Fog had taken over the valley as dry cold knocked the door of never-ending winter. Dark long winter which had not spared a single heart, it had clutched them all in its merciless gelid. Manik returned in wee hours when campfire had died out and it was hard to tell difference between smoke and mist. He looked at far spread tents sleeping peacefully. He dropped the gun at door before he undid the knot of her tent. His hands tangled it instead of undoing it. Haste was costing him time. As he opened the curtain, there she laid wrapped in sweet slumber looking like a dream. Dim yellow of bonfire caressed her face and Manik sighed. He didn't want his rim to reach her anymore but then he was always selfish. He entered her tent and walked to her bed. His cold dirty fingers reached for her skin. As his thumb traced her temple, she flinched a bit. Manik withdrew his hand and sat on grass pile just to gaze her enough to start the next day where he would be away again and she wouldn't approach him either. He knew he was breaking her, he knew he was making her distant.
Closing his eyes unable to endure the tiredness and soothing heat, he let him take the rest. Nandini opened her eyes only to find him there like every night. He was ignorant if he thought she didn't know while he gazed her. She knew it at first knot he undoes every night.
Nandini's forehead furrowed in worry as she noticed his face. His lip had a cut which must have bled. She got up and noticed him more keenly. There were minor bruises on his forehead and cheek as well. She couldn't wait and walked to him. Her hand reached his face instinctively. Before she could measure that cut, he held her hand. Nandini gasped at his celerity. His eyes opened and met hers. Nandini's heart warmed looking into those eyes after so long. She bit inside of her lip trying not to give away a little too much.
"It's nothing," He answered and held her hand firmly. His frost mingled with her warmth as he kept looking into her big eyes.
Turning around, Nandini walked to side table to bring out a box. Returning, she opened it just to let the smell of medicines touch his nostrils.
"How did this happen?" She asked trying not to reveal her concern. She dipped the cotton in antiseptic liquid and he noticed each her detail. Cotton met his lip and she gasped assuming how it would have stung. He was amused least to say.
"Go to doctor in morning, this one might need stitches," She said moving on from that cut on lip.
Manik didn't say a thing but kept looking at her.
"It's fine if you don't want to share," She said stuffing the medicines back to box, "Good night."
He grabbed her hand horrified and she fumbled in her step with that sudden pull.
"We were out to get some cannons," He replied looking uneasy about the topic.
"Cannons?" Nandini asked as she turned around completely.
"We robbed an army truck," He divulged and Nandini's face turned paler.
"Are you people realizing what are you doing?" She asked frantically.
He didn't reply but stared the tent wall. His hand still held hers firmly.
"Why are you doing this, Manik?" She asked tired.
"You never were interested in state affairs then why now?" She was hurt. Reason wasn't one.
He looked at her sensing the turbulence in her voice. Her eyes held tiredness and affliction. He didn't know what got into him that he pulled her rashly onto his lap. She almost shrieked owing to force.
"I don't want to hurt you. I hate to see you like this," He admitted hammering each his word. Nandini could feel his each muscle taut. He was reining so much.
"Then why can't you be with me?" She asked putting aside her pride.
His eyes abated for a second or two before they went back at being restless.
"Because I cannot lose you," He murmured lowly not wanting to say it aloud in case it gets heard.
"I am losing myself, Manik," She said choking on her words.
It was a truth how nobody knew how much she was suffering and she couldn't share it with anyone.
"Each day I am losing myself, I am losing everything I have hope on, I am losing Papa's belief in me, I am losing us. I am losing that purpose for which my mother sacrificed herself..." She sobbed and his hold around her waist tightened. Wasn't he running away for too long?
"I feel so alone," She admitted and cursed herself next moment for showing him her vulnerability. She didn't want to bring him at her side owing to his weakness which was her state. She didn't want to break down any further.
Grabbing her from waist, Manik put her on grass pile and stormed out of tent. Nandini sat there bewildered what just happened now. She was trying to open up a little and there he marched out leaving her guilty for speaking at first place. She palmed her face unable to process what went wrong and then cried as loud as she could. She needed to let it out.
Manik walked past last tent of camp without losing his pace. His lungs ached as he tried to hold the agony any further. Screaming the disquiet, he broke the quiet of night. Holding the giant trunk of tree, he pushed it not wanting to move it but to let out his unease. It was beyond his capacity now to take the pain of seeing her so broken. He was doing this to her by not being with her. He was making her so weak and might just keep doing that. He was a messed up brain with fears ruling his head. He was slave to his demons and she was angel taking the wrath of it.
He couldn't risk her and that overshadowed everything. He needed to make a world where she was safe.
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"I would help you"
Nandini smiled at innocent offer and shook her head.
"I can go and find the man you want," A boy of age 14 or 15 jumped off the rocks and reached Nandini who was sitting on edge of cliff.
"I am sure You can, Jas," She applauded the spirit.
"But you won't let me," He sighed and sat beside her.
Nandini had met Jas when she had returned from castle. He was a young boy who had lost his mother in fire that night when dictator's army had abducted her. Nandini could instantly relate. His father was serving Harshad and that left Jas alone. She would make sure she talks to him once in a day. She didn't want him to feel alone.
"Because you are too young," Nandini ruffled his hair and he escaped.
"I am almost of his height now," He said standing up.
"I might not be as monstrous as him but I still am strong..." He added and Nandini frowned.
Jas was mentioning Manik. His age didn't help him much when he drew constant comparisons with Manik. Nandini had been noticing it for days now. Jas had seen her crying alone and somehow had deduced it right how Manik was the one she needed. He was trying to be a help thereafter. Though it wasn't her concern. Adolescence couldn't be helped. It was his mention which brought back memories of last night where Manik walked away.
"Jas, go back and have your lunch," Nandini said sternly.
"But..." He tried to argue but Nandini glared him not wanting that kid to engage into matters he least understood. He walked towards camp leaving Nandini alone with her thoughts.
She gazed the endless view of misty mountains thinking about a lot of things. Her worries, her failures, her turmoil; there was no way she could dive into misery anymore. It was important to swim out of it. And that's what she was trying to do since last night. Being vulnerable wasn't worth it. Nothing and no one was worth it.
"That's the direction we should aim," Aashi sat beside her and Nandini frowned not knowing what was that about.
"Our dead-body, Mr Swami...." Aashi had this smile on her face as she spoke.
"He had come from north east," She added while smiling at mountain range.
"How do you know?" Nandini asked amused.
"I have got resources," Aashi simpered and Nandini hit her on shoulder.
"Okay...don't go mad on me," She said dropping the fun part, "Aryan told me. He met an informer last night."
Nandini sighed and again looked at mountain range.
"I don't know Aashi if I should believe him or not," Nandini spoke her heart.
"I am being wrong in judging people since long now," She added.
Aashi didn't say anything for few seconds.
"Trust your instinct," She spoke and smiled.
Both sat there in comfortable silence as they made necessary calculations.
"How do we go there?" Nandini asked and Aashi almost jumped in excitement. Nandini held her tight fearing how she would lose balance.
"Aashiiii," Nandini scolded while Aashi pulled her up from elbow. Hugging her tight, she squealed in joy.
"I love you," Aashi said and kissed her cheek. Nandini smiled looking at excited girl.
"Now don't change your mind. I will be back," Aashi said and ran towards camp leaving a baffled Nandini behind. Nandini didn't know hope could be that exciting. She had decided in morning itself that she would not sit idle waiting for her people to ruin themselves with this unrealistic idea of war. Despair wasn't taking her anywhere. It had taken everything for her to push the thought of leaving this place in silence. The way people had pushed her away, she did want to run away for never coming back. But then how could she forget her mother's words. She was bound to make everything alright which her parents couldn't.
She sighed in peace as she filled her lungs with misty air.
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Sitting by the bonfire, people talked on random topics. There was rumors that someone had seen a snow leopard in adjacent forest. So there they are, sitting by huge bonfire. They all were supposed to be there till the time men of camp checked the area.
"I'll be back," Nandini said to Aashi and walked towards her father's tent which was just few steps away from bonfire.
She peeped inside to find him sleeping peacefully. There was proper security around so she didn't bring him out just to endure hateful eyes of people. She couldn't let him suffer more. As she tied the knot and turned around to return to the bonfire, she found Harshad standing there.
"Harshad," She called and he took one step closer.
"How's your father?" He asked after a pause.
"He is fine," Nandini replied briefly before resuming her walk.
"Whatever happened that day... it wasn't personal," Harshad spoke in calculated tone and Nandini closed her eyes trying to rein the drive to charge him at that very instant.
"I am sure," She said turning around.
Harshad gaped her angry face for few seconds before he spoke further, "I hope you and your father are comfortable here. I have nothing against you, Nandini. I didn't mean to insult you that day. I would make sure you get all the facilities here."
Nandini shook her head and chuckled before her eyes again met Harshad's.
"Just perfect," She replied not allowing her heart to take over.
"I hope your war plans are going good," She said and he looked away.
Walking closer, she dared him to look into her fiery eyes.
"This state is much more than someone's personal aspirations and believe me when I say this...daughter of that mad man is here to make sure how this state and its people survive," She put as firm as she could. Harshad met her eyes just to feel incapable to stare into them any further.
"You are no different than your father," She said as last thing before she turned around to leave.
Harshad stood there numb at that last remark. It was a truth that he somewhat respected that girl and didn't think that she would be standing at other end in upcoming juncture. Neither she looked capable, nor he took her that serious. But he was wrong.
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"Manik"
Someone called and Manik turned around to see Rajbir calling him. He left the equipment on ground and came out of furnace. Wiping the sweat and black of smoke off his face, he walked to Rajbir. They were making weapons there.
"A new consignment of guns is here," Rajbir told with a victorious smile and Manik nodded. Walking to the stock, he opened one box to take out of ammunition.
"There is a problem," Rajbir said.
"Your brother..." He added and Manik closed the box.
"What about him?" Manik asked clueless. Aryan never was a good news. He was not very keen in participating in arsenal activities. Manik thought how his cowardice was keeping him away but now it seemed like he was using brain and probably in dangerous direction.
"He is up to something...he met a spy last night," Rajbir divulged and Manik threw the bullet away.
"I'll be back," His last word before he stormed out of arsenal riding the horses of ire.
It was travail of inception before it gives birth to a new dawn or a forever dark.
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Highly Unedited*