*Authors Note*-I think I'm getting way ahead of myself. I just uploaded the last chapter last night and I'm already starting this chapter. Talk about being an overachiever. (wish i was like this in school -__-) Anyways, don't miss out on this chapter. It's going to reveal some things about why Kate is so scared to be in a relationship and why she resents her parents so much.
Don't forget to comment and vote, but only if this book seriously deserves it.
<3,
Amber
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The week went by uneventfully. I missed surfing and hanging out with Lia, and if I was truly being honest with myself, I missed Xander a lot too. I was keeping busy, taking care of Isaac whose birthday was coming up in about two weeks, and I had saved up enough money to buy him something really special. I couldn't wait to see the expression on his face once he sees what I got him!
I took off from my morning shift that day to drive to a care home. I parked, walked into the care home, went to the receptionist and asked for Kristine Becker. She led me down to her room and went back to her desk. I stood there shifting from one foot to the other, nervous as hell. I haven't seen my mom in about six months and I was scared of what I might see. I shook my head, wiped my sweaty hands on my jeans and opened the door quietly.
I saw my mom sitting by the window, not even looking in my direction when I walked in. I went up to her, kissed her on the forehead and bent down to be at eye level with her. "Hi Mom" I choked out. My eyes started to water up as I saw that her expression never changed. She looked at me with those dull brown eyes and nodded her head. I tried to suck it up and not cry in front of her. "I came by to see how you were doing today, everyone said you're doing great here."
I sighed; this was how it always was with her. "Isaac's birthday is coming up soon, he's doing so great mom." At the mention of his name she looked up at me and smiled a little. I smiled right back, "He said he misses you and that he wants you back home, and I told him you were trying your hardest to come back home soon." I took her hand in mine and felt how cold it was, "Mom, I love you. Do you understand that? Isaac is almost ten now, and he needs his mother. I can't...I can't be that for him mom, its so hard! You have no idea. I-I'm always on the brink of exhaustion, paying bills and taking care of Isaac. Mom I NEED you." I kept venting to her as tears slid down my cheeks, I didn't mean to come here and tell my mom all of this. I thought I was strong enough to keep it together and just tell her to get better and stronger so she could come back home. But I couldn't and I broke down for the first time since my parents separated.
I sucked in a huge gulp of air as I tried to stop myself from bawling. I looked up into my mom's face and saw that she didn't have an ounce of emotion there. No concern that her daughter was basically working herself to death trying to keep the house and take care of my brother. All she did was pat my on my head and go back to looking through the window. Tears kept streaming down my face as I stood back up, hugged my mom and went back outside. As soon as I was outside I slid back against the wall and cried my eyes out. This was all HIS fault! If my father hadn't left us out here to survive on our own I wouldn't be in this situation! I would be a normal eighteen year old, getting ready for my first year in college, hanging out with my friends and having a great summer. Instead I go to work everyday, working fourteen hours a day just to scrape by. I have no time to myself and if I do have time I hardly get to spend it doing what I want. I didn't want to be selfish but I was so tired of everything. I hated having to make sacrifices.
I cried until I didn't have any tears left in me. I got up slowly and dragged myself out of the care home to my jeep. I sunk in my seat and forced myself to drive back home. I slammed the door shut and threw myself on the couch. Isaac was still asleep so I wasn't worried about disturbing him, or at least I thought so. I felt someone sit on my stomach and turn the t.v. on to SpongeBob. I opened my eyes and Isaac stared back at me with a smile on his face. "Morning Tita!" Tita, Isaac always called me that. Isaac was just a baby and he was slowly learning how to talk but he could never say sister. Instead he blurted out Tita and it stuck with him ever since. I started to tickle him, "Guess where I went today." He stopped laughing and asked, "Where did you go today Tita?" I stopped tickling him and held him in a bundle although he was getting a little too old for that. "I went to see Mom today, she was doing great and told me to tell you happy early birthday."
Isaac looked at me with hopeful eyes, he was old enough to understand that our mom wasn't right in the mind so for him to get excited over this small thing told me that he really missed her. "She did?! Why didn't you tell me earlier? And how come I can never see her, I miss her Tita." His eyes started to water and his mouth quivered. "Oh no Isaac please don't cry! Mommy will be coming home as soon as she can. It's taking her a while to get back on her feet that’s all." It pained me to lie right to my brother’s face but if I couldn't handle that situation how was my baby brother going to take it? I wasn't about to take that chance. Isaac swiped at his tears, "Will you tell her that I love and miss her the next time you visit her then?" I smoothed his crazy bed hair back down on his head, "Of course Isaac, now cheer up. Watch your SpongeBob while I got makes some bacon and eggs, okay?" He nodded, his eyes already glued to the television.
I busied myself with breakfast feeling thirty years older because I felt like I had three roles to play, Isaac's dad, mom, and sister all at once. I could, no, will do this because my brother doesn't need to suffer like I did. I wanted the best for him; I just hoped that what I was doing was good enough.
Once breakfast was done with I headed back up to my room to take a quick shower. No matter how many times I tried to relax under the hot water I couldn't. My mom’s sullen face kept flashing at the back of my head every time I closed my eyes. I was drying off as I heard my phone beeping. I picked it up immediately, "Hello?"
"Hey Kate! I heard you took the day off without telling me about it! I was going to stay angry at you and not call you and tell you to get your ass over here but then I thought that we barely hang out as is...so I called anyways. " Lia kept rambling.
"Hey Lia, I'd like to but I'm super drained right now." I rubbed my face as I flopped back on my bed.
"OH, I see. It's that time of the month? I could come over and bring some ice cream and watch our favorite movie?"
"No, its not that time of the month, but ice cream and The Notebook do sound good right about now." I cleaned up the house a bit and made my brother watch T.V. in my room hoping that he wouldn't spill the coke I bribed him with. The doorbell rang and I went down to answer the door. Instead Lia just made herself at home and opened the door without waiting for me.
"Well then, I guess you can make yourself comfortable." Lia didn't even try to make a snarky remark back, she just walked right up to me and hugged me. This was why we were best friends. Actually we've been best friends since I could remember. Both of our dads had been surfing friends for a long time and naturally they brought their children to pass on the tradition. I loved it from the start, but Lia wasn't in love with the water like I was so she occasionally went surfing. Lia ruffled my hair and tossed some Haagen Daz ice cream at me. She knew what my favorite was already; I made some popcorn and started up our movie.
I vented to her about my problems like a normal teenage girl, cried over Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams epic love story all the while inhaling ice cream. When the movie finally finished Lia turned off the T.V. and turned to face me.
"Alright, you told me that you had a horrible morning with your mom and I understand, but you need to stop feeling pity for yourself. This has been going on too long Kate. I think you need to talk to your dad, to at least talk it out with him."
I looked at her with wide eyes, "Are you being serious right now? You know what happened, and you still act like it’s not a big deal. Just drop it Lia, I don't wanna go down memory lane and talk about this shit. It's done with." I got off the sofa and threw away the rest of the popcorn and ice cream. Lia and Ryan were the only ones that knew about my past and I wasn't about to talk about it like we were talking about a fucking book that we just read.
"Fine, but sooner or later you will. And I'll be here for you okay? Just don't get angry at me, it just kills me to see you struggling like this Kate." She looked at me with her best puppy dogface. It never did work but it was my best friend, and I can't hold grudges and if I do it last about two minutes. I sighed, "Yeah, yeah we've already been through this but it's not like I can't handle it." I shrug, trying to brush it off. The only thing I don't tell her is how tough it is trying to support a kid and pay for bills. My pride got in the way so I never ask for money.
She smiled at me, our little fight already forgotten. "Good, and I'll call you on Friday to see if you want to hang out."
"Okay, but I'm not sure. I promised Xander that if I had a day off I'd go surfing with him." I shrugged again, giving her an impish smile.
"And since when did my best friend make plans without me? Felling pretty shafted right now." She pouted, and then winked at me. "So you and Xander are hanging out pretty often huh?"
"Hardly, and we're just friends. I told him that I don't have time for a relationship."
She grabbed my shoulders and shook them, "Kate, what the hell is your problem. A hotty like Xander likes you and you tell him you don't have time for a relationship? Are you purposefully being a dumb ass?"
"No! I was telling him the truth. I don't have time to do that kind of thing. And even if I wanted to, once he saw what kind of predicament I was in he would be running in the opposite direction." Lia let go of my shoulders and shook her head at me in disappointment. "Well you never know until you try, Xander seems like a really nice guy." I nodded, "That's exactly what I mean. I'm afraid that I'll fall for him and he'll see what kind of life I live and I'll be heartbroken."
"Kate, you can't live like this. Don't hold back your feelings. Go for it. Don't just watch opportunities pass by you." Lia grabbed her keys and walked to the front door. "I gotta get home now but we'll talk more okay? I just had to see that you were okay." She walked back to give me a hug and went to her car. I closed the door behind me and let a breath out. I'm no good with this emotional shit. I shooed Isaac out of my bedroom and got ready for work.
Once again I had to rely on my grandparents to watch Isaac for a couple of hours. I dropped him off and headed off to work, I didn't have time to talk to Nana or Popi unless I wanted to be late.
I got in and was immediately pulled into a dinner rush. For some reason life wouldn't give me a break. I had some of the nastiest, grumpiest customers, which didn't help at all with my mood. At the end of my shift I just wanted to go home and sleep.
I picked Isaac up from Nana and Popi's house; he was already fast asleep in the back of my jeep so I carried him up to bed. I noticed that he's been getting heavier and eating more lately. I guess he's having a growth spurt. I hoped that my miniscule paychecks could cover us. I took a shower and hopped into bed. I tossed and turned but sleep didn't come easy. My mind kept running through what happened with my mom. My hand automatically reached out for my phone and I dialed the first number that came to mind.
"Hello?" I closed my eyes, his voice sounded nice even over the phone. "Hi Xander, it's me."
"Hey Kate, how are you?" I could hear the smile in his voice. "I.... can’t sleep. I was wondering if you wanted to just hang out." I could hear rustling on the other end of the phone. "Sure, just name the place."
"How about if we just meet at the beach? I really don't want to stay at home." I said honestly. "No problem, I'll see you there." He ended the phone call. Wow, I had expected him to make up some excuse being that it was almost 11:00 at night, I got excited as I changed to meet him.
When I got there Xander was already there with a couple of blankets and a bag. He was so thoughtful! I felt a little bad that I hadn't even thought of bringing anything; I just wanted to get out of the house. He saw me walking over and gave me a warm smile. I melted a little bit, he wasn't even trying but he easily made me forget about all of my problems.
POV-Xander-
I smiled as Kate walked over. Damn she looked good, even if she had just finished work. Her long straight hair was blowing in the wind and she smiled back. I groaned inwardly, I don't know how long I would last before I just kissed her. The last time we had gone out I had almost leaned down and smothered her with my mouth. I took the time to get a blanket for her and some hot chocolate just in case it got too cold. She sat down close to me, her leg touching mine and I longed to grab her hand.
Kate sighed, "I guess your wondering why I called you up late at night."
Actually I wasn't thinking about that at all, "Well sort of, but it's okay if you don't want to talk about it." I knew I had to give her space. She smiled, "Actually, I don't even know why I called you. I just dialed the first number that came to mind." She laughed to herself, "Xander, do you know why I don't have time to be with you?"
My heart started to race, "You said you were busy with work, and I understand that." Kate shook her head and strands of hair fell from behind her ear, I reached to tuck it back. She stared at me, "Don't get me wrong, I like you. But I can't do relationships. I work so much because I have to take care of my brother." She scoffed, "It's like I'm a single mother or something. I work over forty hours a week just to scrape by and my brother's birthday is coming up and I have to worry about having enough money to give him enough presents." She started to tear up and I was getting scared. I took her hand in mine and started to rub it gently.
"Kate?" She looked over at me, "I know, sorry. I kind of piled on the information too fast huh?" I nodded, "Yeah, but I can handle it. I just wanted to say thank you. You didn't have to tell me any of this but you did." She shivered. Oh shit, I was such a jerk. "Shit, sorry I brought you a blanket and some hot chocolate and I completely forgot about them." I wrapped her in a blanket and gave her the thermos. "Thanks Xander. "
I knew she wanted to drop the subject so I asked her questions about anything and everything. I wanted to know this girl, what makes her so protective and strong. We got on the topic of surfing and her eyes seemed to brighten and I knew that's the look she had when she loved something, and I pictured her giving me that look. "So weakling, not everyone has a natural talent for surfing. Did you ever surf before?"
I shook my head, "I moved away to California when I was about ten. I never really went out of the house because I had really bad asthma as a kid. My life consisted of school and lying in bed reading. So I guess you could call me a weakling." I gave her a small smile. I usually don't tell people about how I was as a kid. After I moved away my asthma seemed to move go away as well. I was determined to become active. I joined football and track. Studied as hard as I could and made a new reputation for myself.
Kate looked like a dear caught in headlights, "Xander I'm sorry, I didn't know that. You're okay now though right?"
"Oh yeah, I don't think I could have paddled out over the reef if I still had asthma. Then you would have really seen me drown that day." She punched me in the arm, "I still don't find that funny, and I was really worried." I laughed, "Calm down, I can handle a few waves." She raised an eyebrow at me, "Oh yeah? Well the next time we go out we'll see how well you can handle it."
I couldn't help myself, I leaned in towards her getting inches away from her face, "Trust me, I can handle anything you throw at me." Her breath hitched just like I had planned. I smirked. She brought out a more confident part of me; usually I was never comfortable enough to be myself around girls. But talking with Kate was so easy.
She turned away from me, trying to regain her composure. She didn't even know how much she turned me on; I had to get back at her some how. "Alright how about we just...."
Just then my phone beeped, "Can I take this? It'll be just once second." Kate nodded, so I got up and answered my phone. "Yeah?"
"Xandderr babbyy, where are yew? I miss you, ya know." I sighed, my mom was drunk again. "Where's Bill? He should be watching what you drink." This shit always happened. This was the reason why I came back to Oahu. I couldn't handle my mom’s drunken tantrums. Bill was her new boy toy of the month and I honestly didn't care what happened to him once my mom tossed him to the side. "He's.... out. I'm not sure wh-where I..put my keys. I need to..to go get more drinks. I rann out." I felt like Oahu wasn't far enough from California. "Mom, I just want you to clean up and go to bed. Did you hear me? Do not leave the house." I heard a door slamming on the phone, "Fiine, love ya baby. Have fun." she slurred. I hung up the phone; I wanted to whip the phone into the ocean. Even when I moved away my mom could still ruin my night. I looked back at Kate, who looked worried again.
"Everything okay?" she called out. I shook it off, "Yeah I'm fine" I said as I walked back to her. She studied me, "No you're not, come here." I sat back down, she pulled me closer and my southern regions started to get a little excited. She cupped my face and started to massage my temples. I groaned, she wasn't even doing anything special and I was turned on already. I covered my legs so I conveniently covered my hard on as well. I closed my eyes and breathed her in, she smelt like a soft scent of flowers. I leaned in more getting close to her. I hoped that she would lean in and make my torture end but she pulled back and I almost groaned again. Her hands slid down my cheeks and went around to my neck. Shit, Kate was really pushing my limits here. I was about to grab her but I wanted to show her that I could wait. I put my hands on hers and opened my eyes. As much as I didn't want to I sat back, "Kate, you're really pushing it." She blushed, "Sorry, I just...you just seemed really angry. Sometimes I do that for my brother when he get's nightmares. I just thought you might need to relax." I smiled at her, she was so damn cute. "Thanks, I feel a lot better." Kate looked at her phone and gasped.
"Uhmm Xander, its pass one in the morning! I need to get home." She pouted at me and I wondered if she knew what that pout did to me. I started to fold the blankets and put away my thermos. She stood up and I walked with her back to her jeep. She turned around and I gave her a hug, "Sorry I kept you up so late." She laughed into my shirt, god I loved that laugh, "Why are you apologizing? I should be saying sorry for keeping you up. But thanks for staying with me." I let go of her, "Anytime, Kate." I really did mean it. I would drive go anywhere just to spend some time with her, and those two hours were not enough for me. "So when's the next time I get to see you?"
She sighed, "Well since you know my dilemma, I'm not sure. I took off this morning because of some gift shopping and what not. But I'll call you." I didn't want to leave yet, "Before you go, I wanted to ask if you wanted to hang out Friday night. Ryan and I went to this club a couple of days ago. It's just your type of music and it stays open most of the night. You can invite Lia and whoever else you wanted." She seemed to think it over, "Sounds like fun, I just have to make sure I can get off work early so I can get ready." I didn't realize how worried I was that she was going to say no until she said yes. "Great, I'll call you on friday then." The wind blew a strand of hair in her face again and I tucked it in, it was so silky. She looked at me again and smiled, I just looked back at her. I couldn't help it; my hand just had a mind of its own. I was determined not to make it awkward again so I just gave her a peck on the cheek and waved bye. I walked to my own car knowing she'd watch me leave again. I looked back, and sure enough she was staring at my ass. She looked up at me and blushed again. I chuckled, I couldn't wait for friday.