Finian's POV
Eye contact with Victoria is very dangerous for me. She brings out such foreign feeling within myself.
Hopes
Dreams
Expectations
It's disturbing to have her judging me, my brutal truths rake against my throat.
A chaos of regret
Victoria's having a hard time breathing with what my words have said. Her hand going to her heart, does she realize she's gripping the material of her shirt so hard she's tearing the fabric of it.
Her eyes hold a certain hopelessness to them, void of any other emotion.
I'm her soul killer, taking away a piece here, and there. I am not anything that she has ever hoped for, dreamed of.
Somehow she's twisting my own soul up, exposing the dirtiness of who I never thought I was.
Turning my back on her, it's easier to walk away then stay. Having to stay, to be judged by that little girl with big eyes just asking what's so wrong with me, why is it so hard to love me. I'll be better I promise, her whisper hitting me hard.
Putting a shirt on before going down the stairs has me facing Grey with duffle bags in his hands.
"Were you going to leave without saying goodby, Grey?"
"Never." His look says, yes he was.
"Here, I'll help carry some out." Taking a bag, putting it on my own shoulder.
"You smell like Victoria?" Leaning in, sniffing. He has the faintest goosebumps prickle this arms.
"It means nothing." A low rumble of faint sound makes it's way out of my chest, while Grey looks me over, eyes falling to my neck before walking towards his truck.
Victoria rushing out has a look on her face that her only friend in the word is leaving her.
It's as if the demon himself is pulling back a curtain of a memory, exposing it center stage.
Charlie holding hands with a juvenile she-wolf, nuzzling her neck, biting her jawline. They're laughing together, while hands are entwined. He no longer wears dirty clothes, his hair is always brushed, he's gained so much muscle she hardly recognizes her best friend anymore.
Having a good family does that to you, it improves who you are.
She's feeling like a gawker in the shadows watching new love bloom. A green streak of jealousy turns her stomach because she wants what Charlie has. She wants to be held like this, kissed like that, she wants to have someone look at her the way Charlie's looking at his mate.
She wants someone to pull her up and out of what her life is offering her, like the way his mate did to him.
The she-wolf growls towards Victoria once she approaches them, she's trying so hard to not be herself, to be gentle, nice, even friendly towards this female who is bristling towards Victoria, while sitting on Charlie's lap.
The way the female is looking at her is making Victoria feel as if she is the ugliest thing in the world. Her hand going over her hair trying to smooth it down, going over her clothes as if she is able to take all the wrinkles out. She's not dressed nice like this she-wolf, her insecurities pounding into her. Never did she care how she wore her clothes or how her hair is combed until day after day she is viciously teased by the female wolves. Especially by this female on his lap, her main taunter.
Her heart dropped in her chest when she found out she was his mate.
So she tries to swallow down her own nature for her best friend. Many opportunities to really hurt this female has crossed her path but she just can't bring herself to hurt Charlie.
Her only friend she would give her life up for to protect.
Hesitating before sitting down beside Charlie, not touching just sitting.
"Vic, how are you?"
"Good, Charlie." The she-wolf's low growls rumbling the air, while Charlie's lips are pressed against her ear.
"Stop." Yet this she-wolf doesn't, confident in the fact that her mate is there to protect her.
"Victoria." Her name rolling off the tongue of his mate has Victoria's fur-raising slightly.
"Yes." She says it while looking at the holes in her jeans, dirty shoes that the previous owner never took care of. How could you not take care of something bought just for you, she thinks.
"Charlie and I were talking-" The wolf sitting taller on his lap.
"Stop." Charlie's voice a rage of breath.
"No, it's okay Charlie, let her talk." Victoria squares her shoulders now, looking into the distance.
"I was saying to him that maybe he should start to distance himself from you. That he's climbing the ranks, he has support now of influential pack member. He can become so much more now, but the only thing that's holding him back is you." Victoria's lip trembles slightly, understanding that her words are true. Charlie's growth in the pack is stunted if he continues to be her friend, to show her support. Already her father singling out Charlie now since he shifted, making him fight adults instead of the juveniles like he's supposed to.
Victoria nodding her head in understanding, looking at Charlie in the eyes, her friend, she squeezes his shoulder while getting up walking away from him, so his future will be brighter without her in it.
Victoria thinks that she never brings brightness to wolves lives, she just darkens them with her ugliness.
Heart-shattering pain claws into her heart. My lungs fight to pull in a breath, they feel her heartache.
"Wait, Victoria." He's calling after her, while she runs away from them. Until his calls fade in the distance. Her tears never stop falling all the way home. Her only hope now is when she shifts to she'll meet her mate just like Charlie did. Except she has no idea when she will shift because no one will tell her the day she was born on.
Not one birthday celebration was ever held for that little pup. No one ever celebrated her.
Opening the door to her home, he's waiting for her to come in. This time it's different, not only are the eyes of her tormentor waiting for her. Now the healer's eyes regard her in a dirty thirst.
She doesn't get out of bed for days because of what they do to her.
Her light has been blown out, her darkness is rising.
She's standing regarding Grey with those same eyes, her friend leaving her for something so much better.
Everyone leaves her eventually, she's learned that lesson. A sloshing of feeling roll my stomach, it gags me on how she has nothing while growing up I had everything I could possibly ask for.
The demon starts laughing, a never-ending irritation of sound.
"Brother." Embracing Grey in a tight hug. Kissing his cheek, "thank you. It really means a lot to me having you by my side. I love you, Grey. I just want you to know this. I love you." Gripping him more into me, trying to let go of the past. I can't fix the past but the future I have a shot at.
My tide trying to shift, change direction with the flow of thoughts.
Oh, how the demon laughs, tears dripping down his face at how funny all this is to him. For a moment I could have sworn I heard the soft laughter of my father, very faint and fine floating on the breeze. That stiffens my spine instantly, looking around as if I could see him walking up to us in this moment, but nothing just the wind. He's not here it's just Grey and I.
Stepping away from Grey his hands go into his pockets while he turns to Victoria, her arms crossing over her chest. They keep their distance from each other.
"Grey." She's looking at him exactly the same way as she looks at Charlie, her friend leaving her for a better life. She doesn't say anything her mouth a tight line,
"Bye Victoria." Grey looking at her holding her eyes, they have a friendship that I'm jealous of.
That demon is torturing my mind with the bubbling laughter that's twisting around me in.
The both of us watching Grey drive away, she turns to me, letting those ice blue eyes take in my body. She can't help herself the same way I can't help myself taking in the visual treat of her.
Walking away from me to the graves that now are littered with empty bottles of red. She's so drunk sometimes that she has a hard time not banging against the walls. Keeping her head down while she passes by the table that holds her pack. No eye contact made, just a swaying shuffle that has her mind hazy numb.
I'm her final destroyer of hope.
"Victoria come here." She doesn't stop just keeps walking away from me as if I am no one.
"Victoria." Now I drop my voice, very quiet, low just like her father loved to do. Instantly her back stiffens, her body shakes just for a moment. Does she even realize what I just did?
"Come inside you're eating with me this morning." She's not responding to my words her eyes on my unmarked neck.
"Are you listening to me?" Snapping my fingers in front of her face.
"Concentrate Victoria it's not that difficult." My wolf snapping at her father's words I just used on her. He's posturing towards me, taking a stance of displeasure. Lately, I only bring him
Fury
Rage
Pain
It's as if I have a stick poking at his cage-rattling it around, causing him to go insane with how I'm dealing with our mate.
"You will be eating meals from now on with us in the house, I'm tired of trying to keep your seat unoccupied." It's part truth, I don't want to keep watch over it anymore. It's her spot she earned it, let her sit where she belongs. My wolf perking up, ears twitching, tail wagging.
"Don't you think it's time to start facing them again."
Ice blue tear into mine, "I don't want to face you, Fin! I don't want to be anywhere you'll be." She holds my stare that no other female can. The wolf inside me admires this strength, she challenges us constantly with her internal strength.
A surf of emotions rises up, only to crash down on top of me. Her desperate desires drown me in her want, her desperation of what she needs. She is so hungry for any kind of love. How her heart aches for just the softest touch.
How she knows she's shrouded in ugliness, in her own filth that never can be washed away, if only I could become blind somehow and look at her differently imagine that she's someone else. She just wants a mate that can love her, bring her happiness.
"See Fin, this is why I can't be near you, I can't sit next to you, I can't breathe in your smell. I'm weak. So weak that at this moment I can feel my legs shake with the effort of staying in this spot and not walking over to you. I want to touch you so bad, I want to feel you touch me but out of respect for you and your wishes I choose to stay away." Her voice cracking with how she's trying so hard to not show any emotion as she blocks her thoughts once again from me.
She's not as dirty as she thinks she is.
The demon hitting his knee, asking me to stop thinking, he's in too much pain now.
"Victoria." A little plea in my voice that I have never heard before coming out for a female to hear.
"Stop Fin, there's nothing to say." Turning away from me, she takes a few steps away while I follow her.
Chasing
She has me chasing her.
"The pack needs the both of us Victoria, they need to feel that we're united together so you need to take your place at the table and start acting like the queen I think you are." I can't believe I am saying this to her. This female who has ruined everything about who I am.
"I'm going to put the packs need before my feelings for you Victoria, they deserve and expect leaders. It's time we start to lead them." The look of shock is priceless on her face if only I had a camera.
"We."
"Yes we, Victoria." The wolf standing proud, he's proud. The pack needs the both of us, it doesn't mean that I have to love her, just that she can stand strong on my right.
"I don't know what to do." Her head that is always raised high hangs down in her own shame. Her goal of leading is now in my hands. She has never had any other goal than to get to the top of the food chain.
"What do you want to do Victoria?" Stepping closer to her because her smells is a lure to my natural instincts. The moon's curse wrapping around taunting me into its mirage.
"I don't know yet Fin." Her voice is sexy, she doesn't have to try with me.
Seductively sexy
"Just be who you're born to be, nothing more, nothing less." My voice soothing, gentle, it's what's needed in this moment.
"I'd like to help out with the trails but you won't let me." I never told her this, now she's acting like all the rest of the females imagining words I have never said. Thinking things that aren't real.
"When did I ever say you couldn't keep training them, not once did I say that. You're putting thoughts in your head that aren't real. Actually, I'm shocked how well trained your warriors are. With no proper Alpha training on your part, you've done such a great job with them." Just those few words puff her up slightly, a little smile tugs at the corner of her face, that head of hers is now back up straight, shoulders back.
"I'll tell you a secret that I only told Grey about if my father would have trained you I think you could have beat me that day. I think that your wolf would not have stopped and I would have been dead at your feet." That makes her lips smile more, it's addictive that feeling to have her smile, it makes me feel good.
My demon begging me to stop feeling, dropping once again off my shoulder rolling around on the ground. I have to resist the urge to not stomp my foot.
Her demons are different from mine, hers are dark, they don't laugh. They whisper sinister things in her ear, always hungry for death, for domination, for the pain that she can cause. They are her darkness that she dips into on occasion to satisfy her needs to feel full.
"So if you think those thoughts of me not wanting you to do things come to me and ask your question and stop assuming what I think. The only thing that I want from you is for you to keep me out of your head. It's the only thing I want from you. So please try harder to keep me out and I'll try harder to be the leader that this pack needs."
Coward, the demon hisses or is that the voice of my father now.
Taking her hand in mine, leading her into the house.
"You belong with them, you belong at our table. No matter my feelings towards you, know you have a place. You just need to figure out how you belong." Pulling the chair out for her to sit on my right, the members my building team looking on trying very hard to hide the confusion.
"Tea or coffee Victoria." The tremble of her lips has my resolve to hate her crumbling. I don't need to hate her I just can't forgive her.
"Tea." It takes her some time before she can utter that single word.
The quiet is not welcoming, I wish the wolves were talking more instead of staring open-mouthed.
Placing the cup in front of her, the eyes of the wolves now shift to concern as they see their queen trying with the effort to not show any emotion. The palm of her hand feeling the wood of the table, going over its blemished exterior, this calms her down. She always falls back on what she knows.
Her hand keeps feeling the grain of the wood, my own hand going over hers, giving it a squeeze of support the wolf proud of me, the demon disappears. Her eyes betraying so much thought, so many emotions swirling inside her her mind.
"Don't think." It comes out nice, I only have a sad smile for her, nothing more. I can't give her anything more of me. I don't want to love her.
Shaky hands grip both sides of the warm cup, taking a sip of what I just offered her.
"I was thinking that since Victoria hasn't been branded, that I want to get our packs together as one and have a celebration ceremony that pulls us together." The wolves at the table agreeing with me, it doesn't matter if they agree or not, it's happening.
"So, I'm taking the Western Brand?" Her eye lifts up in question but something else just underneath them tries to pull me into her.
"Actually, I'm going to have someone make a brand that combines the two packs symbols together, molding it as one." Actually, I'm proud of this idea, a symbol of unification.
Now her whole body challenging me. Eye's of the deep sea stare directly into mine. "You need to make that brand of all the four packs symbols combine them into one, then I'll take that brand but not before.?" In those eyes is her hunger, that little girl staring back at me holding her stomach to be fed, turning into an adult female that never fills full, never feels satisfied trying to always feed that gnawing ache at the bottom of her stomach with something but it's actually her heart that needs to be fed to make her feel full, she just doesn't understand this but now I do.
"Let the other packs know what we're doing. The Southern pack is first. That Alpha is weak if you want send me to do what needs to be done with our warriors." The idea of her fighting my battles sickens me, she has fought to hard for so long. A part of me wants to give her what she wants if I can't give her the love she needs maybe I could give her the empire I can create. The wolf inside me fantasizing about all the land he can take for himself.
"Then we need to go to the Northern pack and claim what's your birthright. Thank Grey for watching over what's yours." She's looking at me with expectations.
She's driving me forward to become something more than I thought possible.
A king to stand beside his self-made Queen.