I've already showered and dressed up when I stepped out of Orion's bathroom. This isn't the first time that I stayed the night in his place. I've been drunk countless of times, and he has always been there to pick me up from the venue and fix me.
My hands stopped from drying my hair with a towel when I found a topless Orion sitting on the side of the bed. Nakayuko siya at parang may binabasa. I brought my eyes to what he's staring at and found him holding my phone. I know it's mine because it's white and gold, matte black ang iPhone niya. The cookie found out my passcode again.
I shook my head and walked towards him. I peered on the phone and saw that he's reading my conversation with Seth. He lifted his head up and looked at me with irritation on his face.
"Are you still seeing that fresh grad professor?" he asked me, sounding a bit disgusted. I rolled my eyes and grabbed my phone from him. "L, he's old."
"He's not old. He's just twenty-eight. And... We're just harmlessly dating."
"Just like what we're doing?" his voiced was laced with accusation.
I laughed, shaking my head. "We're not together, Orion."
"We can be." he gravely said.
"Don't make me laugh." I smirked. "You love being single. You love having a wide variety of girls to choose from."
I turned my back on him and walked to the rectangular mirror placed on the wall. He trailed behind me. I could see his reflection on the mirror. I resumed rubbing the towel on my air.
"Is that the issue here? My loyalty? I can be loyal, Laurene. I can change my ways. I can be happy with just you." his eyes were hard and piercing me, like he wants me to believe him.
My hands halted. I closed my eyes and breathed in deep before turning my back on the mirror to properly face him.
"You can't, Orion. And we can't, not when I can't give you what you need, not when I don't let you go all the way." I somberly replied. His forehead creased.
"What? It's not about the sex, Laurene." his jaw went taut. His face contorted in pain but his eyes never looked away from mine. He licked his lips. "I love you."
"Did you remember that you love me when you fucked Kyla? And Tish? And Pam? And Veronica? And a bunch of other girls?" I asked him, reminding him his conquests that I know of for the past years.
Maybe he does love me. But love isn't just enough for him. Sex is in his system. He can't just turn his back on it. Kung kaya niya, sana ay dati pa lang nagawa na niya.
"Is that really the issue, Laurene? Or is it because you still love him?" he snapped. I flinched. He inhaled sharply at my reaction. "You still love him."
My guards went up. I failed to answer and quickly looked away, not capable of staring back at his cold and harsh eyes anymore.
"Mahal mo pa rin siya? Kahit apat na taon na ang nakalipas? Kahit na hindi ka na niya mahal? Kahit na wala na siyang pakialam sa'yo? Kahit na may iba na siya? Mahal mo pa rin siya?" his voice raised by the second. Rage fired up in his eyes.
His words lashed my heart. My chest ached. Invisible blood dripped from it. No one can see it, but I can perfectly feel it. And it damn hurts. My eyes blurred. I bit my lip.
"Move on, Laurene! It's been four fucking years!" he lividly yelled, his enraged voice bounced inside the four corners of his room. I inhaled sharply. I furiously shook my head at him, my own anger was consuming me.
"Yes, it's been four years! Four years, pero nandito pa rin!" I dropped the towel and pointed at my chest, right where my damage heart is. "Nandito pa rin yung pagmamahal, yung pangungulila! Nandito pa rin yung sakit! Nandito pa rin siya! You don't know what I feel so don't tell me to move on!"
I bit my lip. Onerous tears rolled down my cheeks. A whimper escaped from me. I sniffed and carelessly wiped my face.
"Sana pwede kong turuan 'to." I brought my hand back to my chest, tapping it lightly. "Sana pwede kong diktahan ang sarili ko na ikaw na lang ang mahalin. And I tried, Orion. Sinubukan kong mahalin ka. I tried to direct my attention to you. I wanted to love you, the same way I love him..."
"I never wanted you to love me like you loved him, Laurene. I just want you to love me." his eyes were red and full of hurt and longing.
He took a deep breath and carefully took a step forward. Orion watched my expression, weighing if I didn't want him close to me or not. I bit my lip to held back my sobs. Orion looked devastated as he raised his hand and upped my cheek. He searched my eyes, then my whole face. He wiped the tears off my cheek. "Give me a chance, Laurene. Give yourself a chance to love someone else."
I closed my eyes. Words failed to come out of mouth. I felt his forehead lean against mine. His hot minty breath fanned my face. He stopped, like he's waiting for me to push him off and stop him. I didn't. I kept my eyes closed until I felt his soft lips fuse to mine.
I wish it's that easy. I wish love works like that. But it doesn't. You can't force yourself to love someone. Not when you're still in love with someone else.
At dahil wala na akong oras ay hindi ko na nagawang umuwi para magpalit ng school uniform. I had to settle with faded skinny jeans and a gray v-neck shirt. I had to wear my black stilettos that I wore last night, because the only available footwear I have in Orion's condo is a pair of slippers. It's a good thing that I always have my student I.D. with me.
Kahit na mamaya pa ang pasok ni Orion ay hinatid niya ako sa campus. Hindi na kami kumain ng breakfast dahil sa male-late ako sa klase. We just passed by a nearby drive thru because Orion says that I need food. He's the one driving, so I can't do anything about it.
The professor was already in the room when I entered. Nakaupo lang siya sa may desk sa harapan at mukhang may binabasa sa libro. She's waiting for fifteen minutes. That's the gracing period.
Umupo ako sa gilid at harap na bahagi ng room. My usual seat. After getting settled on my seat, I brought out my phone to check for my messages. Simula kagabi ay ngayon ko lang ito titingnan. It's on mute, which is why I'm aware of the calls and texts that I missed.
My mother called me a few times before dinner time. May text din na nanggaling sa kanya, tinatanong kung nasaan ako. After dinner time, I received a text from my twin brother.
Hadeon:
You're at a classmate's house and you'll be staying overnight to finish a presentation. You owe me lunch tomorrow.
Napangiti ako dahil doon. Hadeon always covers for me whenever I need it. Kahit na hindi ko hilingin ay pagtatakpan at kakampihan pa rin niya ako. Of course, he'll do that. We swore an oath. We promised to be each other's ally.
Kaya kahit na nagalit siya nang malaman niya ang ginawa ko kay Silas four years ago, pinilit niya pa rin ako intindihin. Naiintindihan ko naman kung bakit ganoon katindi ang galit niya. I ruined their group. I destroyed Silas and Orion's friendship. Humiwalay si Silas sa kanila at si Orion naman ay walang pakialam.
I can still remember how furious he was that day. He was so mad at me that he raised his voice, something that he never did before. His anger immediately faded when I broke and he saw how weak I was. He stopped when I didn't bother defending myself and just willingly accepted all the hurtful words he hurled at me.
Me:
See you later sa food court. Love you.
I ignored the texts I received from unknown numbers. Halos kalahati ng inbox ko ay puro numero lang at walang pangalan ang mga nagte-text. I indulge and text back when I have time, but most of the time, I ignore it.
Nakita ko ang pangalan ni Seth. Hindi ko ito nabasa kanina dahil sa pag-aaway namin ni Orion. I pursed my lips and tapped on it.
Seth:
Can I see you later?
I bit my lip, resisting the smirk on my face. There's something about a secret affair that excites me. Student-teacher relationship is taboo. It's not allowed in our university. Termination of license for the professor and expulsion for the student are the consequences if you get caught. It's scary but it's also what makes it enticing and highly thrilling.
Me:
Maybe, sir.
Napangisi ako at itinago na ang phone ko sa loob ng bag. I don't expect an immediate reply. Posibleng nasa klase siya ngayon. The class started a few minutes later.
Hour passed, I spent most of it trying to absorb the lessons. Sa subject ko bago mag lunch ay may pahabol pang quiz. I passed it. Hindi mataas ang score, but at least I passed.
Nang i-dismiss ang klase ay ako ang unang-unang lumabas ng room. Tumawid pa ako ng kabilang building para makapunta sa food court. It was slightly packed when I reached it, but I was still able to find a table.
Umupo muna ako at inilabas ang phone para i-text si Hadeon.
Me:
I'm already here. Saan ka na?
His reply was instant.
Hadeon:
Nasa room pa. Ten minutes. Order for us. I want burger, chips, and avocado shake.
I rolled my eyes and locked my phone. I got my wallet from my bag and stood up. Iniwan ko na lang ang bag sa table para hindi maagawan.
Kung ano ang kay Hadeon ay iyon na lang ang in-order ko. Bitbit ang isang tray ay bumalik ako sa lamesa. Habang wala pa si Hadeon ay pinapak ko na muna ang chips habang tinitingnan ang social media accounts sa aking phone.
My body jolted from the seat in surprise when a loud slam came from the table. A book was thrown on top of it. Natamaan nito ang dalawang burger at ang chips ni Hadeon. My eyes bulged in shock. I raised my head to see who created the mess. I was expecting someone to profusely apologize for the incident, but a proud and angry unknown female welcome my sight instead.
I remained seated on my chair. I locked my phone and placed it down the table. I sat up straight and gave all of my attention to the raging girl.
"How dare you steal my boyfriend!" she angrily shouted, she was breathing hard and seething in fury. I can already feel eyes on us. She's making a scene.
My forehead creased. "Who's your boyfriend?"
She loudly gasped. Disbelief and disdain were written on her face. "Ang kapal ng mukha mo! Nagpa-patay malisya ka pa?"
Napabuntong hininga ako. Tumayo ako mula sa pagkakaupo para harapin siya nang maayos. I'm four inches taller than her, thanks to my heels, now it's her turn to tilt her head up to look at me.
"Miss, first off, I don't know who you are. Second, I don't know who your boyfriend is. Third, even if I do know you and your boyfriend, I am not and will never be a man-stealer." I answered with a hard tone.
"Sinungaling! Inagaw mo sa akin si Carlo! Mang-aagaw kang malandi ka!" she shrieked and pointed at me like a mad woman.
I heavily sighed. I shook my head. "I have no time for this."
I turned my back on the crazy girl and picked up my phone to put it in my bag. Hindi ko pa iyon nagagawa ay may naramdaman akong malamig na likido na tumama sa likod ko. I froze on my spot. It smelled like the Avocado shake. The cold liquid dripped down my nape. The back of my shirt was soaked from the liquid. Narinig ko ang malakas na singhap ng ilang mga tao sa paligid.
"Slut!" she shouted.
"You crazy mother..." I dropped my phone on the table and quickly faced the girl. She made my life easier by standing in front of me. I moved like lightning and slapped her hard across the cheek. She yelped in pain.
I didn't give her a chance to recover and grabbed her hair. I pulled her down, making her bow ninety-degree. She reached for my hand and tried to free herself but I only clawed her hands away from mine.
"Bitawan mo ako!" iyak niya.
"Shit. Pigilan niyo! Pigilan niyo!" dinig kong sabi ng kung sino man.
She hit my waist, trying to inflict pain. On the fifth attempt, she was successful. Nabitawan ko ang buhok niya at siya naman ang humawak sa buhok ko. Unlike her, I was able to fight back immediately I grabbed her hair and tried my best to slam my fist on her face.
I pulled her and kicked her shin. It made her stumble. Nasama niya ako sa pagkabagsak niya pero nagawa kong pumaibabaw sa kanya at ipinagpatuloy ang pagsasabunot sa kanya. She clawed my arm but I didn't complain.
"Fuck. Laurene!" I heard my twin's familiar voice, but it didn't stop me from hurting this crazy bitch.
Naramdaman ko na lang ang sarili ko na hinila palayo sa babae at lumutang sa ere. That's when I shrieked like a dragon in killing frenzy. "Let go of me! Hindi pa ako tapos! Let go!"
"Damn it, L! Stop!" his ticked off voice filled my ears. He tightened his arms around my waist.
"But that lunatic fucker started it! She accused me of stealing her boyfriend and threw the shake on me!" I continued thrashing from Hadeon's hold. May pumipigil din na dalawang lalaki sa baliw na babae at tulad ko ay pilit na kumakawala.
"I said enough, Laurene!" Hadeon angrily shouted once more, raising his authoritative and dominating voice.
"What's happening here?" an older voice sternly asked.
My head snapped to whoever talked. I could feel my blood dropping to my feet when I saw an older woman, who looked very much like a professor. My eyes closed tight. I bit my lip. Shit.