Authors note: Hello Lovelies! Let me know what you think so far? If you've read this story before tell me your thoughts on the revision. Let me know if you have any questions!
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My parents aren't home so I just drive to my house. Dean acts nervous with me behind the wheel but despite what he thinks I do know how to drive. Last summer my parents had a full two weeks off of work. They let me drive their car around everywhere after taking me to get my permit.
"That was good." Dean says to me as I pull in.
I open the door and hand him his keys, "Yeah, I actually had a lot of fun." I almost forgot how calming driving can be. You get to pick your own music and control the pace you're going. It's way different as the passenger. Dean let me drive his car the other day too, I almost couldn't believe it when he handed me his keys. I still haven't taken Bee's advice to talk to Dean about college but I will. "I'll order a pizza." I say as we walk inside the house.
Dean grabs my hand and pulls me to him, kissing me deeply. "I'd rather have something else." He says suggestively.
I laugh lightly, stepping back and walking up the stairs to my computer. Dean follows behind me, and as soon as we get in the room he continues the kiss as he backs me onto my bed. I can feel the heat, the pressure in his movements and kiss him back. My arms wrap around his neck as he groans. Dean lowers himself, kissing my neck with sneaky fingers gliding under my shirt. I remember the feeling of Mr. Morgan's fingers on my skin, tingling with every movement.
I know I should be more into his lips on my neck. I'm certainly used to them but it's different now. Despite that, I let his fingers continue to glide up my stomach to the bottom of my bra. I close my eyes and pretend to feel the electricity.
I know what he wants but I can't bring myself to give it to him, I'm just not ready.
"Dean maybe we should slow down." This is nothing we haven't done before, but this time it's different. I can feel the difference in his touch. When Dean doesn't stop I try to move his hand from my chest. "Dean." I say but he just comes back up and kisses me in an attempt to keep going.
Dean rubs against me, I can feel how hard he is. "I know you want to have sex but I'm not ready." I tell him.
He only pulls away slightly, "You're never going to be ready unless we just do it." Then he goes back to kissing me with one of his hands in my hair. Dean rubs against me again in an attempt to feel something. "I can't stop Livia, you're so hot." He breathes heavily in my ear as he sits up enough to be able to take my shirt off. I want to stop him, I want to take things slow.
So I start to push up on his chest, "Wait."
He hovers over me now, looking at me like I just ruined everything. "What? I can't fucking kiss you now?" He seethes.
I shake my head, "I know where it's going to lead and you already know I'm not ready." I remind him again.
Dean shakes his head back at me. His hands grab my wrists as he pulls my arms up over my head. "I can control myself." He says before sliding down to kiss my stomach. I try to make myself relax under his lips.
"See, I can make you feel good." Dean promises as he holds both of my wrists in one hand so his other one can unbutton my jeans.
"What are you doing?" I ask, looking down at him.
"You're going to let me undress you." He says before letting go of my wrists.
I sit up on my elbows, "Dean, I was serious. I don't want to do anything." The only thing Dean is trying to control is me, not himself at all.
I try to sit up but Dean pushes me back down. "Stop pretending like you're so fucking innocent. Just live a little." Dean grabs the top of my Jeans and begins sliding them down. "I've been thinking about this since that night at the club. When you were wearing that tight black dress." He says more to himself as he looks shamelessly at my body.
Then Dean hovers over me again only this time with no pants on. "Please," I plead, scared that he might actually force me into sleeping with him.
Dean sighs angrily, "What is up with you?" He gets off of me standing up completely.
I grab my shirt and put it back on. "Me? What's up with you?"
"I'm not the one that's completely pulled away. You've changed this year."
Now it's my turn to be angry, I stand up, "I've changed? You're so controlling it's no wonder I don't want to sleep with you." His hand is so quick that I don't even have time to flinch before it connects with my face.
I look up at him in shock. He grabs my arms so that I'm forced to pay attention, "Why can't you ever just listen? What you said was mean, Liv." His tone has completely changed and I know that I'm done arguing with him.
"I'm sorry." I apologize.
"I love you, tell me you still love me."
I search his eyes for something that I haven't been able to find, the old Dean. The Dean that I did love with everything I had. The Dean that I would have gladly given my virginity to. The Dean that made me feel safe instead of scared. The Dean that's gone now.
A part of me wants to tell him I hate him and want him to leave but I can't. Not even because of the fear bubbling inside of me but because he's all I've ever loved. I want to help him, I want to heal whatever is happening that's making him act this way. I want my Dean back. "I do love you, Dean." I respond, finally seeing that look in his eyes that makes me believe there's hope.
His hand comes up and runs along my face gently. I close my eyes as he does, "Good." He whispers. "I know I've been controlling but I can feel you pull away and it scares the hell out of me."
"Just because I'm not ready to have sex doesn't mean I'm pulling away." I know I'm lying to him and myself. If he hadn't changed so drastically I might've been willing even before graduation.
With that Dean lets me go but not before kissing my forehead. He leans down and picks up my Jeans, "You can put these back on." I slowly grab them, not breaking eye contact. "Do you still want pizza?" He asks, I know he's being sweet because he feels guilty but there's a knot in my stomach.
"I'm not hungry." I admit.
Dean chuckles softly, walking over to my laptop, "Don't be ridiculous you have to eat something. We can watch a movie and cuddle up on the couch." Just like that he's back to normal. I don't understand how he can just flip personalities like that. Regardless, I know I'm going to have to tread lightly.
"This dress doesn't fit me anymore." Jenny whines as she shows us the slightly too tight dress. "It sucks."
I shake my head at her, knowing Becca and I are on the same page, "People grow out of clothes, it's totally normal."
She looks in the mirror one last time before undoing the zipper. "It's not normal for me...I wanted to look really nice for me and Jake's anniversary." Jenny walks over to her closet and pulls a dress out that she recently bought. The tags are still on it so she pulls them off and tries on the dress. It's a white bodycon with a thin fabric that leaves little to the imagination.
"That looks amazing. Wear that one." Becca says.
"Yeah and besides, you won't be wearing it long before he'll want to rip it off of you." I add.
Jenny smiles in the mirror as she looks at herself, "Yeah, this is the one. Thanks guys." Jenny takes it off and puts it in her bag.
Once she gets on her regular clothes we head to school. Jenny wanted this emergency meeting this morning to help pick out an outfit. I, of course, was bribed with coffee. When we make it to school I see Dean and smile, he walks up to me and gives me a good morning kiss followed by a hug.
Two weeks ago when Dean hit me it left a light bruise but I played it off like usual. It sucks that it's normal for me but I'm actually getting used lying on the spot. Besides each day I'm getting a little more of the Dean I fell in love with.
I think a lot of it has to do with how I'm acting like his girlfriend again instead of pulling away. Even more of that has to do with the fact that I'm still distancing myself from Mr. Morgan. No more confusing thoughts are circling through my brain.
That being said, I think I'm finally ready to go back to being Mr. Morgan's TA. Even Dean agreed it will be good to pick up some of the extra credit while I still can.
"Good morning." Dean says as he pulls away but grabs my hand.
"Good morning." I respond as he guides me to class.
When class is over I decide to stay after so that I can ask Mr. Morgan if he still wants a TA. He hasn't talked to me outside of class at all so when I stay behind he looks up in surprise.
"Livia." He says. "What can I do for you?"
"I want to be your TA. I know I haven't been for the last couple of weeks but I needed some space." His expression is completely unreadable.
Mr. Morgan crosses his arms over his chest and leans back in his chair. "I understand. If you want to come by after school that's fine. I want you to know that you don't have to worry about me. I was serious when I said nothing you don't want to happen will happen." When I look into his eyes I know he means it.
I relax, "Thank you, Mr. Morgan. I'll see you after school."