Chapter Twenty Three - Part Two
Lydia Dunst
I woke up with my head on Dustin's bare chest. I hadn't had such a good night's sleep in a while. With him it was like my mind went quiet. I snuggled into his shirt, it draped over my silhouette and was the softest cotton I had ever felt. When I moved, my entire body ached, especially my neck.
I groaned, trying to get more comfortable. Dustin's eyes fluttered open.
"Morning..." He smiled, snaking his arm around my waist and kissed my forehead.
"Mornin'." I muttered, groggily.
His eyes searched mine, trying to figure out what was wrong.
"You okay?" He wondered, furrowing his eyebrows in question, when I nodded.
"I'm fine, just a little sore." I said honestly, not wanting him to worry, but he did anyway.
"Is there anything I can do?" He offered, his hands trailing my body.
"I'm fine, I'm tough, remember?" I laughed, but Dustin frowned. "I'm serious Dustin."
"So am I."
I leaned into him and kissed his lips, then his neck and down to the light trail of hair below his belly button.
"Don't think you can distract me so easily." He laughed, shaking his head but I could see the passion he was trying to hide in his eyes.
"But I can try." I muttered, bringing my lips back to his. "I'm okay, and I'll be okay, promise."
"I love you." Dustin leaned into me, and snuggled his head into my chest. "I'm so sorry for this week." He muttered, sadness lacing his voice. I ran my hands gently through his hair.
"Hey, don't, we're past that. It's in the past." I tried to convince him but he just shook his head. I tilted his chin to make him look at me. "Come on, I forgive you, so forgive yourself." I whispered in his ear, tugging at waist. "You got scared it's okay."
"It's not, but okay." He smiled, halfheartedly and stretched before sitting up. "What time is it?" I reached for my phone.
"Six thirty-four in the morning." I muttered. He laid back down, pulling me onto his chest. "I don't want to go back to sleep." I whined, tracing the muscles on his abdomen.
"Ten more minutes." He pushed the pillow back under his head and closed his eyes. He looked so peaceful while he slept, as if he hadn't been touched by such pain.
I could have watched him sleep forever. No matter how creepy it sounded. I kept wondering how I ended up with such a beautiful person, how such a beautiful person loved me. I knew he thought he didn't deserve me but the truth was I didn't deserve him and I didn't think I ever would.
He made me feel so warm. It was selfish, but I loved how much he trusted me, to show me himself, to let himself be so vulnerable and to trust me with his secrets, even after being abused by the most important person in his life, his father. I didn't know how he did it, but I loved him for it. He made me feel special and loved. I was so happy that he trusted me, that he let me in.
I wasn't going to let him go through it alone anylonger.
I wouldn't let him get hurt again.
I let my mind drift. I imagined what would happen if I woke Dustin up with a kiss. If he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close, making us both feel safe. But no matter how close he pulled me, it wouldn't be close enough. When I showed him how much I loved him, kissing every inch of his skin. When I showed him that we didn't have anything to hide from each other because imperfections and all, we loved each other.
Instead I let him sleep.
I crawled out of the tent, careful not to wake him and took the car keys with me. I felt my muscles ache. I found my bottle of emergency medication and quickly took two ibuprofen.
It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining, and everything looked brighter than usual. Colors were more vibrant. Everything seemed more alive. The typical sounds of nature, from the birds above to the leaves beneath my feet, sounded more songlike.
His shirt smelled just like him, I knew then he was never going to get it back.
I heard rustling and felt arms reach around my waist. "Why'd you go?" He whined, pressing himself flush against me.
"I was coming right back." I turned around in his arms and pouted. His eyes flickered from mine to my lips.
"Don't tease me." He chuckled, a big smile on his face. I never wanted it to go away. There was something about him standing in only his boxers that sent my body into a frenzy. His eyes drifted down to the pill bottle and his smile faded. "Is that what you were doing out here?"
I nodded sheepishly. "I'm just a little sore, nothing to worry about." I shrugged it off, wanting nothing more than to make his smile return but there was something different about the look on his face. He was nervous.
"Did I uh- do anything- uh wrong? Last night..." He stuttered, awkwardly running a hand through his hair.
"Dustin, no..." I muttered, our amazing night in the tent replaying like a tape in my mind. "You made my first time amazing." I hesitated but said it anyway.
I turned away from him, going to put the pill bottle away.
"Wait, wait..." He grabbed my wrist, surprise in his voice. "That was your first time?"
I blushed, pursing my lips. "Yeah..."
"You should've told me, I would've... I don't know, made it special-"
"Dustin it was special, because it was with you. We love each other. It was special." I convinced him, a smile tugging at his lips.
"Yeah?" He asked.
"Yeah of course."
His lips crashed down on mine and I arched into him.
"It was my first time too." He muttered, nibbling at my ear.
"And was it special?" I gulped.
"It was..."
I blushed. "Let's go to the beach." I suggested suddenly. "Let's go swimming."
"What?" He asked surprised, shaking his head. "You're crazy, it'll be freezing."
"We live in California not Antarctica." I rolled my eyes. He didn't look impressed. "Oh come on, please?"
"No..."
"Dustin, please?" I pecked his lips.
"No." He didn't give in, but I knew he would sooner or later.
I kissed him again, this time longer. "Please?" But again he shook his head.
"It'll be so cold." He pouted and I wiped it away with another kiss, slipping my tongue past his teeth so it just touched his.
"Please?" I gave it one last shot, biting my lip.
"Okay, okay." He have in.
"It'll be fun." I promised, but he just laughed. "Come on, let's go." I tugged at his hand, pulling him towards the trail.
"I'm going to need some clothes first." He pointed out.
"Oh. Right." He looked to me for his shirt but I shook my head. "It's mine now." I winked.
"Well it looks better on you anyway." He pecked my lips. "Good thing I love you, and good thing I have an extra one in my gym bag."
He grabbed his extra shirt and disappeared into the tent, showing me how good his backside looked in just boxers.
"Do you want your pants?" He shouted out to me.
"Uh, yeah, probably best." I laughed, imagining what people would say if I went down to the beach only wearing a guys tee shirt. Probably, I wonder if they just did it, and then some.
Dustin came out of the tent and handed me my leggings. I slipped them on under his shirt.
He reached for me and I untwined our fingers. I felt like we were two magnets, always being pulled together, attracted to the intense feeling of each other's touch.
"This..." Dustin's gaze lowered from the sky to focus on mine. His smile was sweet, adorable... I pushed down the desire to kiss it, deciding to let him speak. "This was a great idea. I'm glad you thought of it."
I smiled back. "It's our second date."
He pursed his lips but quiet laughter managed to escape them anyway.
"What?" Even though I was surprised by his response, his laughs and those smiling green eyes made me smile. They did something to my heart. But I still needed to know. "What's so funny?"
"It's... Uh, it's just that..."
"Yeah?"
Awkwardly, he scratched his jaw. The cheek above his fingers was a dark pink as he blushed. "You know how Josh is... He... Uh, anything that moves..."
I nodded. I'd heard of and come across more than one of his kind throughout high school, but none of the others had such a well-known name. It was common knowledge that you shouldn't leave a heart alone in the same room -- in the same city -- as Josué Porter; he was a grade-A player.
Dustin continued. "Well, he sometimes teases me -- jokingly, of course -- for pretty much being the polar opposite. Uh, and... this... Last night, uh... was basically the beginning of our second date."
I understood then why he found it funny. Because Josh would find it funny -- if he even believed it at all -- that his polar opposite best friend, of all people, would do such a thing on only the second date. The beginning of it, no less.
I surprised myself, too.
"I see." I blushed, not really sure what else to say, and was thankful when we reached the beach. It distracted us both.
"Whoa."
I smiled at his excitement and surprise, but also because of the relief I felt after being unexpectedly excused from the prior moment's awkwardness. "Beautiful, right?"
"Yeah!"
The water looked so calm, slowly crashing against the rocky sand. The lake was always beautiful. I looked around, we were the only ones there. There was no one kayaking or swimming, or tanning on the sand. We had it all to ourselves.
I kicked off my shoes and Dustin did the same. I took his hand and gave it a gentle tug, walking backwards.
"Dustin..." I muttered, looking down at the ground. I didn't know how to bring up his past, I didn't want to make him sad but I had so many questions and I needed to know the answers.
"Yeah?" He wondered and I pursed my lips. "It's okay, Lydia. Whatever you want to ask me, it's fine. I'll answer anything." He told me, sincerely.
"Okay... Dustin, does anyone else know?" I asked, stopping, waiting for him to answer.
"I uh, Josh does, I had to tell him. I didn't want McKenna and Bishop around my Dad anymore, so they're staying at his place..." He trailed off and I moved closer, running my hands up to his neck.
"You're a good brother Dustin, I hope you know that." I muttered.
"I guess..." He shook his head. His eyes filled with tears.
"You are. You've protected them, I know you don't see it this way, but by not fighting back you've protected them-"
"What do you mean?" He didn't believe me. If I were him, I probably wouldn't believe me either.
"You've taken it for so long, taken it instead of them, without you what would happen to them? If your Dad did anything to you, what would happen to them?" I explained.
"You really think so?"
"Yeah, of course." I nodded, brushing his tears away. "Do you have any other family Dustin?" He broke away and kept walking. I followed close behind.
"My Dad has a younger sister, I don't think I've seen her since um- my Mom's funeral." His voice broke, but he kept going. I wrapped an arm around his waist. "She has a daughter, around my age. Other than her, no, my Mom was an only child and my grandparents passed away when I was really little."
He turned to face me and I pulled him into my embrace.
"We'll figure this out Dustin, together. You and I. Promise." My voice was muffled against his chest. His head buried into my shoulder.
"Okay..." He muttered.
I wasn't sure how long we stood there, in each other's arms but all I could think about was getting him out of that house, out of harm's way. I wanted to go back to having fun, make both of us forget just for a little while so we could enjoy the beauty of the beach.
"Let's play a game." I suggested, breaking our hug.
"Um, what kind of game?" He sounded scared, scared of what I would come up with.
"Nothing weird." I laughed. "Just another get to know you game, like trivia to see how well we know each other. I'll go first." I suggested, not sharing the best part of the game. "What's my middle name?"
"Like I could forget. Rose." He smiled, confidently. "I guess that means it's my turn. Uh..." He stared skyward, biting his lip as he thought of something to ask. "What is my favorite color?"
"Easy, blue." I winked. "My turn." I said excitedly, secretly hoping that he wouldn't get this one right. "Am I a cat person or a dog person?"
Thoughtfully, Dustin squinted his eyes and rubbed his chin. "I'm going to say... cat."
I smiled brightly and shook my head. "Nope, I'm more of a dog person."
"I was close."
I laughed. "Not close enough. Now, lose the shirt."
"What?" He tilted his head, his eyebrows furrowed.
"You heard me." I smirked and held out my hand, folding my fingers toward my palm twice. "Shirt, off. Now."
Dustin's eyes widened. "What?" he said again. "I-"
"I forgot to tell you we're playing strip trivia." I teased but then his face fell. "Dustin..."
"I just... uh..."
Is he self conscious? It didn't make sense to me.
"But when you're boxing like that Saturday... you weren't wearing a shirt. And last night..." I searched his eyes, trying to figure out what it was. Why he suddenly shut down.
"It's... different." He muttered, shaking his head. "You're different."
"What? Dustin..."
He sighed. It was hard for him to say, I knew that much.
"I don't know those people in the crowd, the other fighters, I don't care what they think of me... You're different." Suddenly I knew what he meant. I bit my lip, he was self conscious about his scars. I felt like he was about to run away, if I didn't hold on tight. I put my hands behind his neck, running my fingers through his hair.
"And last night? You didn't mind..."
"Last night, I was just so wrapped up in the moment, I just wasn't thinking about it." He avoided eye contact, looking towards the water.
"What about this morning?" I asked, feeling like I was prying but I needed to know.
"I don't know, Lydia!" He shouted, all the sudden it was too much. I held onto him tighter. "I don't know!"
"Hey..." I muttered, bringing his eyes to meet mine. "Don't be ashamed Dustin, those scars just show how brave and amazing and beautiful you are. You're a fighter and not just in the ring. You should be proud of that, you persevered, you came out on top and you're a better man because of it. You have nothing to hide, especially not around me." I closed my eyes, a tear slipping down my cheek.
Dustin smiled warmly, and I reached down and tugged lightly at the hem of his shirt.
"May I?"
He nodded, slowly, and I pulled his shirt up and over his head.
As soon as his face was uncovered, he caught my lips with his, also catching me by surprise. I leaned into him, craving the closeness, the intimacy.
I feared he was about to shut me out, again... But I knew then, in that moment, that I had no reason to worry. He told me so, with his mouth, yet wordlessly. The raw passion in his kiss was enough to put the Californian sun to shame; it couldn't compete with the fire with which he poured out his love.
Our hands lingered in the air, above his head, until he pushed his shirt the rest of the way off his arms.
My hands found his face. His found my hips, pulling me even closer until I gasped. He was enjoying this as much as I was; I felt the evidence against my lower belly.
I pulled back. I didn't want to, but I had to. Now wasn't the time. Here wasn't the place.
"Thank you," he whispered. Warm air kissed my parted lips as he breathed deeply, trying to recover.
"I didn't do anything."
"But you did. Everything you said... I needed it. So, thank you." His eyes smiled when he smiled, and the gentle, loving way his hand cupped my cheek assured me he would never hurt me. "My turn?"
"Yeah." My voice was quiet, breathless.
"All right." He tucked his shirt into the back of his jeans, and I wondered if he realized that those would be next to go. I wondered if I was even ready for it. "My favorite... brand of shoes."
That was an easy one. I'd only ever seen him in Converse. "Nike."
He caught on immediately.
I smiled and leisurely slipped off his grey shirt, my new shirt, and felt myself blushing as his eyes traveled my body. "My favorite movie is..."
"Veronica Mars. I watched it after you told me. It was great!" He boasted. "What is my middle name?" He asked, his hands trailing from my stomach to the small of my back.
"Caleb." I smiled. I wasn't going to get that one wrong. "What's my favorite kind of cake?" I tested, I remembered telling him at the golf course.
"Um, vanilla, right?" He answered but I shook my head.
"Close, chocolate cake with vanilla icing." He rolled his eyes, knowing what was next. I watched as he slipped off his pants, his right leg and then his left.
"What's my favorite band?" Finally, he asked me one I didn't know the answer to.
Instead of answering, I just pulled down my pants and flung them to the side. Dustin laughed, his eyes raking over my body.
"My favorite band is The Script." He whispered in my ear.
I laced my fingers with his and pulled him towards the water. I watched his expression change from happy, to confused, to slightly terrified.
"Um, what are you doing?" He questioned my motives.
"We're going swimming." I told him, my feet entering the freezing cold water.
"Oh, no we're not." He shook his head, stopping in his tracks.
"Yes." I tugged, but he wasn't budging. "I'll keep you warm, don't worry." I winked, but Dustin just pouted.
I let go of his hands, walking backwards into the water. I didn't care how cold it was, it felt nice against my achy bones.
"I bet you can't catch me." I teased. I didn't wait for an answer, I just dove into the water, gracefully submerging myself. I broke out of the water, pushing my hair out of my face.
Dustin smiled down at me. "This reminds of the first time I saw you, the moment we met..." He stepped into the water, not seeming to be thinking about the temperature anymore, and crouched down once he reached me.
I tilted my head curiously. "It does?"
Pushing some of my wet hair behind my ear, he spoke softly. "Your hair... was just like this." His hand slid down my face... down my neck, and his eyes followed the trail made by his fingers. I felt my heartbeat quicken. "Your skin was glistening." His eyes returned to mine. "Your eyes... They studied me, I noticed. Closely. Like right now." His gaze then dropped to my lips. "But this... What I'm able to do now is what makes this moment so different, so much better."
Our eyes closed. But for different reasons.
I ducked beneath the surface and swam away, putting some distance between us, and smirked once I came back up.
"Not nice, Lydia." But I could tell my mission had been accomplished; he glared while smiling, and seemed to be accepting of the challenge.
He went underwater and I swam backwards, knowing he was going to catch up to me quickly. Hands grabbed my legs, and held me still, trailing up to my waist. I kicked under his grasp, laughing. It tickled, but I didn't break free. I let him surface.
"I got you." He smiled, spitting out lake water, yet still there was something sexy about it. Warmth radiated from his hands as they moved up to my cheeks.
"You got me..." I whispered, breathlessly. He stood, letting the water pour down his body. I couldn't help but stare as the water droplets acted as polish to his skin. His lips met mine, I wasn't steered away by the lake water, or the cold.
I lost my balance, not paying attention, and we both fell back, crashing into the water. I threw my head back laughing.
"Yeah, it's a beautiful day, I'm thinking we go bike riding later." I turned my head to the voices.
"Oh and we can have a fire and make spider dogs." A little girl said.
"People are coming." I said to Dustin, feeling my heart race. I pushed at his shoulder.
He stood up and started to run for the shore. He turned back to me. "Come on!"
I followed close behind, grabbing his hand and he pulled me along, all the while laughing. Dustin grabbed our clothes and I swept up our shoes. We were both thinking the same thing, hide. He took my hand again and showed me to a bush the size of him to hide behind.
The second we stopped moving, I started shivering. I listened to the sound of his laughter and wrapped my arms around myself, trying to keep warm, but nothing could compare to the warmth of Dustin. He was like my own sun.
"Are you cold?" He asked. My chattering teeth answered him. He ran his hands up and down my arms, trying to warm me up. What he didn't know was all he had to do was touch me and fireworks shot through my body.
Suddenly I wasn't cold anymore. I was lost in his eyes. Even as the sun went behind the clouds I was warm, and so was he.
"Want to go back?" I asked, breaking the silence.
"Okay, we can make a fire, eat those hot dogs." He suggested, making it sound like the most romantic thing in the world. I nodded and pulled his shirt back over my head for the walk back.
We didn't talk as we walked back, we just enjoyed each other's company.
Dustin got to work on the fire as soon as we reached our campsite. It was going in no time. He wrapped a blanket around my shoulders. "Did you say Janie packed marshmallows, or was I dreaming?"
"Yeah, she did. I think they're still in your truck." I pulled the blanket further around my shoulders and took a roasting stick, starting to cook a hot dog for Dustin. I knew he was hungry, his stomach wouldn't stop grumbling.
He came back with the bag of marshmallows and three already in his mouth. "These are incredible." His voice was muffled by the mouthful. "What an amazing breakfast."
I laughed and traded him a cooked hot dog for the bag of marshmallows. "For you..."
"Thank you." He sat down beside me and wrapped the other half of the blanket around himself. Our knees touched. It took him seconds to finish the hot dog. "I guess I was hungry."
"I guess you were." I leaned into him and put another hot dog on my roasting stick, cooking one for myself.
"This has been an amazing second date."
I smiled, nodding. "Yeah, it has... The best." I tilted my head, moving in to kiss him, but he turned away.
"Uh..." He blushed. "I'm a sticky mess."
He was talking about the marshmallows. But I decided to take it a little deeper, without saying so, and hoped he got it. "Dustin, I don't care." I reached for his face and turned it back toward me. "I don't care. I love you."
He smiled, and I pulled him closer. This time, he didn't resist.
---
Dustin took the long route home. We both weren't ready to go back to reality. He pulled up outside of my house and put the car in park. I undid my seatbelt and scooted into the middle.
"Where are you going after this?" I asked, my hand on his shoulder.
"Probably to Josh's... Then I'll have to go home, get some things." He bowed his head, his hands clutching the steering wheel.
"Oh..." I didn't want him to go home, but I couldn't say that. I just wanted him to be safe.
"I'll call you later though. Tonight?" He looked up at me. I watched his adam's apple bob up and down.
"Yeah, okay." I put my arms around him, burying my head in the side of his neck.
"Thanks for today." He mumbled into me and I laughed. I couldn't figure out why he was thanking me.
"Don't thank me." I pushed his shoulder.
"Okay, I won't. I'll just do this." I wasn't sure what he meant, until his lips found mine. "See you Monday." He promised.
"See you Monday." I said back. "I love you."
"Love you too."
I hopped out of the truck and swung my gym bag over my shoulder. How I fell in love was a mystery to me, it was slow at first and then all at once. I felt like I knew all of him, every inch, centimeter and millimeter. I loved him.
I ran my thumb across my lips, still amazed.
I'm not a virgin anymore.
My feet carried me inside before my brain could tell them to. The door was unlocked and once I opened it I looked back to Dustin. I gave a quick wave and watched him drive away, hoping he would be safe. I waltz inside, unloading my things in the front room.
"Lydia, is that you?" I heard my Dad call.
"Yeah, Dad, I'm home." I called back. He and my Nana joined me in the front room.
"Did you have fun at Janie's?" He asked suspiciously, looking at the boy's shirt I was wearing.
"Yeah, it was fun. This is Casen's shirt, he must've left it at Janie's. I didn't have anything to sleep in so I wore this." I lied. How could I tell my Dad I spent the night with Dustin? I headed up the stairs.
"Why didn't you wear something of Janie's?" He questioned and I cursed under my breathe.
"Um- I don't know..." I muttered.
"Oh Kirkland go easy on her." Nana intervened.
"Did you spent the night with Dustin?" Instead of beating around the bush Dad decided to get right to the point.
"No..." My voice got high and pitchy.
"Don't lie to me Lydia." He warned, pointing his finger at me. It was how you could tell he was angry, that and the protruding vein on his forehead.
"Kirkland, just calm down, give her a break." Nana reasoned with him but Dad just shook his head.
"Give her a break? So I should just give her my permission to sleep with her boyfriend." Anger laced his voice.
"Dad, it wasn't like that." I tried to explain. "I just- something happened and I didn't want him to be alone." I didn't want to tell him about Dustin's Dad, it didn't feel like my story to tell. But the expression on my Dad's face changed. He wasn't angry anymore.
"What happened Lydia?"
I reached my hand up slowly, covering the bruise on my neck.
"It was nothing, really." I shrugged.
"Lydia, did something happen with Dustin's Dad?" He asked. I was frozen. How did he know? I still felt like I didn't have the right to tell my Dad something so personal about Dustin, but did I have a choice?
"No..." I breathed, shaking my head.
"Lydia... You don't have to lie for him." I pursed my lips.
Could I really tell him?
I sat down on the stairs, ready. "His Dad came to the gym looking for Dustin while we were cleaning." I started, changing the story slightly. "He was drunk, really drunk..."
"Then what happened Lydia?" My Dad pushed.
"He hit Dustin." I left out that he hurt me too. Kirkland Dunst was known to hurt those who hurt his daughter. "I didn't want him to go home after so we just camped out."
He sat down beside me, putting his hand on my shoulder.
"We have to go to the police Lydia."
"What?" I gulped, I couldn't go behind Dustin's back. "Dad I- I can't, what about Dustin?"
"Honey it's not just Dustin, it's his siblings too, Mckenna and Bishop. They can't stand up for themselves." I knew he was right, but it didn't feel right.
"Please let me talk to Dustin." I begged.
"Lydia, this can't be taken lightly." My Dad fought. "They're in danger every minute they're in that house."
"But they're not there, not right now. Dad please, I can't lose Dustin, please let me talk to him. Please don't do anything before I talk to him." I sounded desperate and I was.
"You really like this boy?" He asked.
"I love him..." I answered, sheepishly.
"Okay, Lydia, I'll give you 48 hours, but after that, if Dustin doesn't say anything I will."
I hated that he put a time limit on it. How could I convince Dustin to go to the police in just 48 hours? I wasn't sure, but I knew I had no other choice.
"Fine."