I woke up in a cold sweat, buried deep in blankets under the stars.
I sat up with a start, unaware that my entire body was trembling until I dropped my gaze to my hands. I was shaking and it wasn't from the cold.
I let my eyes travel up my arm and to my bare legs and stomach. The scar on my stomach seemed to glisten brightly under the full moon; I stood up quickly before I could let my thoughts wander too far.
I moved toward the last tent on the right, nearly tripping over rocks and twigs multiple times. When I ducked my head into the unzipped tent, I was surprised to find Callum on his side, wide awake.
"Hey." he started to sit up, "Couldn't sleep?" I shrugged, opening my mouth, only to force it shut again.
There wasn't a lot I could say without collapsing entirely. I had nightmares every night; they never seized to come and drag me back into my hellish subconscious. Whether it was the accident or Aiden, my mind like to decide.
"Kasey?" he outstretched his hand and rested it against my forehead, blink in surprise, "Shit. You're freezing."
He moved so quickly, I barely had time to process what happened. His jacket was around my shoulders within milliseconds, his eyes the size of saucers.
"You said you'd be okay out there." he was talking more to himself as he gave me a gentle shove into the tent. I opened my mouth to protest, but he had already started wrapping both blankets around me, his index finger and thumb gripping my chin as he stared into my eyes.
"Were you crying?" he asked, "Don't lie to me, Kasey. I'm sick and tired of lies. I know you are too."
"I h. . . had a n. . .nightmare." I said through chattering teeth. He dropped his hand back on to his lap.
"I'm sorry." he leaned back on his hands, eyes fluttering shut, "I don't have them because I don't sleep. Insomnia is my best friend."
"I have them e. . . every night." I forced out, shaking my head. He brought his hands forward and rubbed his temples, nodding slowly.
"I used to envy you, Kasey. I thought you had a great life. You had both parents, siblings that loved you, and a best friend that would of taken a bullet for you." he seemed to be lost in his thoughts, "Now I understand that you're life is just as screwed up as mine."
He steadied my hand, "I think we're a lethal combination, you and me. We understand the world doesn't bow down to our every command. We understand that no matter how hard we try, there's no way we can believe in true love in a cruel world like this. One that beats you down until you can barely stand against it."
I could hear my teeth starting to clatter against each other as he shook his head to himself. I was about to try and ask what he was doing, but never got a chance. He zipped the tent and pulled me back on to the ground with him, pulling the only remaining blanket over the two of us.
"You better not get hypothermia on me." he mumbled, rubbing my arm. "I shouldn't have agreed to let you sleep out there. You promised you'd put your clothes back on, too. I didn't think-"
"I'm okay." I said, my voice muffled by his chest. The closer his body was, the more warmth spread through my body. He must have realized it a little after I did, because he pressed me closer against him.
"You know, some athletes and people who've had near death experiences say that when they're closest to death, they feel the most alive." his lips were inches from mine, his breath sending warmth through my cheek, "That's how I feel when I'm around you, Kasey. Like I'm living for the first time knowing that it's going to kill me in the end."
I rested my head against his warm arm, finally feeling warmth starting to spread through me. "What am I supposed to say?"
"I don't know." he muttered, "Maybe that there's a possibility you might feel the same way?"
"You want to know how I feel about you?" he nods, "I feel like I'm on the edge of a cliff every time I get too close to you and one wrong move will throw me off of the cliff and down into the darkness below."
"And here I was confessing my feelings for you." I couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic or not, "I guess there really isn't a future for us, is there?"
I stared at him for a while, taking in every inch of his face. From his chapped full lips, to his vulnerable blue eyes that would harden at any second. One of his curls had fallen against his forehead; it took everything in me not to push it off.
"I don't do relationships anymore, Callum." I eventually turned my attention back to the conversation. "I'm tired of it all. Living with the constant fear a guy will hurt me, will break my already fractured heart. I can't do it."
"I understand you don't want to take the risk, Kasey. I understand that there are so many different ways that us being together, even as good friends, could go wrong. But life is about taking chances." I gnawed at the inside of my lip, wishing we could just drop the subject and pretend it had never been brought up.
That would be running away from my problems, and would only make Callum right about who I am.
I pushed myself up a fraction and closed the gap between us. It would be one kiss that would have the chance to change my mind.
He buried his fingers in my hair, his lips pressing harder against mine to deepen the kiss. A new surge of warmth unfurled within me when I finally allowed my emotions to take over and started to kiss him back.
*
I woke up sprawled out on top of the sleeping bag, my head buried in the crook of Callum's arm. He was centimeters away, his face peaceful as he slept.
The sound of the birds chirping outside gave me a pretty good idea of what time it was; too early for anyone else to be up. I thought about trying to fall back asleep, but knew that my internal clock wouldn't allow it.
I unzipped the tent instead and crawled out into the dirt on my knees, shaking it off once I was able to stand up and look over the campsite. My clothes were still beside my sleeping bag by Mr. Baxter's tent. Tiptoeing over, I tried my best to keep as quiet as possible as I slid back into my clothes.
"Early bird?" a quiet voice disrupted my peaceful silence. I turned my head to find Jordan sipping out of a flask. I prayed that it was water inside.
"Yeah." I started back toward my sleeping bag.
"What's your problem with me, Blackwell? I've never done anything to you." he cut straight to the point, dropping the flask to his side. I paused a few feet in front of my stuff and sent him a look over my shoulder.
"You think I don't know what you do, Jordan? That I don't hear-"
"Hear what, huh? I'd think that you'd be one to blow off rumors. Just because you hear something, doesn't make it true." he snapped out, a hint of bitterness in his voice.
"You were going to rape Monica." I said, crossing my arms over my chest, "I saw it. Don't sit here and tell me it wasn't going to happen."
"She was my girlfriend. I wanted sex. That's as far as it goes." Jordan shook his head, "She couldn't give it to me because she was too busy fucking the entire football team and a teacher."
"Everyone has reasons for what they do." I whispered.
"Exactly." he snapped his fingers as if I'd hit it right on the nose, "I have reasons for being a womanizer. I. . . look, Kasey. I love Steph. I know you probably don't believe that and think it's a load of crap, but it's the truth." "What does this have to do with me?" I asked, crouching down to roll up my sleeping bag.
"You can't possibly think she's happy not being able to see or talk to you. I don't want to be the one keeping you two from each other, so if you want me to break up with her and leave, I will. As long as I know she's going to be happy." as I stared at the boy in front of me, the determined look on his face, I realized that there was a chance that I had misjudged him.
"You want me to make her choose?" I finally broke the silence, "What kind of person would that make me, Jordan? To make her choose between me or the guy she's been crushing on since fifth grade?"
"I'm not saying that, Kasey. She's her own person, as quiet and timid as she is, she does have a mind of her own. If she was going to choose between us, I'm positive it would be you." he smiled weakly, "I just want to know that you're okay with our relationship. I want her to be able to have her best friend and her boyfriend."
I bowed my head, "You're not such a bad guy after all."
"I don't know how to feel about that comment." he stated, scratching the back of his head.
"It's a compliment." I slung my bag over my shoulder and turned back to Jordan with a small smile, "I'll see you later."
I moved quickly down the path to the lake, feeling Jordan watching after me the entire way down.
***AN***
Hope you guys enjoyed!
How do you feel about Jordan?
Let me know what you thought!
~ChasingMadness24