'Why? Why was Zak here?! How did he know where I worked?!' I stressed pacing the floor as I hid out the back. I knew security were already looking in on the private room to make sure he moved on. They didn't care for disputes of family values or even friendships. They just saw a man who was causing trouble and that was enough to have him ejected from the club.
However Zak realised that sooner or later he would be thrown and decided to disappear back into the club leaving me to pace the floor in worry. Eventually my shift was over and I left as quick as I possibly could to avoid bumping into him.
Pushing open the front door, I sighed gently glad to be home, Caitlyn looked up from her books with a smile "Good shift?" She asked.
"Bad shift.. Oh so very bad when you dance for an Ex."
"Oh... Wow that must have been a conversation starter... No?" She asked pushing the pen into her ponytail.
"Not when the Ex is Avari's dad."
Her green eyes turned to marbles "Oh hot damn.. What happened?"
"I got out pretty quick and left him shouting.. Never, and I mean never settle for less than you deserve. You're a bright girl make something of your life and if you need to get a job. Get a shop one. Not a stripping one." I replied.
"You just dance though right?"
"In next to nothing. Yeah.."
She pushed her mouth to the side "I know you don't like it Scarlett but maybe him seeing you was the push you needed to get something better? You aren't happy. Maybe try for a club bar tending instead?" She suggested.
I nodded "Yeah, I guess I will miss the money that's all."
Caitlyn although she was only 18 and lived across the street, her head was screwed on and I didn't know a young woman like her. She had ambition and had the drive I once used to possess. She was always helpful with Avari when she had her nightmares.
We had a chat about school work before she called it a night, I handed her some money which she always refused but I stuffed it into her bag and smiled "Get some books or pens. Maybe a pencil case before you dye your hair a funny colour with the ink." I laughed noticing her usual pen placement.
I watched Caitlyn cross the street and enter her house before I walked back into mine and closed the door. Pulling off my shoes, I tossed them onto the rack and padded my way through to the kitchen when the knocking began.
I rolled my head back looking to the ceiling wondering if there was a God, would he banish this next problem for me because it wasn't going to be a pretty showdown. Making my way back to the door, I could hear Zak ranting away. Taking a breath, I pulled it open.
He stormed in to the house and looked around before closing the lounge door. "Who else is here?" He asked.
"Nobody."
"You left Avari alone?!" He almost yelled.
"What? No, no I had a sitter here. Calm down."
"Calm down? Calm down? Scarlett do you have any idea how confused, how angry and how shocked I am right now? I- A fucking stripper?!"
I shook my head "I'm actually a dancer. I don't strip."
"You may as well! I mean you were wearing nothing!"
"I had clothes on okay? Would it have been better if I wore nothing?" I asked him folding my arms.
"NO! You told me you weren't a fucking stripper, yet I find you cavorting around a filthy pole for money!"
"You were paying." I muttered.
"I- That's not the point." Zak snapped turning away.
"Why isn't it? Huh? You do realised that every woman you ogled in that club last night either has a family to support or is working to get themselves through school?! We all have things we want to do! Nobody wants to be a pole dancer or a stripper!"
"Really? Cause it seemed to me you were enjoying yourself!"
"Then you don't know me! I do it to feed my baby!" I fired back.
Zak laughed shaking his head "Really Let? You're gonna use the mom excuse? If you had any ounce of respect for yourself and had any motivation to be a good mother, you would stop whoring yourself out get a real job. What else do you do in there? Cause I know for a fact that place doesn't just offer a dance! Do you sell yourself as well?!"
I frowned hard "Seriously? You're asking me that?! You know I wouldn't-"
"Know? I don't fucking know you at all! And that's what's hurting me the most here! You were my friend and now you're a fucking whore! Some cheap slut-"
His slating stopped as my hand went across his face in anger and upset. "You think I want to do it! You think I feel flattered at men jerking off over the idea of doing god only knows what to me! You think you know me Zak?! You always have but truth is you don't know me at all because it was always the Zak show! It was always about you and your needs! You stand there and read me the riot act but look who you have dated in the past! Someone worse than we! I dance on a pole and make almost $300 a night to feed and cloth my daughter because her father wasn't on the scene! Granted he didn't know because his psycho of a girlfriend failed to tell him that he has a daughter! But you come here and you shout at me for fending for my own child?! Fuck you Zak! Fuck you and your prejudice bullshit! You don't know how fucking hard it's been! I haven't asked you for a fucking thing either and for my own pride I won't because I don't want to owe you a fucking thing!"
"Scarl-" He spoke coming towards me.
"No!" I shouted backing up. "No you don't know how much I hate that fucking job! How I've just told an 18 year old never to do that job because it makes you feel like shit! But after what you did to me! After how you tore my soul apart when you would lay with me and then move because you had to get back to Holly! Fuck you! You broke my fucking heart everytime and here you are judging me all over again. I hate you! I fucking hate your guts!" I cried sinking to the floor as I my head throbbed.
"Lettie..." He whispered coming down to my level.
I sobbed with my head hung low "You sit on your throne Zak and judge. You wear that crown and sit beside Holly. But remember who would come to you in at all hours, who let you stay over when you brought home a fucking demon, who was there when you fell out with your dad, who held your hand at your grans funeral! It was me and now you're looking at me like I'm a two dollar slut. Just get out."
He shook his head and sat on the floor wrapping himself around me as I cried "I would have done anything for you and you never wanted me. I felt like shit for months and when I was given this beautiful little girl, all I could see, all I can see is you. I do it all for her so that she wants nothing. I do it because I don't want kids laughing at her clothes or picking on her because she isn't clean. Look at this place? Tell me one thing that's not for her? I've gone days without eating so she could have a full tummy every meal time."
"I'm sorry." He whispered holding me tightly.
"No you're not because you're sitting in your castle thinking the world is against you. But try being a single mom who needs to work hours to suit a child. I worked a job in a store Zak, I tried to go the good route but when the manager begins to sexually harass you? I had to go. I'm behind a glass away from harm and earning money safely. What more do you want from me?"
"I only want the best for you. You and Avari. That is all I've ever wanted. Scarlett the past is left where it is because I'm afraid to explain myself.. You want me to tell you I'm weak for staying with someone like Holly? Well fine, I'm weak. I'm pathetic. But I'm scared to be alone. I know she doesn't love me like she says she does, I know it's all for the money in my bank and the cars I drive. I could ask her my favourite food and she wouldn't have a clue. But I know you do.."
I wiped my cheeks nodding.
"What is it?" He asked.
"Tacos."
"See. I'm a coward for not doing something about her, I've missed 5 years of my daughters life. 5 years of you. I know I hurt you, I was and I still am an ass. But would I go back and change anything? I- maybe? I know I would go back and stop from hurting you so much but I don't regret the first night we slept together or the nights after that. Days even. I don't regret laying with you starving hungry but being unable to get up and make food because we're absolutely exhausted. I don't regret holding you or watching you fall asleep... But I do regret moving out from under you, I regret getting up and getting dressed leaving you in bed knowing that no matter how much you smiled you were hurt. How everytime I said I'd see you soon, we both knew I would only come back around for sex. I let you down Scarlett. I used you and I hurt you badly. But I don't regret the last time because something positive came from it. You fell pregnant and I fucking wish I was there to see you grow, I wish I was there to rub your back and get up at all hours to get your craving foods. I missed you at your most beautiful stage and I missed the moment Avari was born. I'll never get that back."
"But yet you still stay with the one who took it all away." I sniffled.
He lowered his head "Because I need someone and I can't hurt you anymore. I won't hurt you anymore. I need you to stop though.. Stop working at that place please. I'll pay for you to stop working there. Work for me instead, at the museum or at my place. But please stop lowering yourself. Avari needs a role model, She needs her dad too and I wanna be there. I am going to be there Lettie. I owe you way too much to let you stay in that place."
"Why do you want to help now? After everything?"
"Because despite everything, I can't let you walk away again. I won't let you walk away from me again. You're Avari's mom and I want the best for both of you."
"Even after I slapped you?"
Zak laughed softly and held his reddened cheek "Yeah but I think I deserved that. Please Scarlett, let me start righting my wrongs?"
I wiped away my tears and nodded. "Okay.."
Zak held my face wiping my cheeks over from the escaped tears. "Good. Because I need my Lettie back. I wanna see that proper smile again, not the fake one you've been wearing."
I nooded "I- I have something for you." I moved from Zak's arms and crawled across the floor to the large storage chest. After a rummage around, I found the box and pulled it out before moving back to him.
"What is it?" He asked as I handed him the box.
"It's Avari." I smiled gently.
"A- Is this-" His hands opened the box quickly when he froze before smiling up to me. "It's everything.."
"Yeah, scans, photos, first words, first steps, her tags. Everything.." I answered sitting beside him as he picked up the stack of photos.
"Oh. Oh wow Scarlett look at you." He whispered staring at a photo of my small bump.
I had taken a photo every month, until my bump went and a baby appeared in my arms. "I look awful." I answered seeing the paler skin.
"No, no you are beautiful." He answered as his eyes scanned the photo. "I wish I knew. I fucking wish I was with you. For all this."
I shrugged gently "You're here now."
He sat with his legs folded and placed a photo down on the floor before looking at the next. Zak made his way through the pre Avari stage before he came to the videos. "I uh. There is a birthing one on there but we can forget-"
"I wanna see it." He interuppted.
"Really?"
"I wanna see them all." He confirmed picking up her birth certificate.
I watched as he opened it and looked across it. "Can I be on this too?" He asked.
I nodded instantly.
"Avari Grace? As in..."
"Grace for your gran, yes."
He looked away as water built on his lash line, he placed the certificate down before turning his head away whilst he wiped his eyes. "Hey don't hide from me.." I nudged.
"I -" He paused in favour of hugging me instead.
"Is that okay? You don't mind?" I asked.
"No, no of course I don't mind.. Thank you so much. For everything."
I shrugged "Not bad for a whore, huh?"
He looked over at me before I laughed, sniffing through a stuffy nose. "I'm sorry." He answered.
"Already forgotten about. You sleazy pervert." I replied making him bark a laugh.
"Shut up." He retorted pulling me under his arm picking up the next stack of photos. The first one was of Avari a few hours old. At a time where she was brand spanking new and still looked a little scrunched up from being in my tummy.
I couldn't stop the tears when he spoke the words I had been dying to hear since the day I had Avari. Zak had lifted the photo up looking at it with a smile before declaring "That's my baby girl."