Victoria's POV
Crystalline, the sharpness of clarity is now in focus. His silent mind now opening, revealing the rawness of him.
"Don't move." He pins me underneath him, refusing for me to go anywhere.
"Look at me Victoria, look...at...me." Fin's voice is pleading full of agony. "I always have a way of disappointing you, don't I ....Victoria." His head on my forehead, our eyes connect.
Now I know.
I can actually feel my bottom lips start to quiver slightly, the effort of clamping my jaw shut hurts my teeth. I can't trust myself to speak if I do I'll completely come undone.
Layers of thought, contradictions swaying back and forth...physically I am on an elite level...untouchable by any female in his mind...born right.....but the inside of me is what he's having a hard time with....the inside of me is not right...............he lied to me because he knew what I wanted to hear in those moments...a gasp escapes my mouth....He continues to hold me against him as I sink lower in his thoughts....deeper into his mind...
I'm turning into his physical necessity yet his biggest poison that he willingly drinks for the love of his wolf.
"I'm sorry." The whispered apology slams into me.
"I need to shower." I have to wash him away, scrub myself clean.
"No, you're not going anywhere." The command is spoken softly with an edge of authority.
Our souls are bare to each other in every way.
"Don't run away just because you're having a hard time with what you're feeling. You can't run from me, I won't let you..." He turns us on our side.
His chin resting on the top of my head. I'm tucked in tight against him with no chance of escape.
"I betrayed her for you....." Voice cracking with the admission...I betrayed my wolf for him...for the illusion of him....for the mirage of the Moon...I'm the only thing that my wolf had, the only thing that has never betrayed her until now. She's retreated away into herself, she enters a cage, willingly...the metal bars closing after her. Laying her head down, tail going over her eyes.....this is a damage that will be hard to repair between the Wolf and myself...how could have I been so selfish?
Fin gave into the fantasy of the illusion, able to bury his anger deeply away so he could give his wolf a mate...a full mate in every respect...but there is more to it, he actually is starting to feel more....
Fin is selfless to the wolf, to its needs and wants....together they are building themselves better and brighter.
His scorched soul that has been fried and made black from the past is slowly trying to heal itself. New thoughts of ideas pushing up from underneath as a snake sheds it's skin so does his essence try to shake off the rot.
He has the courage to do this, to trust his wolf's instincts, to trust the Moon's plan even when his doubts remain. For all the power he holds, he is just skin full of doubts in me and shame in himself.
His body tightens against mine, this is difficult for the both of us.
I can actually taste my skin on his lips, "I love the taste of you Victoria." He kisses the back of my head, a pleasing hum vibrates the skin of my back from his chest.
"Is this how you do it? Focus on the physical, on what you're seeing, smelling, tasting...." My throat burns tight..He's focusing on my outside instead of the inside....he's showing what I don't want to see. Closing my eyes tight...taking a breath in trying to calm myself.
"Yes at first it was like that......but now it's becoming much more than that..." His fingers running through my hair, his breathing is even and soft.
"You're becoming more to me, and the things that I thought weren't right about you are becoming my greatest appreciations of you. I don't want you to change. What I want is for you to forgive me for being so.....so selfish all these years. For hurting you so bad and robbing us of a future that we should have already been living....I will never be what Grey was to you, but one day you might be able to look at me the way I'm starting to look at you." He's letting me see everything, all his hopes, wants...insecurities.
"Will you ever be able to love me like you loved him?" His compulsions so great he couldn't stop from asking the question...he only wants one answer and I can't give it to him.
His fingers twist in my hair pulling my head back. I don't have an answer...
"It's hard to measure up to him Victoria." His voice cracking with the emotion that he's feeling.
"I just want to be your first now Victoria, that's all I want." I think I feel his wolf whimpering inside him.
"Start with my smell, close your eyes and smell me." I do what he says, turning my body into his, putting my nose to his neck, surrounding myself with him. "Just start with that." He takes in my smell and we stay like this for a minute breathing each other in...
"I know your life hasn't been easy for you but I promise you, I'm going to try from now on to make it better...I'm going to be what your wolf needs..." His resolve pounds into my chest, harder than a sledgehammer. The broken beast peers through her self-imposed cage staring at him, with a curled lip, she flashes a fang with intent...
Hatred is what he gets from her, pure blissful soul singing hatred...
He smiles back at her welcoming the challenge...
"Come, let's take a shower. I don't want to offend our family tonight." Letting my eyes travel the length of him, as he gets off the bed extending his hand to me. Hesitating, I grab onto it as he pulls me to my feet. Standing face to face, my eyes glance at the mark I gave him. Fresh and healing, already the tissue is knitting together healing the wound...I like the look of it.
He smiles, touching the new mark as a shiver passes through both our bodies and our eyes widen.
He leans in smelling me, nipping at my ear...tasting my skin looking at my body. "Perfect," the word is breathed out.
He's letting all the influence of the Moon's pull guide him in his actions.....trusting something that he has fought for so long.....He's happier this way a burden lifting....
"You just have to move forward Victoria with me, I'm not saying it will be easy but I think together we can be what this Empire needs and wants....In the future, we can be what each other needs....so start with my smell...baby steps."
Once washed, cleaned and dressed we make our way downstairs in silence.
Entering the living room, it's Thomas and Sophie on one couch and Grey and Meela on the other...talking and laughing..that all changes when I enter behind Fin...Meela's eyes meet mine only holding it for a fraction of a second before she nuzzles her nose into Grey's neck...Sophie stares at Fin's neck along with Thomas. Mouths slightly parted yet smiles start to spread on both their faces.
Eyes watching Grey's focus settles on the spot I've chosen to display what's mine. His eyes connect with mine before he closes them fighting emotions that threaten to come out....Meela's hand goes to his heart and she rests her head on his shoulder smiling....
Grey gets up from his spot coming towards us, fighting hard to reign his emotions in. Clasping Fin on the back he pulls him into a hard hug, his eyes are closed and he just hugs him so tight, Fin hugs him back..."I'm so happy for the both of you." It's choked out and Thomas puts his head down wiping his eyes..a fractured family that's repairing, all the pieces starting to slowly angle themselves together...