Observing his face and the mixture of colours in his eyes, my ears analysed the sound coming from his lips.
"What I am asking, is if you would ever fall back in love with me?"
My breath hitched in my throat as I took aboard of what he had just asked. Thoughts rushed my drug induced mind, questions seeking answers that I just didn't have.
"Lettie?" Zak asked noticing my silence.
"T-there's no simple answer too that." I whispered watching his face flicker with an unknown emotion that I instantly wanted to investigate, translate and examine.
I swallowed thickly letting the soreness of my throat distract my mind, a small coping mechanism that may work for only a short while..
His large hand retook mine folding his fingers around my hand gently "I need to know, I need to know if there's something-"
"You ex girlfriend has just tried to kill me." I stated slowly watching his teeth dug into his bottom lip suppressing his agitation at my answer.
"It wasn't my fault." He bit.
"I-I'm not saying it is. But... Right now? All I want it to hold my daughter and promise her everything is going to be okay, even if I don't believe it myself."
His brows furrowed "What does that mean? I- I wouldn't hurt you!"
"But you did... Once upon a time."
His hand attempted to pull away from mine, but I tightened my grip this time. "Zak, no. Listen."
"No, no I don't want to listen anymore, I know your ans-"
"You can't just jump woman to woman, that's not how love works. I- There hasn't been anyone since you, you idiot."
He paused.
"How could there be? You destroyed me for another man, you broke my heart. But I don't hate you for it. I don't hold it against you, you... You made me stronger. But what I am saying... Is that you need time alone, to work on what you want."
"I want you. I know what I want!"
"But three days ago you were most likely in bed with Holly. Whilst I was at home, with our daughter. Zak, you've had 48 hours to deal with all this." I gestured with my hand.
"But-"
"No buts... Sweetie, it feels like this has only just happened."
He lowered his head looking at our hands "So you're saying no. But politely."
"No, but I'm not saying yes either. Look. Look at me." I took his face lifting it gently to look at me. "You can't plan to fall in love, it happens when you least expect it. Sneaks around in the dark and consumes your soul the moment you are alone. Almost like a demon, if you need it in paranormal terms. And whilst it can be the greatest feeling in the world, it can also be one of the scariest."
"I know what love is Scarlett, I'm not 4 years old, I'm 40 years old!" He snapped.
"I'm not trying to patronise you-"
"Yes! Yes you are!" He fired up, pulling his hand from mine. "You don't think I know how love feels cause what? I don't commit? Because I can't settle down?!"
I took a small breath lifting my hands "J-just calm down."
"No! No I won't!"
"You'll get kicked out! Please!" I stressed.
"Just because I couldn't put what I felt into actions, doesn't mean I didn't feel them! I tried to show you! I tried and you were too caught up on Nick to realise!"
I frowned open mouthed "What?"
"Jesus fucking Christ Scarlett." He moaned rubbing a hand over his face. "You think it was Nick that sent you flowers once a week?"
My mind went back those years and suddenly I was sat in the office signing for flowers..
"Y-you?" I asked. "B-but Nick?"
"Of course he took fucking credit! Look what he did! He warned me off you, you know?! He knew from day one! You honestly thought the channel would pay for you to go to Jamaica? I paid for you! Because I didn't want to spend two weeks without you!"
"Zak.." I whispered seeing him getting upset.
"My biggest, oh Christ my biggest hint was the tulip fields. I tried to show you but you were enthralled by a man who was never yours!"
"The car had a flat t-"
"No it didn't! Aaron covered for me because I asked him to dammit! And every time, every time you would come to me with a tear stained face and I would wipe them away promising to make things better.." He finished shaking his head.
"But you found Holly, yo-"
"I found Holly because I was sick of it! I found Holly like you found Devin." He spat.
"Me and Devin were-"
"Were fuck buddies. Yeah, I know. He explained. Two fucked up people in the right place. Yeah?"
I nodded.
He came over fast making me look up at him to see the tear on his lash line. "My gran begged me to tell you how I felt. And I promised her I would. One day... I have just spent two days thinking you might not wake back up. But you have and I needed to tell you."
I shook my head in disbelief "You had Holly, if you want me you would have found m-"
"HOW?!" He yelled.
A nurse flew into the room looking at us "Excuse me sir, I need you to leave. Now."
"N-no. Please, please I need him her-"
"I'm sorry ma'am but we've been having complaints, perhaps it's best if your friend left and returned tomorrow when things have calmed down." She interrupted.
"No-"
"It's fine! I'll go." Zak sighed standing up straight.
"No, no! We are not finished here!" I fought trying to sit up.
"Scarlett-"
"I want to discharge myself!" I declared.
"What?" He asked.
"If you go, I go too! I'm leaving! Get me my clothes, I'm going home. I want to discharge myself, refusing means false imprisonment and I won't waste no time in phoning the police!"
"Lettie, Lettie!" Zak shouted getting my attention. "Stay here. For Avari's sake. Please..."
"Don't you dar-"
"Stay. For her." He replied walking out the room leaving me alone with the nurse who began checking my IV drip.
"It's okay! I'm okay!" I snapped before I burst into tears.
I hid behind my hands sobbing as a warm hand placed itself on my arm. Removing my hands I looked at the nurse who held out a small white tissue.
"It's clean.."
I took it and fiddled with it letting the tears roll.
"The course of true love was never easy. But when you find the one worth the pain? That's when you know it's meant to be." She spoke softly before leaving me alone with my thoughts.