Justin's point of view
I sat in my car, staring blankly at my house as I held the cigarette in my left hand, inhaling it every once and a while. I find it extremely relaxing to smoke. I ran my fingers through my hair feeling frustrated.
Outside the car rain was pouring down which was the main reason I didn't want to get out of the car. Also, I needed some time to think about today and everything in general. Although I found myself constantly thinking about Ally - once again. She never leaves my mind, not even for a second.
I took another drag from my cigarette, instantly feeling a little more relaxed. However as the memories of today came back in my mind I felt a pang of guilt in my chest. I knew that the way I acted today hurt Ally. I mean I could read her thoughts and I knew I hurt her and made her confused. And what I said to her after class... I regret that.
But I had to do it to keep her safe. Remember when I said I had a mission here? Well, that mission involves someone close to Ally and I can't have her getting into this. It's way too dangerous and I care enough for her to keep her safe. In fact I need her to be safe and me not being around her is the perfect way to do that. I finally got out of the car after about two more hours of smoking and thinking of everything - well, mostly Ally.
I hate how she never leaves my mind for even a single second. To be honest, it gets annoying at times how I've only known her for a short amount of time but yet I can't stop thinking about her. Even at this very moment her face is circling around in my mind - the way she talks, smiles. Her gorgeous eyes. Everything about her is perfect. And that just makes me want her even more- No wait. I'll rephrase that; It makes me want to be close to her even more. It makes me want to be her friend. And maybe at some point something more than just a friend.
People seem to think that us demons don't have feelings - at least no other than hatred. But that's not true, most demons do have feelings. They can feel love, sadness, happiness and basically every feeling there is to feel. Of course there are some demons that are just like humans think we are.
They are cruel and filled with hatred - just like The Devil is. But I happen to be one of those demons that have feelings. And that makes me almost like a human - but of course I can never be completely human. And that's because I once was human, until I died and somehow became a demon. It's still not exactly clear to me how I became a demon. But that kinda doesn't matter, cause I am a demon and there's nothing I can do about it. I mean sure, if my boss - The Devil - ever decided to kill me, I would have the chance of becoming an angel, cause when a demon is destroyed they end up between heaven and hell. And then, if God accepts you to heaven, you become an angel.
If not - well... You sort of vanish into thin air. I plopped down on my bed, starting to do my homework of the day. I mean I can't attract attention so I have to do my homework as boring as it is. I sighed, and started doing my homework, as suddenly I remembered Ally and I should be doing the project we got from English. That's going to be awkward - only because I said what I said to her and I made her feel fucking horrible. And I know, that it's going be a hell of a lot of work to win her trust back. I sure hope she'll be able to forgive me when I explain myself to her.
I have my doubts though..."Fucking hell." I groaned, slamming my math book shut and tossing it to the floor angrily. I never was good at math in my human days when I went to school and that hadn't changed one bit. Ally however seemed to be good at it - in fact she seemed to be good at everything. I tugged my at my hair, frustrated by the fact that I was once again thinking of Ally.
As I parked my car in the school's parking lot the next day I felt nervous because I'd have to confront Ally. I fixed my hair before getting out of the car and walking to the school doors. First period was music, and of course Ally would be there. I don't fear seeing her at all, but what I do fear is her thoughts. She for sure hates me or at least is angry with me. That would me understandable.
I do fear her thoughts because I'm afraid of what she'll be thinking of me when she sees me. The halls were still crowded when I made my way to music class, making sure I had my shades on. As I reached music class and stepped in, I immediately saw the one person I had been thinking about all morning. Ally Jones.
FLASHBACK
I gathered my stuff together feeling Ally's stare on me for a couple of seconds. Neither of us said a word, but I could still hear her thoughts. Loud and clear. And I'm not going to lie, they hurt me.
'I guess he doesn't care for me then as much as I thought he does. Her thoughts hit me like knives, it hurt me so much. She thinks I don't care for her when in reality I care for her more than anything in this world.
I heard Ally's footsteps walking away from me and I quickly got up and grabbed her wrist to keep her from walking away. Ever so slowly she turned around and looked at me, a dull expression on her face. I looked at him never letting go of her wrist.
"What do you want Justin?" She spoke and sighed. I didn't say a word, instead I pulled her out of the class room and through the hallways until I reached an empty part of the hallway. I stopped, and pinned Ally to the wall.
She didn't speak, but her thoughts spoke the truth. She felt scared. And the fact that she felt scared because of me broke me. I never wanted her to feel scared of me, I want her to feel safe around me. But I guess the fact I'm a demon and the way I'm acting right now doesn't really help. But I have to do this, regardless of anything.
Ally bit her lip clearly nervous, and I tried to muster all the courage to say what I had to say. I know that this will hurt her even more than me ignoring her but this is all to keep her safe. But I couldn't find the courage. I didn't even want to do this to be honest.
"Ally, look... I.. I'm sorry." I finally whispered, raising my hand and taking my shades off, looking at Ally. My eyes held all of my feelings right now - sorrow and regret. Ally seemed shocked, and I know it was yet again because of my eyes. They were now a honey brown colour - it was weird they were that colour since they usually are that colour only when I'm genuinely happy.
This time I was regretful and all I could feel was sorrow. But even though that my eyes were the colour they were when I was human way back.
"Justin... Why did you ignore me back in class?" Her voice was quiet, I barely heard it. Ally looked past me, at the window and then she turned her gaze down, fiddling with her fingers nervously. I knew she was waiting for me to say something - and I had to do what had to be done. It's now or never.
"I'm sorry. I just- I can't do this. I can't be around you Ally." I sighed and Ally looked back up, a shocked expression on her face. I felt bad deep down, knowing she'd be hurting. She didn't say anything for a while, and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't hear her thoughts. It was like she had shut me off completely. And then, I heard her voice.
"W-What do you mean?" She whispered, her voice all shaky. I could see tears that were welled up in her eyes and that she was fighting not to cry. She looked so hurt, so broken. And it was clear how she tried her very best to hide those feelings.
"I mean, that we wouldn't hang anymore - and we should do the project here, in the library. I can't be seen with you." I spoke, and I immediately noticed how even more tears welled up in her eyes.
"F-Fine." She croaked out. She sounded like she was choking on her own words. And she was still trying to hold the tears back but it was clearly hard for her. I sighed, and stepped aside, so I wasn't pinning her to the wall anymore. She started to walk away, as a single tear glided down her cheek. And the sight of that literally ripped me to shreds. I hated it.
I hated hurting her like that. She shot me a glance, and right in that moment I could hear her thoughts again. And what I hear broke me even more than I already was.
'He doesn't care. He never did. He just hung out with me to make it seem like he actually cared only to tell me he can't be seen with me or be around me in the next. He did it to break me - to hurt me.' She was so hurt. And it was all because of me. I felt like I had to do something. Like I had to say something before she would leave. And I came up with the right words immediately.
"Ally... I'm sorry." I spoke quietly, my voice raspy. Ally, however just shook her head.
"Forget it Justin, you told it to me yourself. You can't be seen with me.</em>" She let out a strangled whimper and yet another tear fell down her cheek. And then, all of a sudden, she pushed me aside. Tears were streaming down her face as she ran off. I couldn't do anything but stare at her, as she ran further and further away from me.
End of flashback
I tried to shake the flashback out of my head but it was no use. I sighed and walked to a seat in the back, a seat away from Ally. She never looked up, never turned her head towards me. But I guess I got what I deserved. She didn't want to look at me, and I know that's good - it will keep her safe for now. But deep down I know that I want her to look at me, I want her to be around me every second of the day. But now that I have said what I said - there's no way of turning time back and changing what I've done.
Suddenly Ally looked at me, her eyes red and puffy. She looked so tired, so broken. She looked like she had been crying all night. I felt so bad. Ally didn't speak for a while, she just looked at me. It felt like years, when in reality it was probably five seconds or so. And then, she said the words that I had been afraid of hearing. Actually, she didn't say it - she thought it. But it hurt all the same.
'And to think I thought you actually were different. It's pathetic how I fell for your games when in reality your intentions were to hurt me from the start'