It’s not a lie, if you want to believe it.
*** *** ***
“Hey-umm.” Squeezing the brakes, I slowed to a stop and she also came to a halt beside me. “There might be a slight change in our plans.”
“Why? Oh.” She seemingly realized what the problem was just after she asked. “The bike path is closed.”
“No. It’s always like that. I was going to take the main road in the first place. What I’m talking about is …” I jutted my chin towards the guy in uniform. She chuckled when she saw him eyeing us.
“Yeah, no kidding.”
Then my eyes caught a kid slipping out of his mom’s grasp to dash towards where I suddenly realized Greenwood Park was located.
“Hey, why don’t we kill some time in there? We could use the other exit when we leave and find another way.”
“Sure.”
I made sure she was ready to follow and pedaled out ahead to veer to the right and made for the entrance to the park. I paid the admittance fee and we both rode in.
“There should be small speed bumps a few meters in from here so watch out, okay?”
“Right, thanks.”
I tried to stay abreast with her but the kids that crowded the place on a Friday morning made it a little difficult for me.
“That’s a lot of people on a weekday.” She voiced her opinion a moment later.“Do you come here often?”
“No. Haven’t been here for ages now. The last time was maybe three or four years ago, I think.”
“Oh. Then you probably…”
“With mom and dad, yeah.”
While I answered with genuine nonchalance, I still went silent afterwards. There were no negative feelings stirring up inside me, though: just memories. She didn’t interrupt my thoughts for a couple minutes either, until she put those thoughts on a completely different path.
“Actually I was going to ask if you’d started going out with girls then?”
“Oh.” I glanced at her to find a penitent smile on her features. Giving her a reassuring look, I shook my head. She didn’t let the silence last this time, though.
“So this isn’t where you bring them to sweep them off their feet.”
“Aheh, not really.” I chuckled a bit nervously, remembering where she’d asked me to take her. Then not wanting to hold back anymore, I asked, “Why would you be so interested in where I take my girlfriends?”
“Well, because I kind of wanted to see how you do it.”
“Do what? The wooing?”
She just giggled. If only she knew she was going through the very process she was curious about.
“But you can’t find out this way, can you? You’ll have to personally spy on me when I am with a girl.”
“Nah, just because I’m British doesn’t mean I’m a double-O. It’s just, Steve says you’re good with the ladies and I wanted to see, you know, what’s the charm.”
“I am not, actually.” At least, they’re not ladies.
“But you are. I’ve known that from day one.”
That reminded me of the first time she showed up in my life. A smile jumped onto my lips when I remembered the way she’d twitched her lips after I’d smirked at her. The thought brought my eyes to her, then to her lips, and I remembered how soft they’d felt against mine the first time, and the second just yesterday.
“What was the first thing that crossed your mind when you first saw me?” I asked, shooting a glance at her and meeting her eyes for a second. She smiled almost to herself just before looking ahead again.
“Jerk.”
“No, I mean what was your first impression of me?”
“Well, I said jerk.”
“What? You mean, like … jerk?”I frowned while she obviously on purpose avoided my eyes, but an audible giggle still came my way. “Seriously?”
“Well, you were … kissing who I thought was my depressed sister.”I chuckled at the mock (?) disgust with which she said the word kissing.“You even tried to make eye contact with me!”
“Of course I did.” She didn’t even blink talking about the time when I’d tried to flirt with her. It all but encouraged me. “I even looked for you when we were dismissed.”
“In your dreams, you mean? I saw you knocked out, like you were home.”
“So you did check me out, huh?”
“I was simply keeping the potential sex-offender in check.”
“Ouch!”
She laughed heartily but I could only smile, then without any control of my tongue, I absentmindedly confessed my thought.
“You look so beautiful when you laugh.”
“Heh, yeah.”
She turned to me with a dismissive laugh but the frivolity in her eyes ebbed a little when she saw my serious face.
“Thanks. So,” she started again, turning away to the other side just to immediately look at me again. It was luck that we were now in the less crowded area. Otherwise, with the way we were riding with our eyes not really on the road most of the time, we’d have run into someone. “Do you want something to eat? I know Liz robbed your of your breakfast.”
“I’ll just get something when we get to the mall.”
“The mall?”
“Yeah, Axus. It’s this shopping complex downtown, about twenty minute’s ride from here. I need new clothes, and a new haircut. And I want to buy you something.”
She raised an ‘about time’ brow and we both laughed. I was really loving how this was going. At this rate, we’d get really close in no time.
Then I noticed what’d made her ask me about breakfast. Ahead of us on the right was a ‘bush-side’ ice-cream vendor, probably also selling wings or sandwiches.
As we rode past my would’ve-been breakfast, my stomach signaled for the first time with a grumble that there was no food in it. It made me start to regret my decision to pass up the food and I almost didn’t see her staring at me.
“I do try not to look this good, you know. But people, they just can’t stop staring.”
She displayed a shy smile before looking back ahead. I patiently waited, and it wasn’t long before she spilled.
“You know, I’m glad that … … that this is you.”
“Okay. I’m not catching on right from the start.”
“Right. I mean, when I first saw you, I was kinda disappointed.”
“You were?” My breath caught and my feet on the pedals automatically slowed. There’re things I could take without a flinch but not this: not her judging me. “Why? Because I am … … because of my sexuality?”
But she apparently didn’t hear the last part which I fearfully whispered.
“Like I said, Steve had me thinking that you were that girl who was kissing you. I’d always been convinced that you would be hanging on. Then I saw you for the first time and immediately figured you were the other girl, you know.”
“Oh.” The lump blocking my throat melted instantly, and only then did I remember to catch up with her. “Right.”
“Barely dressed and going around kissing rusty lecherous hunks.”
No, my suddenly elated mind didn’t catch the adjectives, just the noun. Yeah, it was probably only because she’d thought I was a guy, but the fact that she’d probably been interested in me delighted me.
“So you weren’t checking me out but you did think I’m a hunk?”
A small sideways glare flew my way before she recaptured that dramatic vibe and turned away. “I mean, I would’ve understood but I always figured you wouldn’t be that kind of self-pitying self-destructive girl who’s taking it all out on herself.”
“So I passed the test.”
“There’s no test! I’m saying that ... that I’m glad that you’re strong.”
She didn’t say anything for a while after that and I passed the comfortable silence by leading her onto a path which would eventually end into a small pasture beside the lake which centered the park. That spot was probably quietest in this place, with the trees and grass and all. While on the way, I asked one of the questions I’d always been meaning to ask her.
“Hey, Rina?”
“Huh?”
“Why are you doing this? I still know practically nothing about you or your mother, I mean, Jennifer, but if I were in your place, I would’ve just … stayed away from me.”
“It’s not me helping you right now. It’s you who’s helping me.”
“I’m not talking about right now, but you know what I mean.”
She shot a quick glance at me but didn’t stay the gaze for more than a half-second.
“Why would you bother with me? It’s not like I’m not glad that you are but you know, I just wanna know the reason.”
“If you asked me that when I first arrived,” she started after a moment of silence, “I wouldn’t have had an answer. Not that I do now but I think maybe I’m trying to redeem myself, in my own way. It’s … there are people I’ve wronged.”
“I don’t really think that’s possible but carry on.”
She chuckled at my comment probably out of politeness. “Well, not that many but there’s this one person. I wouldn’t even be here if she didn’t come along.”
“Oh, you mean Jennifer?”
“Jen, too, of course, but there was this girl who helped me through the years at this home I was sent to. That place made me … arr, the less you know about it. But what I am saying is, if she wasn’t around, I would’ve taken the easy way out, you know. Like I tried to just yesterday.”
I should feel glad that she was opening up to me. And I should feel shocked and sorry to know that she had to go through something that made death seem a softer option. But all I was feeling was this major pique at the thought that someone had already beaten me to her.
“So … she died?”
“No, we fell apart.” I barely managed to catch the words which she’d said just above a whisper. It was apparent that she was starting to sneak into her own little world. “Because I made a mistake.”
Well, don’t feel bad. Obviously, she didn’t deserve you.
“Huh?”
“What?”
“I thought you said something.”
“I’m not sure I did.” I chuckled nervously all the while beating myself up for thinking aloud. “You must be hearing things.”
“Guess I am.” She said with a small laugh. “Anyways, now I have a chance to make it up to her.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, she said … … oh, my god!”
The exclamation ended with her bike almost toppling over as she abruptly braked. Without even stopping properly, I hurriedly dismounted, let my ride free-fall to the ground, and rushed to her side to find shock and despair written all over her face.
“What? What’s wrong?” Tensed up, I asked, never taking my eyes off of hers while getting her off her bike which also shared the same fate with its compatriot and fell on its side onto the ground.
“it’s … it’s Kim. I … I …,” She was looking at me helplessly and starting to hyperventilate as I held her steady by her shoulders. “Yesterday, I ran into her just before … … . I-I said terrible things, Nicole. Oh, my god. What have I done?”
“What, she’s here?!”