloodcurdling silence that always made me think he was never open to any conversation with me, ever. I was too nervous to eat the pie any longer and felt guilty for only taking one bite out of it before saying i was done, but i couldn't help the fact that my appetite was gone because of how this unlikely situation became the biggest situation of mine this week; the only thing i was sure i was capable of doing was sipping my coffee quietly as possible.
Noah seemed lost in his thoughts. As i sat there slowly and quietly sipping my coffee for something to do with my hands just to prevent me from having a freak attack, he was sitting there calmly like there was nothing wrong with the world.
From behind our booth, frantic movement caught my attention causing me to averted my gaze to that. There i saw Dolores and another waitress whispering amongst themselves while simultaneously glancing over at Noah and i, shock and suspicion clear on their faces.
When i caught Dolores's eye she moved them toward the back of Noah's head then back again asking a silent question i knew to be only judge-mental. I suddenly grew angry by the look in her caramel colored eyes and the way the waitress was looking at me with slight judging look that clearly showed how much she found me sitting with Noah to be questionable, and knowing i wouldn't have any confidence to go up to them i looked away and glared at the salt and pepper shakers on the end of the table closest to the window while grinding my teeth.
It did occur to me how quickly i had reacted to this whole situation, and seconds after my small heated moment i began to question myself on my sudden defensiveness. Why did Dolores and her friend cause so much anger in me for sitting with Noah? Why was me sitting with Noah even a topic of gossip?
"Do you come here often?" asked Noah curiously.
The sound of his voice knocked me from my thoughts and back to reality; quickly i looked away from the shakers and toward Noah's bright, blue eyes staring at me closely. I suppressed a blush from forming on my pale cheeks and started chipping at the nude color nail polish on my nails with a soft nod, "When i don't feel like going to the library . . . yeah, it's — it's a good place to um," foolishly i inhaled deeply and looked elsewhere, "its a good place to . . . think."
Noah looked briefly around the place before resuming his gaze on to me, "Is it usually busy?" he asked.
"Some — sometimes," i blinked, "usually on the weekends . . . they sometimes have specials for the pancakes."
" . . . . I like pancakes," I heard him murmur as he furthermore inspected the ceiling and the framed paintings on the walls. As he did that, i tried not to look back at Dolores and her friend who were still whispering to themselves while stealing glances and Noah and i; i felt myself grinding my teeth again and forced myself to stop and focus on something else.
I reached for the mug again but froze when i saw Noah's hands displayed on the top surface of the wooded, rectangular table. I spotted healing scratches and bruises on his knuckles but didn't say anything; i didn't want to pry and make him uncomfortable again. "What kind of stuff do they serve here?" asked Noah as he gazed at other peoples' cups and plates in slight interest.
"Lots of stuff," i answered softly, i reached for the menu page on my side of the booth and hesitantly slide it over. The corner of the menu touched the bottom of his hand just barely, but that was enough to make him tense up immediately and drive his hand away as if i was about to poke him with a burning torch. I tried to seem like i hadn't witnessed it but before i could look away he had caught my eye.
"Sorry," he apologized quietly, "I didn't . . . see it."
I shook my head and spooned the whipped cream off the pie, "There's no need to be sorry." i nibbled lightly in my bottom lip trying to figure out how to make him feel comfortable again, but couldn't think of anything. Instead i grabbed a hold of the handle to the mug and took a sip of the already cold coffee, my nose scrunched up at the temperature of it and i pushed it away just a little.
Noah noticed over the top of the menu, "Is everything okay?"
I hummed softly as i went back to spooning the pie, i wondered if he really wanted an answer or the question just slipped out of habit, then decided just to take a leap of faith. "The coffee . . . erm . . . it went cold."
Noah didn't reply for a second or two after that, i figured that the question had just slipped out of habit and pondered whether i should leave or not —it was getting pretty late anyway — then he said, "Would it be okay if i bought you another one?"
My eyes shot up toward his in an instant, "You don't have to do that, really." I spoke quickly, "It's — it's fine . . . you don't have to do that."
He nodded his head in understanding, but didn't immediately turn back to looking at the menu in his hands. Instead he watched me a minute or two more with a glazed look in his eyes, for a brief second he looked guarded about something but then looked down at the table preventing me from seeing it. "Is—is it okay . . . if i, uh," a deep sigh escaped from his nose and he moved his jaw around in thought, "I really like . . . talking to you, Jamie." Noah flickered his eyes up toward mine looking more open then i've ever seen him. "And, i was wondering, if it'd be okay if i get to know you better . . . "
A sudden thickness grew in my throat preventing me from swallowing it down in my own; my hand movements stopped instantly; my stomach was so full of butterflies and knots and other unidentified feelings that i felt like i was leaking over the rim; thoughts were swirling in my head and the beating of my heart was loud enough to hear from the outside of my body . . . and all because Noah Grey wanted to know me better . . . in no time i found myself nodding my head slowly and excitement tumbling down all my nerves and doubts.
"You're okay with it, then?" Noah asked with a unmistakable tone of disbelief disguising the happiness.
I blinked more than once and licked my lips, "Yes."
There was no denying the fact that excitement was blooming inside of me; and there was certainly no denying the small smile that formed in Noah's face at my agreement . . . it felt like the beginning of something new; and i desperately hoped i would be able to control my breathing before he noticed how heavy it was.
yay! i finally finished the eighth chapter! i'm so excited for the next ones coming up and i hope that you guys haven't forgotten this story! i'm truly sorry for the late updates with this story and my other one, I'm still trying to sort out which plot twists and ideas i think of are for which and it's incredible time consuming. hopefully, though, you guys liked this chapter. vote, comment and share if you liked it and i'll see you hopefully soon.
- Jay. ♥️. 🌙.