I Didn’t Know
I finished making myself presentable for dinner. Then I made my way down to the dining room, where I knew everyone would now be. I was late, there was no way around that. Lady Townshend knew where I was, she would have known, I would be delayed. I stopped just before the doors that led to the dining room, in front of a small side table standing against the wall, which had a mirror hanging above it. I looked at my reflection. And tried once more, to tuck away some of my wispy strays of brown, slightly wavy hair. I decided to leave it down tonight, with only the sides pulled back. As, I didn’t actually have much time for an elaborate up do. Again Lady Townshend would just have to understand. I wore a simple dress, no prints, and no lace. Actually I insisted that all my dresses, were of a simple design. The top of the bodice was modestly cut. Although I wasn’t extremely well endowed in the bosom area, I liked the way the dress fit me there. From under my bust the body of the dress fell to my feet, in a cascade of soft rose fabric. The style, was actually much the same as my day dresses, except this was made from silk, with a little more material. The dress was among only a few extravagances I let Ashley, and Lady Townshend indulge me in. I only wore them when I thought it was time to appease Lady Townshend. Like tonight, indulging her attempts at match making, while wearing silk. And for my minor effort, I would either be, let alone for a while, or allowed to be absent at the next “dinner party” with gentlemen guests.
I ran my hands once more down the front of my dress, took a deep breath, and walked through the doors. The murmur of people talking stopped, as, I entered the room. I peered over at Ashley who started beaming at my appearance, and gave her a slight nod. “I’m sorry I’m late Lady Townshend I had the hardest time deciding what to do with my hair.” I heard a few light chuckles, no doubt from Will and Ashley. I reached up and touched the back of my hair for emphasis.
“Not to worry Payton, you’re here now.” Lady Townshend said, directing me towards a chair next to Will, with her hand. True to his word, Will had saved me a spot next to him. Lady Townshend and Will sat at opposite ends from each other at the table. Ashley sat to her mother’s right, and me, at Wills. Then Lord Eastly, as, I remember him was seated to my right, and Lord Golding to Ashleys. I turned my attention to Will who looked over my attire, with a smirk on his face. I knew he knew me well enough to know the inspiration of my wearing the rose coloured, silk dress I didn’t like, at such an interment gathering. I gave him a bright smile and took my seat so that the gentlemen could sit back down. Will chuckled and shook his head slightly at me.
“So William, I was wondering.” Said Lord Eastly. “How is it that you have two of the loveliest ladies in England, living in your house and you hide one in the kitchens.” I looked to Lord Eastly, and he gave me a smile that made the dimple in his right cheek transform his face from a man to a roguish, looking boy/man. It was going to be an interesting night. And, if I were in the market for a husband, this man would be a pleasant front runner, purely because if that dimple.
“Well I’ve tried everything to keep her out of the kitchen. But, I gave up because it threatened my manly physiche, with all her bribes of sweet bread every time I told her to stay out.” I Looked to Will, and he winked at me. The cheeky man, I smiled at him. And with that said we started our meal.
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I woke up the next morning with the birds, like I have my whole life, despite the late hour of my retiring to bed. Dinner was enjoyable, and the company was delightful. Lord Eastly indulged my fondness for my genre of books. He even suggested that I looked into an Author named Jane Austin. I had seen her works on the shelf of the exchange before, but I always looked it over. Maybe, it was time I took my head out of my fancies for the high seas and adventure. And started reading something more for my age.
I readied for the day at a leisurely pace. The rest of the house would be asleep for a few hours yet. I made my way down to the kitchen, and began preparing things for cook. In fact, Lady Townshend liked to take her tea and toast in her room of the mornings. I would get her tray ready and take it up myself today. Ashley and Will normally came down to the kitchen to break their fast most mornings. I liked to think, it was because they like to spend their mornings together with me and because that is where I was, that is where they came. Not because, it was less trouble to come into the lovely, morning sun drenched, stove heated room. Then set up the dining room just for the two of them. Lady Townshend still kept a skeleton staff, and ran a relaxed house hold; no one thought it was strange that the two children who had been raised, to be at ease with the household staff, were out of place, where ever they were in their own home.
I delivered Lady Townshend's tray, ready, for when she roused. I was nearing the kitchen and could hear Louises voice, and the little giggles’ of her two daughters. I came down the little stairwell that led into the kitchen, and was instantly grabbed around my legs, by little Sara.” I knew I could hear, you, coming”
“Good morning Sara” I laughed, and picked up the little 4 year old, and settled her on my hip. Although I loved both little girls Sara, was my kindred spirit. Her little soft, brown ringlets brushing against my chin while resting her head onto my shoulder, it felt comforting to me. I walked her over to the stools that stood to one side of the large kitchen island, and deposited Sara down onto one. I turned to start getting something ready for them to eat when two arms wrapped around my legs. I looked down into Nancy’s excited face. Nancy was six and a quiet little thing.
“Mama said you would play with us today." She said softly. I unwrapped her arms, took her hands in mine, and bent down to her level.
“Yes I am, and I thought that if you both sat nicely, while I fix you something to eat. I would pack a basket with cookies and milk. We can go down to the tree and play till I’m needed back here, for the midday meal. How does that sound?’ Nancy’s ringlets started bobbing up and down wildly with the shaking of her head, in agreement to my idea. “Ok then” I picked up the excited girl and placed her on a stool next to her sister. This was a routine we all knew well.
“Yes, yes, I want to find some flowers” Sara said clapping her hands together.
“Ok then, remember you have to sit nicely while I get you a bowl of porridge, with, cream and jam, mmm. “
“Yes” Both girls said in unison, they reminded me so much of the way Ashley, and I used to be, and sometimes still were. I looked over to Louisa, and, she mouthed the words thank you’ to me, then she slipped out of the door, to start her day, just like my mama used to.
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The mid-morning air was refreshing. There wouldn’t be many more like this till winter came and trusted itself once again upon us. I breathed in a deep breath, and continued to watch the girls. As, I stood there and looked at the crystal waters. I could feel, a presence, come up from behind me.
“Nice morning, I thought I could find you here. Although I must confess, all I needed to do was follow the happy giggles, and I knew you would be the cause of them. “I looked over to the tall frame of Will standing next to me. He was wearing a white shirt; it looked to be an old one. It was unbuttoned enough to aid in his comfort, and I caught a, glimp’s, of his tanned collar bone. He was wearing his grey breeches and old boots. He was probably going to help in the stables, or down in the fields. He smiled at me. “Did you sleep well?”
I pulled myself away from my perusal of him and answered, “Yes I did. And I have to thank you for not abandoning me last night. I truly don’t like having to be in those situations. I felt as though, I was on display”
“Yes that is the nature.” Will said, as, he gave a little huff.
“Lord William, Payton.” Nancy said, running up to us. “Can we play a game? I looked to Will as, he did me, and we both knew that to say no to the little girl would not be the right choice for anyone.
“Well then, you better run because I am the King of the river, and I have come to claim my true maiden, RAW!” William said as the little girls shrieked, and each girl grabbed one of my hands, and we all proceeded to run away from the river King.
After a while of playing the fair maiden, I was worn out. Will, and I settled the girls into a game to find the golden stone’ amongst the rocks, that lined the water’s edge. That should keep them occupied for a time. I turned and walked over to the blanket I laid out, just out of the shade from the big tree.
“That was fun; you make a lovely maiden, worthy of any river king.” Will said, whilst depositing himself on the other side of the basket. “They keep you busy don’t they?”
“Yes they do, and I love it.” I replied, taking out a bowl of biscuits from the basket, and put it where the girls could get them, when they came back. “I’m not allowed to assist Louise in the house so this is how I help.” I gave him a poignant look and smiled.
“No, you’re not. But, It hasn’t been that dreadful has? That, I have insisted you forgo those chores others can do?”
“No, it hasn’t Will. You and Your mother have provided me such happiness and safety I could never have imagined.”
“I could not have done anything else Payt, you are part of this place, always have been as far as I’m concerned.” Just as, Will finished, Ashley abruptly deposited herself down on the blanket.
“I could hear all this screaming and thought I would come and see what adventures you were all having down here.” Ashley said beaming with excitement.
“Well you came just a little too late, the river king caught his maiden already.” Will said.
“Yes, well from where I was watching you all play, it looked like these two little girls were yours and Payton’s Will, it was quite lovely to see.” Ashley said back to Will. There was a pause, as Ashley straightened out the skirt of her dress around her, then continued. “I don’t know why mother bothers finding someone for you Payt. You could just marry Will, you both fit so nicely.” Unaware, that her comment had any effect at all on her subjects. She then looked to the girls as both had come up to stand behind her, and gave them a warm smile. She took Sara in her arms, sitting her on her lap.
But they did. My momentum slowed toward reaching back into the basket, for the jug of milk I packed. I looked up to see Wills green gaze fixed on my hand. Then he raised his head to point those green gems, at me. I couldn’t speak, there was an emotion behind Wills glare that I couldn’t read, didn’t know how to read. I began to feel worried, I didn’t know that our friendship came off to others as more than that, or could be more than that. I shut my eyes, cutting off the intense look he was giving me. I should have just laughed off the notion, but I didn’t, and now I didn’t know how to react. I could only imagine what he was thinking. If, his sister thought this, then maybe the whole house did. And oh forbid, maybe beyond the Townshends estate. How degrading for him, for people to think he had set his sights on his Parents Ward. Or worse, that I might have given off the impression, that I was a pining girl, chasing Will. For all these years. His father’s prior Stewards, daughter! A servent dressed in nicer dresses. This alone didn’t make me a lady worthy of Will. My mind was reeling; it was going to places it never knew existed before. Drat Ashley for suggesting such a thing, that Will, and I could be married. I opened my eyes, shocked, to the feel of William taking my hand in his. He was about to say something to me, and I would forever wonder what his words would have been. Our contact was broken by a little girl throwing herself on top of Will.
“Yes, and you could be our Pa, if ours goes away, just like Payton’s did.” Nancy’s innocent words confirmed to me the seriousness of my realization. Yes, people may have either thought it or saw it too. And for how long have we, Lord William, and I looked like we “fit”. Will hesitantly looked in my direction and then back to Nancy.”
“Well.” He said, letting my hand go, to the little girl laying on him, waiting for a reply. He started to dislodge her embrace. “That would be a wonderful idea, as, I could do this to you whenever I liked.” And with that said, Will started to tickle Nancy, so she ended up on her back with her legs kicking in a mass of skirts, and arms flaying around her and laughter from everyone filled the air.
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Later that day I was coming around the corner from the hall off my room, when I collided with someone, making me lose my footing, and I fell back. The dresses I was holding lying about me.”Ooo”
“Oh Payton, Im terribly sorry, let me help you. I didn’t see you, I had my head down thinking I should have taken my boots off, before I decided to come traipsing through the halls.” Will said while trying to gather up my dresses. I rolled from my position, on the floor to sit on my heels and help.
“That’s ok Will, I had these piled up high in my arms, I looked down to get my footing before I descended, and I didn’t see you either.”
“What are you doing with all these anyhow? Are you having one of those moments like Ash does, when nothing fits, and she gives all her wardrobe away?” He was laughing at his little joke about his sister.
“No Will, these are a few of my old ones, and I was going to cut them down for Sara and Nancy. Can’t you just see this one on Sara, in her size of course?” I was holding up the dress for Will to see. When I lowered it to see his answer to my question, because i couldn't hear one, I found Will looking, at me strangely. “What, don’t you think it will do?”
“I think that it would be perfect for her, she is a little you.” Leaning forward, to start folding up another dress, he continued. “Anyone would think she was yours Payt.” He handed me the result of his efforts. “You maybe should start thinking of having your own.”
“Well, if your mother has her way,” I said as, we made eye contact. “Which she won’t, might I add, well anytime soon, and not with any of those gentlemen” I blushed. “I will.” We continued to look at each other for an uncomfortably long moment. “But right now I can’t imagine being anywhere but here, if I marry, I’ll have to go.”
“Yes, this house wouldn’t be the same for me; and Ashley.” He added quickly. “If, you were not to be around any longer.”
I couldn’t tear my eyes from his; he was boring them into my soul. Again I wondered why his simple comments, affected me this way. I felt warm inside, and, excited. My breath hitched when I felt him grab my hand. For, the second time that day. I looked down, at the, hand, that was gently holding mine. Then looked up to see that his face had turned, quite soft, and his eyes had such gentleness to them.
“Payton, about what Ashley said earlier today.”
“Lord Townshend.” Will let my hand drop, while we both directed our attention to Mary the only other maid employed at the Manor.
“Yes Mary.” I thought, it may have been my imagination, but I knew Will well enough to know that the tone he just used with Mary, meant that he was annoyed. And taking in Mary’s reaction to Wills answer, he was.
“Your mother has asked you come to the study and meet with her.”
“The Study you say?” Wills eye brows furrowed “hmm must be important she never goes to the study, thankyou Mary.” He looked right at me and gave me an uncertain smile. I could see Mary retreating around the corner and down the stairs. “I beg your pardon Payton, but I have to go see mother. But I was wondering if we could talk later?”
Talk later; the words went around in my mind again. Talk about what, the fact that I kept staring at him like a silly girl. “Yes, of course Will. Just send for me when you’re free.” I replied my voice a little wobbly. He gave me a slight nod and then rose to his feet, and rushed down the stairs, to meet his mother.
I sat there, at the top of the stairs for a while, thinking about my reaction to Wills touch. Over the years, he had touched me just as innocently, many times before, and never had it made my insides feel as though, they were melting. I didn’t know how to deal with these new feelings. Was it because of what Ashley said? The remark at the tree, made with innocent jest had created a spark of thought to take root in my mind. Will was the kindest man, the only man in my life. I rose to my feet, to go and find Ashley. She said she would help me with the dresses for the girls. And I needed to, not think about William Townshend, well for the moment anyway.