CAROLINE'S POV
"Are you kidding?" I asked frustratedly while sitting at the kitchen counter with my head in my hands.
"I'm not kidding. You can stay here with me. There are a people coming over and Karlie won't be here so you could probably ask one of your friends to come over. But you aren't going anywhere." Taylor said as she wiped the counter off with a damp rag.
It was New Years Eve and Taylor was still not letting me go anywhere with friends. I thought we had the whole drunken night situation worked out but I guess not. Now I had to stay at her adult party and ask my friends if they wanted to come hang out here.
I did kind of feel bad for Taylor though. The only reason I was allowed to ask my friends to come over was because apparently Karlie was stuck in New York with a work commitment and nobody can know about her and Karlie. When she talked about the fact that Karlie wouldn't be here I could have sworn I heard her voice crack but I brushed it off.
"My friends probably would rather go where we were planning on going than come here anyway." I grumbled.
"And where were you planning on going?" Taylor asked, rinsing the rag out in the sink.
"Some kid from school invited people over and we were going to go." I said.
"Well, doesn't sound like a good situation anyway." Taylor said sharply, turning around to face me and crossing her arms.
"Oh my God, it wasn't even going to be like that, his parents are home." I said, getting up off the barstool and moping up to my room. I could feel myself being an entitled brat, but at this point I didn't really care. I had learned my lesson, hadn't I? I guess Taylor didn't think so. She had been moody all day today anyway.
I got out my phone and asked my friends if they wanted to come over to my house instead and surprisingly, Grace and Kelsey said yes. They wouldn't be able to come until 9 but anything was okay with me because I hadn't seen them outside of school since the night of the party.
I was forced to spend most of my evening helping Taylor clean up around the house before the guests came over. This wouldn't usually bother me, but Taylor was in a weird mood today. One second she was moping around and the next she was snapping at me. I suspected it had something to do with Karlie not being here, but I didn't mention it.
If anything, I was the one who should be moody because today was the anniversary of my mom's passing. But again, I didn't say anything and I tried to think about my dad's letter and how he and my mom wouldn't want me to be sad today. So I've been staying strong.
Fortunately, Taylor lightened up a little when her friends started arriving. She still wasn't exactly herself though. All her close friends knew about her and Karlie, but some friends of friends were coming so nobody was allowed to discuss Karlie and Taylor. It was a little sad that Taylor had to be so secretive, but I guess it's what they want.
I spent two hours with Taylor and her friends before my friends arrived. I got my fill on petty celebrity gossip and the bowls of snacks on the counter became my best friends. Of course, Taylor didn't miss the chance to brag about me going to Vanderbilt and getting a scholarship. It felt nice that she was so proud of me, but I still couldn't wait until my friends got here and I got to hang out with people I felt more comfortable around.
When I answered the door for Kelsey and Grace that night Kelsey immediately pulled me out into the hallway of the apartment and shut the door behind me.
"Give it to me straight," Kelsey said before I could ask any questions, "is Blake Lively in there? Ryan Reynolds?" She asked, all out of breath.
"Umm, no. Why?" I asked after some hesitation. She didn't answer my question, she just let out a sigh.
"Selena Gomez?" Grace asked before Kelsey could say another word.
"Yeah... She's here. Why?" I asked again.
"I think I'm going to vomit." Grace said suddenly, looking down at the floor and clutching Kelsey's arm.
"We can do this Grace. We've met Taylor, so we can stand in a room with all the others. We've just got to be cool." Kelsey said as if she were trying to reassure herself. I didn't blame them for freaking out, I had a semi-heart attack the first time I met Taylor. But now I knew that celebrities like Taylor's friends were just people with flaws like the rest of us.
"You guys are insane," I laughed, thinking about how much I'd missed them, "let's go inside."
I opened the apartment door and headed through the kitchen, stocking up on more snacks while I was there. To make it up to my room we had to go through the living room where all Taylors friends were hanging out. I giggled when I turned around and saw my friends pale faces.
The living room erupted into greetings from Taylor's friends as we walked by. As I examined Taylor's face for any signs of sadness, trying to make sure she was okay, Grace and Kelsey did their best to 'be cool' as they would say. Once we were up to my room I reassured them that they were very cool out there.
"Anyway, I need to fill you guys in on my love life." Kelsey said after the two of them had gotten done freaking out.
"Here we go." Grace said and I smiled at the situation before me. I had missed this and missed my friends and missed being happy. It was so good to be truly happy again. But in the back of my mind I felt a little guilty for being happy. I knew that Taylor was downstairs going through some sort of emotional turmoil inside and it just wasn't fair that I got to be happy tonight and she didn't.
By the time 11:55 rolled around we headed downstairs to join everyone else in the New Year's Eve countdown. On the way down the staircase Kelsey paused and pointed at a framed picture on the wall of Taylor and Karlie.
"Your mom sure does have a lot of pictures with this girl." She commented, making me head whip around and my heart start to beat a little faster.
"Yeah, that's Karlie. They're best friends." I said, hoping I sounded convincing.
"Is she here?" Grace asked as we continued down the stairs.
"No she's stuck in New York with work." I said, remembering what Taylor had told me as we reached the bottom of the stairs and entered the living room with the rest of the guests. Taylor's head turned at my comment about being stuck in New York and I could see her tense up a little. My heart sank knowing that she missed Karlie and she couldn't even express that in front of all these people. We made eye contact and I gave her a small smile and she smiled back, but I noticed that it didn't reach her eyes.
It was then that it crossed my mind that Karlie might not be stuck in New York for work. Why would Taylor be acting so strangely if she was? Taylor knew what it was like to have work commitments, she would be the first one to understand.
My friends and I made our way through the crowd of people and went over to Taylor to stand by her for the countdown.
"Are you okay?" I asked Taylor quietly while nobody what's paying attention.
"Yeah, I'm fine." Taylor replied, but I wasn't convinced. I dropped the subject as someone yelled at everyone to be quiet because the countdown had started on the TV. Nashville was in central time, so Taylor had to record the ball dropping in New York and play it at exactly the right time to recreate the moment. She had it down to a science, it was kind of cute but very nerdy.
"29, 28, 27," I watched as everyone in the room found their way to their significant other for their midnight kiss. I also watched as Taylor watched this happen.
"16, 15, 14," The shouting of the countdown had gotten louder and even though I was standing next to Taylor I couldn't hear her voice. Her lips were moving, but she wasn't saying anything. Her enthusiasm was an act.
"5, 4, 3, 2," I made a split second decision and stuck with it. When the countdown ended and the room filled up with shouts and kisses I wrapped my arms around Taylor's neck and planted a kiss on her cheek. When I pulled away I saw her looking down at me and smiling a real smile for the first time all day. I just wish it would've lasted longer.
When the guests left later that night the house seemed eerily quiet. Taylor hadn't said much to me beside saying yes when I asked if I could sleep in her bed tonight. I wanted to be there to keep an eye on her. There was something off and I think I knew what it was.
When I was showered and in my pajamas I sat on Taylor's bed watching her go through her nightly routine. There was a certain tension in the air. We both knew something was wrong but neither of us were bringing it up. It took me five minutes to work up the courage to ask Taylor about Karlie and about my suspicions. But finally, when I saw that her eyes were glossy with tears, I came out with it.
"Was Karlie really stuck in New York for work?" I asked Taylor quietly, breaking the silence and examining her face. She looked up at me in surprise, but soon the tear that had been building in her eye crept down her cheek. She quickly wiped it away and looked anywhere but my face.
"No." She said almost inaudibly. I watched as she tried to busy herself with getting ready for bed. The silence in the room was heavy and tinged with sadness.
"Are you two okay?" I asked after a long hesitation.
"We're fine Care." Taylor said solemnly.
"Then why wasn't she here?" I pressed on carefully. I watched Taylor gulp and then take a long breath.
"There's been a lot of stuff in the news lately about the two of us and our possible relationship. It doesn't help that she comes to Nashville every few weeks either so Karlie and I decided that maybe it would be best to spend tonight apart. Maybe if we keep the holiday lowkey the rumors will start to diffuse." Taylor explained quietly. I studied her face and she looked absolutely defeated. I couldn't stand to see her like that but I felt like she was giving up too easily. She didn't need to be apart from Karlie just because of a few tabloid stories.
"You and Karlie decided that or you decided that?" I asked as Taylor walked over to the bed and climbed under the covers. There was a pause and I saw Taylor's jaw clench and I could tell she was fighting back tears.
"Care." She warned after a pause, but that was all I needed. I already knew the answer.
"Karlie loves you Taylor. She loves you and it's like you hide her. So what if people find out you're dating? It shouldn't matter, you're in love." I said before she could say anything else.
"Caroline, I would love to have everyone know how much I love Karlie someday. But today isn't that day. I'm not trying to hide her, I'm trying to protect us. In the future everyone will know how in love we are, but I'm not ready to come out yet and that's okay. You have to realize that that is okay." Taylor said strongly, looking into my eyes while tears were steadily streaming out of hers the entire time.
I felt my face soften upon seeing her tears. I didn't understand why Taylor would keep herself away from Karlie, making herself miserable, just because she doesn't want the world to know she's in love. But I guess I could try. Taylor was more stressed than ever about me graduating and about Karlie and her being outed and the least I could do was respect her decisions regarding her relationship.
"Goodnight, I love you." Taylor said quickly before shutting off the beside lamp and leaving the two of us in darkness.
"I love you." I said back, my mind not able to stop replaying her tears. It hurt so bad to see her upset. She had spent countless days and nights comforting me when I was was going through depression and anxiety, and now it was my turn to take care of her. I wanted to fix this for her sake, I needed to.