_____________________________Rachelle POV______________________________
“It’s great to see you.” Caleb said giving me a huge squeeze.
“ Yeah it is. How comes you’re here?” I asked trying very hard to not sound disappointed or guilty that I was just making out with another guy-Oh god, worst girl friend ever.
“I was at the airport seeing about a client and I just had to see you. This distance is really killing me-we got to do something about it.”
“Oh- what did you have in mind.?” I raised an eyebrow at him.
“ Well actually I was hoping maybe you would put in a transfer to your New York office.”
“Oh you expect me to move?” This conversation has taken one hell of a turn.
“No-no I just thought seeing that your company has more than one offices and one is stationed in NY-moving to NY wouldn’t be such a change you know.”
“I’m not liking this conversation-I don’t want to have this conversation.” I started to walk off.
“Wait-this is not what I wanted. I love you Rach-and being apart from you so much is just driving me crazy.” He just said that he loves me-just shoot me now please-as I keep sinking deeper into the shit hole. I looked up at his face and he just looked so sad-and then I thought about how at moment this can go so very wrong. I made the decision that I wasn’t going to tell him now about Eric. I had to cut this off before we get any deeper.
“Caleb-my man, you’re here.” Ross barged into the room.
“Hey-yeah I had to come see my girl.” Caleb responded and gave me a kiss on my cheek. Ella was right behind Ross and though she was happy to see Caleb too she looked at me and she mouth the words “What’s wrong?” Nothing usually gets by my girl-so I didn’t know how much longer I could hide Eric-I know he said that we should keep us quiet but this is my LaLa and she’s been so out of the loop too long.
I responded to her question in German- “Ich hab so viel zu sagen.” ( I have so much to tell.) Choosing to reply in German she knew it must have been about Caleb and its definitely something he should not know about.
“Hey Ross, you know I think Caleb spends all his time with ‘his girl’ and he doesn’t realize that he needs to make time for us-otherwise when he goes we’ll have nothing good to say.” Ella smiled at the two boys.
“I hear what you’re saying-come on Caleb we’re going to a Titty-Bar.” Ross winked at me-he was living with us long enough to know when Ella and I needed to talk and I loved him for helping out but that Titty-Bar comment earned him a smack later. I watched them leave my driveway and turned in the direction to the city.
“I’ll get B&J.” Ella said
“I’ll get the spoons.” I replied with a smile.
We sat on the couch in silence for about five minutes just eating before anything was said.
“Wow-this is really serious.” Ella broke the ice.
“I just don’t know where to start LaLa-if I could ever create a bigger mess.” I said and release a huge sigh and started.
“I’m completely and uncontrollable in love.” I rushed out.
“That’s great! I mean its obvious Caleb is such a hottie.”
“That’s the problem Ella….Ugghh…This is not how its suppose to be.”
“I know it must be hard being separated but that will work out too-even if I have to move my business to NY. Ross is going to Columbia anyways.”
“He chose Columbia.”I yelped-I was hoping for that but I tried not to pressure him.
“Yea he did but let him tell you-I didn’t say anything. What’s going on Rach-your in love but you look like your in pain too.”
“I am-before I explain it-just remember you love me and well that you love me.”
“Ok I’ll remember, but out with it already.”
“I’m not in love with Caleb-I’m in love with someone else. It was an accident I promise-it just happened. One minute I’m just there and nothing and the next I can’t get him out my head. I tried so hard to convince myself otherwise but it wasn’t working-and then Lucy said that ‘my heart already made the decision’ I just needed my head to catch up and I see that if I hadn’t heard that I wouldn’t have gone down there and put my heart on the table-and I do mean that literally here.”
I tried to read Ella’s face-and I could see she was having some trouble processing my confession. “Ella??” I asked “Are you with me?”
“Ok-first question is it Ross?”
“No-I told you before.”
“Ok-ok. Then what the hell is going on-your in love with someone else-do I know him?”
“Yea kinda…ish-you’ve seen him once…” she took a minute to process.
“No…no…no…Rachelle are you insane.” I knew then she figured it out. “I knew it-the way he looked at you that night-it was not normal.”
I didn’t know what to say-I knew that night she saw the way he looked at me-like man torn, the longing looks we both shared, as though he wanted to take me way from all this mess.
“Yes. I know…I know its crazy but…”
“When did this start?” she raised her hand cutting me off.
“Well the first time I met him-there was an attraction-but nothing much. It wasn’t until after the kidnapping that I really started to feel something.”
“Kidnapping?!?”
“Simple misunderstanding-we made a deal and I wasn’t holding up my end. I had forgotten that part-and so we had dinner but that’s all he wanted; and I got drunk and then we slept together-but really just sleeping-I promise.”
“Huh huh….and then what happened?”
“I couldn’t tell you LaLa…things just changed and I found myself wanting him-yo see him, feel him-you know its like you said when it happens you can’t control it.”
She didn’t say anything for a while-I hoped that she could understand-I sat there dreading her next words.
“You know despite the fact that you being in love with Eric being completely insane-but I can’t believe you kept all this from me so long. Its been over two months since you’ve met him. And you have been seeing Caleb too?”
“Ok-that’s where things got complicated-I broke it off with Eric-see we got into a fight-before he even found out how I felt. But he was just angry and confused about everything just as I was. But everything became clear for him and least he could see how much I did care for him, when he found me with the gun ready to shoot Max.” I looked at Ella’s face to see her expression. Surprisingly she is taking this well- I half expected her to be standing on the coffee table telling me that ‘I’m stark, raving mad.’
“Max-that thug we met that night-you shot him?” she furrowed her eyebrows.
“Well no-I missed on purpose-I was just angry. It was while he was kicking me out I realized how much I loved him-and I was furious and Max just got in the way.”
“Ok-so Max doesn’t like what’s going with you two.” she asked.
“Yeah-don’t see how it’s any of his business-but trust me he’s asking for it LaLa. Anyways, this morning you knew what happened with that shoot-out it was all over the news. Well despite how things were going so well with Caleb-I needed to go see if he was ok. It wasn’t the smartest idea I know-but I felt so compelled to go-I couldn’t say no.”
I told her about what Lee said, and then how that only confused me more and when I was stuck in the elevator with him and saw the heart I threw away that day. I knew I was in trouble at that point-I kept the one he gave me too-I didn’t look at it much only because every time I did it only hurt-but I always had it close to me.
“You really love him...huh.?”
“He threw me out of his house. And then I spent two months with Caleb having a wonderful time. And all it took was one kiss, and thirty seconds in the elevator with him to realized I couldn’t and didn’t want to live without him.”
“I can’t believe this is how you feel and I’m just finding out-forget everything else-that is my real problem.”
“Whatever-I mean come on you haven’t been a saint either-I know about him.”
“What are you talking about?” she began to look guilty.
“Give it up Ella-I know you’ve been seeing someone. Pretty slick trying to hide him in plain sight-pretending like your just going out on different dates-when it’s just one guy.”
“You knew? When?”
“I’ve know for while now-I just don’t know who he is.”
“Ok so I haven’t been so honest with you-but actually I had planned on coming clean with you today; anyways forget that what you going on is definitely more major.”
“I know, believe me I know. And now Caleb wants me to move to NY-I can’t do that. I already have to be quiet with my relationship with Eric-you know for safety. So I hardly have the chance to really give us a shot. And I can’t move in with Caleb with these feelings I have for Eric.”
“Wait does Eric know about Caleb?”
“I don’t know-I never said anything but I get the feeling maybe he already knows.”
“So what are you gonna do now?”
“What? You can ask me that question LaLa-cause you’re the one who is suppose to have the answer.”
“Honestly I got nothing.”
“I know-it’s a lot to process.”
“I got one idea.”
“What? Anything will do.”
“Find out how long Eric thinks this quiet relationship will need to be. Then take some time-and spend it with Caleb in NY-see how just being around him makes you feel away from Eric. Maybe your feelings for Caleb will grow.”
“But wont that just make things worse.” I groaned.
“Look you wanted my advice-I just gave it. I can’t pretend like I’m thrilled about you dating Eric-but you obviously care for him- but you also feel something for Caleb and you owe it to him to give him a fair chance-without Eric in the way.”
“Ok. You have a valid point. I will go to NY for trial period and if living with Caleb doesn’t work out-then maybe that will make the break-up process easier.”
“Wait you can’t go with the intention to break-up with him-you’re going to see if you can be just as happy with Caleb too.”
She was right but the thought of leaving Eric actually hurt-much less to go and shack up with another man. “I know, your right. I got to talk to Eric and tell him that I need to leave town then.” I said. “Will you cover for me tonight?”
“Huh-what am I suppose to say?”
“I don’t know-tell him I was really upset about the whole him wanting me to get up and move to NY. And I need some space to think.”
“Ok that sounds good-I’ll use that. Where are you gonna go?”
“It’s better I don’t tell you-but I will be back don’t worry.” I grabbed my keys and headed for the door. “And tell Ross to hurry and tell me the good news-we need to celebrate.”