終わりの始まり
"Careful with my brother. He forgets that others have different limits to his own."
She was reminded, stomach lurching, of when the Onihitokuchi sent her flying straight into a crate after she riddled its face with a barrage of bullets. This weightlessness, this sense of hovering buoyancy, was what she felt in the second before she almost broke her spine when she crashed into the crate. The pain came only after, but right before it did, she'd felt like she was suspended in an airtight bubble where time couldn't affect her.
Then she realized what was happening as her hair flew above her in a white storm. The wind was so cold it stung her skin, biting her like little insects trying to devour her to the bone. Her stomach dropped out of her body as she stared with wide eyes at the canopy of trees overhead quickly getting further and further away from her.
No, that wasn't right. It wasn't getting away from her. She was getting further and further away from the treetops as she plummeted straight to the ground.
Her first thought wasn't to scream, or even, What's happening?
It was, Am I finally going to die?
That wasn't what happened.
The air around her whipped in a gale, white hair lashing around her in a flurry as everything slowed. Her fall was broken by a pair of arms that came up to enclose her in their steel embrace, one settled under her knees and the other at her back. Her heart jumped to her throat as her head lolled before snapping back in place, and she found herself staring in silent, dumbfounded confusion at Shin.
At his back were his wings, beating against the wind to keep them afloat. His dusky wings lined with feathers ending in white tips were just as she remembered them, strong and powerful and ethereal. Supernal light emanated from his wings and his entire being. Heat pooled in her stomach; it was like she was encased in that wonderful, almost there but not-there light, almost like it was blessing her with its rare, unseen touch.
Their beauty brought tears to her eyes when she remembered the last time she was in his arms like this, when he took her to the hill just outside the main village and gave her a little part of himself, trusting her with it. Then she'd gone and broken that precious trust when she approached Kagetora for his help when she promised Shin she wouldn't go near him.
His eyes were wide with concern, and he was holding on to her so tight that she was afraid she would break away into a thousand pieces that could never be stuck back together again. It was a long moment before she realized that she was staring at him, at his lips moving, shaping words.
"Pai? Pai, are you okay?"
She blinked owlishly, unable to respond. She looked to her left, down to the ground; saw how far it really was. The little colourfully lighted Yori Chiisai floated in the air around them, dancing slowly to an unheard tune of their own, oblivious to the world outside of themselves.
If Shin hadn't caught her, she could have cracked her spine, become paralysed for life.
If Shin hadn't caught her, she could have broken her neck, making the horrible snapping sound she hated hearing in films and dramas.
If Shin hadn't caught her, she could have died.
That wasn't what stunned her into silence, rendering her completely unable to speak, as her eyes glazed over from staring at her feet dangling over Shin's arm, supporting her under her knees. It was what she'd thought as she was falling. She hadn't been afraid to die.
A part of her had asked, Am I finally going to die?
That part of her wanted to die. That part of her was fine with plunging to her death far down below. That part of her wasn't her – it was that Pai. The killer living inside, the one Kuniumi kept trying to coax back out into the open.
She still wasn't sure that that wouldn't have been the best thing to happen, and that thought, that confusion, rendered her silent.
"Pai, answer me. Tell me you're okay."
She brought her eyes slowly back to his from staring blankly at the ground beneath them at least fifteen feet below. The air curved around them, his wings keeping the strongest currents at bay whilst still using them to keep them afloat.
It was cold.
It was hot.
Her skin flushed at his proximity, at the look in his eyes. It wasn't just concern she saw there. It was fear. Real, unadulterated fear. Seeing that, shame flooded her. There he was going against his instincts of preservation to stay alive because she'd guilt-ed him into it. And here she was thinking it was fine if she was crushed into the ground, left for dead.
She hated hypocrites, but, Oh how like one you are now.
"I – I'm fine, I...I am fine." She finally managed in a tremulous gasp. It was only when she lowered her gaze from his that she realized she'd fisted her hands so tight around the front of his sweater that there were sure to be marks left behind. She could feel his tension right through his shirt, and she couldn't imagine how on-edge he was right now. "I am fine, Shin-san. Th – thank you for catching me."
He didn't say anything, his eyes darkening. She was about to let go of his sweater, but when she felt a change in the wind direction and looked back to his wings to see them beating powerfully as he started to take them back up to the platform of the house, she changed her mind. Her stomach dipped as they flew back up and she instinctively wound her arm around his neck.
Getting back was slower than it had been when she was falling, that much she could say. It was like Shin flew them up slowly on purpose, and she wondered if he did it to give her time to compose her frazzled nerves before they got there.
She didn't know how she was supposed to react when they got back to Kagetora. She was torn between slapping him, screaming at him in rage, and just staring at him as she tried to figure out why he'd done that. Why he'd pushed her over the edge.
A splash of cold water doused her thoughts as they came to a screeching halt at a sudden realization.
Kagetora pushed her over the platform and sent her flying. But she hadn't. She hadn't flown because she couldn't. She wasn't the Tengu she was made out to be, as the pendant she wore under her shirt was supposed to make her look. Shin caught her before she reached the ground. Shin, the real Tengu, had to save her when she supposedly should have been able to herself.
It was a test.
He was testing her. She'd failed and she had no idea what it meant that he now knew she wasn't Tengu. He must have known all this time that she was lying about what she said she was. Pushing her over the edge was just a way to confirm his suspicion.
When they finally got back to the porch and Shin set her on the floor, he ran his hands over her hair and down to her shoulders, almost as if he was physically making sure that she was really all right. He peered into her eyes. She thought she heard him say something but she wasn't sure. Her head was stuck in a balloon and no sound filtered in.
She couldn't say anything as she stared up at him helplessly, unable to reassure him that she was fine after she'd taken in that her first thought was, Am I going to die, and realizing that she was not fine for even thinking that in the first place. There was something wrong with her. She'd never before felt that so strongly, but she knew there was something fundamentally wrong with her.
There was something broken in her.
There was never anything broken in you, Kuniumi murmured soothingly. Not until Midori broke you.
Shin whirled around. In a flash, he was no longer at her side, but by Kagetora's. She yelped in surprise when Shin slammed him back into the wall, his forearm pressed against the smirking King's neck. Spiderweb cracks splintered the wood from behind Kagetora.
Shin's lips were pulled back over his teeth as he growled in a low voice, "What do you think you're doing?"
"Shin – " she started, right before Kuniumi traipsed in again.
Don't fret, she cooed. Kagetora won't hurt you.
She couldn't believe her gall. He just threw me off a balcony!
He knew Shin would catch you.
Her heart hammered. What gives Kagetora the right to do that?
He won't hurt you, Kuniumi goaded her with her silvery voice, as if that made everything better.
You know that, but I don't, and neither does Shin. She snapped back.
All the more reason not to interrupt.
They can kill each other, Kuniumi! I came here to keep Shin alive, not to see him get himself killed.
This confrontation was long in the making. Shin is a lighted fuse and Kagetora is the fire fuelling his rage. Let him take out some of that anger, and see where it leaves them. Once some of it is gone there will be less to ignite him, and he can pour all his soul into Kagetora's training.
She didn't know if she could trust Kuniumi's advice. Nothing she'd ever said before had proven false – yet – and she was usually spot-on with her stray observations of people. Maybe she was right about this. Maybe Shin needed to confront Kagetora like this, even if it did lead to a fight. Maybe it was better in the end, this way.
Or maybe Kuniumi was just a fucking lunatic Ayakashi inhabiting Pai's mind and refusing to leave because of some obscure revenge she was hell-bent on, and claimed only Pai could help her in exacting it.
Kagetora, to his credit, was amazingly calm. He raised his hands up in mock-surrender as he smirked sardonically at Shin. "Demonstrating a point. You weren't going to listen to anything I said anyway, so I chose to show you why I need the fake Tengu."
"You chose wrong." Shin snarled.
The Kitsune remained unfazed. Ignoring him, Kagetora looked around Shin as if he was totally oblivious to his seething rage, and grinned at Pai. His eyes glimmered in a way that made her all the more uncomfortably aware of Kuniumi.
Her gaze sharpened on his as she wondered if his ninetail powers allowed him to sense Kuniumi's presence in her, through her. What if he made some passing comment about it? How the hell was she supposed to explain something like that to Shin when she barely understood any of it herself?
"I don't care that you're not Ayakashi, by the way," he informed her blithely. "That's not why you're here."
"Then why?" she fumed, taking a step toward them. "Why did you push me if you know I cannot fly?"
Kagetora sighed dramatically, as if he was tired of their childish foolishness. He tipped his head back to rest on the wall, still wilfully ignoring Shin, who held him pinned against the wall in a hold that could so easily choke him. "I just showed you."
"What you showed me," she retorted, trying hard to reign in her own growing ire. "Is that you are a psychopath who does not care for any life but his own."
He was entirely unfazed. "You were never in any danger, and I think you know that. You never will be, not with him around." He idly commented, gaze flicking down from the ceiling to Shin.
The teasing lilt to his words vanished. His smile dropped away like a stone. It was like the temperature of the air itself deteriorated with Kagetora's mood, and she felt a chill crawl over her body, a ball of ice tipped in spikes rolling into her heart. The volcanic heat of being in such close proximity to not one, but two powerful Hengen, was almost overwhelming, but now it fought with the frigid night air of the island.
She glanced back and saw a mist had crawled in as they were all distracted. It swirled around them, winding around the trees like a giant grey snake, smothering everything in sight and so thick that it veiled the trees from view. The little baubles of light that were the Yori Chiisai were just dots of colour through the grey fog. Anyone could easily get lost in the forest if they didn't know where they were going.
"You have no idea what it means to train to live without a Mask, Shin," Kagetora said, so deadly serious that she genuinely wondered if it was him bringing the mist in. "That thing is a crutch. It is never easy learning how to use what never was. I need a trigger I can pull, one that will work through the strength of your will, Shin."
"No." Shin replied in a dead voice. After another silent moment of glaring at Kagetora, he pushed himself away, stalking back until he stood, defensively, in front of Pai. "No. She's going back."
"Your choice." Kagetora shrugged nonchalantly. "She leaves, you do too. There'll be no point to your being here otherwise. It's no skin off my back either way."
"No."
This time it was she who spoke. Shin turned to her, almost in surprise, and started to say something. Before he could she reached out and fisted her hand around the arm of his sweater, careful not to touch his skin.
She pulled him to the side, walking far enough away that they would be out of Kagetora's earshot...if he had normal hearing. Shin went with her unexpectedly easily, and she took that as a hopeful sign that maybe a part of him realized that this was his only chance to remain who he was.
"Pai, what are you – "
"No." She said again, her voice as hard as his had been, just as tenacious. "We are not leaving until he does what he promised to. You are here to learn how to live without your murderous other half from killing people you love because he wants it, because he felt like it."
"I'll find another way."
"And what if you kill Kouta-sama before that?"
Shin froze at her words.
She gave him a flat, dead look that was more reminiscent of the Pai from her memories than who she would like to be now. It was a low blow but it was all she had now. "You know him better than I do. You know he will not hesitate to kill your best friend. You swore an oath as Daitengu to protect the Sojobo, the Heir, and the Koki Sakura Hime, and all your people. He did not make the same oath, even if he's another part of you. You care, Shin – but he doesn't, not the way you do. He will kill them just to hurt you."
Shin stared down at her, poker face back on. She knew she hurt him, perhaps worse than any physical blow might have. But she was running out of options. She couldn't tell what he was thinking, but from the tight set of his jaw, she knew he must be infuriated with her obstinacy.
"Pai, he just threw you off a balcony. You could have died."
"I did not, and I will not." She replied.
"How do you know?" he asked. He moved until he was standing right in front of her, blotting out even her peripheral view of Kagetora behind them. She tried to take a step back, but the memory of her almost-death was still fresh in her mind. She released Shin's shirt and held her hands curled in front of her chest, as if that could do anything to keep Shin from getting any closer than he already was. "How do you know he won't try to kill you again because he thinks that'll be the right fucking 'trigger'?" he pressed, barely leashed fury swirling in his voice.
She opened her mouth to speak, and then shut it again. She had nothing to say. All she could do was glare at him, trying to silently convey to him that there was no way in hell she was leaving him here alone, or that they were going back home without him learning how to master Shinigami without the Mask. But what could she do? What could she do to convince him of that?
Her brow twitched as an idea teased her.
Quickly, she darted around Shin, but only to stand behind him. He spun around, eyes flashing between her and Kagetora as if he thought the Kitsune would try to attack her again if he didn't keep her in his sight at all times. Before he could do anything she lifted a hand to him, one finger up, signalling that he not move. Shin started to say something, but she aimed a glower at him before looking at the man who leaned against the wall, idly inspecting his neatly square-cut nails.
She lifted a hand and pointed at him, uncaring if it was rude to do so. "Kitsune do not lie."
Kagetora glanced at her with a knowing smirk on his face. "No, we do not."
"You do not break your promises either, do you?" she asked, keeping her eyes on Kagetora despite the fact that she could tell Shin was frowning down at her in silent anger.
She only knew he was still behind her because her hand was held out to him, stopping him from moving. Even though she wasn't touching him, it was like the skin of her palm was burning just by being so close to him.
The smile kicked up a notch. "No, we don't."
Careful, she warned. Words are easy things to twist around.
That's why I'm doing this, or they'll never get past their hatred for each other.
Kuniumi's maddening smirk was infectious as she caught the tendrils of Pai's thoughts and strung them together. It was harder to keep the same hare-brained smile from cracking her face in half than she thought it should've been.
Shiori is right. You are very good with your words.
Pai ignored her.
"But you do manipulate your words. You say one thing in a way that makes someone believe it when you mean something completely different with the same words. You are masters at your game. You practically invented riddles."
When Kagetora didn't deny it, she went on.
"I want you to promise me and Shin-san that you will not hurt me in any way while we are here, and that you will not go back on your word."
"Hm..." he hummed contemplatively, drumming his fingers through the air as if he was playing some invisible piano. The he smiled. "I'm sure you know that we don't make deals if there's nothing in the bargain for us. Say I agree to make such a binding promise. What's in it for me?"
"Our bargain." She watched the smile slip, just a bit, and she knew that she had the upper hand here.
She didn't know why Kagetora wanted to ask her a single question, but whatever the reason it clearly meant something to him. Triumph almost overcame her at catching the Kitsune in her trap, but she couldn't let it cloud her judgement. She had to be careful here.
"I promised that I would tell you the truth to any one question you ask of me," she continued. "If you help Shin-san in return."
"I did," he nodded slowly, eyes narrowed as he watched her. Kagetora pushed off the wall and stood facing her head-on, crossing his arms over his chest as he regarded her pensively.
"We will only stay here if you promise not to pull anything like that again. If you do not, we will leave, and you will not train him. Then our deal is off. You do not get what you want from me."
"It would be a loss for you as well," he tilted his head to the side, watching her from the corner of his eyes. "Are you willing to take that risk?"
No, I'm not.
"Then we will both lose what we want." She replied dully, her eyelids lowering as she met his gaze head-on, refusing to look away.
Silence ensued on the heels of her words. Kagetora eyed her intently, appraising her. Shin watched him in turn, coming to stand by her side but still just a little in front of her so that if Kagetora so much as moved in her direction, he would be right there to stop it.
Tension crackled in the air between them, so strong she could hardly breathe from the weight of it dragging down her shoulders, slowing her heartbeat to a snail's pace even as it sped up in worried anticipation. Her entire body ached with it.
Kagetora's eyes darted to Shin's. The two men held each other's gazes for a long, long moment, before the Kitsune finally sighed in defeat.
"Fine, fine. I promise I will not let anything harmful that could pain you come to the beautiful maiden while she is on the lovely cursed island of Ukabarenairei." He lifted his hand up, palm facing them. "Scout's honour, as the American's like to say. Or is that the British?" He narrowed his eyes in thought before shrugging carelessly. "Can't tell the difference between all those white people."
She stared at him, searching for any leeway, any little loophole he could use to wriggle out of the promise. That was the thing about Kitsune. It was almost a matter of principle for them to stick to what they said. They made promises, and they didn't break them – technically.
It was all about technicalities. Say one word wrong, one word that could be misinterpreted yet still remain true, and that was the end. She didn't know if she was good enough to tell if Kagetora's words provided enough margins to only technically stay true to them. But then again, she'd done the same thing to Shiori and Haru so many times already, so she hoped she could.
She glanced back at Shin, finally lowering her hands from keeping the two men physically separated from each other. He didn't look at her as he said, "I don't like it."
"I know." She agreed quietly, swinging her gaze back to the Kitsune. "But we do not have a choice."
Kagetora laughed at her. "Come on, I made a promise, didn't I? Am I that untrustworthy?"
Shin didn't hesitate. "More than."
"What, do I need to do that ritualistic thing where I cut my hand to prove I mean what I say? You know that does nothing, right? It's just a bloody pagan belief that accomplishes little. It only relatively works if both parties contribute their blood, and I'm pretty sure you don't want to see her bleed." He sighed heavily. "You don't have to like it Shin, or you, Pai. All you have to do is trust."
Shin growled, low in his chest. She was close enough to hear it, almost feel it. "That's what I don't like."
Kagetora grinned, a touch of manic light glinting in his eyes. "Too bad. I'm the only one who can help you save yourself."